Harry's Back....

Well, sort of.

As an aquarian, and seeing as we are in aquarian territory with it being February 8th now.....I always find that unexpected things happen around this time of the year. Last year...crazy medical melodrama, this year, my love life is kinda outta whack.

Many of you know this about me, I'm very open minded...and very forgiving. So it's not unusual for me to see an ex boyfriend, or lover and for me to be like..."hey...how are you? it's been awhile." I don't like to hold grudges, and I like to believe in my crazy little mind, that people are all pretty much good on the inside, even if they've done something shitty to me at one time or another. Or maybe I just have a really bad memory for pain, and i forget how much the bastard hurt me! *laughs*...but regardless, people from my past, seem to have a way of either staying in the present, or re-emerging on the scene.

This year....it's Harry. Remember Harry? The bald, guy who's house i barfed at...my boyfriend of last year....one of the very few guys I actually committed myself to, went to Vermont to see...etc., etc.? Yeah, well, Harry e-mailed me this week. Completely out of nowhere....unexpectedly and kind of blew my mind.

Now, Harry....wow, he was something. I'd have to say that out of the past 3 years of my new single life, he'd have to be my favorite attempt at a relationship....well the first part anyway. His kisses were soft and hard, lingering and passion-filled....our bodies fit together like they were hand drawn by the same artist...we laughed together, we watched movies, held hands, he opened car doors, we went shopping....we talked about EVERYTHING under the sun, and he was the first guy I'd dated who actually made me a part of his life. He WANTED me to meet his friends, he WANTED me to meet his folks....he WANTED the whole world to know.....this is my girl. And it'd been so long since I'd had that. Someone who wanted the whole deal. Not just sex, not just an undercover romance....not friends with benefits, but he wanted the whole shebang. It caught me by surprise when I started falling for him like I did....I really thought....wow...this might be it for me.

Which really blew my socks off because up until I met Harry, I was madly in love with this guy whom I knew I could NEVER be with....a guy that to this day is the very epitome of Katy Perry's song "Hot & Cold"...and whom I still adore....but that's another story entirely...back to "harry"...

Well, I think we can all agree that Harry's exit...was a much needed one. I'm not sure if I really told you guys all the details there, but there were some HUGE issues. And while I wish I could tell you exactly what they were....i can't really pinpoint it. All I know is, one time, I took benedryl because i was not feeling well, and i laid down after work....next thing you know, i wake up, it's 9:00 p.m. and I have like 5 messages on my voicemail....with the last one screaming at me and getting broken up with. I got broken up with for taking a nap. He thought I was avoiding him....man he said some mean things....I remember this one direct quote, which makes me laugh now...and it's ...."Oh, so you are just going to avoid me now, that's reeeeeeal fucking mature heather! Real mature!"....*laughs*....and all I did was take a nap. Has someone ever broke up with YOU for taking a nap?

So, that's just one example of how he made my life a miserable....roller coaster of emotional distress. With him, the happy times were the things that made you believe in love again....and the misery he inflicted made you want to slit your own wrists to escape. No middle ground, only highs and disastrously disheartening lows that no person should ever have to withstand.

I tried with him too....I even brought him to meet my family. BAD idea....he got mad at me over a shirt!?!?! Can you believe that, he was pissed at me because he didn't have a nice enough shirt (or so he thought) to wear to meet my family. I was like....wtf, how is THIS my fault? He wouldn't even speak to me at my Aunt's house, then the whole way home he wouldn't talk to me other than to tell me that "I" was acting like a "jerk"! He was the one who threw a temper tantrum who made my night absolutely miserable...miserable to the point that i couldn't even enjoy my time with my family because he was being such a shit that it was actually making a scene....and I ended up driving him all the way back to Fort Wayne that night (an hour drive) because he just wanted to "go home"....needless to say....it was just another crazy weekend in my "relationship".....

Buuuuut....funny story....AFTER that weekend, while the reports from my family were still coming in on Harry....I had to tell them all that we yet again broke up. And while i broke the "bad news" to them about they break up, they had news to "break" to me as well...and each one of them told me the same thing...."Heather...the dude tried to break my hand!" and the first time i heard this, I was like "What?" What do you mean he "tried to break your hand"....first, it was Angie. Then my mother, then Zach, then Rach & Mike...they all told the same tale, of introductions and bone crushing. My boyfriend "Harry"....grabbed and shook their hands so hard, that they winced in pain. My mom said she had to jerk her hand away from him before she needed to get an x-ray technician to clear her for broken fingers. Poor little Rachel said she felt as if she'd slammed her hand in a car door. and the whole time I'm like, Oh My God, I had no idea. He'd never done this to me....he shook MY hand the first time i met him, and he was a complete gentleman, opened the car door for me, opened the door at the restaurant, I'm sure if I'd of had a chair and not a booth, he'd of pulled my seat out for me.

And so I realized, I was dating the "BoneCrusher"! and I didn't even know it.

So when he wrote to me this week and he told me that he still thinks of me all the time, how I was the one person in his life that made him believe in love....he told me of how madly in love with me he'd been....and how he wishes that things could of been different....I thought warmly about our times together...he walked me down memory lane...and there were times it felt so right, and we were so happy....but when he started asking me if there were any chance that we might work things out....and that he couldn't move on or ever give up on me until I told him there were no chance....then all the fights, and hateful things he said to me....all came back. All those talks I had with Darren, where I was asking him, is it me? What am I doing wrong here?"....and Darren would be like..."Heather, it's not YOU! It's HIM...!! you're lovely, it's HIM!"...and I HAD to write him back, and say that..."If it was going to have worked, it would of by now." Because that was the only nice way I could think to put....I loved you, but you made me miserable to be alive at times.....and let me tell you, it's tough thinking up a way to sugar coat "you made me miserable to be alive!"

To Harry: Thank you for the kisses....and amazing nights together, thank you for the smiles you gave me and the hours and hours of chatter we engaged in, thank you for allowing me to be the kind of person who would buy a plane ticket and fly for the first time in the name of love...and thank you for being the person in my life, who made me realize what it is in this life I really want....and that m'friend....is someone else.