Looking Towards the Sky....Hoping....Longing......

Well, I have two official days under my belt of being a paralegal. Everyone keeps asking me…. “So Heather….how do you like it?” To be honest, I’ve never felt more idiodic in all of my life….well except for that one time that I said something I shouldn’t of about someone who’s mother was sitting two lawn chairs down from me……that was pretty dumb, but this is right up there with that.

I feel completely…..COM-PLETE-LY out of sorts. Every night I pick out what outfit to wear so that I can look “just so” sitting at a desk that is foreign to me, working with people who know my smile, but not my soul, doing work that has me second guessing myself around every corner. I know I can do this job, I know I can….but damn-it, can’t we hurry this process of familiarity and professional growth along already!

In the midst of preparing some wills my ex-co-workers popped in the office to see me…(Todd, Kevin & Jeff)…I was so happy to see them, I almost couldn’t speak when I opened my mouth to say hello to them. I wanted to say to them when they walked out the door “Take me with you!!” I know that nobody walks into a new job they’ve never really done before and just knows exactly what to do, but I hate this feeling of insecurity, self doubt and that I’m more of a liability than an asset. I want to do well, I want to learn everything, but I’m so overwhelmed, I’m like a saturated sponge, with no more room for anything else. Every minute I’m not in the office, I fear my sponge dries up a little and what I had retained is evaporating into thin air before I have a chance to digest it. Lord help me.

I miss Denise, Amber, Todd, Kevin W., Kevin N. Bill, Gary and even Tony! Yeah, I miss Tony too. I should bite my tongue for saying so, but I do. Today After work I went up to Technicon and did some bills that Tony had called me in to do. As soon as I walked throught that door, and saw the faces of my "work family" for the first time in two days I could breathe, I mean really just take a damn breath of slightly stale Technicon air. I felt like a kid who just had their “blankie” wrapped around them….my big black leather chair, my blue trashcan that looks like a fire hydrant or mailbox…..looking to my left and seeing Denise working away only five feet away from me…..I hate that these sights of comfort no longer belong to me. Today my old job was offered to someone else….
"Technitown"....last year's gag Christmas gift from Denise will probably go down as one of the best gifts ever....If I got it out right now, I'm not sure I could ever put it back away....

Hold on…..I need a tissue……a sudden onset of “weepy heather syndrome” has just reared it’s ugly head. Maybe Keith is right...maybe I am a depressive!

Since I'm already ruining this post with everything that is depressing....did I mention that I’m coming down with a cold/sinus infection, am on a diet/working out like crazy, and am stressed and homesick at work….and it’s only Tuesday. It’s times like this, I like to close my eyes and imagine lying somewhere warm, looking at something beautiful…whether it be a midnight summer sky, or a sunset, or a river slowly flowing by…..I remember one night, it was the fall I bought this house (2001)….I, for the first time, saw aurora borealis, or the “northern lights” as they are also called. Never before in all of my 20-something years of life had I ever seen them in the Ohio sky. They were the most peculiar and fantastic things my eyes have ever witnessed in the sky overhead. The way they magically shimmered in shades of red and green, they way the danced across the sky like they weren’t just a random phenomenon, but they were alive with energy, with purpose. They were beyond beautiful. I held my breath and stood completely still as if I were just quiet enough I would be able to hear if they made a supernatural sound as they weaved their miraculous path across the horizon. What I wouldn’t give to see them right now…….

I miss Technicon….I wonder if Technicon misses me…..

Parting Shots......

So Friday was it, the last day in my eight-year journey of working at Technicon.

The day went well, I was busy….very busy. I thought for sure I would break down and cry when I actually started to pack up my things….but I slowly packed things into a box here and there, I gathered my personal effects, put them into a cardboard box under my desk. I deleted my favorites from my computer. Purged all personal files, sent out emails stating that my address would no longer be valid. Still no tears could be found welling up in my eyes.

The end of the day came, everyone left, goodbyes were said, and there I was alone. I finished packing. Said my goodbye to my desk.

I took one last look around, swallowed hard and just when I went to walk out the door, my boss Tony walked in. He and I talked a little while. We said goodbye. He hugged me and said he enjoyed working with me all of these years.

Finally I made the fateful walk towards, through and out the door.

Once in my car, cardboard box in the trunk, I put my car into drive and drove out of the parking lot. I looked in my rearview mirror and watched as Technicon got smaller, and smaller and then fell out of sight.

I cried the entire way home…….my final tears of departure………they tasted saltier than any tears in recent memory....

"You Know Smoking Kills Right?"

The Surgeon General Says:

"Smoking by pregnant women may result in fetal injury, premature birth and low birth weight."

_________________________________________

There however should be a bigger box in order to include all of those warnings that have been overlooked…..here’s a cautionary tale of how smoking kills in ways you might not have been warned about yet.....

This is not an urban legend, this is the true story of one man and his battle to survive the effects of his smoking addiction...........

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once Upon A Time…..in a land far, far away….called Wisconsin….there lived a man named Rob.

Rob is one in a million. He’s jovial; he’s charismatic, charming and humorous! Rob is the kind of person who, when you meet for the very first time, you feel is an old friend of yours, you feel as though you’ve known him all of your life. I like Rob, which is why I wanted to include this story about him on my blog….so you too can enjoy him as much as everyone who knows him in real life already does…….Enjoy!

Now Rob and his wife are going to be having a baby in the near future…..so Rob being a bit of a smoker is forced to venture outside of his home to partake in his morning nicotine fix. One such morning, not too long ago, Rob as usual was heading outside for a smoke….it was cold, it was morning and he wasn’t exactly dressed for the weather since he had just awoke only moments before. He had just let the dogs out and instead of troubling himself with getting dressed, he grabbed his robe from the back of the bathroom door. He hadn't worn the darn thing in six months....but for some reason he didn't hesitate grabbing it today...he put it on and stepped outside.

It was a chilly morning….with snow still on the ground…pretty typical for February in Wisconsin. Rob put the cigarette to his mouth, struck a match and WHOOPH just as in Chevy Chase's Christmas vacation when Uncle Lewis lit his stogie and incinerated the Griswald Christmas tree, Rob sparked a flame, which ignited the robe that was covered in residue from Rob's wife's usual morning ritual of securing her hair with a sizable amount of hairspray. Within seconds he was engulfed in flames from his shoulders to his knees, being a man of action he was forced to dive into the nearest snowdrift. As he rolled around in the snow to put the fire out...he was oblivious to the fact that he was also rolling around in dog shit. The fire subsequently disintegrated the robe and left Rob standing in his underwear, still smoking, his eyebrows singed, slightly smelling of dog shit....a fate that was unbeknownst to him only a few short moments ago. I guess when Rob says he's going outside to smoke, he aint lying.....

I wonder if he'll be installing a fire extinguisher on the back porch as a result.

Moral of the story: Get Dressed Lazy Ass! Don’t wear your bathrobe as a smoking jacket!

Tomorrow Is The Last Day of Life As I Know It!

Technicon: The original members

Tomorrow is my Last Day at Technicon.......

I'm so very sad to be leaving.....I mean, how do you say goodbye to the one family that has been your sole source of stability for the last 8 years?

I mean, when I was hired on at Technicon in November of 1999, I was engaged to this guy...Craig, 10 year my senior fiancé......My ex-boss at the factory I worked at for a year while in college at Ohio State University. Not my smartest move.....getting kicked out of my house, moving in with my boss whom I barely knew....then getting engaged....and then the complete mess that followed.............
However, they saw me through losing my house, my two dogs, my car....canceling a wedding only three months away from happening....and then followed by all sorts of dysfunctional behavior.....

Until I ended up with this guy..... Keith (2000-present)
They were supportive when my house blew up from a Natural Gas explosion (1/19/1999)leaving me and my roommate Amber homeless in the middle of January.....the same day my father was having heart surgery.......of the serious kind......

They have supported me through countless lessons learned, hearts broken, changes of address, six vehicle changes....let us not forget the Diesel Jetta.......multiple phone numbers, second jobs to pay for mole removal surgery...... and all the wild and crazy stories told.....Froggy Ambulance....need I say more?.....

They tried to comfort me when my parents started their journey towards divorce, and then the nightmare that followed, including losing my family, going to court, getting restraining orders....my first holidays of being a child from a broken home....those were some of the toughest times in my life.

I just don't know how to say goodbye to the one thing I've come to rely on for my sanity.....

The place that when I walk through the door, I feel like I'm coming home......

The place where everybody knows your name.....

Technicon
1997 - 2006

Putting Faces with Names - Part 3

Emma Rae
Big Sister Angie, Brother-in-law Matt & My Only Niece Emma
Co-workers and Pals Todd & Denise
Then Amazing tongue and the girl attached to it.....Jen

 

Putting Faces With Names - Part 2

My Favorite Baby Boy Aidan
Cousin/Best Friend Rachel
My Momma Punching Keith
Cousin-in-law, Partner in Goofy Ideas Mike

 

Putting Faces with Names - Part 1

Heather & Amber

Heather & Keith

My Little Sister Brooke

 

Would you like some Salad with your Ranch?

So yesterday I went to lunch with Todd. We went to Pizza Hut for some Salad and breadsticks. $3.99 is pretty cheap for lunch and I only had like five bucks to my name, so it was a good choice for that particular Tuesday.

While eating my salad, I looked up at Todd and said: “I love salad!” I chewed some more, and then said “Well, actually I really love ranch dressing.” “I think you could cover shards of glass with ranch dressing and I’d be sitting here saying…. Man I love shards of glass!”

Seriously though, ranch dressing is totally addictive. And it seems to taste good on just about everything…..Chicken wings, breadsticks, salad, pizza…there’s ranch scalloped potatoes….Cool Ranch Doritos……the list goes on and on.

This post really has no real important point…..I just really like Ranch Dressing….I guess that’s the moral of the story.

{You know what……yesterday I posted about people who just throw blah, blah, blah at you….I think if someone browsed my blog today and read this Ranch post first, they’d be moving on to the next blog before they made it to the second paragraph! Oh well, you win some, you lose some!}

Drew Hastings

What is it about people who make you laugh that endear them to your heart? Is it that you feel connected with a person who you can laugh with? Is it that laughing produces endorphins that produce a false sense of familiarity? My entire life, I’ve always loved people who are articulate in their ability to tell a good tale. People who not only attract your attention, but they seize it and proceed to captivate you with their words of wisdom and anecdotes. Drew is one such person. Sometimes I wonder if he knows just how talented he is…..

Perhaps it’s the writer in me that sees amazing worth in people like this….people of this quality are rare in my opinion. There are about a million people in the world who are all trying to say something….far too many of them haven’t a single clever thing to say, many more just like the sound of their own voice….then you have your boring people who want to tell you everything they had to eat today…..occasionally you will come across some gems though…..when you weed out all the blah, blah, blah that people throw out at you, sometimes you’ll hear something worthwhile. For instance…..when taking a tour around the tons of blogs online today, how many do you bookmark to come back to read? How many comedians do you see at a club and remember their name a week later? How many authors warrant an audience of followers?

Drew Hastings one of the most amazing comedians working in the U.S. today....well in my opinion anyway. He's smart, witty, effortlessly charming and nothing short of amusing. I’ve only had the pleasure to see him live one time, but I hope to see him again someday. I highly recommend that if any of you get the chance, pull out your wallets, pay the ticket price and see him. You won’t regret it! He's worth every penny!

Check it out for yourself: http://www.drewhastings.com/

This One Is For You Amber!!! :)

In an effort to give thanks for the super groovy people in my life, I want to give a shout out to my best friend and ex-roomate Amber who got me one of the greatest gifts any Sex and the City Lover could ever ask for! Amber knows me so well she always gets me the best gifts. Always!!

Did I mention she drove all the way up here from Kentucky to see me for my birthday? Okay, well she drove all the way here from New Knoxville....but still, she drove further than anyone else did to see me, so she wins top prize in miles traveled!

Thank you so much amber for the fabulous gift, thank you for being a great best friend, and most of all, Thank you for being you, for my life wouldn't be the same without you in it!

How's that for recognition?!! :)

PS - You are Lucky I don't have any pictures of you on my work computer or you'd have been uploaded to the world wide web for sure today!! ha...ha..!

Developments in a Case Close to Home

Recently I reported to you about a Commissioner in a town nearby that was arrested for trying to abduct a teenager......

I was disturbed by this because one, it's a scary notion, and two, because this man was in our office recently on official County Business. Here's the thing though....I just heard that the supposed teenager he allegedly tried to abduct was his illegitimate daughter!

There’s talk that this whole thing was an elaborate attempt to set up Mr. Baden by the little girl’s mother…..Now this of course is all speculation at this point, and you know how rumors run ramped around these kind of topics, but it’s what I’ve heard. I sincerely hope that this particular rumor is true. He seemed so nice and upstanding….It’s hard to imagine him in such a negative light.

Here’s the story if you want to know more (www.toledoblade.com):

Accused Henry County commissioner silent on plea during arraignment

Henry County Commissioner Steven A. Baden, charged with attempted abduction of a 14-year-old South Toledo girl, did not enter a plea during his arraignment yesterday in Toledo Municipal Court.

A preliminary hearing was set for March 10 and his $2,500 bond was continued by Judge Lynn Schaefer.

Mr. Baden, who stood between his attorneys, Richard Karcher and Richard Hasbrook, did not comment during or after the arraignment. His attorneys also declined further comment.

Mr. Baden, 39, of Hamler, Ohio, where he is a former mayor, was arrested Wednesday and led out of the commissioners' office in handcuffs, booked into the Lucas County jail, and released on bond later that evening.

Toledo police accuse Mr. Baden of following a girl who was walking in South Toledo on the afternoon of Jan. 31. Mr. Baden, according to police, drove up to her, got out of his vehicle, and called, "Come here, little girl," before chasing her for a short time on foot in an attempt to grab her. She ran "in fear of her life," according to a warrant for his arrest.

The charge against him is a fourth-degree felony. If found guilty, he could be sentenced to up to 18 months in prison and fined up to $5,000, but the Lucas County Prosecutor's Office said fourth-degree felony convictions typically result in probation rather than prison.

Room With a View

Check out my birthday/graduation gift! For those of you who have never seen one of these before, they are pictures that light up and make the water appear as if it was actually flowing. It also has a sound machine that makes a running water sound that you can turn on as well. It's amazing. I saw one at Christmas time and fell in love with it. I loved that while sitting in the darkness of my bedroom, I could have the NYC skyline within my sight. Talk about having a room with a view! :)

I got so many nice gifts this year.....I guess since I had such a bad year to start off with, people really felt compelled to shower me with love this birthday season! I do feel very loved...not because of the amount of gift giving that occured, but by the number of those who went out of their way to be with me, to see me, to call me, to just say hi.

It was a good weekend.....freezing cold......we didn't do much except go out to eat on Friday. Saturday it was movies (Skeleton Key, Elizabethtown & Something Like Heaven), and socializing with my sister and her new boyfriend Eddie. So much to say! And some of it said in spanish. Eddie is from Peru and is so interesting to chat with.

So this weekend I learned to say: "My cat is sick" and "My house is on fire" in Spanish. So those things should come in handy if I ever get a cat who falls ill, or my house should catch fire in a spanish speaking country.....

Anyway, those are the highlights of the weekend for me....If you need me, I'll be sitting in my bedroom in the dark staring my my new view.

State of Affairs for Day Two of Year 28

Age: 28

Eyes: Hazel

Height: 5’7”

Hair: Strawberry Blonde, Mid-back length

Skin: Fair

Emotional State: Numb

Lunch: Chinese with Boss Gary

Days Left at Technicon: 5

Something to Look Forward to: My sister and her new boyfriend are coming to stay with us for the weekend. Birthday Dinner at 7:30 with the family: Mom, Bill, Brooke, Eddie, Keith, Rachel & Mike.

Yesterday I cried on the way home for no apparent reason whatsoever. Kind of sucked. I mean, yesterday I was supposed to be happy, celebratory, instead I was somber, frazzled, uncertain and regretful. Even the flood of Happy Birthday E-mails and phone calls couldn’t bring me out of it. It wasn’t until I cried that I began to feel better. It’s as if my body said, “Geeze Heather, Let me take a moment to relieve some of this negative energy already!!” The tears flowed like a river. I looked in the rearview mirror at my tear soaked face, and smiled. It was pretty ironic. I felt better the rest of the night.

Birthday dinner at Rachel’s was good, leftovers and Mt. Dew. She got me some swank gifts: Two books by the Author of Sex and the City….bath and body lotion and three little candles. I love when people take the time to buy me books. Nobody ever buys me books…well…almost nobody.

Guitar with Mr. Wark was progressive. This week’s musical selection consists of:

1. Eleanor Rigby by the Beatles
2. Three Marlenas by the Wallflowers
3. Crazy Little Thing Called Love by Queen
4. Can’t Help Falling In Love by Elvis Presley
5. Capo Lane…by….I have no idea…no really, I have no idea

I love playing my guitar…..I just wish that I could play everything that I wish I could play. The thing about learning to play guitar is it really takes time and patience and did I mention practice, practice, practice and more practice. Well I shouldn’t say that for everyone, but for me it takes an enormous amount of dedication. My new favorite vocabulary word from the world of guitar is “Arpeggios”…..I love the way it rolls of my tongue. You just feel Italian saying it…Arpeggios….

Well folks, that’s about all I know at the moment….I'll hopefully find time to write this weekend, although with a puppy, houseguests, and guitar practice.....might be rough finding the time. Until then......

NEWS FLASH!!!!

MY GRANDMA WAS JUST IN A CAR WRECK!

She and Ed were in Lima and ran into a building (Wendy's) with her car!

In the report she claims her brakes failed...

Neither of them were wearing seatbelts....

Ed's head hit the windshield....he's bloody, bruised, did I mention he's like 90 years old?

The day of my birth, could have been the day of their death....

I hope they are okay.....

Waiting on a call to hear the extent of their injuries.....

Oh, please let them be okay, please be okay!!

Today's the Day....count them...twenty-eight in all...

Some people dread them, some wish they would come and go without anyone noticing…..some even have theirs forgotten. I’ve heard them described as “just another day”… “no big deal”….Birthdays…..so many things…..to so many people.

What is a Birthday to me you might ask……well to me a birthday is meaningful on so many levels. First they signify longevity, for what else says endurance like making it through yet another year of life unscathed! Secondly, they remind you of your birth, the woman who grew you within her womb, giving you life through her own. You are also reminded at how small and vulnerable you were when you came into this world. You can assess just how far you’ve come, how much you’ve grown and what lessons you have learned along the way (So many of life's lessons learned in the past year!). Birthdays unite family and friends, promote conversation around candlelit cake….and give others the chance to tell you how they feel about you, celebrate your existence….your life.

So today I turn 28. One more year closer to 30.

Birthdays make me think about death more than I normally do. I don’t know if it’s ironic or expected to contemplate death at the yearly celebration of life. Today on the way to work, I was listening to an Otis Redding song....and the image of me in a casket, looking perfectly preserved, people all around, some drinking coffee, others clutching tissues, some smiling and talking about the good times and others crying because those same times have came to an end. The smell of flower arrangements filled my mind and I imagined it was a rainy day just like today. Coats hanging on the hangers toward the back of the room....one thing though if I have it my way, is that Otis Redding would be being played throughout the funeral home. Harter & Sons probably have rules about such things, but if I should expire before the rest of you, fight for some soul music for me. I think it would complete me and my journey here on earth.

My mom called me at work this morning and said “Happy Birthday Baby Girl!”….She’s never called me “Baby Girl” before….it made me laugh.

Tonight our area is supposed to endure up to 60 mile per hour wind gusts causing property damage and power outages. I will be at guitar practice with Mr. Wark and Rachel…..I wonder if we’ll play by candlelight…..50 degrees and Thunderstorms in February….strange weather we are having. 28 years ago today it was a blizzard outside and today I didn’t even wear a coat to work.

This is my last Birthday at Technicon. This is the first Birthday I felt sad while being at work. Especially when gazing at the dozen pink roses my boss got me this morning.

Birthday #28….I’m in a good place. Moving forward, honoring my past, reveling in the moment.

Edward Norton

Under rated Actor #2

This Guy is so freaking intense on screen, when watching him you actually hold your breath.

Versatility: He plays both a believable good guy and a sinister villan with amazing ease and dedication. He's one of a few actors that can change his entire personality with a blink of an eye...literally! He holds a mysterious deepness within his eyes. (You all know my undeniable adoration for eye communication...)

When playing opposite of Brad Pitt in Fight Club, he did more than hold his own.....Edward Norton is not just a pretty face, he's the whole package.

Robert Duvall

Under rated Actor #1

Robert Duvall is so good at what he does, he feels like an old friend on screen each and every time I see a picture that he's starring in.

I adore him and his work.

As far as I'm concerned.....Julia Roberts, Jude Law, George Clooney don't even hold a candle to this man!

Clawing and Scraping My Way Home...

Ever feel like you just can’t get to where you are going?

Yesterday I just wanted to get home. I wanted to get home to see my slightly under the weather Valentine but it seemed like Cupid kept shooting me in the ass in an effort to slow me down.

First of all just as I was getting ready to shut down my computer for the day, my boss Tony gave me an application to type. And when I say type, I mean actually TYPE on a typewriter. What a pain in the ass typewriters are when you are used to the wonderful invention of the computer! Anyway after typing that three page application I had already worked twenty minutes after five. So now that I was already running behind schedule, I had to run to Wal-Mart to pick up some misc. items that I needed. Things were moving right along, I found everything I needed but when I tried to pay, my debit card wouldn’t work. After trying and trying I ended up having to use my credit card so that was another minor delay. Once back on the road, I realized that I had left town without filling my gas tank and was literally about to run out…..so I coasted into the next town on fumes and filled up…another ten minute delay! By the time I finally arrived at home it was nearly seven O’clock. I was starved and tired and to my surprise, Keith wasn’t even there when I got home. So I rushed that whole time only to come home to an empty house!

Anyway, when Keith finally did come walking through the door, I was just so happy to see him, I didn’t care about all the rest. We exchanged gifts….which I loved by the way (Season 1 of Grey’s Anatomy on DVD & a memory card for my camera)….Then just when we were about to settle in for the night, eat some dinner and enjoy what was left of the holiday, his pager went off. He got a call and had to leave. After a quick kiss on the cheek he was gone. I looked at Phoenix and said “Well Girl, looks like it’s just you and me this Valentines Day….Want to snuggle?” She nipped at me playfully as I attempted to pet her and knew that she wasn’t in a snuggly mood!

Anyway not to bore you with the details…..Keith finally did come home around 9:30 pm with a pizza….but then had to leave as soon as he finished eating to go on yet another call…..I went to bed alone….but that did give me free rein to hog all the covers, so it had it’s advantages!

So my Valentines day was a strange one……it’s okay though, 2006 has been one of the most volatile years so far to date….this just goes right along with everything else that has been happening! Let’s hope that tomorrow my Birthday will go a little more according to plan.

Oh, and Jen if you are reading this....thank you for the birthday card, the message was perfect!

Valentines Day is Upon Us....

Happy Valentines Day Everyone!

My Valentine has the flu, So I'm thinking it will be an uneventful Valentines day for me.....

What about the rest of you? Big romantic plans?

I think the most romantic way to spend Valentines day is in bed.....the details can vary of course from whether you are wearing sexy attire or just some comfy pj's, maybe you'd be be feeding each other greasy chinese noodles or pizza, candles lit, radio or television, or just some peace in quiet spent holding each other in the darkness.

Too bad Valentines day isn't during a warmer season, watching the sunset while sharing a bottle of cheap wine sitting on the roof in our underwear with our bare feet feeling the warmth of the day from the shingles under our toes sounds wildly romantic as well.......

Well, that's enough romance for one post.....

Happy Birthday Jeremey Finn wherever you are...funny how you always remember the birthdays of classmates that share your birth month....my birthday being just two days away at this point......

Hope everyone feels loved this Valentines Day.....if not, call me....and I'll MAKE you feel it if I must! :)

Beauty.....It Can Be Tricky at Times.....

The very first class I took in College was Introduction to Legal Assisting. It’s where I got my first glance into the life of being a paralegal. I loved it. My class was filled with a mixture of all types of people. You had your tough factory worker girls, single stay at home moms, the girls who keep switching their majors in an attempt to go to college as a career, the girls who had good jobs but hated them and wanted something better……the know-it-alls, the suck ups, the list goes on and on.

I’m a pretty friendly person by nature so I made a few friends fairly quickly….first was Billie, she worked in a factory in Putnam County and was very, very bubbly and high energy! Always laughing, talking, smiling…..easy to break the ice with. Then there was Connie, she too worked in a Putnam County factory, single mother, really great hair….too bad she always had it in a pony tail as she had to wear it to her shift at work following class….Third came Kayla who was 19, worked for an attorney and was getting her degree to finagle more money out of her current job. Then came Joanna.

Joanna was like 5’10”-ish, long brown hair, thin but not waiflike by any means. She was gorgeous and everyone practically gasped when she walked in the door that first day of class. She with her business suit attire, shoes that clicked heel to cement as she walked and with hair that seemed so shiny and healthy you’d have thought you could see your reflection in it. She looked like she had just stepped off a New York City Fashion Billboard and right into our class. If Mattel had seen her, they’d surely have made a Barbie to resemble her! I know what you are thinking….nobody is that bloody pretty, but Joanna, she really was. It wasn’t all her outside beauty though, she had an aura about her, confidence, composure, and did I mention she was very smart and well spoken?!

So needless to say, everyone in class was standoffish to her. She sat in a row without many people sitting near to her, she kept to herself except when she would answer a question presented by our instructor and dazzle us with her perception and insight into the legal material at hand. Kayla who sat near me would always say that she “didn’t like that girl!” Kayla’s impression of Joanna was that she was a snob. I didn’t get that feeling about her at all, and I told Kayla that you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover….just because she appeared to keep to herself; perhaps she kept to herself because nobody made any effort to befriend her.

Well, eventually I did make friends with Joanna, and as it turned out, she was just as beautiful of a person on the inside as the outside. I’ve never forgotten how harshly she was judged for being pretty. I mean people didn’t like her for being blessed with beauty. I’ve never disliked someone because how they looked on the outside. Maybe it’s the artist in me that loves to look upon beauty. Just like the pretty pictures I like to take with my camera, beautiful people whose beauty can be either internal or external and sometimes both are the colors on the canvas of my life….dazzling me with their brilliance and always keeping me anxious in anticipation for what form the piece of artwork will take.

Yesterday Joanna wrote to me and said: “I'm proud to say I know you.”

What an honor it is to not only be surrounded by beauty, but also by grace. How lucky am I?

Mixed Emotion, but There's No Turning Back Now!

Albert Einstein said:

Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.

Right now outside my window, it’s snowing and the sun is shining at the same time. Kind of makes me feel like even Mother Nature is feeling like me today…..having some mixed feelings.

While watching Bridges of Madison County….(one of my favorite movies) I made the decision to quit my job and take the new job offer that was extended to me last week. I called my future boss and told him the good news and officially accepted the position. I still have to tell my current boss. I’m smiling but yet I am teary.

I found myself saying to myself that Francesca (Meryl Streep) should have jumped out of the truck and ran to Robert (Clint Eastwood) when she had the chance, screw the farm, her family would be hurt but would survive and she would have been following her heart. Chances like this don’t come along but sometimes once in a lifetime! Comfort doesn’t automatically equal ultimate happiness!! I guess that was the motivation I needed because the comparison was just easy to make. I turn twenty-eight on Thursday, I’m still young, I CAN take these kinds of oppportunities, I CAN experience new things and I shouldn’t be so afraid to live life to the fullest. There’s a song that I used to love many years ago sang by Garth Brooks called “How you going to Know”, well at least that’s what I think it’s called, but it used to really be my theme song to living life to the fullest, I don’t know how I got away from that, but I’m just going to have to grit my teeth and do it. Life is too short to be so scared of change.

So I guess its official, I’m a paralegal!!

I just hope I don’t break down and cry my eyes out the rest of the day especially
during my meeting with Tony and Gary to finalize my departure
details. Lord help me be emotionally equipped to deal with this
today!!

Another Eye Opener Brought to me by Dateline NBC

Okay, What in the world is going on within our society? I just finished watching a Dateline Investigative report, you know the kind of things that are on television on Friday Nights when all the young folks are at bars and trying to find someone to go home with….something for us old, almost 28 year olds to watch....

In three days over 50 men were arrested at a California home where they thought they were going to meet 12 and 13 year old boys and girls for sex. The men ranged from teenagers to 69 year olds, they were from all walks of life: school teachers, homeland security officers, managers, business owners…..some of the men were seemingly decent me who hadn't so much as ever had a traffic ticket, there were fathers, husbands.....while others, others were conficted rapists, registered sexual offenders one even had been convicted of manslaughter! How scary is it that your child could be chatting with a murderer while sitting safely, or what you think is safely in their bedrooms......

The look on their faces when the guy from Dateline stepped out from around the corner instead of a young girl or boy looking for sex was astounding. Fear raced across their face. Frustration was evident. I mean it’s sexual frustration that most likely lead them to their fate in the first place, but it was just overwhelming to me the fact that so many men were willing to go against all their better judgment, their gut instincts, and for what, random sex with someone’s little girl or little boy? What is it that causes more men than women to be molesters? Or is it that only men are getting caught red handed? Why is it that most women look at children as children and some men see a young girl as something sexual? Another thing that really gets me is these men have children, daughters even, they don’t molest their own little girls, but they are willing to go deflower someone else’s?

I guess another eye opening experience to this trend is just this week, a commissioner in a neighboring county was arrested on charges of attempted abduction of a 13 year old girl in a town about an hour north of here. This man, having been in our office as a client just a few weeks ago is someone I know. He’s married has two kids and allegedly tried to abduct a little girl off the street in broad daylight. This kind of news just makes a girl uneasy in what she normally feels is a safe little world she’s residing in. Makes me wonder who is reading this blog that might want to harm me? Is some sex-crazed registered sex offender thinking at this very moment about where in Ohio I actually reside? If I were to go online right now and chat as a 13 year old girl or boy, how many people would seek me out?

Anyway, I guess this stuff just has me scratching my head in disbelief, worried about any future sons or daughters I may someday produce, anxious about the future crimes that will be committed behind closed doors without people knowing the dangers of the internet and children until it’s too late, until it has infiltrated their own home, their own children and destroyed the life they once had. It happens everyday, and it could touch our lives or the lives of the people we know and love just as easily as anyone else’s. Everyone has a dark side, you can only hope that the light will always be the stronger force. That good will always prevail. I know that it's childish to think this way, but when you look at the reality of any other alternative, I'll take childish optimism, what about you? Faith in humanity is just something I'm not ready to stop having just yet!

The Pressure is On....

So yesterday I tried to remain calm. The plan was I would go home, think things through and come up with some sort of plan, decision. Unfortunately when I got home, I felt like I had been hit by a truck! My head was pounding and my stomach growling from skipping lunch to meet with my possible future employers.

So first thing I did was crawl onto the couch with Keith. He wrapped his arms around me and I nestled in his warmth. Unfortunately, even this wasn’t enough to calm my aching head. I was starved so I thought I’d try feeding the headache. I ate some dinner, still no relief. So then it was two Alka Seltzer’s and a hot bath. Which someone should really tell you that you shouldn’t take Alka Selter and bathe because it makes you feel like you are having a heart attack. So now at least you know!

Keith went bowling with his buddies and I laid down in bed in my jeans and London red hooded sweatshirt to watch some sex and the city episodes. I had only planned to relax this way until Rachel called and let me know she was home so I could go over to her house to watch The Office with her and Mike. However, I awoke at 12:30 to Keith asking me why I never answered my phone all night. I think I had missed like 20 calls or something while I was literally passed out under the influence of Alka Seltzer.

Passing out rid me of my headache, but then crippled my ability to go back to sleep so from 12:30 until 4:30ish a.m. I was WIDE awake. I mean WIDE awake. I kept thinking and thinking and thinking to the point I was praying for sleep to overcome me.

Today at work everything feels nostalgic. Everything from my paperclips to my bulletin board to my office chair that slowly lowers itself as I sit on it is calling out to me. I cried talking to Todd about the possibility of leaving and I tear up every time I even so much as think about it.

In ten minutes I’ll be going to lunch with Jenn, the administrative assistant at the attorney’s office who has extended to me their generous employment offer. I want to pick her brain a little, find out some details before I make a decision concrete. Thanks to everyone who has helped me in the decision making process, the outpouring of support and advice is really, really appreciated! Seriously!! You all know how neurotic I can be and thank you for loving me regardless!!!

Off to lunch!

Blindsided with Good Fortune…..

So today here I was sitting at my desk, working away on another seemingly normal Thursday afternoon, when the phone rings and it’s Jenn from the attorney’s office downstairs.

Me: Hi Jenn!

Her: Hi Heather, How are you?

Me: Oh…great actually, how’s things going for you?

Her: Actually, not so good.

Me: Oh? Why? What’s going on?

Her: Well, Erin (their paralegal) resigned this morning!

Me: Oh Goodness, Really? Were you expecting this?

Her: No it was all kind of sudden……

Me: Wow, I can’t believe she’s leaving after all this time….

Her: So….Um, the attorney’s and I were talking and your name was the first to come up, and they were interested in finding out if you were interested in working here.

Me: Um, uh, well, Gosh, I…I ….I’m a little taken back by this…. I mean I thought you were going to ask if you could use our heavy duty stapler again….I surly wasn’t expecting this!

Her: Well, I hate to put you on the spot, think it over and if you are interested, they said they could meet with you on your lunch break today.

Me: Goodness, wow, that quick….yeah, I’d like to think about it for a minute if that’s alright.

Her: Oh, sure, think it over and if you want to just sit down and talk with them about it, let me know before noon and I’ll let them know that you’ll be down.

Me: Okay Jenn, Thanks, Bye.

Her: Bye.

Okay so at this point, I’m freaking out a little….I mean just yesterday I was looking at furthering my education by getting my bachelor’s in English so should I decide to go to law school down the road, I would have all of my ducks in a row…

I mean, I haven’t really even pursued a job change since I graduated and here one just seeks me out, at my current job no less. Interesting to say the least!

So, I’ve met with them, the offer has been officially made and I have a day or so to let them know if I want the job. Just like that…..Just like that I could have a job in my career of choice. I’m in shock I think, so please forgive me as I ramble on and on about this….

So I would be taking a slight paycut for 90 days as part of a probationary period, but then be paid more than what I make now at the end of that 90 days…..I would be giving up three weeks vacation and 7 personal days that I have here…after all, I’ve worked here for 8 years…but, I would be doing something that I love and all the vacation in the world isn’t better than that right?! However, I can't imagine not working here anymore, I mean this place it kind of my home. These people my family......I'm scared to death of leaving! I'm quite certain I'll hate my replacement, no matter how amazing he/she may be! ;)

Okay, well I better go, I was just so excited to share my news with someone, I figured this was the best place to start…..Write to me and let me know what you all have to say about this life changing event….something not depressing for a change eh?! :)