Gulp:

This has been one ballsy week folks.

I know you all thought that this tattoo/spine thing might be a passing phase, but boy, I think like my ink...it may be just as permanant.

So far this week, I've played hardball with my boss.

I turned down the job that I was up for at the Nursing home....

I told my roommate he smelled....and to fix it....

Anddddd....I think I'm watching a movie er sumthin with Mechanic Guy tonight....Annnddd....I haven't texted him to confirm our little soiree.  Even though, those damn butterflies in my stomach make me WANT to do just that...I'm not.  Now lets just hope i'm not sitting at home all night like a "bonehead" waiting for my phone to light up having him asking ME if we're still on.

So ya'll want a roommate update huh?  Well, his name is "Duke"....he's 25, he works as a fast food worker, paperboy and plasma donater.  He drives a 1996 something er other that is probably as we speak parked in front of my house...and it has tinted windows.

So far my only run-ins with oddity are this:  So friday night i get off work at my second job and I after a ton of invites, i agree to go out to the bar for drinks with some Eagle Printers....a line i was assured that once I crossed, i'd never come back from....*laughs*....so i come home from work, I take a shower to wash the newspaper smell off me....and I get ready to go out.  I'm texting like crazy, planning to go pick up my friend Tim to come with me (ya'll remember tim from the snow shoveling posts of earlier this year)...my other friend whom i haven't seen in 15 years is texting, she too is going to meet me at the bar....and i'm rushing to get ready.  Oh, and there might of been some texting with Mechanic Guy in there too....making me all that much more frazzled.....because when the guy who dazzles you, is texting you....when you're in the middle of doing something....you wind up more frazzled.....than dazzled....but stupidly happy...if that makes any sense!  Anyway, so i emerge from my room and I know Duke is in the living room because I heard him talking....but i look and all the lights are off.  So i walk through the door to the living room and see his silhouette sitting on the couch, i cautiously snap on the light....never taking my eyes off his black figure on the couch....and when i beam on the light, I say..."what are we doing sitting in the pitch black?"....This is when i see that he's got a tall boy in his hand...and a bottle of jack daniels at his feet.  I say "Ummmm...rough day at the office there Duke?"

He says "I'm having a bad day...."  he looks exactly like someone who should have a pistol in their hand, tall boy in the other and whiskey at his feet.  but no gun, just darkness...booze and depression.  I asked him what was up, he told me he heard from his ex today....{insert break up crap here}....and i say "if i call her a bitch, will that ummm...help at all?!  Cuz I'll do it!"...he attemps a smile....i smile back and say "well i'm outta here...off to the bar, want me to shut the light back out?"  He says "No." and that was that.

A little weird, but hey, he wasn't sitting there wearing a body suit made from stray hookers and homeless people he murdered in San Fransisco, so that's better than nothing....right?

In other weird roommate news....his morning urine smells really bad, I accidentally went in there a little too soon after him the other day to brush my teeth...and i started gagging and nearly barfed on my toothbrush.  It wasn't pretty.  I have a weird thing with smelling boy pee in the morning....

ok, so beards, boy pee and mice....i have a list of weaknesses....oh and cute mechanics....but that's a different kind of weakness....more weak knees than weak stomach and squeamish factor.

So there you have it....a roommate update....and pee confessions....not exactly what you were thinking for an average Wednesday, but it's all i got for ya.

sorry m'luvs..

~hl~

This and That....and weird phobias...

I know I haven’t written much lately….but I’m scared to jinx it. Ever find yourself so happy, that you’re petrified that if you breathe even a fraction of how happy you actually are, like an anvil will fall on your head or something?


It’s always been my experience that when the good lord smiles upon you with good fortune, it’s best just to smile….and let people wonder what you’re smiling about…..to take the good fortune….and not brag about it…..


Is anyone else like this? 


My horoscope the other day said that Aquarians are NOTORIOUS for breathing things into existence. It specifically said something like “stop saying I’m unlucky in love, and uttering out loud things that are sure to negatively happen to you because if you say them, and you believe them, they WILL happen”…..


So I’m going to stop doing that if I can.


Yesterday was my first day off……for my new four day work week…..


I found myself feeling horribly useless and lost. I mean, what does one do on a weekday when they aren’t at work? I haven’t worked less than 40 hours / week since I was 18.


So….I naturally couldn’t just sit there…I got up…and got moving. And let me tell you, for a lazy day at home, I got a shit-ton accomplished. I went running….I swept all the floors, rugs….I mopped, I did the dishes, I made my bed, I sewed some patches back on my quilt my mother made, my mom stopped over, I made her dinner….watched the end of a Nascar race (btw…NOT a fan of Nascar, my wiry mother MADE me tune in with her)….THEN….I used my new cordless drill and drilled a whole in my floor, went to the hardware store and bought 25’ of cable and ran cable to my bedroom. I felt like Bob Villa…minus the creepy beard.


Did you guys know I have a beard phobia?! Yeah, totally freak me out…..mice and beards….are my kryptonite…..I have no power to withstand them.


In completely unrelated news, there is a rumor going around these here parts that we’re going to nearly hit the 80 degree mark here in NW Ohio this week. Oh, people….how nice will it be to open windows again….to feel warmth on your face….and in the air….no more frosty mornings…..spring flowers are coming up in the back yard…..the grass is greening up…..ah….this only adds to my splendid mood….


Please lord, let this continue…..


xoxox

~hl~

Result of Tired Mind Syndrome ( A Repost)

What is it that separates us? For example, my sisters and I are three very different creatures. We were brought up in the same house, raised by the same parents and experienced many of the same things, yet you can ask anyone and they’ll tell you that we are very, very different people.

What makes us who we are? What are the moments that define us? Why is it that I can write in my sleep and my little sister Brooke just cannot find it within herself to write average papers in college? Why can she paint so beautifully that in comparison my attempts look like the finger-painting of toddlers? Why is it that Angie’s maternal instincts are so strong, yet mine come and go with little consistency?

Then you have the people you meet along the way in life whom you share everything with. Views, likes, loves, and everything in between. They could have grown up down the street, or thousands of miles away, but you feel an instant connection and likeness to. There are very few people who I have met in life I feel this way about. It’s not a prerequisite to my heart however because I’ve found that it’s our differences as much as our similarities that can draw us together as humans. There is so much to learn, so much out there to discover to adapt to…..I just wonder…….is personality inherit or a product of environment? Or are we as some people believe old souls constantly reborn over and over again through reincarnation or something of the like?

I mean if my parents loved me more, or if I had different parents would I still be me? Would my soul my spirit be remotely the same?

Would I still love animals has I not been raised with them?

What made my "tough-as-nails sister" Angie strive to be a girly-girl cheerleader where I chose to join Vo-Ag & FFA over Home Economics?

Would I have played the harp and not the guitar?

Would I have loved a boy who wore argyle sweaters as opposed to Harley Davidson T-Shirts?

I wish I could watch one of those movies where the person takes the “other path” and see who “I” might have been………

I wonder what things remain true to YOU no matter what you do?!

On the road of life, are there any turns that are ever truly
wrong? Couldn't it be that all roads lead to the same
destination? Some roads just being more scenic than others?

what floats YOUR boat?

For some people, it's the kiss that makes them dizzy with delight....

for others, it's the thrill they get when the clothes hit the floor and the kisses move south....

For me, oh the thrill I get when I feel skin on skin....

when you lift the shirt of the man in your life, and he lifts yours...and you press your bodies together and you feel a million little sensations over all your square torso inches...arms draped in a impassioned embrace over the muscles of his back, neck, shoulders....nipple to nipple...hearts racing as your bodies press together

Excuse me....I need to go take a cold shower now.....

xoxox

~hl~

Pap Tests, Roommates and MG's....

Ok, so this week, I really didn't think I'd be thinking to myself:

"Who's having the best week ever....I AM I AM I AM!"

Yes, I realize that's a bold statement, but I am having one of those weeks where...holy crap, just when I felt like a bucket of crapola, something happens so unexpectedly awesome, you nearly forget everything else....

First this week I have to get my PAP test...

your yearly oil change that you just wish you didn't have to do...but you do anyway.

And can you believe what the nurse said to me...so I was sitting there and the lady says, any new sex partners in the last 3 months.  I say "No."

She says:  Date of your last intercourse?

I say:  November 2009 

( I cringe at the thought of saying that out loud, as I'm one of those people who dont' seem to be "proud" of my abstinence, even though, I've done this to myself....I liked MG so much....and wanted to much for my next sexual encounter/new sexual partner to be him, I've literally thrown away any and all chances at other lovers!)

She says:  "Ohhhhh...it's been awhile huh?...so lets see, you need a new prescription for your birth control then?

And she looks at me like....you aren't doing it, why you want birth control?

I mean, c'mon lady, I didn't know I"d fall smitten with a guy who'd ruin my want to sleep with anyone else!

Quit busting my balls, i'm sexually frustrated and cranky the way it is, don't mess with me!  I have pent up anger that can be easily harnessed for evil right now...

The abstinence posters all over the office I was at were already painful reminder enough.

anyway, Sorry, but i need to change the subject before I forget WHY I'M having 

"THE BEST WEEK EVER!"

so back to the story....

So I am all worried about my salary cut at work....and then i magically get a roommate who might I add DID NOT murder me in my sleep last night!  Wooohooooo!  Success!!

Then....the most amazing thing happened yesterday...

I got to see MG.

After a 2 month MIA situation, I found myself standing in his kitchen admiring his new paint job...

Twenty Minutes later, I was going with him to pick up his kid.....

And twenty minutes after that, I was out in the yard with him (kid) laughing and cracking up...catching up like old friends....it was just what the Dr. ordered.....

and when I say Dr., i don't mean my OBGYN either, he seems to only want to root around in my nether regions and feel my boobs up claiming to be looking for "lumps".....

Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure DOC!  Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure!

Yesterday, when I came home from seeing MG & his kid, I was so happy, that should my roommate of killed me in my sleep last night, there's one thing I can say with 100% certainty, had he killed me, I'd of died a happy woman.

Sexually frustrated...but happy, oh so happy.

~hl~

All Done:

Goodbye Solitude....Hello Roommate Part II

It's official, he moves in Wednesday

Lets hope the craigslist Gods are about to smile on me....

and not in a cruel joke kinda way....

xoxo

~hl~

JUST TRY TAKING IT DOWN:

 A lot of people ask me why I got "a tree" tattooed to my back....well to those who don't know....what my tattoo means to me, well let me tell you.  It started with a dream I had.  In my dream, I was falling apart.....like my body, my life, everything was falling apart....but when I looked down at my naked body, I was wrapped up in an ivy vine, thick, lush, green....the most beautiful green i'd ever seen....and it was what was holding me together.  It was beautiful and strong, binding....supportive....hopeful....unyielding in it's purpose.  When I woke up, It was so profound and meaningful to me, I KNEW, knew with 100% certainty, that I needed that vine.  I had finally found what I'd long awaited to discover and that was WHAT I wanted forever.  Other considerations....Poison Ivy keeps people at a distance....for those I want to stay away....(some people think tattoos are scary....perhaps I'm trying to repel some people)....also, green, the color green is notorious for redheads, as it's said to "temper" us...to calm our fiery red passions and flare ups.  I've always loved that ivy is pretty....yet un-flowering.....it grew strong, it grew thick, and it goes any way it wants....when it meets a concrete wall...it doesn't stop, it climbs up and over.....there's nothing that stands in the way of ivy.  Even when you chop the shit out of it, and TRY to kill it, it's very resilient and often times comes right back.

My friend Amy told met the other day that Ivy is a symbol in England for Luck....which made me want to do a little research into my newly inked ivy, and here's what I found.....and I have to tell you, based upon what I already believed.....and compounded with the new information I've discovered, I couldn't have picked something more perfect.

Enjoy

~hl~

 -------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bacchus, who was the Roman god of wine and revelry (a.k.a. 'Dionysius'), wore a crown of the evergreen Ivy as the symbol of immortality.
Likewise, Osiris (the god of the afterlife, underworld or dead), in ancient Egypt, who was represented as carrying a rod entwined with Ivy at all times.

A cult of worshipers grew around the god, Bacchus, to celebrate the joys of liberation through intoxication. The revelers often wore the crown of Ivy, too, believing it complimented or counter-balanced the effects of the grape. (Ironically, Ivy also stood for intellectual achievement in ancient Rome.) Legend tells of Bacchus evading his enemies by crossing a bridge of vines and ivy over the Euphrates River. Another myth finds Bacchus pursued by pirates at sea -- and saved when the enemy ship's rigging became crippled by clinging Ivy. The Ivy-crowned head of Bacchus can be seen on ancient Roman coins, circa 48 BC.
In old Ireland, the Celts regarded the Ivy as a symbol of determination, death, and spiritual growth. When portrayed with its spiral growth around a tree it represented rebirth, joy and exhilaration. The power of the Ivy to cling and bind and even kill the mighty oak impressed the ancient Druids. In respect of Ivy's strength, they and other Pagan cultures used it in sacred rituals. As an evergreen plant, it became a symbol of everlasting life, and it was the Irish poet who traditionally wore the Ivy crown.
Christian artists saw the Ivy's spiralling growth as a sign or symbol of the Resurrection. It represented the ascension of the spirit to the Divine. Earlier, the Christian church rejected both the Ivy and Vine as pagan symbols. They were being used in the Roman Saturnalia celebrations of winter, during which the god's staff was made of Holly and his sacred bird was said to nest in Ivy. Centuries later, the Holly and the Ivy became inseparable as Christmas plants, their Pagan connections forgotten.

In times past, lovers took the Ivy to be the symbol of their fidelity. Brides carried it in their wedding bouquets, while women wore it for fertility and good luck. Must have been Ivy's reputation for multiplying in the toughest conditions, growing even in near dark. In Victorian times, the Ivy was a symbol of wedded love and friendship in matrimony.

In England, Ivy is a popular Christmas plant bringing good luck and joy. Grow it up the wall of your house and your life and property will be more secure and better protected. Just try taking it down! 

info collected at:  
http://www.vanishingtattoo.com/tattoos_designs_symbols_ivy_vines.htm  

Sir David: Can you say Pshcho? Say it with me....P-S-Y-C-H-O!

Ok, so I told you about the Horny Santa Claus that was a roommate option....but I didn't tell you about my latest misadventure in the world of roommate locating....this one, I didn't bring on myself though I must confess, I have my wonderful sparkplug of a mommy dearest to thank for this story...

Put your feet up....let me paint the scene for you....

It's early morning...(I'm NOT a morning person)....I'm very zombie ish...squinty eyed....not awake enough to pick up my feet fully, so i shuffle around in my house slippers...let the dog out....and the phone starts ringing....my phone NEVER rings before 8:00 a.m.  Mostly because people know that I'm NOT a morning person, so they best wait until an appropriate hour to call me....or i'm likely to not even really remember talking to them in my state of shuffling awaken sleeplessness.

So i do what I do, and I ignore the call....I mean, I wake up AS LATE as possible...I have no time in my morning routine for phone calls!  I have just enough time to:

1: roll out of bed

2: put on slippers

3: say "chubs"....lets go outside

4: take chubs outside

5: turn on the shower...& heater, close bathroom door to "heat up"

6: shuffle to computer, turn on Itunes....BLAST music for shower mood and awakening routine

7: let dog back in

8: get in shower

9: lather, rinse, repeat

10: towel off

11: brush teeth, clean ears w/ two q-tips...wash face, put on moisturizer

12: to in bedroom...

13: (NEW) put lotion on newly tattooed back with a bamboo spoon i bought at walmart, like spreading butter on a turkey

14: get dressed

15: blow dry hair

16: put on makeup

17: turn out lights

18: grab bottled water from fridge & shut down Itunes

19: put dog in kennel...walk out door & get in car ready for morning commute.

and that folks, takes me exactly one hour.

So, yeah, no time for phone calls.

Well, after I got all my morning stuff done and started to awake....I looked at my now THREE missed calls...all from my mother.  I'm thinking....oh crap, something's wrong...so i quickly dial her back and she says to me 

"Well, I think I found the answer to your problems"....

Me:  "Oh?  really?  you win the lottery er sumthin?"  

Her:  "No, No, I think i found you a roommate!"  

Me:  "Oh crap, mom what did you do?  Who?"  

Her:  "I met him at work, super great guy, recently divorced, 41, two kids, clean cut...very friendly!"  

Me:  "and just how exactly did you bring up the fact that your daughter was in the market for a roommate?"

Her:  "I was just telling him and some other people how crazy you were for trying to get a roommate off of Craigslist"  

Me:  *slaps forehead*...."Geesh mom, do you have to tell EVERYONE about that?"  

Her:  Well I think you're nuts, I can't help it, I was just sayin...."

So she tells me how this David guy at work a couple days later gives her a piece of paper and says "give this to your daughter"

On the paper it's his name, phone number and words scribbled "possible roommate"  My mom's exstatic, thinking that she's single handed-ly going to be my angel....which sometimes, lets face it, she IS....but this isn't that kind of story (sorry mom!)

I take the #, and instead of calling the guy up....and facing the sure to be awkward introduction, i chose the chicken's way out and I texted him.  (this was pre-tattoo and backbone fyi)....he text me back with the inevitable question "who is this?"  I tell him "My mom gave me your number, so you might be interested in a roommate and moving to Delphos then?"  he says "maybe"  We exchange a few texts...and then he says he will contact me later, that his break was over....and he'd text me on his next break.

flash forward to 9:00 p.m.  Me:  Just got home from Banditos.....celebrating BFF Steph's birthday with some dinner and birthday shots of tequila!  mmm..mmmm...good i might add.  I'm tipsy and happily on the couch....when the text from David comes in.  He says he's sorry for not getting back to me sooner but he had just got home from church....had to "teach a class"...I'm thinking, great, he's super religious!  He's going to HATE me!  I curse like a sailor at times....I occasionally have inappropriate men come to visit (ok, not lately and it's not a PATTERN....but i'm single, and 32...it happens!...one word, RAINBOW!)  Anyway, so then the questions begin.  He asks me if I smoke or drink.  I say, I drink on occasion, and quit smoking six months ago.  He says :  I don't drink or smoke, I run seven miles a day, I have asthma, I shower twice a day, i like to lift weights, blah, blah, blah, blah blah.....now note, NEVER once did he ask the following:

1: how much is the rent?

2: Is there off street parking?

3: Private bathroom?

4: are utilities included?

5: how many rooms do you have available seeing as i have two children every other weekend....

You know, the questions one asks when in the business of rooming....but nope....never asks.  So I ask him, would you like to set up a time to come and take a look at the house, to see if you'd even be interested...he dodges the question and asks if i have a boyfriend.  I tell him No, but am not looking for one, as I'm disinterested in love at the moment and taking some time off from dating....this continues to go like this and i conclude he's NOT interested in living with me and say goodnight.  he says "sweet dreams"....

I toss his phone number into the trash can.

Oh, and did I mention all his text messages have the signature of "Sir David"?!  yeah, like wtf is up with that?  I contemplated changing my signature to "Lady Heather"....but I thought that was a bit much, even for my warped sense of humor.  And as I'm in the process of laughing with my sister Angie about this on the telephone....i get a phone call.  a number I don't recognize....i put my sister on hold and answer....

and a woman says:  Who is this?

I say:  Heather

Her:  This is David (#*&$(@'s FIANCE!  and i'd really appreciate it if you would STOP texting my fiance and asking him peresonal questions!!!

Me:  *laughs hysterically*

Her: *sounding impatient at my laughing*  Do you understand me, He is MY fiance and he will NOT be moving in with YOU or anyone ELSE who lives with you!

Me:  *laughs*  Ummmmm....yeah lady, we're straight....thanks for callin!!!!

I hang up!  So let me lay this out for you, this guy tells my mom to tell me to NOT get a roommate from craigslist because you only get psychos....gives HIS phone number to my mother, says he wants a roommate, but then never asks me about actually ROOMING with me, instead treats me like someone he met on Match.com and then turns out has a jealous stalker psycho fiance?!  Are you frickin kidding me?!  Whyyyyyyy?  why would anyone do this?

The only thing I can think of is my momm'a a looker...she is, for a lady in her 50's, she's lovely, she's well put together, she smells nice, dresses age appropriate....so what?  did this guy think that my mom's hot, so her divorced daughter probably is too?!  And this was all a set up from the start?

and this people, is why I don't date.....anymore.....the world if full of Sir David's.....likely having jousting fanatasies, and speaking in brittish accents home alone dressed in thier suits of armour.  sure they look all normal and stuff out in public, but inside, I'm not so sure there are any single men left who aren't closet freaks.  What's in your closets?  the den of iniquity?

Of course, this DOES NOT apply to the boys I love and adore who read here, naturally! ya'll know who you are!

Roomateless In Delphos,

~hl~

Tattoos make ya mean!

I'm telling you, i think all this ink went straight to my brain or something over here....

Let me tell ya, I'm a big ole meanie over here.  

Do you know how many men I've written off this week?

First there's West Virginia Guy....whom I adore most days.  Well West Virginia guy (aka the guy who proposed to me three times in 3 years)....and I are friends, and we talk often.  We've been discussing a visit.  But seeing how my car's transmission is so iffy, he offered to come up to see ME.  Said he missed me etc.  So I said, ok, how about the weekend of the 20th?  Well in our planning this, i asked him how things were going with the girl he was seeing.....he said ok, (he's kinda so/so about this girl btw)....and i discovered that they were "intimate"....so when he told me that, I thought it would be a good opportunity to address he and I being intimate at this particular juncture.  So I said "Well, looks like just spooning for you when you're here!" ha, ha...he seemed disappointed that I was intending on keeping our "FRIENDSHIP" strictly friendly during his visit (we used to date if you're not a long time reader here)....so the next thing he says "Well, i hope i have enough money to get up there"....and starts rambling on about his financial crunch "this month"....instantly i'm pissed because i'm like...."Oh, how convenient"....when he thought he'd get laid, he was gun-freakin-ho....now that it's off the table, now we're short on gas $$?  So i said something pissy to him, and then discontinued talking to him the rest of the day.  I mean, I'm worth visiting...sex or no sex!!!  DANG IT!  So yeah, I'm NOT talking to him....

Then my pal FT, yesterday he asks me if i can pick him up from the airport.....I say, what airport?  he says "Detroit"....as I was hoping he'd say "Dayton", because while again, i am not driving my car out of town these days, I thought if he would of said Dayton, I'd risk going down there to get him...so when he said Detroit, i thought it'd be a good time to say, my car's about to take a crap, breaking down in DETROIT is not something I want to risk.  So i tell him as much, and he snaps back "Well why didn't you just say that in the first place and we could of saved a bunch of emailing back and forth?!"  And i was like....wait a minute, you're asking me for a ride home from DETROIT and then you're going to snap at me for not wanting to risk breaking down 3 hours from home?!  So I said "well i didn't realize we were trying to keep e-mails to a minimum...I'll be sure not to make that same mistake in the future!"....then he spent the rest of the afternoon e-mailing apologetically, and texting me after work, to which i ignored.  I mean, I'm just not in the mood for this horse shit!  So yeah, not really talking to HIM now either!

it doesn't stop there though....

My rainbow....you know the one....he called this week as well....he was all business, business, business....interviewing me essentially for a thing he's doing up here in my area, asking me stats on the demographic in my area, biggest and most popular radio stations here....etc, etc....(he's an entertainer if you again are new here)....so i give him the info he needs and ask him..."So you going to come see me when you're in town?"  He says "I can't think that far ahead!"  I say "is that code for your girlfriend is coming up with you?"  he says, "No, i just really can't think about that...it's too far off"....and he sounds all exasperated as if i just asked him for a kidney or something.  I change the subject, I tell him that some people I know wanted to attend a show of his about an hour or so away from me....and before I could even finish telling him that I was going to go, he says "Don't even bother coming to those shows!"...and I'm like "Why not?"  and he says "I'm working on new material, it's going to be hit or miss, the shows probably won't even be that great....best to just skip it"....so i say to him "dude, i've seen ya naked, i think we're past the point of you having to really IMPRESS me at this point, wouldn't you say?"  (we've been friends for like ten years now)....he says "you're right, maybe you could come and give me some feedback and let me know what you think.

After I hung up with him, i thought, well that was just rude, why's he treating me like a needy ex-girlfriend instead of like his friend and girl-pal heather that i have been for quite some time now?!  I didn't ask him for anything above and beyond normal friend stuff....and what's so effin wrong with wanting to see him when he's in town?  we're friends, that's what friends do, right?!

So I wrote him an e-mail and told him not to try and see me when he was up here, and that i would NOT be attending his shows to give him feedback either.  I mean, what am I, some star struck ex conquest these days or what?  No!  I'm better than that, and I'm a FAR GREATER friend to him than he's ever been to me.....so enough is enough.  I'm not going out of my way to be nice to someone who's going to dismiss me like that.

That's three guys....it's Tuesday.  The week's still young....I wonder who else is getting scratched off my "good graces" list.

do you feel that angst?

I do.

Maybe this tattoo is the backbone I've been in desperate need of?!  What do you think JimmyB?  you kept saying I needed a spine...perhaps the green monstrosity on my back is more than just pretty?

~hl~

When the Going gets Tough.....

The Tough get tattooed:

you can quote me on that!  I even googled it, and apparently "No Results Were Found"...so you really can quote ME on that! lol

Well?  What do you think?

Here's the start of it.  Now, as it turns out, I'm not nearly as bassass as I was hoping I could be....the outline effin hurt like a #@(*$*(#$...wait, i don't think you understand....I'm not stranger to pain, but as it turns out that whole "sensitive skin" thing....ummm...in includes sensitivity to tattooing!!  who'd of thunk it!?!?!

After 4 hours, my body had had enough....when we were half way through (after 4 hours) Rhian my artist said, honey, I know you're a badass chick and everything, but you're body's telling you something right now....if you wanted to stop, now'd be a really good time...I have about three hours left of shading to do!  I said, do that one last big leaf....so she did, and ladies and gentleman, I was in excruciating pain.  Towards the end, I was spent, my legs were shaking...arms shaking....and having her put THREE colors in every leaf, was like having the same spot tatooed overtop of 3 times.  ONCE....was doable...by the time the third coat came to be, I was like...alright folks, lets me moving it along to a new spot!

The upper stuff didn't hurt that bad in fact, the shading was barely noticeable...I was smiling and perfectly fine....but soon as she got mid-back....to my lower back (this thing goes all the way down to below my underwear line i might add....) that shit hurt something fierce.

I'm not going to lie, I might of cried a little...

Ok, yeah, there were tears on the floor.  Should of took a picture of THAT!

Remind me to punch my mother the next time I see her, the way I see it, she wished this on me, she told me and i quote "I hope it hurts sooooooo bad you wind up only getting ONE little leaf!"

Well momma!  HA!!!!  I have the outline from my shoulder blade to nearly my butt crack DONE...now all that's left is the other 1/2 of my shading to finish!

God I hope I survive round TWO....

*crosses fingers*

Who ever said it was a pleasurable kind of pain, obviously never got ivy from their shoulder blade to their butt crack!  Cuz that shit @#(*$&(#@*$&*(#@& hurts!

more later...I'm still in recovery mode over here.

~hl~

Fuming Friday (A RANT JUST FOR YOU)

Ok, this is me getting something off my chest, onto paper, and out to you…..because I can’t just sit here and NOT think that this country needs more than Healthcare Reform…..one thing we need and nobody is even talking about is CREDIT reform.

I’ve never had to think about credit before, since I’ve been working and earning my own $$ since I was old enough to walk, and I’ve never had BAD credit before, because I worked too hard to avoid such things. Well, that’s since changed due to a series of events…some of which were out of my control, others that were just a mistake…and others still that were a ripple effect….that I couldn’t STOP once set into motion.

Ok, first there was the divorce. And my husband totally screwed me when it came to paying things that he was COURT ORDERED to pay on time. Did you know a court can’t FORCE someone to re-finance a debt? So the debt stayed in my name, but he was ORDERED to make payment. But guess what, every time he paid it late, MY credit was dinged! How do you like that for justice? My ex probably thinks it’s MORE THAN fair!

Ok so that was the start of it. Everyone knows divorce hurts your credit.

THEN….I got really sick, and since my job does NOT offer health insurance, well, lets just say that the bills mounted up quick…and oh so high. I think when it was all said and done I was looking at like $20,000.00 in medical bills. Ok, so the hospital has a program, and I got my debt reduced…but I still had thousands to pay…and pay I did. I was at one time, making payments to 12, TWELVE different medical providers. I was making a house payment’s equivalent in medical bills every month. But I paid, I paid and I paid some more. However, it wasn’t enough….The Hospital said it wasn’t enough, I had to Pay MORE. My $75.00/mo wasn’t enough…..so even though I was paying them every month, they STILL turned me over to collections. DING! Another failure in my credit history.

I mishap with the fact that I had two trips to the emergency room….left me with two identical accounts with the Lima Emergency Room Physicians….I asked them to combine them so I could make one payment. They stopped sending me duplicate bills. Little did I know, they turned me over to collection on one, while I kept faithfully paying the other. Collection notice came, I promptly paid the entire thing in full. Hospital turned me over to collection….paid that in full. So while I had delinquencies, they are all PAID IN FULL….yet it doesn’t stop there….it gets worse.

American Express sends me a letter saying they are cancelling BOTH my credit cards with them. Accounts that had zero balances. I never made a late payment or had any negative credit history with them…yet they cancelled my cards. Which fine, you don’t want to give me credit, whatever, I’ll deal with it…but when they did that, it hurt MY credit FURTHER. Which lead to my American Eagle card to lower my credit limit to $100.00. Gee thanks American Eagle….now I can buy a pair of socks with my card and not much more!

Oh, let us not forget my Amazon Card….Oh, how I loved my online Christmas shopping, made oh so easy with my handy Amazon Card. But guess what, when you make a payment online with your amazon card, they automatically send your account to “PAPERLESS BILLING”…yep, so when I purchased the Twilight Books for my sister on there….for a whopping $50.00….they kept sending me notice via e-mail, which went into my SPAM…which I never got, which caused them to CANCEL THAT card. I of course noticed they never sent me a bill, so I called them, and found out what happened and paid the damn thing, but it was too late, they had put a fork in me, I was officially toast credit wise!

So….you think…well alright, people recover from bankruptcy, I can recover from THIS right? You try to remain positive and not let it get you down….after all, everything was paid up, nothing outstanding, nothing looming….now we just need to get in fix mode and damage control. Suck it up Heather, you hit a snag, you’ll bounce back! Right?! WRONG!

So I get my renewal notice for my homeowner’s insurance….it went up $650.00! Nearly doubling my last year’s rate! So I say SCREW NATIONWIDE INSURANCE! I’m getting new insurance. After all they tried to raise my rates TWENTY THREE TIMES last year after I’d paid a full year in advance! I wanted a new insurer! So I tried to get one….I get a good quote from a new agency, I go in to sign the papers, but they say, Sorry, we have bad news, we ran your credit score, we can’t get you as good of rates as we projected….

I’m like what? What does my credit score have to do with my home’s insurability? Or my ability to drive my car without crashing? I mean, I’m not getting credit from the insurance company, they give me insurance, I pay. If I don’t pay, the cancel my insurance…so tell me how my credit should factor into this scenario?!

But it doesn’t stop there…I bet you thought….it did, but oh, no, no, no…..So I apply for a job a couple months ago. I get an interview. Interview goes great…but guess what, part of my background check to work with the elderly….includes a….you guessed it….A CREDIT CHECK!!! Now you tell me, what does my credit history have to do with my employability? If my credit score is a 6, does that mean I’m not capable of doing my job? Ok, you’re right, a 6 would mean that I wasn’t too bright, but still…..my credit problems came because my lame job doesn’t offer insurance, so I’m trying to get a better job, that does, and guess what, the very credit my medical mishap caused me, is not going to keep me from getting me the job that would prevent from future medical mishaps! How’s that for ironic?

So I write to you today….as a very shafted citizen…..if Obama thinks we need healthcare reform….what about CREDIT reform. During our country’s economic crisis and “credit crunch”….so much has happened to keep not just ME, but MANY American’s without credit. Without credit, many of us literally cannot be the productive “consumers” our country NEEDS us to be. We can’t buy houses, we can’t buy cars, we can’t pay our medical bills without being sent to collections even when we ARE paying….do you see, it’s a vicious cycle we have no hope of escaping. One bad credit blip, and next thing you know….creditors can ruin you! Even when they sit there PAID IN FULL.

THEY are paid in full, and I’m sitting here broken….and in absolute disrepair….and there’s NOTHING I can do about it….I know people who have filed bankruptcy and came out of it better than ME…who paid off every last red cent I owed EVERYONE!

Real Fair isn’t it?!

So, for those of you who maybe didn’t know….don’t let this happen to you…..and if you think that a credit score shouldn’t determine who you are as a person, as an employee….let me hear ya!

~hl~

This Week:

Chuck Norris turns SEVENTY!!  70!!!

and in his honor, 

I wanted to include a snippet of some chuck humor 

that makes me laugh every time I think of it!

This one's for you Chuck!

"Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO!"

One thing I like about my current job:

Is that my clients are full of surprises:

Recently, a client whom well, I'll be honest, the kid seems like a nice kid.  Always super respectful and polite on the phone when I talk to him.  Naturally, like pretty much every client we have, they are 100% innocent according to them.  And seeing as I work for a defense attorney, that does make the job more worthwhile when you know you are helping the criminally INNOCENT as opposed the CRIMINALLY insane....but anyway, I like this kid as far as clients go.

So when he called me the other day from Jail....asking for some help as always, I was kind and sympathetic to his plight...I assisted him best I could.  Two minutes later, the prosecutor's office called and asked for my assistance in this client's pending case.  I listened intently on how I could help....

See we filed a motion for our client to be able to wear civilian clothing to the hearing, however, while we awaited the hearing, my client that I like so much got into a little bit of trouble and found himself re-arrested!  The prosecutor's assistant then told me that while she intended on allowing him to wear his clothes to the hearing that he was arrested in, we found out that the only clothes he had was a pair of boxer shorts and a ski mask!

BOXERS and a SKI MASK?!?!?!?

Which had me thinking....what was my favorite client doing wearing only a pair of boxers and a ski mask when he was arrested!??!?  It's an odd outfit to be out sporting on a cold Ohio Winter night don'tcha think?

Anyway, I later found out that my client DID in fact have clothing ON when he was arrested, however our client's clothes were confiscated as evidence by the law...due to physical evidence being on said clothing....so, I coordinated between my client and the prosecutor's office getting him some clothes.  By the end of the day, clothes were in transit....Client happily awaited his clothes AND day in court...and prosecutor had testimony coming from a properly dressed young man.

Clients! they sure keep my days interesting.  And as an ENFJ, I'm the perfect girl for this job.  No judgment, arranger and diffuser of clothing emergencies.....that's me!  They don't tell you in college all that you get into when doing my job....but I like to think that's one of the perks.  Never a dull moment!

I will miss that if I get this new job.

~hl~

What Gives?

So I had dinner with a married couple I know the other day…..we’ll call them…Jason and Angela. (Angela…do you like your fake name? She reads this btw….)

Anyway, we were talking about a set of girls that we both know…and their unique ability to get men to fall so in love and so head over heels for them that these guys are literally putty in their hands, absolutely WRAPPED AROUND THEIR LITTLE FINGERS!

And well, I’m curious….what on earth causes this phenomenon? What causes normally rational guys to turn into these mushy, star struck shells of the guys they used to be?

And is it a good thing? Is it a good thing that a guy like one that I speak of NEVER gets to go to a movie and see what THEY want to see, because you KNOW this GUY never asks his lady friend to sit through a Jean Claude Van Dam Movie….or Terminator 3!

Is it a simple equation of “unworthiness”? Do these men just think they have a woman out of their league, and they are just so darn lucky to have her, they’ll do ANYTHING to maintain her?

Frankly, I’d find this task highly exhausting to be at the beck and call of any task or demand my significant other wanted or needed.

I personally want someone on "my level"....not someone I think is too good for me, or someone I think is beneath me!

Is it healthy then, for there to be an inequality in a relationship? Or is inequality NEEDED to maintain one?

When I try to think about statements I’ve heard women say to me:

“I wouldn’t even date a guy who didn’t help me pay my bills here and there…”

“A guy need to buy me gifts….I mean, he should if he wants to keep me happy…and show me he cares about me!”

“He’s not really smart, but he’s a good provider”

I mean, seriously? #1-I’ve NEVER had a boyfriend pay my bills before. NEVER! Only when I lived with my ex-fiancé, and when I was married to my ex-husband did I ever share bills with anyone. I also am NOT the girl who drags my boyfriend to the mall, and then pick out things….give him the big pouty eyes…and actually somehow sweet-talk him into buying me. And that last one! Are you kidding me….I can’t imagine those words EVER coming out of my mouth.

Is this normal female behavior that I've just never picked up on....something I SHOULD be doing?  Because I just don't think I can, I'm wired all wrong or something....

And maybe this is some messed up thing about me….but if someone put me on a pedestal, I’d be the jumper on the ledge that the cops are trying to talk down! I don’t want to be exulted, I don’t want to be worshiped, I want to be loved….and in my mind, exultation and love are NOT the same thing. I want someone to feel lucky to be with me, but not because they think they don’t deserve someone LIKE me!? Does that make sense? Am I talking in circles?

What are you views? Do you want to be on a pedestal? Do you NEED to be put on one? Is equality essential for a mutually respective relationship?

And IF you are a woman who has the secret to wrapping guys around your finger…..PLEASE….I really must know how you do it..inquiring minds really must know.

Thanks in Advance!

Curiously yours,

~hl~

Interested in the Outcome?

Hiya Everyone!

Just wanted to update you....

Had my interview this morning at 7:00 a.m.

One interviewer.

I went, I interviewed....I came out of it with....

A second interview.  He's supposed to be setting me up with some dates for next week via e-mail in the near future.

Right now, supposedly, it's between me and one other girl.

So I have a 50/50 shot at this.

*takes a deep breath*

The saga continues.

Additionally, I should tell you my boss broke the news to me yesterday....and it didn't go well.  It was really awkward as ass after that, and I have a sneaking suspicion that today won't be much different!

I hate it when the workplace gets weird...

don't you?

~hl~

Today's the Big Interview & Humor

Wish me Luck...heading there now....

~hl~

What Drives you?

....at the urging of my sister Brooke, I'm reading the book "The Purpose Driven Life"....My Grandmother gave me a copy while I was still married...

the book's inscription on the cover says:  "Heather & Keith, I pray you will take this 40 day journey from this book.  It has so much meaning of what we are put on this earth for.  Love ya much, Grandma I 12/04"

First, my ex husband read hunting magazines and a dog training book....he wasn't about to read this 300+ page book....he wasn't a "reader"....

Secondly, I never read it because, well, if I found out what God's purpose for me on this earth was....and I didn't abide by it...I didn't obey it....then well, that'd be terrible....I guess maybe in a way, I WANTED to be left in the dark a little bit longer, afraid if I knew what my purpose was, and it wasn't something "I" wanted to be part of....I'd somehow be struck down by lightning for disobeying.

Which brings me to free will....how do we actually have FREE will, if we were put on this earth to serve one purpose and one purpose only, and it's planned before we were even born? (it says this in the book)

Which brings me to the next question this book has caused me to wonder about:  "what drives you?"

Do you know?  Because according to this book, there are FIVE "most common" things that drive our lives:

1- Guilt

2- Resentment & Anger

3- Fear - too afraid to do anything but keep a status-quo

4- Materialism - always needing more, bigger, better....

 5- Need of Approval - worried about what everyone thinks....

So if these are the five most common....and I don't believe ANY of these things drive my life...I got to thinking, what DOES drive my life?  I thought about it long and hard as I drove over with MJ to get her tattoo.....Some things I thought of....were, "Knowledge".....and "Pleasure".....be it pleasure one finds when the sun hits you in the face and it's warm and makes you smile or pleasure of knowing someone who touches not just your heart, but your soul as well..sexual pleasure...pleasure felt when one laughs...pleasure of a deep breath, or a stretch that soothes aching muscles...which lead me to consider "contentment and peace"....which only leads me to "Love"...because how content can one be, or at peace can one be without Love?  Love....be it friends, my dog chubs, my family....love of the smell of fresh cut grass...or love of LIFE in general.  Love of failures and successes....

So the things "I" feel that motivate me are LOVE, KNOWLEDGE, PLEASURE, CONTENTMENT & PEACE.

I don't care if I have the best of Everything....but I LOVE what I have.  I don't worry what people think....I pretty much do what I want....and hope that people can accept my decisions since they are MY decisions to make...I don't care what they think, so long as I am not hurting others....I don't feel guilty...therefore I don't live my life in the shadow of guilt...or blame others for my mistakes...and while I have a lot of things to be ANGRY about....I let that stuff go fairly easily....Life is scary {FEAR}....but I like to think that I'm not too AFRAID to live it....I've taken some risks...I've crossed my fingers, said a prayer and leaped from some pretty steep places...and came out unscathed...and occasionally...ahead of the game....and in contemplating these things, I got to thinking even more...if these are the most common things that drive people....then there must be a lot of unhappy people in the world.  Not saying I'm better than anyone else.....but just that....these things, well, crap, they are sucky motivators!  They are unattainable, they are counterproductive, they are the equivalent of beating your head against the wall in my eyes.

So tell me.....what drives your lives?  Do you fall into one of these most common Five categories?