Happy Thanksgiving!

It's another Thanksgiving .... this time 2007's version and like all of those that came before, there was turkey, there was stuffing, family and friends....warmth and laughter, full bellies and children playing. Another typical Thanksgiving in Northwest Ohio.

I haven't written lately, not out of lack of time or the want to, but just because there were some things that had me distracted and unable to focus on that which I wanted to convey....

But I have an hour between my first Thanksgiving get-together and the next, so I thought I'd jot some thoughts down while I had a moment alone.

Last year, the holidays were the toughest in my recent memory. I was trying to smile though the pain and try and enjoy those around me, however, with just having left Keith, my first holiday season alone.....again...it was tough to say the least.

I started feeling that darkness creep in again, until I decided that I had some unresolved issues that were causing the flare up. First I confronted the issue in writing....my questions went unanswered. After a week of no response, I dialed the phone...dialed direct. After 35 minutes of awkward questions and answers, pauses, silences and throat clearing....I finally got the closure I needed....the freedom from a situation that has plagued me for a nearly a year now. I feel fantastic. When I told Rachel of the conversation and the things that were said, she said "Heather...gosh, that's the last thing you needed to hear the night before Thanksgiving!...I'm so sorry!"...but I said to her "I can't think of a better time to have heard what I did, for I'll be surrounded by people I love tomorrow, good food, and atmosphere...it'll be just what I need to put it all behind me." Funny thing is, I didn't even NEED it, I was fine all on my own. I enjoyed the first part of my day without a hitch.....

I have some of my Christmas shopping done, new ornaments to hang on my tree that will be going up on Monday...I met someone new, re-friended someone old....and I already have plans for my 30th birthday.

I have so much to be thankful for this year, so, so much.

Have a happy Thanksgiving everyone....

Hugs & Love,

~hl~

It's been awhile: 6 Days

Forgive me father for I have sinned, it's been six days since my last confession:

Well, I've been away....sorry guys! Let me catch you up to speed. So last week I mentioned being a bit down. Then to add to that sentiment, I realized that I had to end a relationship with someone. Well, I guess I didn't HAVE to, but I needed to if I was going to keep my sanity. So, after a great amount of consideration and contemplation, I did. I said goodbye to someone whom I adore. Someone who I know I will miss, but at the end of the day, the lows and distance took it's toll on me.

So okay, by Friday....I was a bit out of sorts. That was when my friend sent me a e-mail and told me to pack my bags and come visit him down in West Virginia for the weekend. At first I thought he was kidding, because it had been sooooo long since we'd seen each other, but after some thought and a quick chat with my mom, I was headed home to pack my bags and head south for a few days.

Upon my arrival, I was surprised at the ease I experienced at feeling right at home. I've been down there twice prior to this third visit, but being with him, is kind of like getting an old pair of shoes together, they just go, ya know?!

It was so nice to escape my life, to go somewhere where there's someone waiting for you to arrive and sad when you leave, somewhere where you only feel loved and embraced with care and concern. Plus I was in another state, with so much to explore and learn about.

My friend took me to see the Weston State Hospital, which is supposedly haunted and I have to tell you, it's one of the most interestingly eerie buildings I've ever seen in real life. You literally feel something while standing in front of it. I stood at the gates in the sunshine and still shivered. I mean it was like 30 degrees out, but still, I shivered.

I got the grand tour of Weston, West Virginia and a little town called Jane Lew where I watched as my friend's grandmother was recognized for her years of service and awarded the "key to the city", which was pretty cool. There was a "garden club" unveiling of a building, taps were played, veterans were honored, shots fired. The whole town came out which amounted to about....30 people. Made me laugh, there's more than 30 people who live in just the blocks surrounding my apartment. *smiles*

I drove down there this weekend, I felt a bit down, I came back, renewed, optimistic and for the first time in a long time....I'm perfectly ok. Not on a high, not on a low,...I'm even keel.

The pictures from my trip are on the photoblog if you guys want to see them.

~hl~

New Pictures Posted

If you don't feel like reading, would rather just do some viewing...

I posted some new pics to my photoblog...if ya care..


http://heatherlynnsphotoblog.blogspot.com

~hl~

Anybody wanting some Christmas Ideas for me this year?

I've got the answer for ya:




Kidding...sorry...I was in need for a pick-me-up...this SNL clip gets me everytime!

It's wrong, but it's funny.

~hl~

Do you think it's a coincidence ....

.....That while working at the pumpkin farm, I met and had a slight flirtation with a really cute Mexican guy....

...and.....now for the last few weeks...the only food I crave is Mexican?

Think that's coincidental?

Maybe I should have had a taste.....hmmmmmmmmm.....Brooke told me I should have....lol

If I'd have met a nice handsome italian boy...would I be craving a taste for some meat'a'balls instead? *laughs*

Maybe it's me...maybe it's the weather.....

It's cold outside. I came home to an apartment that was 57 degrees. Oh, yeah, I don't know how to turn the furnace on at my apartment and forgot to ask my landlord to do it when he was here last week....so......i'm wearing two coats and a hat and gloves as I write this tonight. But don't feel sorry for me....it's just how things are ya know.

You know it's cold when you have to break out the knee socks! :)

I don't know if it's the weather, the fact that the sky spit snow at me today, or what, but I just feel glum. The summer warmth is gone, the fall leaves have began to blow away, and all that's left is.....is.......this. This feeling. And it's not just me. Alex, Chris, Steph....and countless others perhaps too, they all have been feeling it.


When you start feeling down, the first thing we do as humans..is start to focus on all that is missing in our lives, we begin to pick at the scabs of our old wounds and battlescars that had just begun to heal....well, I do this...maybe you guys are a lot healthier than I am.

For instance, the other day at the Laundromat, I was sitting on the folding table, watching my clothes go round and round in the dryer when this young couple walked in. He (one of the hickey sporters) opened the door for is young girlfriend/wife/fiance..whoever she might be. Anyway, they loaded and unloaded their laundry together, chatted and whatnot and I just had this feeling like with full on certainty that, THAT would never be me. My days of "wife", "girlfriend", "fiance"...those days were over. Why did I think that..I don't know. I just did. Sometimes when I think that....I get this feeling of calm, as if myself is saying..."Heather, it is what it is...accept it, move on.....you don't need to be IN LOVE, to be happy"....maybe.

When you get that first onset of wintertime blues, as many, many Americans experience, it's easy to become self critical, negative minded....some even find that sleeping a lot seems to begin....I myself went to bed last night at 10:00 p.m....Which for those of you who know me, that literally never happens unless I'm sick or something.

It's times like these that I find surprising comfort in my work. Generally...I'm pretty so/so about my job...like I loooove the people I work with...but I don't find much joy in the actual "doing" of my job. I'm just not that work oriented. Sure I do what I'm told, I get my stuff done, but I don't do it with gusto, I don't do it and start sniffing around my boss's office begging and hoping he'll pile more on....what can I say...I'm more about the finer things, and work however a constant in my life, has never been something I consider as all that fantastic. I mean, they don't call it "work" for nothing.

And maybe it's that I'm turning 30 soon. Turning 30 is kind of a big deal when you are single. That's when people start getting worried about you...like..."Uh, Heather....yeah, it was all fine and dandy to get divorced in your late twenties...but now you are pushing thirty...it's been a year..get over it....start dating...find a man...SETTLE DOWN...START A FAMILY!" *Sighs*....that's a lot of pressure when you think about it.

I hate it that I don't know what I want....I only know what I don't. When you know what you don't, you only have 1/2 the tools to make it in life...to go somewhere. Me, I just coast. I just slowly weave in and out of this and that, make no commitments, don't get too attached to people, pets, apartments...anything for that matter....for you never know when it too will disappear. Spoken like a true victim of abandonment issues....I really need to get out of this mindset.

The thermostat on my little portable heater says it's now 62 degrees....temps are rising....with it, I hope my mood will as well.

Did I ever tell you guys that when I get really down, when I feel myself slipping into a funk like this...I often listen to Christmas music? *laughs and looks embarrassed*.....maybe a little chocolate and O'Holy night is in order.....

Sweet Dreams....
~hl~

Breaking News:

It would appear that Hickey's are back in fashion.

After a recent trip to the laundromat, I've witnessed first hand this startling trend....

I thought the 80's did away with the hickey as we know it, but as with legwarmers, jean jackets and gloves with the fingers cut off, hickeys too are becoming fashionable again.

Of course, generally when I witness a trend of which laundromat goers are sporting, I tend to steer clear of it, but to each their own. I mean, dirty underwear are also a trend....but I don't suggest wearing your underwear a couple extra days either! *smiles*

Hickeys....are the new black....or purple...or even a gross looking yellow if given enough time! :)

Another Random Weekend:

It's Sunday here in Ohio....and I'm pretty sure, everywhere else too....

Okay that was a weird intro...lets go with it...might give you an idea about what the rest of this post will be like....

This is my FIRST weekend off since September, and...Ohhhh maaaaan....did I need it!

Friday night....hold on to your hats....I cleaned! Yep...don't think I've partaken in that activity since...um....summer? But my landlord stopped by when I got off work on Friday. I was getting out of my car when I saw him sitting in his truck in the alley next to where I live....this being on November 2nd....which made me thing..."Hmmmm...I wonder if I paid him rent yet?" as it's due on the 1st! Oooppps! So being the NON-RENT-DODGER I am, I confidently strolled over to him and said..."Do I owe you rent?" He said, "Um, I don't know....do you?" Anyway..as it turns out, after careful investigation into my check book...yeah, I totally owed him rent. So when he came over on Saturday to measure my windows....I paid him. The point to this whole story being.....I'M GETTING NEW WINDOWS IN MY APARTMENT!!!!!!! NO MORE GOING TO BED IN THE WINTER WITH SOCK HATS ON TO STAY WARM!!!!!! Feel free to dance in the street if you must....I did!

So okay, Friday I cleaned, rearranged my closet and went to bed early...as I was exhausted from all the cleaning.

Saturday morning.....I was all excited, I was going to get up early to go shoot some fall photography around the area. Something I do every fall. The sunrise had been so unbelievable all week on my way to work, I intended to travel my work route, taking shots of everything that I normally see that I always wish I had my camera to capture,...but sadly never do. So i get out of bed, get dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt, grab my camera and out the door I go. Once out of town I notice that not only is it not as cold which means no frost..but it's cloudy...which means no sunrise. I was pissed! My first day that I could sleep in, and it's fucking cloudy?? Anyway....So the sun popped out for just about ten minutes before meeting the cloud wall, so my photo op's were seriously limited. I was bummed. I came home, in hopes of redeeming the day, I decided to make myself breakfast! Pancakes and sausage. I love pancakes and I thought it'd be the sure fire way to start my day off right....well, to try to anyway. Yeah, that didn't happen, apparently the Caro syrup based maple syrup and the greasy sausage gave me a stomach ace and literally made me slightly ill until about 4 pm, when I finally got it out of my system and when out to dinner & shopping with Steph.

Steph who was recovering from the flu, and me recovering from a self induced stomach ache...yeah, we were a heap of health! Nothing like a super pale blonde, and super flushed redhead out on the town in all their under-the-weather glory!

Anyway....the point of me telling you all of THAT, is so I can tell you THIS: So we are at Walmart right....I had to pick up my pictures from the one-hour-photo lab. All 175 of them that I have procrastinated getting printed for about a year. So I get my stuff, it's all been pre-paid, so I tell Steph, while she's checking out her like 100 lb. bag of dog food, that I'm going to run to the restroom and I'll meet her out front. We part ways.

I walk into the restroom, and before I even knew what hit me, I was gagging. Literally about to vomit. My eyes welled up, my body broke out into a sweat, I was going to puke! The smell of that restroom was so overwhelmingly terrible, you'd have thought I was a pregnant and OVERLY sensitive to smell or something. For the record, you have to have sex to be pregnant...so this isn't my problem obvioulsy....but.....it was BAAAAAAAAD! It was like every homeless, welfare recipient in Lima had come in, tried bathing in the sinks, and emptying their intestines in there. It was gross...Oh, and then spray like two gallons of that god awful cheap walmart air sanitizer into the air...and viola, you have a restroom that makes your average 29 year old white girl become physically ill. So I guess what I wanted to say was, DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, USE THE RESTROOM AT THE CABLE ROAD WALMART! Do yourself a favor, go across town to the new super Walmart....it's GOT to be cleaner!

So, that's my boring, non-eventful weekend....off to the laundromat! See if I can't get some entertainment over there!

Have a great Sunday......

~hl~