WInd = Bad (warning...a slight Rant)

Let me start this by saying "I HATE WIND" .... seriously... HATE IT!!!

Last night, I babysat for Rachel & Mike so they could go to the movies. It was a nice thing for me to be able to do for them, so they could spend some quality "couple" time together, which we all know is important in any marriage. They came home around midnight, I headed home only to realize that the temperature had dropped 20 degrees and the wind had began to blow and howl like no other wind I can remember in history.

I got in my car, but the windows were foggy on the inside, and frozen on the outside. I got home only to nearly be blown over when I emerged from my car. The wind blew me up my steps, at the top landing, I tried the door....the lock was frozen, it was just one of those seasonal/screened metal doors with the plastic handles, so I whacked it until the latch gave way. On to door #2, my front door. I tried to put my key into the lock, but it too was frozen, my key wouldn't go in. Essentially, I was froze out. All the while the wind is blowing so hard that I am starting to stiffen while my soft tissue tightened and began to freeze. After ten minutes of pushing, twisting and forcing metal against metal and ice, I managed to gain entrance.

This morning I went out to my car only to find that a sign from the Church across the street had blown over and up against the back of my car. It was one of those big signs that you put the letters on....anyway, it was lodged and frozen under and to my car. I had to kick it repeatedly until I worked it loose. All the while, the wind pulled all the humidity from my body....tears streaming down my cheeks, snot erupting from my nose...I'd have peed my pants if I'd stayed out there a moment longer! STUPID WIND!

Anyway....so this is why I hate wind.

On a positive note, I got my taxes done last night with the help of Turbo Tax, and I'm getting a pretty freaking good tax return. I e-filed and in 9-14 business days, my tax return will be sitting pretty in my account...just in time to cover my expenses for my Chicago trip for my birthday!

While the wind blew in...with it came at least SOMETHING positive!! :)

With my 2007 tax return, and the money I should get for my portion of the newly approved economic stimulus package, I just might have enough dough to go to Italy in the next year! Add the money I'll make with my part-time job I'll soon be starting...and look out! I'll be going mobile people! *BIG TOOTHY SMILE*

Anyway, hope everyone is warm, toasty and indoors!

~hl~

What came first, the Chicken or the Sex?

I'm seriously concerned. My friend wrote me a letter the other day, and when I say friend, I mean a guy I used to date when I was in my early 20's..and when I say date, I really mean, we used to "hook up" regularly. Anyway, he was telling me what he thought about a certain scenario that I presented him and in the process he told me that since I'm open about my sexuality and since I'm in touch with myself and what I want in that department guys pick up on that. Oh, okay...I suppose I'm ok with that. Then he went on to say that if if/when the circumstances were right to allow it, he'd wouldn't mind "hooking up" again sometime. Flattering right?!?! Well, it is and it isn't. How is it that I sexually could still have a hold on this guy from nearly ten years ago....yet we never made it as a couple? We are great friends, and honestly, we are ACTUALLY friends now...no funny business whatsoever, but now he's stated that he's never stopped wanting more of the "good times". Granted, being with him was a super-dooper-good time, and it's tempting to think of letting the good times roll again, BUT....I don't think I want to complicate the friendship with throwing the sex back in. We are in a much more honest place now than we ever were then, and to me I'd never want to go back to the superficial friends we were before. This is so much better.

While discussing this situation with Steph last night, I came to the conclusion that I'm someone guys want to sleep with, but that's it. Which is disturbing to me. I'm funny, not horrible looking, a good conversationalist. I'm real, NOT high maintenance....I AM NOT needy...why the heck am I only good for one thing? Why can't I have my cake AND someone to eat it with?

Guys....tell me...is it possible that you meet a girl....date her.....after a few dates...be intimate...and then in time after you get to know each other THAT much more...is it possible you might develop feelings? Do "feelings" have to come before the sex to make them a possibility?

As a woman, we have several degrees of feelings. #1 - there's just straight up attraction. #2 - Attraction + care and concern #3 - Attraction + infatuation #4 - Attraction + Love.

#1 - I just want to get laid and you're hot. #2 - I'm attracted to you and you are my friend #3 - I want to jump your bones because you are just so freaking amazing (aka crush)! #4 - Mutual respect, attraction, chemistry and love.

Now...as a woman, you can apply any one of these 4 situations to the people you've slept with. There is one other option that's the infamous #5, which is "I was drunk, horny and you were there!"...but women are far less likely than men to ever resort to #5. It's forgivable if you do...we all have moments of weakness....but most women DO NOT sleep with a man that she's not at the very least attracted to.

Rachel says that sex sometimes clouds the brain of a man. When he's thinking about sex...he can't think clearly. If you can't think about anything but the sex, how can you develop feelings. Feelings require thought to some degree...so is Rachel correct? Or is it possible to first have a physical attraction and/or sexual attraction and THEN it turn into something more?

I was under the impression that that's how it worked. You SEE someone you find appealing. THEN you meet them. If they are as appealing to you after meeting....you pursue the person by getting closer to them, through time spent together, conversations etc. now this is where it gets fuzzy.....is this the crucial time when you should UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES be physically intimate? Is this the place in the relationship where I should put on my nun outfit, pull out a crucifix and swear off sex until deep seeded romantic attachment develops? I'd like to think that intimacy upon the initial feelings of connection is a stepping stone to a better understanding of one another...for we are as emotional of a creature as we are a physical one right? Why should any one side of us be forbidden to be shown to the other?

I'd like to believe that men are smarter than this, that men could remain to see a woman in a positive light after she offers herself to him in an intimate way, that you can respect someone and touch them without the dynamic changing to the point of total destruction and blocking of emotion and personal connection. Maybe I'm wrong...maybe Rachel's right....or maybe it's all just totally irrelvant.

Any takers on this one?

~hl~

The Sky is Falling:

It's a weird time....it's been a weird couple days.

I've been offered something every girl would dream of....and yet I get all twisted up inside and change the subject at the slightest mention of it.....

There's a democratic African American AND Woman running for election to the office as President of the United States of America.....(which for the record I think is very progress for our country)

I watched a really cool documentary on PBS about dogs' role in today's world and about how they are training dogs to be able to detect cancer in human patients...which I find highly fascinating....man's best friend once again contributing to the human race and doing so gladly with only a simple reward of a treat and a pat on the head. Humans could learn a lot from dogs....just as they learn so much from us.

I have a Thomas the train musical toothbrush in my purse....

I'm currently addicted to a song called "STAY" by Sugarland...and as I write this to you....there's something the size of a small bus about to fall out of the sky!

I was watching C-span tonight and doing a little weekend update of what's going on in the 2008 presidential race...and I listended intently on what promises are being made....I then listened to Glen Beck talk about how every candidate is practically a socialist and compared them to Stalin. However I was so distracted by the thought that while I sit here in my patchwork pajama bottoms and tank top listening to him yammer on about how we are all doomed if these people get elected.....I think, we might be doomed either way. A satellite that my country uses to spy on other countries is about to fall out of the sky and that thing HAS to land somewhere. It's completely out of the control and who knows...may be spiraling out of control right towards Delphos. Can you imagine coming home from work and finding your home demolished and a bunch of little NASA dudes in space suits running around trying to contain the deadly toxins produced by the hydrazine it contains. I do realize that the chances of this happening is probably greater odds than being hit by lightning or winning the lottery...but when there's a thunder storm...I still take precautions, I, with blind optimism, buy lottery tickets hoping that odds will be with me regardless of how they are stacked against me....so as long as there's a chance that this thing might land on me...well, I've got to tell you, it's a bit of a concern of mine.

On a totally different subject....how about a movie review? Okay....Yesterday I watched "Death Sentence" with Kevin Bacon....talk about a BADASS movie. Yes, you read that right, I just called it BADASS! *laughs* I never even heard of this movie prior to yesterday. My Eucher partner Chris brought it over to Steph's and after the card playing was over....they popped it in for me. The movie is very graphic...when someone gets shot, you actually see things flying and human flesh exploding...which is pretty sick right?! But I was totally hooked by this movie. Graphic, intense, bullets flying, revenge, hate, murder and family. Now to my lady friends, you might not love this movie...I did, but I'm weird like that, BUT if you HAVE to watch a shoot-em-up movie with your husband, boyfriend...or male date....this is one that you won't hate. It's not like having to watch a Steven Segal movie, or even worse, Jean Claude VanDam! Now that's pure torture m'friends!

Anyway.....so there you go....a movie review and important news bulletin. Be careful out there and keep your eyes toward the skies....

Night,

~hl~

Yippee-ki-yay, motherf*cker

I won! I won! I won!.....and so did YOU! We all will be getting a little extra green coming our way this year courtesy of the American Government. Congressional Leaders approved a plan today that will refund to most tax filers $600.00 - $1,200.00. Payments due to begin being distributed in June of this year.

How sweet is that? Granted, I wonder how a country so in debt can possibly shell out Billions of Dollars as a "stimulus package" for the country...but what's done is done, I will not complain or pout, I'll take the cash and run with it!

The Deal Breakers in Friendship:

I know I'm a girl .... so this is tough for me to understand, but, guys help me out here .... do you guys often get into fist fights with your friends? Is this a common occurrence? Are you guys all too hopped up on testosterone to just be snippy and bitchy with each other like girls do?

My cousin recently had a falling out with one of his best friends.... who happens to be my ex-husband. The fight had nothing to do with me....but there was some roughing up of each other that went on. And this wasn't the first time they've got into tiffs like this.... where things got physical.

Once I saw Keith get really pissed off at his friend Todd... and they wrestled around a little and then Keith hit him across the chest as hard as he could with a ratchet strap...which if you don't know what a ratchet strap is, it's one of those really thick industrial strength nylon straps with the big belt buckle looking things that you use to secure cargo loads to trailers and such. Anyway, to be belted with one of those babies across the chest HAD to HURT like hell.

As a girl...I've never hit one of my friends out of anger. I've been stabbed in the back just like every other girl who's ever had friends in their teen years. But I think of my friends Amber, Jen, Michelle, Tonia, Steph, Charissan, Jessi, Linda...and the countless others that I've been friends with for years and years....and never once have any of them ever done a single thing to me that would warrant an ass whooping! :) Granted, they might have embarrassed me and I wanted to tackle then to the ground to get them to shut up...lovingly..but I've never wanted to physically harm any of them.

I can count on one hand the times that I got in a physical fight with someone that wasn't my sister Brooke when we shared a bedroom....

One is when Chris B. stole my purse in High School and I grabbed her, slammed her up against a wall and was about to punch her teeth in when Mr. Lehman pulled me off of her. The same day, I did the same to Chad G., Chris' accomplice and Ms. Yoder broke it up.

Then there was a drunk guy who broke my lawn chair when I was ten, I attacked that guy like a miniature pit bull....but damnit, I worked all summer doing horse rides to earn the money to buy the damn thing and in a matter of ten minutes, he crumpled it up like a aluminum can. For a ten year old....I could pack a heck of a punch. You should have seen that guy.....granted had he been sober, he's have surely killed me with one hit...but I was ten, a redhead and super pissed...there was no talking me down at the time.

Then there were a couple times I was a back up for one of my friends....basically you stand there and be ready for when the other girl's friends decided to jump in and outnumber YOUR friend...but nothing to major....just some shoving people around at best and cursing a lot.

Finally there's the time Tricia decided that she wanted to take revenge on me for her boyfriend trying to put the moves on me....and for the record, I was NOT interested in her boyfriend in the slightest....and didn't do ANYTHING with him in my life....from birth to present...NOTHING! Anyway, she was drunk and decided to start a fight with me, I think she might have pulled my hair and shoved me...tried scratching my eyes out with her bony little fingers...but I just kept laughing at her and wouldn't engage in her idiotic attempt to make a scene. Before she could really throw all 98 lbs of her flesh at me...someone picked her up and carried her outside to cool off. So again...not really a fight...a scuffle at best.

But that's it. None of these people were my FRIENDS! So what is it guys that makes you and your best buddy decide that when push comes to shove....it's time to beat the crap out of each other? Is it genetic or something? Is is because you guys don't talk about your "feelings"...instead you let your fist do the talking? *laughs*.....and after a fight of this magnitude, how do you recover...how does the friendship recover? Can it ever really?

Because I know if Steph and I got into it and she punched me in the face...that'd be it. Game over...friendship terminated. For me, that's a line that never gets crossed. Not in friendship, not in my love life.....if someone lays their hands on me....and physically harms me....that's a deal breaker. Bridge burned, ship sailed...over, finito, done! I've been beat up enough between the age of 1 and 18 to last me a lifetime, as an adult....I won't allow it to happen anymore. I couldn't stop it then, but I can prevent it now....

Anyway...sorry got off topic there for a bit...so tell me, can a friendship recover after physical violence?

Note to Self...the rest of you can disregard this....

In January, when it's like 12 degrees outside.... ONE SHOULD ALWAYS opt NOT to wear a thong. I kind of got out of wearing thong style underwear a year or so ago.... it was a phase I went through, just like wearing leg warmers in the 80's.... eventually.... you go back to normal.

Now I still own a lot of them, so this morning when I was getting ready for work, I was like... hmmmm.... I have a thong that is the same color as the shirt I was about to put on, so I, being the weird matching freak that I am..., I decided to wear it. I'm tell you what though, you never realize how much insulation a little pair of panties supplies until that little layer of fabric isn't there! It's like the seat of my pants are air conditioned today!

I think from now on, I'm going to pack all thongs away with my summer wardrobe so to avoid being tempted to repeat this error in judgment in the future.

Heath Ledger Dies at 28

As I type this, CNN's breaking news is Heath Ledger is found dead in his SOHO apartment. I recently lost someone special in my life (Ed)....and I sit here and listen to the news people dissect every last possible angle of his life, from who he last dated, to his mental state, to his fatherhood....I cannot imagine what it must be like to have someone you love, be covered so publicly.

If Ed were famous, they'd be splashing pictures of my grieving grandmother on the covers of magazines, the funeral would be packed with people who didn't even know him, they'd interview people until there wasn't anyone left with a shred of new information.....and for what? Will it really make a difference of the world knows he died of congested heart failure, or an embolism?

Like Heath, does it matter what he died of? The fact remains...he no longer lives. Does it matter if he killed himself, or if he accidentally took too many sleeping pills....the fact remains.....his daughter has lost her father today.

Where's the line between news coverage and respect for someone like Heath? As the world tunes in, somewhere his family cannot escape the sound of the words that confirm his death.

Of course I didn't know him....from what they say....not many people really did. He was mysterious and talented, he took role playing very seriously and prided himself on taking roles he wanted....it was said that he loved being a father, and easily took up his domestic role in the family he shared with his fiance and child.

There's no explanation for things that seem so senseless....especially when you are talking about a death of a young person....someone who had so much life yet to live....but we can no sooner change those events that have happened, or even stop it from happening again......than we can stop a flower from shedding a petal.....it happens...we all die....and sometimes, our lives....are in our own hands....that's where the saying "We can be our own worst enemies" comes from.

R.I.P: HEATH LEDGER

APRIL 4th 1979 - JANUARY 22, 2008

Guess What Today Is....It's Angie's Birthday!

My big sister Angie turns 34 today! Wooooohoooooo!!!! {insert the party horn sound here}

She was brought into this world just under four years before I came to be and she's always been the perfect example of what a pain in the ass, mean, beat you up and make you do things for them kind of sister that any girl could ever ask for! *winks* (kidding Ang, you know I love you!)

Anyway, for those of you who know her, take a minute to wish her a Happy Birthday eh? For those of you who don't....feel free to join in too if you wish!

Lets see...what embarrassing story can I tell about my sister on this momentous occasion?.......

How about the time my sister got suspended from school for demonstrating just how big of a pain in the ass brute she really could be at times! Yeah, that'll suffice for this post.

It was an average day....at Jefferson High School in Delphos, Ohio. Kids were going through the line, carrying trays of grub from the lunch line to the tables in the cafeteria. It was 1990-ish and my sister was a sophomore. She was dating a handsome charismatic Senior named Brett and she was pretty hot shit that year. She had that amazing Jennifer Grey from Dirty Dancing hair do, she was tough yet petite and could drink most of her guy friends under the table....she's the girl you wanted backing you if ever a scuffle would erupt....she's kind of a scrappy little thing...but pretty....so it's very confusing for people at times...she smiles at you, then she'll knock you out with a right hook! *laughs*

And that day....a scuffle was near. My sister had a notorious rival named Rachel...and when I say rival, I mean Angie didn't like HER...and when I say notorious....I mean Angie told all her lunch cohorts that she didn't like this Rachel girl. On this particular day, Angie decided that Rachel wasn't going to be able to sit next to her at lunch. There simply was not enough room for the two of them....not today!

So Rachel sat her tray down next to Angie, and Angie shoved it down....down the table a couple seats away from her. Rachel, dumbfounded wasn't going to roll over and play possum with my dear sweet sister, so in a counterattack, Rachel opened her chocolate milk, and proceeded to dump the entire contents over my sister's head. Angie said later, that when she looked down and realized that Rachel had just ruined her new white hooded sweatshirt, something inside of her snapped! She flung to her feet, sent her chair a sailing and when she came up, her fists were flying, she pretty much beat Rachel up, broke her glasses and then got suspended from school.

Of course this only fueled her popularity, now she was a total bad ass who beat people up, got suspended and everything. My sister is one of the only people I know who can be totally in the wrong, but be so bullheaded and proud that everyone would eventually see it as she does....as totally cool!

I swear, when word got out that Angie wasn't going to be able to go to Prom because it fell during her suspension, you'd have thought the entire Junior and Senior Class was going to boycott the whole thing! It was very "Ferris Bueller's Day Off"-ISH.

Here's the worst part....Angie had my parents convinced that all she did was tell Rachel she didn't want to sit next to her...she totally left the part out about Angie throwing Rachel's tray and spilling all her food....so my folks go to talk to the principal and my dad brings with him a carton of chocolate milk...which he basically gets Mr. Irvine in a corner and threatens to douse him with Chocolate Milk...and asks him, wouldn't you want to kick my ass for that? All the while, my sister totally had it coming! She's the master of deception that one! God love her!

I think sometimes people grow up and they think they will become someone.....like it takes a long time to turn into who you will be....sometimes I don't wonder if the real us, is the us that is foolish and so full of life and mischief as that of when we are young adults. Before the world tames us, makes us mothers and working people....before life has changed us...maybe that's who we really are. If that's the case....my sister was a bad ass big sister...so you better say Happy Birthday....or you may regret it! *winks*

Happy Birthday Ang! Love Ya!

From your only 1/2 as cool little sister,
~hl~

Did You Know......

That a minor misdemeanor traffic violation in Allen County, Ohio will cost you no less than $95.00!?!?!

Tonight on the way home from Zumba class, I was a passenger in a vehicle that was not only stopped for "tailgating", but CITED!!!! NINETY-FIVE EFFING DOLLARS....FOR TAILGATING? I didn't even know people got pulled over for that kind of crap. I mean coasting through a stop sign...sure.....speeding...absolutely, but driving 1/2 a car length as opposed to one FULL car length behind someone? Dear lord!

Just last week on Lincoln Highway, I was flying from Ottawa to Delphos on my way home from work. I had no where to be, no reason to speed, but I'm an admitted chronic speeder...so naturally i was going 65 in a 55 mph zone. That's just how I roll in my lil ole neon! *winks*

Anyway, I encounter a State Highway Patrolman, he radars me, knows I'm speeding because I couldn't get slowed down quick enough before he had me in his sights....anyway, he turns on those big bright white lights on the top of his cruiser....slows down....I slow down....but then he keeps on going. I'm like, "Whew!!!" Close one!" Then I drove seventy all the way to Delphos just to outrun him in case he decided to change his mind and come after me. That's the paranoia in me...I get it from my lunatic father....and if you new him....silly fantasies about cops wanting to give me speeding tickets is a mild paranoid tendency....SERIOUSLY!!!

So anyway, tonight, the long arm of the law reached out and touched someone I know.....well he did more than reach out....he slapped her and then raped her pocketbook. There should be laws against THAT!

I'd have shown the guy my boobs to get her out of it, but darn it, it's just soooooooo cold! Plus, I think he might have had some tendencies of his own....tendencies for hot ripped dudes named Biff! But....I really couldn't say for sure if in fact he really does like to use his baton for things having to do with his bottom....I'm just saying....I'm no expert.

Weekend's Ramblings.....Part....I don't know....64?

What is sexy and/or stylish? It's such a fluid term these days, what one person thinks is stylish, someone else thinks is sleazy, while something sexy to another person might be straight-laced to another. So when Alex told me earlier this week that I had to bring something sexy/stylish to wear out on the town, I scoured my closet for something that maybe would fit the bill. What's stylish by Italian standards?

Anyway, I tried on everything in my closet....yet nothing seemed to satisfy her request. So I talked to my style guru Steph, the only girl I know who watches the style channel, still reads vogue and I twisted her arm and made her come along shopping with me. After spending an hour, and a hundred bucks, I managed to buy two outfits that I would probably NEVER have bought....for one because they aren't practical, they aren't work clothes and they are what one might even say where "flashy" or "eye catching" really.

I mean c'mon....ZEBRA PRINT!?!?!?!? I'd NEVER buy zebra print....but this girl now has a satin zebra print shirt as part of my wardrobe! I suppose if in the last year I have evolved as a person, my closet must adapt to the changes as well. And that little black skirt that hugs my hips....goodness....and the high black boots I intend to wear with it.....mmmmmm......interesting. My legs will be screaming....."HEATHER IT'S FEBRUARY IN CHICAGO.....WE AREN'T TO BE EXPOSED UNTIL AT LEAST JUNE.....CAN YOU HEAR ME??? IT'S ME YOUR LEGS...YOU KNOW, THE LEGS YOU DON'T EVEN LET HANG OUT IN THE 90 DEGREE SUMMER HEAT?!?!?!?!" Poor things....I think they'll forgive me eventually!

I'm just glad I got the outfits bought and neatly hanging in my closet...less to worry about later.

On a totally different subject......in the movie "The Wedding Date", Dermot Mulroney says to Debra Messing....

We each have exactly the kind of relationship that we want

Debra Messing's Character says

So you are saying that I WANT to be miserable and alone?

I kind of thought about that this week when my boss once again tried to fix me up with his attorney friend who's a bit older than I, handsome, successful, smart...confident....all the things that would make a girl go.....hmmmmmmmm....yet, I blushed and said...."Oh, don't be silly....I can't go out with your friend". My boss tried to fix me up once before with this guy and I shooed away the idea back then too. Is it because Steve (that's his name) is someone who's actually "relationship" material? He's a guy that might actually want to have one? Up to this point, I've surrounded myself with a heap of guys who don't know what they want....and maybe I've done so, because as long as they don't know what they want, I don't have to fear them actually wanting me.....all done subconsciously of course.



But then again, I'm writing about it here...so how subconsciously can it really be eh? *laughs*



Ah well....enough rambling.......

Weekend Movie Review: Atonement

I went and saw Atonement this weekend. I've been wanting to see it ever since I saw the trailer for it. I'm a rather big fan of movies of this type so naturally, I wanted to see it.

To be honest....I didn't think it was that great. I actually thought that second installment of the National Treasure movie was better. It was slow moving, confusing with the flash forward/flash back style of story line.....

I think the reason this romantic epic falls short of all the glory of movies like Titanic and Pride and Prejudice is that we, the viewer get emotionally attached with watching the characters fall in love. In this movie, the characters pretty much hate each other....then *poof* just like that, they are supposed to be in love, in the deepest most passionate love ever to grace the silver screen....there was zero development in HOW they fell in love, there was zero build up which makes the viewers root for a romance to develop....it was, we hate each other....for 10 minutes in the beginning, we make love once in a library once....and now I love you for all eternity. If that's the case, I could have fallen in love with....ya know what...I'm not going to finish that sentence....

Anyway, it's true what they say, the cinematography is magnificent, you almost want to pause the film in some of it's picturesque beauty and ask that they print it out, frame it so you can hang it on your wall. However, Steph and I were stuck sitting so close to the screen in the little theatre they were showing it in, that we both nearly threw up from the motion sickness we experienced as the camera's panned from left to right, right to left of the grand war scenes. Steph actually had to get up and go to the restroom at one point to splash some water on her face. Think it's a bad sign when a film makes you want to puke....and you aren't watching "Jackass the Movie"?

Anyway, the acting done by the male lead, played by James McAvoy was quite moving...however, it wasn't enough to make me feel all warm and fuzzing inside....

The moral to the entire story is: Don't piss off 13 year old little girls who think they are in love, because they will f*ck your world up.

Girls, you might be able to sit through this movie....guys...most likely...YOU WILL HATE IT!

Anyway...if after reading this, you still want to see it....be sure to check in and let me know what you thought.....

Night, night luvs,

~hl~

Don't Drink the Water!!!!!!!!!!!!????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I once dated a guy who was a Delphos-water-a-phobic. Yeah, I know that's not a word, but for the sake of this story...pretend that it is. When I first moved in to this apartment, and when I lived in Delphos the first time six years earlier, i used to drink Delphos water all the time. I liked it to be honest. But then I started seeing this guy last spring who when I offered a glass of water to, upon finding out it was Delphos water, he acted like I'd just offered him a sparkling cool glass of rat poison. He went on and on and on of the dangers of drinking Delphos water. He had the wildly scared yet serious look in his eye and told me that basically the City of Delphos' water commission were giving us all cancer from the water and were doing so knowingly. At the time, I thought he was a crackpot....but it did get me to start buying gallons of drinking water as opposed to drinking right from the faucet. Although, for coffee, I still do drink from the sink....I am no longer dating this fellow, however.....his paranoia in regards to the water here....might have rubbed off a bit....

The last couple months, I've been receiving notices in the mail from the City Water Department saying that our water had failed the EPA standards test. I read through the notice like the informed citizen I am and then threw it in the trash, like the idiot naive American I am. For surely, the City of Delphos wouldn't put out a cute little reminder that our water's not so bad that we have to boil it....but that they were just letting us know of the teensty, itsy bitsy overabundance of bacteria in our water....if in fact we were all going to die from drinking it.....right? I've seen Erin Brockavich....I'm not stupid.... *winks*

I as a person am fairly fearless about things like bacteria and germs, I don't run around the entire flu season dousing myself with Lysol and refusing to shake people's hands at church because I'm afraid of what germ they will ultimately give me....I just don't bother myself with worrying about things like that.....and great for those of you who do....I'm just more of a risk taker in the germ department than most.

But when I read the water notice and saw that the bacteria in my water could cause cramping, headaches, difficulty breathing, etc.....to be honest, it kind of concerned me.

So I got to thinking......if water that can do this to my facets and drains......

What can THIS kind of water, do to me?

Man Eaters:

I'm not sure if I told you all this...for my mind is a wee bit fuzzy after that glass of wine I just consumed, but in less than a month, I'm making my way to Chicago to meet Alex and Chris and celebrate my 30th birthday. Alex being my dear sweet Italian friend whom resides in Rome, and Chris being my equally lovable friend who lives in Iowa.


Once there, there is so much to do....Alex and I have already begun compiling a list of all the things we want to experience, taste, see....etc. While one of the things on Alex's list is to eat Twizzlers and go to Starbucks....one of mine is to visit the Field's Museum to see the Lions of Tsavo exhibit.


If you aren't familiar with the story, the legend of the Lions of Tsavo....I'll give you a brief overview.


It all started in March 1896, the British Empire was forging the Kenya-Uganda railroad linking the interiors of Uganda and Kenya to the Indian Ocean at Mombasa. As part of the project, England deployed John Henry Patterson, a British Engineer to design a bridge across the Tsavo River. A workforce derived of Indians and Africans, whom soon found themselves in a scene from the scariest movie you can imagine. One by one, they were being attacked and killed by a pair of man eating lions who attacked in the night with the stealth and skill unlike anything ever witnessed by man.


It was believed that these lions were demons, evil spirits in the form of lions. The natives believed this wholeheartedly. It's common knowledge that female lions are notoriously the hunters in a pride of lions, and male lions without a pride hunt alone, so for two young males to pair up, and both bare the striking and unusual marking of having no manes was more than just a rarity.....to all whom lived to tell about the killing spree there, it was pure evil, unleashed with the fullest of fury. It was said, that many of the victims were not killed before being devoured by the lions, the lions feasted upon their stomachs and intestines while the victim screamed in pain. The Lions were also unlike other lions in the fact that they didn't even bother to drag their victims off into the darkness, they oftentimes would feed just outside of the camp, sometimes very near where the attack occurred. It was said that the rail workers could hear the lions chomping and crunching on the human bones from inside their tents.


Over the course of nine months, Mr. Patterson hunted these man eaters and amazingly never became a victim himself, despite the overwhelming odds that he could be their next meal. In Autumn of 1898 the rail workers quit working on the bridge at Tsavo and essentially went on strike. They were afraid, they were weary of being the hunted prey of choice. This only motivated and frustrated Mr. Patterson all the more, and he made it his mission to kill the lions that stood in the way of he and his magnificent bridge.


He suffered many failed attempts, but on December 9th 1898, He attempted a new approach which he researched in the hunting of tigers. To build an elevated platform and draw the lions in with bait. Which is what he did. One of the man eaters, an obvious opportunist did come in that night, and while he refused to eat the partially eaten animal carcass, he did begin to stalk Mr. Patterson in his perch up above. Mr. Patterson knew he had to not only wound the animal, but that he must KILL him, so he waited and drew the lion in closer...and closer and then, took aim and shot the lion. It roared in pain and ran off into the tall grass and was discovered dead the next day. The Lion was 9 feet 8" in length.


Three weeks later the second lion was also shot and killed, this one not killed with a single shot, but taking four in total to end its life. At the end of 9 months, the death toll stood at 135 people. By far the largest recorded example of man eating by lions. Only that of a Lion named Osama in 2002 has come close to this record, weighing in with approximately 50 kills.


In 1924 Mr. Patterson sold the hides and skulls of the Lions of Tsavo to the Field's Museum of Natural History in Chicago for a mere $5,000.00 and they are there on display to this day. I'm not sure if it's the love of a good story that draws me to see these creatures, or the mythical idea that these were no mere lions, but something else, something sinister....yeah, I don't know....but I've wanted to see them since the very first day I heard the tale.


So come the weekend of February 16th...I hope to turn thirty and lay my eyes upon the notorious and mysterious murderers from over a hundred years ago.


There are just some things that curiosity requires, desires and feeds off of, seeing these lions will certainly feed the carnal appetite of mine.


To learn more visit:
www.fieldmuseum.org/exhibits/exhibit_sites/tsavo/default.htm

See THIS is what I'm talking about.....

So last night I ended up going to bed at like 9:30 p.m. Apparently being depressed makes you tired. So I wasn't surprised when I awoke at 3:00 a.m. wide awake and with nothing to do. I checked my e-mail since I had went to bed so early....and had a few messages in there to read...just enough to kill a little time before forcing myself back into bed...

I got a message from my friend Jason telling me that while he was at work yesterday, he ran into my downstairs neighbor....the work together. Now I don't know my neighbor all that well except for seeing each other in passing, I think we may have spoken twice, once, when he told me that my landlord Larry was coming by and if I had my rent check I could give it to him when he was there...and once we spoke again when my cat had kittens under the stairs....that's it.

So this blog will serve as an example of two things that I've recently blogged about:

#1 - Stupid people

#2 - Small town people who make shit up because they have NOTHING better to do or say...

Okay, so, Jason goes on to tell me that my dear sweet neighbor Justin told him that "I" told him that I was a lesbian. I couldn't believe my eyes when I read what he'd wrote to me! Why on earth did this kid say that? I'd NEVER said anything of the like...not even once....and I've barely even spoken to this kid before.....why on earth I'd get into a gab-fest about my sexual orientation with the dude who lives downstairs from me is beyond me....

Example of such conversation that NEVER happened:

Justin: Hey, Larry the landlord is coming by if you have your rent check for him...

Heather: Oh, I'll grab my checkbook...

Justin: He'll be here in ten minutes or so...

Heather: Oh, OK, great, I'll be right back down....Oh, by the way, Justin....I just wanted to tell you...I'm a lesbian!

C'mon people....wtf? That makes absolutely NO SENSE whatsoever!

Anyway...I was determined to have a better rest of my week now that the funeral and such is over with...thought I'd be able to salvage some good spirits and get back to a feeling of happy equilibrium...nobody should have to deal with DEATH, and wrongful accusations of sexual orientation in the same week.....this is just CRAP!

I recently found out that for about a year now, I've been paying for my neighbor Justin to have a washer & dryer....apparently he hooked up to my washer & dryer hookup when he got a washer and dryer for himself. So for the past year I've been paying for his water, the gas to heat the water and the electricity to run HIS dryer....I was going to just let it go, since there's no way of putting a dollar figure on the amount I've expended on his behalf, but now, now I"m thinking....screw him! He owes me $$$ AND an apology for being such a bold faced lying bastard.

Okay....*takes a deep breath*....I've vented....I feel better....

Leaving on a Jet Plane....

So today, we said goodbye to Mr. Edward Ridgway, who was our friend, our surrogate grandfather....it's been a day full of emotions, the welling up of tears....why does it take losing someone to make you appreciate people so much?

I've always known that Ed was such a special person....from the very first day I met the man my grandma went on, and on, and on about....I forgot every word she had told me, looked at his face and snap....just like that, I liked him. If I were a mystical person I'd tell you his aura was out of this world, if I were religious, I'd tell you he were an angel.....as a worldly girl, I'll tell you that he was a man who'd seen a great deal of change and strife within his life. He appreciated the little things and would spend hours creating ceramic figurines and hand painting them to suit his eye for detail......He raised two sons, loved and lost a wife....and he loved my grandma like she was the last woman on earth.

He looked so small in that coffin tonight...I just wish they'd have sewn his signature smile on his face, because it just wasn't him without it. Funny they work so hard to make his white wispy hair just perfect, when in life....his hair was always a bit frazzled, but in a really cool Albert Einstein kind of way. *smiles* I'm going to miss him.

In a world as face paced as ours is now days, he would have been like a tortoise in rush hour traffic, but I guess when you know where you are going, you don't have to rush to get there...and he understood this better than anyone I know. The world could use more people like Ed, however I'm painfully aware that they just don't make em' like him anymore. For every guy like Ed still kicking around this planet after 90 years, there's 100 little rugrats being born who will grow up and never possibly meet a fellow quite like him....and this saddens me.

But times change, people grow old...people die, it is the cycle of life...Ed wouldn't want me to be sad just because of him....as in his eyes, that's just not what he stood for...and he surely wouldn't stand for me mourning him a minute longer...I can just see him shaking his finger at me now....okay, okay...Ed....no more pouting....I'm going to go take a bath and wash away the bone chilling coldness of this day.

As I drove home tonight after it was all said and done, I listened to "Leaving on a Jet Plane" as I smoked my last cigarette of the day and I imagined Ed standing there with his bags packed, in a nice brown twead suit and matching hat...smiling....that's how I want to remember him....

He's Gone....

It's Monday....and I write this with a wounded spirit. My Step-Grandfather has passed away. His name was Ed, the most gentle, hopeful soul I've ever met in my entire life. He never saw shadows...only sun rays, he never saw loss...only the gift of living each day.

He lost his wife many, many years before he met my Grandma...she too a widow, and he was the breath of fresh air that made my grandma smile again. I cannot imagine losing two amazing loves as she has...the sorrow she must be feeling this night...

Tomorrow is the funeral, and I hate that I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to him....I feel as though I let him down...even though in my heart, I know he would have smiled, patted my hand and said that he was just glad to have had me in his life at all, even if it was for merely a moment. That's just the kind of guy he was.....God Bless his soul.

Rest in Peace Ed.....thank you for allowing us to be a part of your life. He always thought he was lucky to be a part of our lives....when in fact, we were the lucky ones.

Tales from the Laundromat.....Another tale of detergent and intrigue

Let me set the scene for you....Imagine one of those nature shows on the discovery channel or animal planet....but instead of African wilderness inhabited by lions, wildebeests, zebra's, gazelle's, elephants and crocodile infested watering holes....we are at the local laundry hole....aka, LAUNDROMAT.

Instead of tall stalks of yellowish colored shrubbery and prairie grass, there are folding tables and washers.....instead of lions, hyenas and water buffalo....there are apartment dwellers, single people and people who's washer or dryer is on the fritz.

So there I was....going to do my laundry after nearly a two week journey of "trying to get there"....my pantie supply had dwindled below it's normal comfortable status, and I had no clothes for my big date tonight...I had no choice....I HAD to go.

Of course the parking lot was plum full....a couple nice cars (the people who's washers are broken), a couple shitty ones...(the people who can't afford washer and dryers)....and an ancient yellow pick-up truck with a leopard/cheetah steering wheel cover with a bunch of nascar stickers stuck to the back window....I thought to myself...Interesting crowd today.

I pulled my little silver neon next to theirs, took out my presorted baskets of clothing and made my way to table number three, as it was the only unoccupied space. Tables one and two were occupied by two women and two children. On table four was a married couple....the guy being a lot younger than his chain smoking wife who looked very pissed off right out of the gate....Table Five was a young seemingly unmarried couple and their two kids, table six....some regulars I see often, another married couple and their four kids. The place was PACKED!

I was in luck though, I caught them while they were all past the wash cycle and all scrambling for the dryers. I was feeling quite lucky to have my choice of washers....it doesn't take much to put a smile on MY face you see.....

It wasn't long before I was listening to the buzzing conversations of those around me.....Tables one and two discussed being pregnant AGAIN, how the one's boyfriend was lazy and ignorant and how this second baby will be good for their relationship....

Tables four and six were talking about how ignorant the people were at tables one and two.

Insert the African safari theme and soundtrack now. The oblivious herd of gazelles (aka white trashy pregnant girl and her friend)...the lions and hyenas (people at tables four and six) were beginning to strategize how to take out the herd. At first, the chain smoking woman asked the white trashy girl if they could either put more quarters in the dryers, or take the clothes out so they could continue with their own laundry....but this was only a ploy to get her away from the herd where she'd ultimately pounce on her and rip out her jugular....

White trashy girl rolled her eyes and looked disgusted, yelled at her kids....shuffled some things around, stomped her foot like a spoiled two year old, but eventually grabbed her purse and checked her dryers.....this response was not well taken by the lions at table five, nor the hyenas at table six.

Have you ever noticed that hyenas are always there for the action, but the lions are the ones doing the killing....hyena's add to the hostility, cackling and taunting the scene for bloodshed, they are very much like that really loud person in the crowd who roots on a bar fight....

Anyway....so then the chain smoking lioness begins growling things like...."who takes their children out in January wearing shorts anyway? "it's people like her who's kids get sick because of their own shitty parenting skills, but isn't smart enough to figure it out.....but who also doesn't care, because they are on the medical card and the rest of us are paying for her stupid ass"....."She'd rather sit over there yapping her ignorant head off while her clothes sit in the dryers not running...."

Hostility was at an all time high for my taste.....there were dirty looks, snide comments....any minute, I was awaiting the attack.....the scared bleats for help, the death spasms....the kill.....then, something happened.....something shifted the gaze of death off the gazelles...and onto me!! My Cell Phone started ringing really loud!!! Shit, I scrambled to turn it off....up until now, I wasn't sure anyone even noticed I was there.....now all eyes were on me....

SHIT!!!!!!!! STOP THE RINGING, STOP IT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!

So once I answered my phone....gave Rachel, Jake's phone number...quietly I might add....I once again became just another random African safari animal perusing around the watering hole...The Lions finished their last load, they hyena's said goodbye...and the gazelles were not killed, but instead escaped with only scratches.

I have to admit, if you could have heard the conversation of this blonde haired, shorts wearing, southern accent sporting girl, you'd have wanted to kill yourself....it was pretty bad, and I'm not even one to judge....

She was your stereotypical, young, knocked up, white girl, who doesn't work, makes babies with a guy who treats her like shit. And...well, it's not actually stereotypical....since during the course of her conversation.....I actually heard all of those things basically come out of her very own admission to her friend.

My friend J. says that the world is full of dumb people, and if the ODNR were to ever have open season on stupid people, he'd be getting a license and sighting in his gun....and doing his part at thinning out the herd.....

don't we need stupid people though.....as kind of examples for why we should always strive to be our best? As examples of what we don't want to be? If everyone were equally smart....we'd all be capable of doing the exact same thing.....and besides, smart people....can be lazy, inconsiderate assholes sometimes too! *smiles*

Just Friends?

Tonight Rachel came over for Grey's Anatomy.... and between the commercial break, we would have a mini- Marathon of gabbing to catch up as best we can in the little time we have.... we got to talking about some of the guys in my life....here in the last year, I've collected a rather amazing group of male "friends".... according to Mike, he believes that no guy ever JUST wants to be friends with a girl.... a guy befriends a girl when there's something there...or a hope of something. A guy would never just see a girl in a coffee shop and be like.... "I think I'm going to make a new friend....and I think she looks like a nice girl....not too cute...but very nice" and then proceeds to go up to her and say "Hello my name is ___________, how would you like to be my new friend?"

So is it true guys, do you have friendships with women that at no point in time you've ever had feelings for, been attracted to, or were forced into a friendship due to a close working relationship?

In "When Harry Met Sally"...there's a very famous part of the movie where they discuss the anatomy of the male/female relationship....and it's really quite true....women and men do not befriend each other for the same reasons...I think our friendships with each other are accidental if they last beyond whatever the initial reason for coming together happens to be.....

The Conversation goes like this:

Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.

Sally Albright: Why not?

Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.

Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.

Harry Burns: No you don't.

Sally Albright: Yes I do.

Harry Burns: No you don't.

Sally Albright: Yes I do.

Harry Burns: You only think you do.

Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?

Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.

Sally Albright: They do not.

Harry Burns: Do too.

Sally Albright: They do not.

Harry Burns: Do too.

Sally Albright: How do you know?

Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.

Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?

Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.

Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?

Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.

Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.

Harry Burns: I guess not.

Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.

Up until this year, I've not had a lot of straight guy friend relationships....and when I say straight, I don't mean sexual orientation, I mean....I've had guy friends where we were friends, but there was usually some sort of light flirtation going on or there had been at one time. I have a lot of ex's that I'm still friends with....or.....how about those instances when the friendship was solely based on something...like if say a guy liked my sister...he'd befriend me to get closer to her, or a guy from class....needed a study partner...hence a friendship was the side effect to a valid reason for associating with one another...

It makes sense though in a way...what we look for in a mate, we look for in a friend. It's easy to become attracted to someone whom you have common interest with, someone you can talk to, someone who you can be yourself around.....the only difference between a female friend, and a female lover to a man is whether there is sex or whether there isn't, right?

I wonder.....is it possible for a new male/female FRIENDSHIP to start up without there being an initial attraction?

To all that Frequent here.....

Hi everyone. It's Tuesday, and after a rocky start to my week, I'm here, publicly letting you know why you couldn't freely view this blog.

This is the comment I received anonymously Monday morning:

Buy a dildo or a vibrator or both. And really, not many people care about or for you. You're not being judged in anyone's eyes. Don't flatter yourself. But, you'll always be a little skanky in my eyes.

It being in regards to my last post....I've been contemplating going private with my blog for quite some time now...just because of shit like this....and well, who really cares about the fact that I burned the crap out of my ear yesterday with my straightener.....or that there was a weird guy at the laundromat last week.....the point is, this stuff isn't life changing, or so fascinating that you guys can't live without it. But then I think of all the wonderful people that I've met through my blog....and I find myself torn as to what to do.

Do I want to let the hostile words of a complete nobody alter my own pleasures in life....not really. Do I want people like him/her into my life by having this blog...again..not really. But do I give a shit about what he/she says....NOT REALLY. *smiles*

I'm not a confrontational person by nature, but I am not one to back down and cower to people who are so obviously cowards themselves. I think I know who this person is anyway....and to give them so much as a second of my time wasted thinking about them, is far more than they deserve.

So what do you guys think? Stay public? Oh, and for the record, I can add anybody who wants to continue reading if you e-mail me and request it. So if this goes under the radar again you know how to get reconnected.

So this is my dilemma, let me know what you think.

~hl~

Small Town Girl: Honest Confessions.....

Tonight an ambulance came to my house. Well, to where I live, but different apartment. Within minutes....five people called me to see if I was ok. I missed the whole thing because I was on the phone with Angie talking about how difficult it is to be a mother of two.

In a small town, everyone knows your everything. For instance, I went out last night....had a good night....didn't get to sleep until dawn....right now, someone, somewhere is discussing my moral standards....my exploits.

In a town as small as Delphos it's hard to keep a sense of privacy. To remain a woman of mystery when your every move is monitored, your every action dissected and put under a microscope.

Many people leave here for this reason. They feel judged....and the idea that while under the watchful eye of the PTA, the School Board, the town council, the village idiot and the town cryer...well, they feel imprisoned...caged by those who under no Divine right seem to take hold and in a way, control our behavior.....out of fear of judgment...fear of public scrutiny. In a small town...it is never considered tasteful to march to the beat of your own drum...there's merely one drum to march to....the hum-drum of conformity and standardization to Midwest values, Midwest small town life.

With them...I sympathize. I know that feeling. There are three distinct ways of dealing with this kind of thing.

#1 - Become more secretive...try and beat the odds of getting caught living and being who you are....

#2 - Flaunt it, throw it in the faces of those who are too afraid to do as their heart desires and fuck those who don't understand....

#3 - Live your life and smile at the watchful eyes of judgment. For the only opinion that matters, is that of ourselves.

Last night someone spent the night here. He is someone I know....someone I've never been involved with before last night....we talked into the early morning hours....faces close in a dark room. To wake up with him in my bed this morning, arm around my waist was medicine that I couldn't even begin to explain to you and do justice to it. Am I a whore because I occasionally need to feel a body next to me? Am I of poor moral character because sometimes, you just need to hear someone else breathing in the night? To not be alone?

It was all innocent enough....nothing happened that shouldn't have....or that I feel was wrong. Yet to many, this admission alone is enough to have me wearing the Scarlett letter of shame for the whole of 2008.

I have weak moments...what can i say.....there are always going to be moment in my life when life doesn't make sense....sometimes I act and do not care of the consequence. It's rare, but it happens. But to my surprise, where the average person regrets....I always am thankful for the break in my own controlled, rationalized, sane self. It's stifling to hold on so tight out of fear of falling....but sometimes, the very best time we have in this life, is when we allow ourselves the freedom to fall.

It's very distancing and confrontational to say "FUCK YOU" to those who do not approve of our choices....but it's honest to say "I do not seek your approval" To flaunt is to draw attention, many do so out of blatant insecurity.....but to do as you wish with a blind eye to a closed minded society...is the most amazing kind of freedom.

So yes....I had a good weekend. I'm weary from lack of sleep...I'm slightly hesitant at posting this, but I'm okay with the things I've done....no regrets....so judge away if you must.

In life, you can control so many things....but you cannot control the way other people will perceive and/or accept the telling of one's truth...this being mine.

Sexual Q & A {WARNING.....EXPLICIT MATERIAL}

Why is it that men overwhelmingly more so than women want to engage in anal sex?

Why do men seem to read up, do their homework, dedicate themselves to the pursuit of pleasing a woman?

Who came up with the idea that spanking a girl repeatedly on the bottom is hot?

What porn video came out in the 80's that had guys thinking that twisting a girl's nipples....damn near OFF felt good?

Personally, if a guy wanted to spank my bottom before, during or after sex, I'd think he was a total weirdo. Sure, I've had a guy smack my ass as I walked by....you know, just to get my attention kind of thing....or even in a playfight kind of way, but the idea of being spanked like a scolded child repeatedly...and done so in succession....in all seriousness, with the purpose of arousal....seems twisted to me....talk about having daddy issues. I HAVE daddy issues and if "I" think it's weird....it's fucking weird people!!

On the subject of anal sex....how is it that straight men think that gay men are disgusting while lesbians getting it on is hot? I've asked men, and have been told it's because of the anal sex concept....yet...most straight men would be more than willing to have anal sex with a woman. What's with that? Is it the whole porn thing? Because girls on camera act like they love it, they can't get enough things in their ass that has guys thinking that it's the sexiest thing to try with the ladies? The girls that I've spoken with that have done it, all say they only did it at the request of their significant others....and that it was mostly painful. We all have asses....wonder if we all had vagina's, if guys could have sex with another guy in the vagina, but not consider it to be gay?

Now....lets talk nipples. I once dated a guy who thought for some ungodly reason that nipples are NOT sensitive. He believed that he had to pinch and twist them so hard in order for me to feel it...that after a night with him, I'd literally have bruises all over me. He was perfectly gentle in every other area...while aggressively abusive to my breasts. Where do boys learn this stuff anyway? I mean....if I'm going to be honest with you...I'll tell you that the things I learned about sex mostly came from the more experienced guys I dated early on. I've always dated older guys, guys who had a certain amount of life experience about them. I am a curious person by nature, so naturally, I wanted to involve myself with people who I could learn from....people who could teach me a thing or two. So I am left to wonder....what girl had my high school flame believing that a titty twister was sexy and pleasurable?

And for you men out there....is it an ego thing when you make a girl squirm beneath your touch? Do men really aim to please? Because I have NEVER read a article on how to give better oral sex. I've never read a book on technique or anything of the like. But I know lots of men who have. Men seem to take an active interest in HOW to please their ladies. and I've got to tell you.....men do this waaaay more than women do. Is it because men are easier to please? Guys are more considerate? I can't tell you how many guys I've been with that were amazingly concerned with the amount of pleasure they gave me. While women throughout history have always complained about the caveman mentality of the male species....clubbing women over the head and the need to procreate.....it's been my experience that today's men are far more sexually considerate.....then the men of yesterday. How they can be considerate and still want to put things in your ass though is beyond me....you men, always going to be a mystery aren't ya?

So, I'm curious....for those of you who read this...where did you guys learn the tricks of the trade? Who taught you....or are you self taught? What's your stance on anal sex? Have you been spanked...if so....did you honestly get pleasure or arousal out of it?

If you know the answers to any of the questions presented here...I'd be thrilled to hear them. If you don't feel comfortable posting publicly...do so anonymously...you have my permission just this once. *winks* But really...we are all adults here....no reason to be bashful...sex is sex and we do it, our parents did it....it's an natural as anything else....so don't be shy..OK?! *smiles*

Leading by Example?? Me??

If people are suppose to live their lives in order to be an example to others.....I think perhaps that my life story serves more of a "what-not-to-do"...sort of like how Brittney Spears' mom was going to write a book on parenting right before her daughter, Zoey101, got knocked up at the age of 16. A book about how to parent coming from her....not successful...but she could spin it as a book of what NOT TO DO...and who knows....she'd probably sell a million copies!

Today, I kind of found something out, about someone who I don't know all that well, but DO know well enough to have known this! Without naming names, I met this guy on myspace oh, like a year or so ago...right after i got my account. Good guy, funny....flirty....but all in all, just a nice cat. We e-mail sporadically...but I've always considered him kind of a buddy...a flirty one...but friend as opposed to foe. Anyway, today I find out that he's married. It kind of threw me for a loop considering his flirty nature, and the fact that he's called me before...texted...and whatnot. Now granted...NOTHING has ever happened between us....I've never went and met him or anything....but anyway....this news kind of threw me for a loop. I felt like I had been duped. I guess I never came right out and asked him, but at the same time, I know I've asked him about his relationships and whatnot...whether he was dating....stuff like that...never once did he mention that he quit dating when he got married last year.

Anyway, when I asked him why he never told me, he said that #1 - he was always kind of hoping that someday we'd hook up...AND #2 - that he admired my strength in getting out of my own marriage and felt some sort of connection, kindred-ness to me.

I've heard a million times from people that I know that my divorce makes them want to stay married.....or that because of what happened to me, they now know the pitfalls of being single in your late 20's....but nobody has ever told me that they looked up to me for leaving. That because I left Keith...I somehow have given them hope. Hell my sister said that because of me, she's afraid to ever get married....talk about the shock treatment! I don't want to be responsible for that kind of stuff!! Yikes!

I don't think I'm some sort of inspiration in the department of love....I'm the anti-inspiration. I'm the example of what happens when love goes wrong. Looking up to me, would be like looking up to the Joker in a Batman movie.....rooting for Carrie to hook up with the Russian instead of Big in the final episodes of Sex in the City....I'm not a picture of life "happily ever after".....

What works for me....well, it's my journey. I've always kind of made my own path in this life. I'm not just like every other person you meet on the street....so how can I be expected to be an example to people so very different than me? I won't tell you that getting divorced is the easy way out, and I sure as shit won't tell you to stay in a marriage that makes you curse the day you were born. Only "YOU" can know what's right for YOU...only in YOUR heart do you know when enough is enough. It took a long time between when i knew...and when I left.....sometimes it takes a while for your brain and heart to join forces and do the necessary evil for the greater good of your sanity and the sanctity of your heart.

It WAS the right thing for me to do what "I" did....i wholeheartedly believe that. But I can't be the poster child for why you SHOULD get divorced....or end a relationship. Now unless you are getting the shit beat out of you, or you are being verbally abused or something...I can't possibly know what's right for anyone else but myself.

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Robert Frost: The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood,

and I--I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference