Getting to Know Someone Can Take it Out of Ya:

For the last couple weeks...It's been crazy. When you meet someone new...there's the flurry of "getting to know each other" behavior. You talk on the phone for hours, you stay up all night when you have to work the next day and it seems well worth every ounce of being tired the next day to have done so.

Oh, and don't even get me started about the getting to know someone diet....you go out to eat with them and you find that you are too nervous to eat. You take like two bites of a perfectly good sandwich and then say you are full....and you do it because you don't want them to see you get mayo on your upper lip, or lettuce stuck in your teeth. It's insane. And I'm guilty of this insane behavior.

Then there's the financial strain of it all. I had to go buy an entire new wardrobe because Steph said not only was my closet depressing, but that I have no "date clothes"...and apparently if you are going to date someone, you HAVE to have DATE CLOTHES! So...off to the store to buy some clothes that I was specifically instructed to buy things that I COULD NOT wear to work...they had to be fun and casual. So last weekend....I got that done. Oh and I had to up my cell phone text messaging plan...kids today and their texting...anyway...now I've been roped into this media obsession of text messaging....

Then there's the physical aspect: I've worked my ass off cleaning my apartment to the point of exhaustion. I've brushed my teeth so many times my gums are probably bleeding....my abdominal muscles are sore from god only knows what and my jaw hurts from the non-stop yawning I've been doing at work....Oh, and I think I have carpal tunnel from all the text messaging.

So at the end of a couple weeks....here I sit, physically exhausted, broke, hungry, eyes barely able to be kept open...my shoulder is injured and my cell phone bill is now $5.00 more expensive and all the numbers on my phone are worn off my keypad.

BUT, you know what...I'm smiling even though I'm tired, I'm well dressed, I'm exhausted in a really good way...my apartment is actually clean, I've cut down my likelihood to get any cavities this year, I'm hungry, but for something that might just be good for me, my shoulder reminds me of how much fun I had injuring it and at the end of the day....I sleep better than I have in months.....

Getting to know someone sure takes it out of you...but damnit if they don't add all the right things right back to ya.

(As you can tell....date #4....went um...far better than even a perpetual optimist like me could have even expected.) *big smile*

~hl~

Wow...Blogger Hostility....

I got an Anonymous comment on my last post...and all I can say is "Ouch!" Seriously....

I don't know who Mr./Ms. Anonymous is but I'm curious what the hostility is all about. I didn't publish the comment, but I'll include a snippet of it here:

Anonymous: You've known this guy for only a few weeks and you're basically committing to him already? What the hell are you doing? Didn't you marry Keith after just 8 weeks of knowing him? How'd that work out? Put your love life on hold and make the move, men aren't becoming extinct and you have the rest of your life to meet them. If you wait, then opportunity may and will pass you by. What does this guy do for a living?

I got to be honest....I was a little surprised to get this response. I mean, normally people who know me want to see me happy regardless of where that has me living.

Now....I suppose I should address the concern my anonymous commenter apparently has. So here goes......

First of all....I haven't committed myself to anyone at this point. I've been on three dates and granted, I'll give you the whole marrying Keith after six weeks, but you have to know that even I, wouldn't make that mistake again. Three dates hardly constitutes a life-long commitment as far as I know.

I realize that men are not becoming extinct...but you must know that when you find someone that makes you stop and scratch your head and say....."hmmmm...", well, it doesn't happen everyday, at least not for me. When my curiosity is piqued, I can't help but to want to explore and discover what lies beyond that curiosity. I have no plans to be married four weeks from now...and I have to say, I don't know who to be more disappointed in, Mr./Ms. Anonymous or myself....because whoever wrote this, they don't seem to have much faith in me. So either I haven't done a good job establishing myself as stable and knowledgeable, or whoever wrote this is pissed at me about something I'm unaware of.

If it's the latter, I apologize...

~hl~

What a Difference a Couple Weeks Make:

Two weeks ago, I was planning my escape. I had it all figured out....or so I thought.

The plan was, get a job and move to Dayton. Live with Brooke, load up my stray kitty and we'd be gone. No more cute little apartment, no more standing still...we were moving.

Now two weeks later....I sit here with a box of resume paper unopened, the Dayton Daily News crumpled up in the trash and no definite plans that will take me away just yet.

Am I seriously going to stop dead in my tracks because of a guy? Is it possible that he's worth putting plans on hold for? All signs point to "yes"...and to be honest...I'm a little taken back by it. I'm so used to meeting guys who are polar opposites of him. I would normally be so afraid of someone like him....I'd have packed up and moved to Dayton just so I wouldn't get hurt!

Last weekend I was talking to "him" on the phone....and he asked me the most dreaded question....he said: "Do you have a five year plan"....and for the record....and I've expressed my opinions about this question not so long ago in this very blog...but, it's a question I never have a solid answer to. This time though however....I told him while I didn't have a five year plan, I did have a six month plan. I told him about moving and all that I was planning and you know what he said? He said, "Well your five year plans sucks! I'm really bummed out now!" Then he said something I couldn't have even imagined someone I essentially only knew a week would say....he said "Heather, all I ask is that you give me a chance before you go moving away from here." The negative side of me would have said..."What? Give you a chance to break my heart first...really do me in so that way when I did move....I would never want to look back?" But the positive side of me thought "Wow, that's so sweet of him to say...it it possible that he actually likes me enough to ask that?". Either way, positive or negative....both sides of the argument have their consequences.

I'm trying to keep an open mind to this whole thing with him....instead of sabotaging myself and thinking that it's impossible for someone who's seemingly too good to be true to actually be true...I'm just going to give him the benefit of the doubt. I'm going to temporarily put my moving plans on hold..and if this doesn't pan out....well then....it's off to Dayton I go. No regrets...and I can feel good knowing that I didn't run away when someone worth knowing came along....at least I'll know I wasn't too afraid to try.

Sometimes the hardest things in life to get over....bring with them the greatest of all opportunities.

The Cartoon Scenario:

If say.....this is Love:


Than this is me: I'm Wile E. Coyote.

I've tried outrunning it, I've tried chasing it, I've tried every device to attract it, I've tried every device to protect me from it. Love....it's desired, but it can be torture.

I've recently had one of the top five second dates of all time. I know most of you, and when I say most of you, I mean my GIRLY friends that read this, you want to know who this guy is. In one word....he's....great. Now if only I can keep my Wile E. Coyote ways behind me, so I can enjoy it.

In the last year, I've been involved with a couple guys here and there....one of which I really thought the world of....problem was....he never really reciprocated my adoration for him...we had a wonderful connection a time or two or three....but like the seasons...things change. I was good enough for him when he had time, I was good enough for him here and there...but I always knew that he wasn't capable of anything real with me. Another guy....seemingly sweet as molasses. He too seemed like something possibly worth looking into....yet when called upon...he didn't have it in him either....mixed signals....confusion perhaps...but that wasn't what I wanted either. Frankly....I have not really been contemplating my next relationship much. I haven't REALLY been looking for one at all to be honest. I wasn't even going to look at the possibility of dating until after August 1st. But with August fastly approaching....the possibility of a relationship has found me. And I'm really in shock with my openness to this new guy. Hell, I've told him every bad thing possible about me to scare him off....he doesn't like smokers...I told him I smoke (which he's kindly offered to help me quit), I've told him about my crazy dad, about being divorced, hell I'm even older than he is...and yet....he's as eager and amazingly undisturbed by any of this.

Now I don't know where any of this is going...it literally could disappear...*Poof* and be gone tomorrow, but for the first time in a really long time...I'm so content. I'm not freaking out, stressing about where this will lead, when's he going to leave me? or What his "real" motives are...because I 100% believe his motives are of the utmost sincerity.

Can you imagine me in a relationship again? I try picturing myself in that scenario....it seems foreign and strange....yet, there is something about it that is alluring....tempting...

Lets see where this leads, shall we? Stay tuned....this could get interesting.

In the Beginning:

One of the best things about the start of a possible relationship.......is the butterflies...you know the ones that are in your stomach what seems like everytime you see that name pop up on caller I.D., or at the knock on your door....

I've had them lately...and it's tough for me because as wonderful as my new acquaintance is, I keep waiting for him to disappear like those that came before him. I don't want to get excited / hopeful about something that has no hope of survival. And I don't want to feel like that.....I want to believe that not every guy disappears or leaves you.

I watched the movie "Someone Like You" with Ashley Judd and Hugh Jackman the other day and there's this one scene where Ashley Judd is crying and heartbroken trying to explain why she HAS to believe that all men leave...because if all men don't leave, then all men just leave HER. And that was just something she wasn't ready to accept.

I, on the other hand, I don't believe all men leave...because I've seen so many of them who don't....it's just that I'M not the one in the relationship with them.....So I've come down to the conclusion that either it's me, or maybe I just haven't met my match yet. Which I think is way more positive scenario than Ashley Judd's

Until I do meet my match, which is the reason I'm leaning towards.....I'm sure enjoying the butterflies. And I've got to tell you....the non-stop smiling hasn't hurt me a bit me either!

~hl~

Date Night Review:

I mentioned earlier this week that an offer for a date was extended to me at work. Well, after a phone call from him each and every night since the first call, we finally went out last night. (finally....as if this has been weeks in the making! *laughs*)

We set the date up tentatively through some text messaging early yesterday and throughout the entire day I was like sooooooo nervous. I mean, yes, I've been out with a couple guys this year, but they were all guys I knew, or had known for awhile prior to seeing them, this kid, he's as brand spanking new as they come....

I did the math and it's been since like 1999 since I went out on a date with someone I didn't really know. Like a real, dinner and a movie kind of date.

I had lunch with the Denise & Amber and told them about the upcoming date and they were all ears, asking questions etc. They seemed excited for me which made me smile, and feel just that much more nervous....

So, when 4:30 p.m. came, I was running out the door. I had so much to do! My apartment was a freaking disaster...SERIOUSLY!! I came home and vacuumed, did the dishes, swept the kitchen and hallway floors, washed the bathroom sink & Mirror, made my bed straightened and put away my computer/office stuff, sacked up the trash, cleaned the toilet, fluffed the couch cushions and folded and put away blankets. It took a little while, but finally once finished, I crashed onto my newly made bed and took a nap. Wednesday night's storm kept me up damn near all night....and since I don't take sleeping pills anymore...I had to bite the bullet and just not get sleep. BUT, a girl can't go on a a date looking all tired with puffy eyes...so off to sleep I went for a quick 1/2 hour nap. Naps are good for the soul I believe.

Steph came over around 8:00 p.m. to calm my nerves and help me find something in my closet worth wearing....as it turns out, according to her, she's never seen a closet that made her more depressed! OUCH!! Granted, she's totally right. I do have a lot of cute clothes that are fine to wear to work, but, as far as going out clothes goes...I got nothing. I finally settled on a pair of jeans, a white tanktop under a yellow 3/4 sleeve V-neck sweater. Black belt and shoes, hair down and slightly curled. Steph gave me her nod of approval for the overall look and after a quick pep talk from her....which went something like this..."Heather, you look great and he's going to think you're great...and if he doesn't, than he's a complete idiot!" ...she was out the door by 9:10 p.m. leaving me to sit and wait.....*tick tock, tick tock*

At 9:40 p.m. he was standing at the bottom of my stairs. He looked good. Jeans, nice shirt...white car....I grabbed my purse, locked the door and headed down the stairs. I had this terrible vision that I was going to trip, fall down the steps and knock all my teeth out right in front of him....NERVES!!!....HATE EM! I however didn't fall down the steps, but I did about fall down when he walked me to my side of the car and opened the door for me. People still do that???!!!??? Holy shit, I had no idea. I thought that was just something guys did in the old movies I love to watch, not in 2007 on North Jefferson Street! I liked it though.

We had a some good conversation on the way to Lima....he again opened the doors for me at the theatre....and made me pick the seats once inside. We sat there together in the dark watching "Knocked Up"..kind of a funny first date movie.....and it was fine. Before the movie started, I whipped out some Hershey's Kisses that I smuggled into the theatre....I asked him if he wanted a chocolate and he declined. I said to him "you mean to tell me that you're going to turn down a kiss on the first date?!" and he said "Yeah, sorry about that...." I jokingly said, "Wow, that almost never happens!" and he replied with "Well, you'll soon figure out that I never make the first move...." I thought about what he said, turned to him with a smile and "Hmmmm....well, I guess we'll just be friends then." He laughed...and he didn't...he didn't put the moves on me one bit.

On the way home while heading West on 309 we kind of, almost ran a red light....as guys would say, "It was pink when I went under it"...and there was a cop sitting at the light heading North. I cringed at the thought of the first date traffic stop....always sure to be embarrassing! So to try to make light of the situation before those police cruiser lights started flashing...I said "Don't worry, if he pulls you over, I'll show him my boobs and get you out of it!" I was kidding of course because I've NEVER done that...but I will admit, I've always wondered if it would work. He looked at me and said, "Did you just say that you'd show him your boobs and get me out of a ticket?" I laughed and said "Sure...I mean you were nice enough to take me out tonight, it's the least I can do!" He shook his head laughing and said "It takes a lot to make me blush, but I'm blushing over here!" I said: "I'm sorry was that too much for a first date?" He just laughed and said "No, it's not!"

By 1:00 a.m. he was pulling up outside my house and then offering to walk me to my door. We went up the steps and stopped at the landing. I unlocked the door it and pushed it open. I knew he wasn't coming in because for one, he left his car running and two, because he had to be up at 5:30 a.m. for work. I couldn't help thinking as we stood there chatting about the movie "HITCH" where Will Smith is telling Kevin James about what to do at the front door....aka, "goodnight kiss time". He talked about how if a women lingered in the doorway, fidgeting with her keys it was a indicated that she wanted to be kissed...in that moment I looked down and saw my own hands fidgeting with my keys....I smiled and tucked them into my pocket....we had a quick conversation about my cat and her new kittens and then he said he'd better go. I told him that I had a really nice time and he said that he did too. Then as he began to walk down the stairs he said..."If you'd like to go out again sometime, let me know...."

I went inside....watched him drive away from the curb and my date was officially over. I said to myself "Whew....you survived!" And then I thought....damnit....I cleaned my entire house...and he didn't step foot inside. I brushed my teeth and made sure to have breath mints on tap...and he didn't go there either! *laughs*....but that's okay. Everyone needs a little G-rated date to remind you that not everyone you meet just wants to fuck you as quickly as possible and then move on to someone else. This was refreshingly fun....and in the light of day today....I don't have anything to feel guilty about....well, maybe that boob comment...but not much more.

As I sit here writing this, he just text messaged me telling me to have a safe trip to Dayton....God he's thoughtful. He says he'd love to go out with me again....I'm suddenly looking forward to date #2. Hmmmmm......

~hl~

Update:

So a lot of shit has went down....I've cried, I've beat myself up, I've taken multiple showers and I've gotten a flood of e-mails and phone calls from those who love me....so I'm very happy to report that I'm okay. I wasn't sure I was going to be....you never know how things will impact you or warp your sense of self. And maybe today is a fluke, maybe I'll be all fucked up again come the weekend or even five minutes from now, but for right now....I feel okay. I have moments when I feel like throwing up at the thought of what happened...and when I get dressed in the morning and see the bruise on the back of my leg where he was trying to move me around still sends me right back to Saturday night/Sunday Morning....it was even more gut wrenching to receive a text message and a myspace message from the guy who did this to me telling me "not to worry, NOTHING happened!" along with things like "hope we can still be friends" and "I'm really sorry, I won't try anything like that ever again, I wasn't thinking right!" No amount of apologies will ever take back what happened. No amount of regret on his part will ever make what he did somehow ok in my eyes.....but you know what....I've been through some tough times..and this too shall seem like a distant memory someday....i just have to hold out...because someday is coming...it'll get here eventually!

Steph has been all gun-ho about getting me moved to Dayton ever since she found out what happened....she drove me to Piqua Sunday evening just to get me out of my apartment (the scene of the crime as she called it) and to get me a Dayton Daily News....Tonight I bought resume paper and there's about 20 job's I'm supposed to be applying for. So there's the news on the moving/job front.

In more unrelated news...tonight, Steph and I went to Lima to get some things....and guess what I did!?! I bought my very first coffee maker. Yep, look at me being all grown up with my very own coffee pot. Now if I can just figure out how to work the darn thing. I haven't the slightest idea how to make coffee...Matt always makes it for me...looks like I'm going to have to have some instruction if I have any hope of brewing me some fine Starbucks blend coffee in the mornings. Ahhh...Starbucks....I can't wait!

But wait, there's more....In the Love Life Department.....yesterday...completely out of the blue I got asked out on a date by a guy who I never in a million years would have asked me out. I got the call at work, said gentleman caller asked me if I was seeing anyone....I said, "um, No, not currently" and he said "Would you like to go out sometime?" I of course, being the bonehead that I am, stumbled all over myself and said..."um....umm.....well...." until I finally said "Is it okay if I think about it?" I'm so smooth aren't I...that's my middle name actually...HeatherLynn is just my cover name. *smiles* Because of this little date request, I'm now the target of all kind of jokes at the office....my bosses keep calling me and asking if I'm seeing anyone....Smart-asses! I love my bosses...I really do!

So in the wake of a disastrous weekend, this week so far is shaping up to be quite expectantly pleasant. I guess it's true what they say....some of the best and most glorious days come just after a storm.

A good fighter always keeps their guard up:

According to Wikipedia: A sedative is a substance that depresses the central nervous system (CNS), resulting in calmness, relaxation, reduction of anxiety, sleepiness, slowed breathing, slurred speech, staggering gait, poor judgment, and slow, uncertain reflexes. Sedatives may be referred to as tranquilizers, depressants, anxiolytics, soporifics, sleeping pills, downers, or sedative-hypnotics. Sedatives can be abused to produce an overly-calming effect (alcohol being the classic and most common sedating drug). At high doses or when they are abused, many of these drugs can cause unconsciousness (see hypnotic) and even death.

And when you mix a sedative with alcohol: Sedatives and alcohol are sometimes combined recreationally or carelessly. Since alcohol is a strong depressant that slows brain function and depresses respiration, the two substances compound each other's actions synergistically and this combination can prove fatal.

The moral to the following story is: If you have had alcohol AND a sedative....be careful who you open your door to.

Sometimes while writing this blog, I like to reflect on the things that happen to me mostly for me to learn from my mistakes but also so that maybe my friends won't make the same mistakes that I have. Last night...my friends.....I made a HUGE mistake.

Here's how it all went down:

As a single girl in Delphos who's friends are all married and having babies, it's difficult to find someone to go out with on a Saturday night. Pickings are SLIM!! Steph was out of town...and she's the only person who ever goes out with me so I was left to my own devices...which proved to not be a good thing.

See I have a friend....he's a guy, we've been friends since I was a 7th grader. So I texted him to see what he was up to....he's a regular bar goer...so I figured, well, why not, I can meet him up there, have a couple drinks and maybe even have a little fun in the process. He rode his bike to my house and we walked up town together...laughing as we always do, just catching up since we hadn't seen each other in awhile. We went to the ATM, I got some cash and then we went to the Rustic. Some friends of my sisters were there and I was really glad to see them. They are always fun to hang out with....so that way it wasn't just me and "my friend".

The night progressed, I ended up having fun and was so glad that I got out of the house and hung out with some good people. It was just what I needed.

I went home alone and stripped down, put on my comfy clothes...took a sleeping pill...as I've been having problems sleeping again and sat on the couch to watch television until it kicked in. Now I do realize that sleeping pills and alcohol are what killed Marilyn Monroe and what not....so save your breath with the lecture...I'm not trying to do myself in, I was just trying to get a little shut-eye.

Anyway....I forgot that my friend had parked his bike here, so when he arrived at my door I let him in. We talked, flipped through the channels on the t.v....and then after awhile....I started to feel really, really sleepy. My friend went into the bathroom and while he was gone from the room, I began to fall asleep...I literally could NOT keep my eyes open. I drifted in and out of consciousness until I could no longer fight it.

That's when I left myself wide open for disaster. I awoke to find "my friend" kissing me and telling me to stop him if I wanted. I did, I said no and tried to move out from under him....I said that I'd told him before, that we were JUST FRIENDS, and that's all I wanted to be...that's all we ever would be. He kept kissing me even though I was trying to shove him off. My arms felt heavy my head was cloudy and I'm not even sure if my eyes were open, but what part of me was awake was telling him no. He stopped and moved to the chair....I think maybe he was watching the television and I then I apparently fell back to sleep.

I awoke the second time to feeling someone moving me...my legs were being lifted and I opened my eyes to find "my friend on top of me" and my clothing had been removed from the waist down. I pushed my arms out against his chest and tried to lift him up off of me and I said "what are you doing?" "STOP!!!" He didn't. I said "get off of me...STOP..STOP...STOP!" He wouldn't get off of me. I brought my knees up and tried to push him off with my legs AND arms...he kept trying to kiss me and I turned my head so he couldn't reach my mouth. After a struggle I finally pushed him hard enough that he backed away from me. Then he left. There are parts of the evening that are very hazy and I don't remember everything he said, or that I said....beyond my recollection here.....but I'm very thankful that I woke up when I did. I'm thankful that he left and didn't force himself onto me more than he already had.

I'm the kind of person who always looks for the good in people, I want to believe that people are decent and capable of doing the "right thing" in instances such as this. But never at twenty-nine years of age did I think that something like this would happen to me. And I take full responsibility for the role I played in this. I should have never invited him in, I should have never allowed myself to be in a vulnerable position with someone with whom I apparently shouldn't have trusted in the first place. I feel like a complete and utter idiot for allowing this to happen to me, but you live and you learn and I know NOT to let this happen to me again. I was lucky....this time....so lucky that there won't be a next time. Somebody upstairs was looking out for me last night.....THANK GOD!

Now if I can just learn to trust people again....that's the part I feel most robbed of. Sure I feel hurt by this, embarrassed, I feel violated...and stupid, but mostly I feel robbed. How am I to ever learn to trust men, if the ones I think I can trust are the ones that burn me the most? I'm apparently NOT a very good judge of character....

{this was really hard for me to write and took a LONG time for me to get up enough nerve to post...this isn't something I'm proud of...and I considered not telling a soul, pretending it never happened....but I wanted ya'll to know that if I get really shady and stop posting here...or answering my phone...I wanted you to know what's up....and that it's not you, it's me! And I'm sorry.}

My eyes look green again!

Today after work, I did it...I finally did it. I went to see Vanessa and had my hair cut and dyed red, deep, deep, vibrant red. I was nervous about it....and have been looking forward to it all week.

So, I hurried through my day....I hustled and bustled, I filed, I manned the office alone until 4:30 p.m. I rushed out the door, to the bank and to Lima to meet Vanessa and Steph who was meeting me there to make sure I went through with it.

It turned out grrrreat. I was so happy with the results...however, in all the excitement, I managed to incur a horrific headache. I mean, a headache so severe i thought I was going to vomit when Steph and i went out for Chinese afterwards.

I felt bad because Steph helped pay for my little beauty salon visit as a going away present...even though I have no definite plans to move YET. God love her though, when she gets something in her head, there's no talking her out of it.

Anyway...Steph kept saying things like "that guy was just checking you out...see, I told you that new hair would be irresistible" or "did you see those heads turn!" I just shook my head and laughed and told her she was crazy. Steph's always trying to boost my confidence....she's like the little cheerleader I never had!

After I dropped Steph back off at her car, I HAD to get some fuel...I was desperately low. So I went to the Speedway in Elida. I got out, began to pump my gas when this dude in a little Toyota pulled up along side of me. He got out and I looked away from him to watch my own pump when he said "Excuse me!...I'm sorry to bother you, but I have to ask....is that your natural hair color?" I smiled through my intense head pain and said, "well, I AM a redhead, but this is a darker shade than I naturally am." He smiled and said, well, it's really beautiful, it looks really, really nice!" I kind of laughed to myself and said "Thanks, you just made my day!"

I half suspected Steph had paid this guy off to say that to me...I even looked around to see if she was parked around the corner watching with binoculars waiting to pay him the "other half" of whatever it was she promised him. But she was nowhere around.

What is it about being noticed that immediately puts a smile on your face....to feel as though something about you is eye catching....pleasing to others....it just magically has a way of adding a little extra spring to your step....even when you head feels as if it's about to explode.

Thanks Steph for my very thoughtful "going away present"....now if you can just get me to go away....THEN you'll really have something! *smiles*

This isn't the greatest picture, but it's the best I could do under the circumstances...I'll take a better one later this weekend sometime.

Redheads & Sex

Red haired children have been historically branded as offspring of “unclean” sex. This has earned them taunts such as “red-knob” or “tampon tops.”.....In kindergarden my personal favorite was "period head"...kids are mean little bastards!

Red in the Head means Fire in the Bed!!!

Blondes are wild, brunettes are true, but you never know just what a redhead will do!

"According to the wire, you are resting well and are being taken care of by a nurse. I hope she is beautiful and that she has red hair. I don't know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair. Red hair makes a man want to recover his health quickly, so that he can get on his feet and the nurse off hers." Groucho Marx

A trucker will slow down for a blonde, stop for a brunette but he'll back up 500 yards for a redhead.

and last but not least......

There once was a girl with a Strawberry Curl

Right in the middle of her forehead

And when she was good she was very, very good

but when she was bad she was horrid.

{that is soooooo me!}

All Quotes can be found: http://www.dougbarber.com/red/Red_Links/Quotes/quotes.html

Beating a Red-Headed Step-Child:

My dad was a violent man as many of you know....and he beat the crap out of me and my siblings from time to time....he would beat us like "red-headed-stepchildren" so you could say....except we weren't step kids and only Brooke and I had red hair...so what does this saying mean anyway?

"Beating you like a red-headed stepchild" refers to a terrible beating. It is a variation of "beating you like a rented mule."

Etymology (the origin of words and phrases) is notoriously hard to pin down. The etymology of this one obviously has something to do with child abuse. Some clues to the origin of its specifics:

A stepchild is often presumed to be less favored than biological children. If a parent was abusive, a stepchild might get the worst of it. (Similarly, a rented mule would be less valuable than one you own.)

A child having red hair might be an indication that they have a different father, thereby reinforcing that they are a stepchild.

Red hair is often associated with a fiery personality. (Similarly, a mule is considered an especially stubborn animal.)

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Where_did_the_phrase_

{Hey, are they saying that I'm stubborn like a mule?

Not cool! Definately, not cool!}

Even the Church Didn't like us:

Adams first wife Lilith, always depicted as a redhead, is known to have refused to lie beneath Adam during sexual intercourse, and stated” why should I lie beneath you when I am your equal since both of us were created from dust” –Patai

At St. Paul’s cathedral in London, figurines tell the story of the fall in the Garden of Eden. Adam points one hand to the forbidden fruit and the other to a golden haired Eve. Then the arch angel drives them from the garden. Adam with his fig leaf loops his arm around Eve who is now cowering and sporting a main of long red hair.

Similarly in the paintings of the Sistine Chapel in 1874, Michelangelo’s Temptation depicts a brown haired Eve being handed a red apple by a red headed bare breasted serpent woman (Satan manifested as woman of course carries red hair). In the adjacent fresco Eve is thrown out of the garden with a shameful face and a twist of red hair.

Eves’ red hair is seen as the stain of sin like the original scarlet letter. Later her son, Cain, will bare the red hair and also a fall from grace.

It's a wonder I don't burst into flames upon entering the church doors on Sunday. Redheads have gotten a bad wrap! I especially like the part where they say that "Satan manifested as a woman of course carries red hair"...."of course"....what's up with that.....so not fair!

Some of My Favorite Modern Redheads:

My Favorite: Robert Redford

The Wonderfully Talented and Funny Lucille Ball

The Striking Julianne Moore

America's Redheaded Sweetheart Julia Roberts

THE Redhead of the 80's Molly Ringwald

Super Sexy Rita Hayworth

There are even Books About Them:

Did you know that we as redheads, we have our own encyclopedia?

And it costs $95.00 in PAPERBACK???!!!

I guess since only 4% of the population have redhair....they have to jack up the price to make it worthwhile to print.

The reason we make up only 4% of the population could be attributed that it was once a belief that redheads were witches in Germanic culture. From 1483-1784 thousands of suspected witches were nearly always stripped and searched for “marks of the devil”. These included any “abnormality” such as freckles, moles, warts, and birthmarks. Red hair was certainly considered an abnormality. Considering the freckle factor for redheads this was a deadly and shocking horror. Somewhere around 45,000 women were tortured and murdered usually by burning at the stake or by drowning.

I have nearly drowned and been blown up by fire.....think the cosmos are out to get me? Did I mention that I have freckles, moles AND a birthmark? Satan I am.....but shhhhh...don't tell anyone! *winks*

NATIONAL REDHEAD AWARENESS WEEK:

I'm declaring this week, National Redhead Awareness Week. Yep, as a redhead, a single day was not enough, therefore...let Redhead Awareness Week begin!

To start things off I'd like to begin with a few famous Quotes if I may:

"Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous
redhead." Lucille Ball

"Out of the ash I rise with my red hair And eat men like air." -Sylvia Plath

"While the rest of the species is descended from apes, redheads are descended from cats. " MARK TWAIN

"Blondes may have more fun but redheads are remembered"

"A face without freckles is like a night without stars." -Stephen
Majercik

The Life you Can Afford Me:

Went to Kentucky this weekend. The weather was fantastic... Amber and I floated around in the pool before the guests to her cook-out arrived around 5:00 p.m. on Saturday.... it was so peaceful and relaxing. I missed her.... I didn't realize how much until I saw her.

Being as I was the only expected single gal invited to this particular get-to-gether, Amber tells Kevin to invite some single friends that maybe I could hook up with. One shows up. He's older...not bad looking...has a beard which is a HUGE turn-off for me....beards freak me the fuck out....goatee's...ok...full beards...Oh, God NO!...I think it has something to do with the fact that my dad has a beard and did my whole life.....and Charles Manson....and other similar crazy-types like him....

Anyway....so by the end of the night on Saturday...it was Kevin, myself and my bearded single new friend. We talked into the wee morning hours (4 a.m.)...and during the course of the conversation I realized that men and women have a very, very large gap in opinion about something......about money and financial security. And it could just be that I'm a freak of nature or something...but do men really think that it's THAT important to a woman? Both guys were very argumentative with me when I expressed to them that I didn't care about money, that it wasn't important to me. It's NOT! I have never relied on a man to financially support me....nor do I ever want to. If I want something in this life, why should the man I love be responsible for making sure I get it, isn't it my responsibility to go after the things I want...to work for things? They seemed confused how I could feel this way so I gave them the following example:

If there were two guys....GUY #1 having money, handsome, driving a lexus and a great dresser, comes from a good family, educated but who's also boring and dull and has no sense of humor....or GUY #2...the guy who sells me my Marlboro Lights at the drive thru who's adorable and makes me laugh everytime I see him....who has a silly superman tattoo on his bicept that he tells me he got while he was young and immature....oh, and quite intoxicated in mexico.....the same guy who takes it well when I make fun of him by rolling my eyes whenever it pops out from under this T-shirt sleeve. GUY #1 could take me to fancy dinners, he could take me to broadway shows, we could travel, and he could buy me expensive gifts....but honestly...I could fucking care less. GUY #2 could take me on a drive while listening to the radio and staring at each other and I'd have a better time with him. GUY #2 could buy me popcorn and maybe some chocolate at the dollar movies and again I'd be just as happy.

To me, a guy who has a lot to offer a girl is the guy who has himself to offer...and if you are lucky, there's chemistry and maybe a little sexual tension...all the rest, well it's just...stuff....when you strip everything down...when you take everything out of the equation...put yourself and your significant other in a room together....no television, no books, nothing to occupy your time or distract your attention.....would you have anything to say to this person? Would you make-out to pass the time? Would you tell each other jokes or stories? Or would you sit and stare and wish you were stuck with your best friend instead of him/her? All the money in the world don't make someone interesting, enjoyable to be with or "the one".

The guys seemed shocked that I REALLY wholeheartedly felt this way, as if every woman in the world requested to see your latest financial statement and your last three paystubs before going out with a guy. I said, "Look guys, I don't look for a guy based on the type of life they can afford me....!" Keith had a great job, together we brought home a nice little bit of cash....we bought the things we wanted...I had a great house just like I always imagined, we had boats, and I had my horses....yep, if there was a checklist of the things I wanted to have by the time I was in my mid-twenties, I could have checked off the entire list...except for someone to share it with. I had it all, but I had it all with the wrong person and it made me not want any of it.

There's just more to life than money.

Arrogance or Confidence:

Confidence is a respectable trait, however Arrogance....is so off putting in my eyes. I don't know what it is in me that just despises people who walk around with this "better than you" attitude. Just because someone is different than you, doesn't mean you are better or they are. It just means you are different. "Better" is a fluid term. What's better for one, is definately NOT better to another.

The other night on Larry King Live....I watched an interview between Larry and Mr. Isaiah Washington, formerly of Grey's Anatomy. I have watched Grey's since the very first episode. It's one of the only shows I honestly can say I watch.

Now, onto all this hoopla about anti gay slurs and whatnot. Yes, I agree that what he said was very offense to many people, but after watching this interview, I think the real problem with Mr. Isaiah Washington isn't his lack of tactful ways of expressing himself while in the midst of on-set fights with Patrick Dempsey, but rather his overwhelming arrogant personality. I watched that show there while sitting on my big red couch and I was just put off by the way he presented himself. The guy's career has been quite possibly damaged beyond repair, and yet, he's smiling, confident and seemingly fake, well that is until he had that moment where he was almost in tears when Larry asked him if any of his ex-castmates had contacted him. I admit, it was a great performance....but something in me doesn't buy it.

He says this is just a big misunderstanding....it's not his fault, if Patrick Dempsey wasn't late, he wouldn't have been so angry....It seems to me that maybe the real problem on that set wasn't the fact that the term "faggot" was flying out of Mr. Washington's mouth, it was that he thought he was above his castmates, he thought that in a sense he was running that show, he felt that he was essentially the boss, the talent....and apparently, you DON'T piss off "the talent"...and when you do, they commit professional suicide by doing what Isaiah did. It's very sad when you see someone's mistake splashed all over the television and THEN you get to see their attempt to fix said mistake...and then you watch as the jury or the "viewers" decide their fate. Reminds me of Michael Richards' racist remarks. Does "sorry" really mean anything to the American people? Think people would like president Bush if he said, "Hey guys, sorry about this whole war thing...."?

I don't think this interview helped him....I think it was an attempt to repair a career that was once promising....and who knows, maybe he'll bounce back from this....but I can tell you one thing....he'll likely not be a favorite of mine again....and it has nothing to do with Anti-racial slurs either. I liked him, he put on great performances each and every week....as an actor, he was a pleasure to watch. He brought a great sense of seriousness and strength to the story. It's a shame he won't be around to continue his part in the future success of the show.

Sometimes the worst things in life, the things that bring you back to square one, to humbleness, are really the best lessons anyone can ever receive. It's taking the lesson and learning from it that's the hard part. It's my belief that you don't have to be "better" than someone else to be great. Just be yourself...the "best" yourself that you can be.

A Loving Responsible Parent....Who Me?

About a week or so ago, I was kind of having a shitty day. Steph came over and we decided maybe a walk would cheer me up. So, We headed down the sidewalk and across town. While we were walking, getting closer to the park, we passed by a house where some children must have lived. There was a container of sidewalk chalk sitting out and evidence of their artistic stylings along the entire frontage of their house.

I told Steph I wanted to lay down like a murder victim, have her outline my body and then I was going to write "you're next" next to it. I thought it was a kind of funny idea....she just looked at me and shook her head...I looked at her and threw my hands up...and said "Yep, see that's why I can't ever have kids"....we kept walking....

I blame it on my upbringing...my dad was always trying to scare us....and let me tell you, he went out of his way to do so. Elaborate schemes, prank phone calls when we were left home alone....he really went all out. Damnit...of all the things I could have inhereited from my f*cked up crazy father, I had to get "likes to scare small childen to which you've never met!" WTF!?!

You know what...no...I'm not having it...that incident was an isolated one....I love "other people's kids"....why on earth would I want to frighten innocent little darlings in such a manner? I was just having a bad day...and that's all. Yep....problem solved, case closed.

I totally forgot: {A dramatization}

Have you ever completley forgotten that you loved something? And then one day, you stumble across that which you once loved, only to rekindle the flame all over again....

For me, it was the love of a pretzel....honey mustard ones..

There I was, doing my "once-every-three-months" grocery shopping. I had completley depleted my supply of goods and it was a necessity for me to venture out to the store. I was walking down the chip and soda isle. Coke products to the right, Doritos to the left....a stockgirl straight ahead....and then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw it there. A small golden shiney bag..it appeared familiar....and I couldn't look away.

As I approached, my eyes widened, the corners of my mouth began to be pulled upwards. My arm reached out for that which I desired and once in my hand, I remembered....I remembered that I used to LOVE those darn things. Into the cart they went.

Our love affair renewed, cabinets well stocked.....tastebuds pleased beyond recognition.

Ah, to be in love....there's nothing like it!

{Two months ago....I could have written this exact story, took out the pretzels and inserted Barq's Rootbeer....apparently....I'm very forgetful!} :)

Lines of Communication

During a storm, sometimes you have that rare occasion when you lose power....the lines go down, most likely from tree damage or something of the like, but you are left in the dark with nothing but your own devices.

Communication is like that....when the lines are down, you feel lost....you are left with nothing but your own thoughts....and indefinite time.

The best part of losing power, is when the lights come back on....life resumes...and you are no longer in the dark.

Lines of communication....are officially back up.