It's the Latest Craze....

So Steph and I always say how we'd like to take a dance class...maybe ball room, maybe a hip/hop type..anyway....tonight we were looking through the YMCA health, wellness and fitness class section of our YMCA Program Guide and saw they added a new class. It's called Zumba and has really become quite the craze here in Ohio.

It's an hour long work out of danced based moves to a Latin type music...it's really kind of fun looking. So come January 7th...It's going to be on. Steph and I will be shaking our booties to the groove of a Latin persuasion.

I only have until February to get in tip top shape...want to be looking my best for the big Chicago trip...if i have to turn 30, i might as well do it while looking my all time best!

Christmas 2007

Hello my angels! Tis the day after Christmas and I'm happy to report that not only did I survive them, I did so while maintaining my recently found good spirits. Holy crap that's amazing!

I'm on vacation....I got great gifts....I got to see and spend time with people I actually like being around..and tomorrow I am free do do whatever I please! I'm not obligated to be anywhere...and I plan to go everywhere....well, everywhere I want anyways.

This year, the gifts I received were a bit on the practical side...but I love them nonetheless. My mother got me AAA which always comes in handy...Brooke hooked me up with a shower head that I no longer have to bend over to get under to rinse my hair.....I got gift certificates for food, and also one to get my hair done at my salon. My fingers will be warm in my new gloves, my toes in my new slippers.....and my eyes....oh, my eyes will be fully entertained while watching my new 32" television. Okay, so a 32" television is like no big deal...but to me it TOTALLY IS!! When you are used to your tiny little 19" as your living room source of home entertainment...when you'd rather watch television on your computer monitor....something just ain't right! So the television wasn't exactly a gift, I had to throw some cash at it....BUT IT WAS a gift to me, from me....therefore...MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ME!!!!! I swear...I get myself the nicest presents sometimes! ;)

I went and saw "PS I Love You" at the theatre yesterday....ah, what a beautiful movie. I don't think anything has made me want to visit Ireland more. I confess: I cried. Yeah, I wiped tears on my jeans while trying to not let anyone see....so be prepared if you go see it..bring tissues and hide them in the sleeve of your shirt...you are SOOO going to need them.

I saw National Treasure #2 today...Jason and I went to see it (Jason my friend...NO..HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND)...it was good, very much like the first...so if you liked the first....you'll like the second as well.

So, I guess this is it for me....there's some other things going on...but I haven't gotten a good enough grasp of things yet to really let you guys in on that just yet...I will though...maybe tomorrow.

I'm loading Christmas photos to the photoblog for anyone who's interested....

G'night,

~hl~

All you need is love....I offer you Love Actually:

Christmas....nobody does it quite like Clark!

It's going to be the happ-happ-happiest Christmas....

Gone are the bitter posts of yesterday, gone are the aggravations, the heartaches. It's smooth sailing from here on out.

Today kicked off the beginning of my ten day vacation from work... I'm not going to step foot back in the office until January 2nd! Freaking-A... that's an awesome feeling. I haven't had this many consecutive days off since..... since.... gosh I can't even remember back that far... it's been so long.

My Christmas shopping is done, the gifts are wrapped and under the tree, my hair is freshly done and shiny, eyebrows waxed.... and damnit, there isn't a part of me that suddenly isn't feeling alive and full of excitement.... yeah, that's right...ALL OF ME is happy.

For the first time in a long time, I have so many things to look forward to. Tomorrow is the Blockberger X-mas party, Monday I have Christmas with my Mom and Bill....Tuesday, Brooke and I and maybe Laino will chill out early on, go to my Aunt & Uncles, then it's off to the movies with Steph & Nikki.... and that's just my x-mas plans.

Over the next week, I'm doing something with Michelle, having lunch with Denise, going to Dayton with Rachel for an overnight stay at Brooke's and another night at the movies.....then it's back home for New Years eve where I'll be going to see a Ft. Wayne Comet's game with Michelle, Jimmy, Jen, Rick, Amber, Kevin, Nikki and Mike. Maybe Tina & John...but they are a maybe at this point.....and that's just New years..... *smiles*

Now granted, it's still early...things could go awry and I could slip into the bottomless pit of despair that I was in last year, but I'm keeping positive and hoping that this year...I won't mourn the loss of my prior life, because I'm so much happier now than I was a year ago. Life is no longer scary and dark......and although, once again I find myself single over the holidays....I feel up to the task of smiling and letting everyone know that NO, I don't miss Keith...AND YES, I'm perfectly fine.....this year I'm totally going to mean it!

I hope you all have an amazing Christmas. I hope that this season finds you in good spirits, with enough money in your pocket to make you comfortable, enough loved ones around to feel loved...and enough laughter to fill your hearts with joy.

Merry Christmas....

~hl~

A Transportational Memorial: (going to get hate mail for sure on this one)

Okay, so I've been a little negative over the last few days due to some really dumb things I've been dealing with which I won't mention here just yet. Now when you get irritated, aggravated and downright annoyed...you tend to let yourself send your blind hatred onto things that may not have ever bothered you before....and then all of the sudden, your focus, your anger, your discontentment is transferred and it's all out fixation on that poor, poor inanimate object.

For me, that moment came on Monday. I was just off work, it was cloudy, cold...damp...shitty basically outside. I was sitting at the light at I-65 and SR 224. My radar detector was going off because of those darn automatic doors at Rite Aid that always set them off....so that was getting on my last nerve, I had to pee....I was cold....and then I looked up...and there it was, on the back of a mini van there was a picture of a little girl, she couldn't have been more than 2 or 3 years old. Cute as a button and it said "In loving memory of:__________" with the little girls name being where the blank is. The date of birth and date of death right there, on that dirty, salt covered, finger smudged window. There she sat, hands under her perfect little chin, a smirk on her face, and peering at me from the back of a mini van! A MINI VAN!!!

Now, I realize that the rest of this will be totally irrational, and will surely piss someone off...but seriously...if you died, would you want your mug plastered to the back of a fucking Honda mini van? Do you want random strangers like me staring at you...wondering how you died....and then thinking to myself, how sad it is that your family gets in and out of that car everyday and is quiet possibly saddened by your lack of existence in this world any longer.

The only vehicle I ever want to in any way shape or form memorialize me, is the hearse that carries my dead body to the cemetery. You want to remember me...carry me in your heart..NOT as a decal on your car. Who makes their loved one a bumper sticker anyway? I realize that people deal with grief in different ways, and that they never want their loved one to be forgotten....but I never knew her to begin with, seeing her picture depressed me and life is sad enough without having the faces of every dead person staring at me at every red light i come to.

Life is precious, life is sometimes short....but regardless....your life, your legacy that you leave behind you when you go....isn't your face printed on glossy adhesive paper which clings to a window for dear life. Your memory, your presence is so much more than any racing vehicle can represent. What kind of society do we live in, what kind of cultural disarray must we be in when this is how we respect the dead.

I am disgusted and quite honestly creeped out......I cannot find anything respectful, anything dignified in this behavior. Between the Dale Earnhardt halo stickers and THIS.....what is the world coming to?!

How does one rest in peace, when their death is become commercialized, customized, and advertised?

To anyone who has a memorial of a loved one plastered to the window of your vehicle, you have every right to do as you wish, you have THAT right....but I think you also have the right to know how others perceive your display of that right. Some things are sacred....and I sympathize for the loss you've suffered, for I too have lost those I've loved, I'm just saying, it doesn't have to be public to be meaningful, it doesn't have to be advertised to be remembered....love is everlasting, honda mini vans are not.

Roommates:

Living alone is something that at first is the weirdest thing in the world. Especially when you grow up in a house of six. The idea of living in solitary confinement can really play with your head.

There are days when you are lonely, days you wish there was someone there to greet you when you get off work. It’s more sentimental than anything else really.

I’ve been living alone now for one year and two months. I’m used to it. My home is “MY” home and everything in it is mine. I come and go as a please, walk around in my panties and bra when the mood strikes….I play music loudly in the morning while I shower. My bathroom is cluttered with blow dryers, curling irons, hair straighteners, hair spray, gel, mousse, fifty kinds of hand lotion…I’m a girl, what can I say?!

I went to the movies with my friend Jason last Sunday and we were talking about life and stuff…he was telling me about his current situation, working two full time jobs essentially, wanting to go back to school and/or have a social life, but things just feeling out of his reach. So I told him he should get a roommate. Someone to share in the burden of bills, someone to lighten his load. See he owns his home and from the sounds of things, it’s roomy enough to house another occupant.

Anyway, I told him that I, too had thought of getting a roommate at times, and how it would be nice to have a bigger place where I could get a dog, have a yard, maybe a place to have a cookout in the back yard….you know those kind of things. Not to mention, not having to haul my groceries and laundry up and down those god forsaken stairs would be priceless.

I wasn’t even thinking that by me telling him he should get a roommate and then telling him of things I didn’t like about my current living situation…would spark him to think that I was suggesting that WE move in together. Granted…IF I did, it would give me all those things that I mention. And I like Jason, we get along famously and seem to enjoy doing things together….cooking chocolate chili, going to movies, just hanging out talking….but COULD I GO BACK TO LIVING WITH SOMEONE?!?!?!?!

THAT’S the QUESTION. I’ve lived with men before, I know their quirky behaviors and habits. They are generally simple creatures when it comes to co-habitation.

There are A LOT of things that I need to consider…..Steph has been telling me for awhile now that she wishes that I didn’t live alone….because she worries about me, so I know she’ll say I should consider it….what do the rest of you think? Consider it?

~hl~

Bandaging Old Wounds:

I don't know what my deal is, but somebody better have a talk with me!

I feel terrible.

So you guys read the whole DJ said he loves me thing right?! As the end of the year approaches, I have like 44 hours of vacation time I must either use, or lose before January 1st. So I thought about where I could go...what I could do with my 10 consecutive days off I'll be taking starting this Saturday through January 2nd. I thought of my dear sweet DJ in West Virginia. Yeah, I can go visit him before he moves to Tennessee in the next month or so. So I called him and made the arrangements, we were going to go spend a couple days in Tennessee, then a couple in West Virginia, and I'd be back for New Years Eve. Sounds great right?

Wrong.

Saturday night, I called him....he says I don't call him enough, so I made a point to call him. Anyway there we are, on the phone....I'm talking and he's like...."mmmmhmmm....yeah".....and not really saying much else...I wasn't even sure he was listening to me to be honest. I asked him why he was being so quiet, and he said he was in the middle of something in his video game...and trying to figure it out. He said to just continue on with what I was saying and that he was sorry. So okay, i go on like instructed..and again, he's obviously distracted. After a while more of this, I finally just said to him "You know what?..I'll let you go play your game, I'll finish watching my movie." he said "are you sure, you aren't upset with me are you?" Now of course i was upset, but I couldn't tell him that, because then he'd try and explain and say he was sorry, but honestly, the last thing you want is to hear is the explanation as to why a video game is more intriguing than anything you might have to say.....

I just needed to get off the phone, and i needed it to be quickly. I said to him..."No, really, it's fine...I'll talk to you later!" I said goodbye and I hung up. Now in DJ's world, things are A-ok. Sure, why wouldn't they be....I DID say that i wasn't upset right?!?! That's what girls do, we say we aren't pissed.....when really, we are sitting there going.."WHAT??!!!??"

It made me feel like I was insignificant....invisible. When someone says they love you...and you should call more...I love talking to you....and then they don't pay any attention to you when you do.....the first thing that happens is you get spooked.

I'm notorious for getting spooked these days. A guy says one wrong thing to me and I'm like...."Hey, yeah, it was great meeting you..." and poof, I'm gone. I know it's just because I'm afraid of getting hurt, but who isn't right?!

All I could think in that moment was of the time, when Keith and I were going to Columbus for the weekend....a whole weekend, just the two of us, staying in a hotel....it was supposed to be our "Save the Marriage Weekend" as I called it. Cause things were bad at that point and I thought it'd be a good idea to try and rekindle some sort of connection to one another. It's a two hour drive from here to there, and he talked to his dad about hunting on the phone for about 90% of the drive there. The whole time, just blah, blah, blah to his dad, and there I was driving in the snow, being a little chauffeur, couldn't listen to the radio, couldn't talk to him....and I felt invisible to the person who was supposed to love me the most in the entire world. I don't want to be invisible anymore. I don't want to be the center of attention either...

Is it too much to ask for the person who's with you...to be WITH you?

So anyway....I got spooked, cancelled my trip with DJ...and am left feeling shitty for being upset about what happened. I feel terrible....it's not his fault I'm like this. He didn't do this TO me....yet he's the one I'm not seeing because of it.

For me to ever settle down with someone again....I think it's going to take something extraordinary.

That's the thing about extraordinary....it's remarkably uncommon.

Weekend with the Family:

There's something about the holidays that makes everyone nuts, which is exactly why I was surprised when after four days together, my sisters and my mom and I made it without getting into a spat with each other. See we for one reason or another are like an atomic bomb when you put us all together. The dynamic is just out of wack or something I've always thought...but this year, we did it, we managed to all be together, shop, eat, watch movies, watch the kids, open gifts and everything, and do it with amazing grace.

The last few days have been hectic, I've been going, going, going non-stop it seems....but tonight, as I sit here writing to you, I'm enjoying a quiet night of rest at home alone. I will dine with Angie & the kids tomorrow for the last time before they head back home to Wisconsin....and I'm sad at the thought of their departure, but so happy for the quality time I've gotten with them this last week.

I posted pictures from our early Christmas we had yesterday on the photoblog for anyone who's interested.

~hl~

It all started at Walt Disney World.....

I was a sophomore in High School. Our High School Marching Band had been invited to march / play in the Citrus Bowl Parade in Orlando, as well as participate in the activities at Disney marking the event. It, at the time, was a really big honor for our band to be invited, for our school is small, and frankly, Delphos is just a tiny dot on a map, hardly worthy of notice, but our band, our band was another story. We were fantastic. I'm not tooting my own horn either, we really did light up a football field. Our Band instructor accepted nothing less than our very best, and he was magnificent at getting that out of us....he was a gifted man he was! :)

Now before you go making fun of me for being in band....I'll have you know that 90% of the girls in my school were in band. At Jefferson, it WAS not only acceptable to be in band, it was an honor. Now, seeing as I wasn't that musically inclined and had never learned an instrument early on, I was in flags. Yes...yeah, i was a flagget! Laugh all you want, it was fun and I loved it.

So anyway, there I was, a wide eyed country girl, in the Florida warmth, a cultural place, filled with people speaking languages I'd never heard and there was so much to take in, smell, taste, feel....it was amazing. Just to be wearing a T-shirt in January was foreign to me.

I ran around with Jenny a lot back then...mostly because she was without limits, that girl would do anything anywhere at anytime....frankly I envied that kind of reckless freedom. I was more cautious, more leery...while she flew through life with this kind of energy that would never let her fall.....because she was flying too high. Well, this is the way it appeared anyway. I know Jenny better to know otherwise, but anyway, the point is, she was a blast to hang out with. Always an adventure. Plus she was a shameless flirt, if Jenny was somewhere, it wasn't long before the boys would follow! *laughs* And they did too. We met so many guys while we where there, but there was one group of them that I never did forget about.

They were West Virginia Boys. They were in their College Marching Band at WVU. Drumline boys. Which for anyone in band, the percussion guys were always the cool ones! I mean, it's the flute playing guys that were usually the ones not getting a lot of dates.

His name was DJ and I think his friend's name was John. We met them while grabbing a bite to eat at Disney. They were tall....and really cute. We ended up spending the entire rest of the day with them. Time flew and before we knew it, it was time for us to part ways. They were running late getting to the gates to load their buses, so we sprinted across the grounds at Disney all the way until we ended at the front gates. Jenny of course threw caution to the wind and started making out with John....DJ and I looked at each other, looked at Jenny and John....and well, he sweetly hugged me instead. Which frankly, a kiss would have been more romantic, but I was glad to have got the hug. After all, this was a weekend romance....surely I'd never see my tall dark handsome drummer from West Virginia again.....although, we did exchange phone #'s and addresses.

We ended up writing and phoning each other for a couple years after our initial meeting...until one day, DJ disappeared. Phone was disconnected, and letters came back undeliverable. He was gone. Never to be heard from again.

Until last year. Keith and I had just split up....I was searching for old classmates on myspace to invite them to our 10 yr. High School reunion. I had my old phone book from when i was a teenager trying to locate some of them that we couldn't find...when I came across DJ's info. I thought to myself....what's the chances that he's on myspace? I typed him in, and within a minute or so, there he was....or at least it looked like him. It'd been so many years since I saw him that I wasn't even sure if it was HIM. So I took a chance and sent him a message...asking him if he'd been in Florida or Disney in the mid 90's. He wrote back and said yes, twice....

That's where it started. Rediscovering my high school crush. We once again, became fast friends. Talking for hours upon hours on the telephone. He was just as i remembered him, funny, warm, sweet.....just the perfect southern gentleman.

After time had passed, he invited me down to visit him in WV. I didn't even hesitate. I was happy to go....so i plotted my course, I packed my bags and off to West Virginia I went. I didn't tell anyone except Steph I was going....and maybe Brooke...mostly because to many this would seem like a crazy thing to do, but I didn't care..I'm old enough to make decisions for myself and I WANTED to see my friend again.

I ended up going down there twice and had a fantastic time both times I was there. DJ and I are like an old married couple when we are together. It wasn't awkward at all, it was like we hadn't spent a day apart over the last twelve years. Which, is strange to have that kind of unexplainable closeness with someone who technically is a stranger.

Eventually the talk started....you know....the whole..."you should move here"...which, while I love West Virginia....and think it's beautiful...my life is here. My friends are here, my family...well some of my family is here. Not to mention my job.....my life is in Ohio. I told DJ that I didn't want to move there....he told me he didn't want to move here....and then for the first time, there was silence....awkwardness.....and it wasn't long before he was dating a girl named Bobbie and our brief rekindling romance was kaput.

We stayed friends...sort of. I was hurt that he could just act as it it didn't mean anything to find each other again, that as if the time we spent getting to know one another didn't matter....but I accepted defeat, and moved on, as we as women often times do. You can't let things that don't work out drag you down forever. In time, I forgot and forgave and we chatted a little more frequently through myspace than we had in the time shortly after our goodbye.....and by the spring, we were pretty buddy/buddy again. Just friends of course since he was dating someone and I too was starting to get back out there.

So a couple weeks ago, I was having a really shitty week. DJ, being the friend that he is, also a friend who was no longer dating the girl he was seeing, he invited me to come down for the weekend. Just hang out, go do some low-key fun things....whatever I wanted. It was a nice offer, i desperately needed to get away from all the shittiness of my life here...so after some handy convincing on his part...again, i was on my way to his house. Again, I had a terrific time. We hung out, visited with his family....we helped his brother move....we went to dinner/breakfast....we babysat for his nephew....just did those things that people in relationships do. Which is foreign to me since it's been so long since I'd had that feeling of togetherness...closeness to someone of the opposite sex...in a non-sexual manner.

This time we both knew...it was just a weekend. We were just two friends hanging out....no strings, no complications.

Yesterday, he told me he loved me. Told me he was moving to Tennessee and that he wanted me to go with him. I almost fell out of my chair upon hearing this.....I didn't even know that he felt that way about me....sure we love each other as friends....and there will always be a special place in my heart for him...BUT i really didn't see THIS coming. I think I'm STILL in shock, even as I write this....

But the thing is....I am not Jenny....I can't go through life jumping feet first into things, especially matters of the heart...and just hoping for the best. Oh, how I wish I could. That's what I did with Keith....I threw caution to the wind and hoped for the best....and well, we all saw how THAT worked out...I can't be reckless with my heart anymore. While I believe DJ and I have an amazing closeness and connection to one another, I don't think I could give up my life, my friends, my family, my job....all on..."what if"...What if it works....but what if it doesn't?

I guess only time will tell where I'll end up, what I will become....for now, I'm staying here, in good ole' Ohio. I'm going to live the life that feels comfortable to me, i will do what I want, and maybe become who I will eventually be...and do it all on my own.

I can't believe he loves me....*scratches my head in disbelief*

The End of an Era:

I am bummed. My lip is protruding in the most significant pout I've had in ages.

It's broken, what once was the most glorious gift, is now in pieces on the floor. My spirits are along side the shattered glass.

The first gift Keith ever gave me, on our first Christmas together as a couple, he got me a Harley Davidson Santa musical snow globe. I know, it sounds stupid, what grown woman would want a Harley Davidson Santa musical snow globe right? I did. I loved it. I broke it. It's broken. It is no more.

It's funny how little by little, the things of the past disappear. First it was his love I lost, then his presence, the memory of his face, the sound of his voice.....little by little it all fades away....but you always have those things that are a solid, a piece of evidence that love once existed. Except, they aren't as constant or solid as we might think.

Then one night, as you watch television, the whole thing plays out in slow motion, you see it begin to fall, the lights from the Christmas tree shimmer in its glassy reflective exterior all the way from where it once sat, to where it ultimately will land, you want to run to it, yet you know it's too late, gravity will win, nature IS going to rob you of even this.

You hear it land, *THUD*, glass breaks, water bursts into the room and goes in every direction, alone it lays in a puddle of white speckled water droplets, it lays motionless, smaller than it once appeared and gone is it's wonder, it's magical snow-filled picturesque scene.

He's getting closer to getting remarried, and I'm at a loss over a seemingly insignificant snow globe. Oh what opposite ends of the spectrum of life we find ourselves sometimes.

MISSING COCK:

Has anyone reported a missing cock? What about you, have you lost yours? Does it stand at about 12 inches tall fully erect? Does it wake you up in the mornings? Do you know where your cock is right now? Because if NOT, he might be where you least expected.

Meet the Annandale Rooster. He magically appeared at my office building about a week and a half ago. He's mean, he crows a million times a morning just outside of my window and he's looking for a nice redheaded chick...or at least, that's the rumor.

I'm not sure what's going to happen to our fair feathered friend, as it's due to get quite cold in the region, but for now, he appears to be here to stay.

He's waving at you....say Hello Mr. Rooster!!

First Snowy Day in Ohio:

The snow began falling last night, right as I went out for my evening jog. The night was perfect, cold but not TOO cold, snowy but not TOO snowy. My breath flew out of my nose and mouth making a cloud encompassing my head as I ran and ran forcing my legs to pound the pavement beneath me. There's something very methodical about the process of running, your heart pounding, your feet beating the ground, your breath going in and out....it makes you feel as though your body is a machine. Mine being not such a fine-oiled one....I really need to quit smoking! *smiles*

So I decided to get in shape...AGAIN. I have sporadically been going to the gym for years now, but it's time to get serious...again! *laughs*....I want to put my energy towards something worth while, figure, getting healthy is as good a cause as anything else. And I'm NOT making it my damned New Years Resolution, this shit is starting now...as in yesterday. I may be single, but damnit, I'm going to look good doing it! *winks*

Today, the roads were atrocious, I slid and swerved my way to the office about 15 minutes late, but still, I made it. You tend to forget how poorly neons do in the snow until that first snow of the season, when you are immediately reminded that you gave up snow reliability for gas mileage. But hey, I drive cheap.....just don't drive near me in the snow....I'm just saying....

Today while driving to work, the snow was falling still, everything was covered by that blanket of white fluffy precipitation...and I was singing along to Bob Marley's "No woman no cry"....and the day just seemed to be filled with a positive feeling....listening to Bob Marley in the snow is almost the equivalent of singing Christmas songs while lying on the beach....it seems odd, but it feels sooooo good.

A Blonde Moment.....YES even I have them!!

So, last week I was driving to Wisconsin with my sister Brooke. She was slumped over in the front passenger seat, trying to sleep as I drove through the last shift of driving from Madison, up to Montello.

All of the sudden, my sister wakes up, looks at me very confused, and says "WHY DOES IT SMELL LIKE SKITTLES IN HERE?"

I too then look confused and say, "I don't know....I smell it too!!" So we both put our noses to the air like bloodhounds on the trail of a escape convict. We inhale the scent, we digest the fragrance.....We begin looking around on the floor for something that spilled, I smell my expired air freshener....nope, nothing....can't figure it out. A few moments pass by.....a few more....

Then after we are about to throw our arms in the air in defeat....a light goes off in my head....not only did I suddenly realize what the smell was....but I instantly realized why I smelled it so strongly....IT WAS RIGHT UNDER MY NOSE! It was my freshly applied chapstick.

I had just put on my tropical flavored chapstick and its fragrance had filled the car with fruity goodness. Here I was sniffing, and the whole time, the smell was just beneath my very own nose.

I'm such a dunce sometimes! Brooke and I got a good laugh out of it though. At 3:00 am somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin nowhere...ya need a good laugh. I'm wearing it now...my lips are soft and pink and fruit flavored....and my sister's voice saying: "WHY'S IT SMELL LIKE SKITTLES IN HERE", keeps echoing through my head...and makes me nearly laugh out loud as I sit here at my desk at work. Good stuff.

I Can't Believe how little I've.....

Written lately. This is so unlike me. I think I've been distracted by life. Funny how that happens. *smiles*

I've been on the road a lot with going to West Virginia, then to Wisconsin....I've been busy being social, shopping and catching up on all the things I seem to constantly put off, yet I really feel no further ahead than when I started. *sighs*

This weekend has been so quiet....and for the last few days I've been a rotten mood....so I hadn't made any big weekend plans just out of pure negativity. Last night, I decided that I would take out and leave my frustrations about life in general at the Y, where I intended on getting a good workout and some endorphins flowing. However, after I made my way to Lima, through the square, past the beautiful horse drawn carriage lit up with Christmas lights, I arrived at the Y, only to realize they were having some big Holiday Family Fun night....which presents a problem for me, considering...I have no family. I was alone. So my workout consisted of driving through the parking lot and frowning as I made my way back down the street, leaving the YMCA in my rear view mirror. What's that saying about it taking more muscles to frown than to smile....so I guess my face got a workout anyway.....

I didn't want to go home though, well, because I spent over $3.00 / gallon driving over, might as well make SOMETHING of my trip....so I stopped off at Bob Evans for some coffee. Coffee always makes a sucky day a little less sucky. Not to mention they have THE best darn banana nut bread. Again, the host makes me confirm I'm single and alone on a Friday night when he says, "Just one tonight"...I wanted to say, "just one every night!"....but instead, I smiled at him and said, I'd gladly sit at the bar. And YES, I do realize that that host meant nothing by his question....and I AM totally being overly sensitive....Yeah, Yeah....got it.....it's not his fault...I know. I was just in a negative state of mind....Friday...the glass was a half empty kind of day.

Like a senior citizen, I sat alone, sipping my delicious coffee, snacking on the bread, watching the hustle and bustle of the kitchen staff...all frazzled, being used and abused by cranky Christmas Shopper patrons.....working in the service industry blows most days....but it especially blows at Christmas. But they were all great to me, each one passing me by offering to get me more coffee, or insisting that I should really eat something other than mere bread....who knew that while they were totally slammed they could still be so attentive to lil ole me, just sitting quietly there at the counter. It was nice.....to be where things where happening....where people were busy, alive....some were cranky....some were tired, others hungry.....there are so many emotions on display at your average dining establishment. It was definitely not a wasted trip, the Manager offered me a job and told me I'd make a nice addition to their dysfunctional little family...um, not sure if that was a compliment, but it's always nice to be wanted around, suppose I'll take it with a smile.

So yeah, I realize that this post has been me rambling on pretty much about nothing...but it's a start, I'm rusty.....

lets see...what else......I put my Christmas tree up. I LOVE my Christmas tree....it is a warm and welcoming presence in my otherwise dark and cold apartment upon my return home from work each day. A girl needs things like that.....Oh, and candles. Ever wonder how its possible that a candle can add such amazing warmth with such a tiny little flame? Kind of like that first spark of flirtation with someone new.....it adds a whole knew feeling to an otherwise stagnant existence....or in the candle's case...a chilly room.

Anyway....so this is my first, very lame attempt at getting back to writing here.....please forgive me for the time I've been away...AND for the time I've just stolen from you....I'll put my best foot forward from here on out....

Good Night & Sweet Dreams...

~hl~