Things NOT to do with someone NEW:

So last night I went to see "Harry" after a night out with Cole & Cara, Tony & Joy. We had went to the new Chinese place on cable road by Walgreen's and it was horrible. The food was cold and sparse and I was never so disappointed in a eatery in my entire life...SERIOUSLY!

Anyway, so when we finished dinner...I went to Harry's house to watch a movie with him. I had picked up this movie entitled "Love in the Time of Cholera" I had seen commercials for it all week on television and I thought, that might be good....I had never heard of it prior to, which should have been a indicator to it's quality...but nonetheless, I picked it up.

Once at Harry's place, he proceeded to make fun of the name "Love in the time of Cholera"....and I told him, you don't have to watch it...we can watch something else...but he insisted that we put it in. He was so funny, as each preview came on, he, in his best movie voice-over guy voice would say..."Love in the time of Mountains"...."Love in the time of ____________" Basically whatever would pop on the screen....you might of had to be there to fully appreciate it, but at the time it was hilarious. He really does crack me up.

Anyway...so about 1/2 hour into the movie, I pretty much decide it kind of sucks. I tell him as much and he says..."baby lets just go to bed then"....I was tired, he was tired....it was a good plan. So we did...we went to sleep.

About 2:00 a.m., I awake. Did I hear a noise? Was I hot? I laid there a moment in the darkness before I could figure out what caused me to wake....I was going to be sick. My mouth started to salivate, my skin was clammy and crawling...and I whispered.."Harry....uh, I'm not feeling so good!" He said.."Awwww....I'm sorry, is it your belly?" I say, "Uh, yeah, I think I might throw-up" Which is the exact words to say if you want to see a man get out of bed with amazing speed and agility. He was up and pulling me along behind him out the door and into the bathroom.

At first I thought, maybe it's a false alarm...maybe I'm being silly....but then the burping started...combined with over salivation...and that's when I knew...this was no false alarm..this WAS GOING TO HAPPEN WHETHER I LIKED IT OR NOT!

Harry stood concerned at the door, asking me if I needed anything....could he help in any way...etc. I just shooed him away from the door and begged him not to watch as I threw up...for that surely would be the end of the romantic portion of our courtship. He left me alone....and I went to work preparing for the purging that was about to begin.

Sure enough in a few minutes, in my dedicated vomiting position...things began and I puked and puked until all that wretched festering Chinese poison was out of my stomach and into the white porcelain bowl beneath me. I can assure you of a couple things...#1 - it will be a long time before I can eat Chinese again! #2 - I will NEVER go back to the Chinese place on Cable Road by Walgreen's! #3 - I don't think I can drink Orange Fanta pop again ever.... *frowns with disappointment*

So, after heaving awhile, I finally go back and crawl into Harry's bed. With my back pressed up against the cold outside wall, and began to sleep. At one point in the night....i must have been tossing or turning and Harry reached out and put his hand to my forehead to check to see if I had a fever....and through my misery, I couldn't help but smile...and feel that for the first time in forever that I was being cared for. It was not expected, but in my vulnerable state...very welcomed.

Oh, and I forgot, my eye is horrible again....so this morning, Harry got to see me pale, hair a mess, one eye that was swollen, crusty and blood red from my eyelashes to my eyebrow, no makeup and he got to listen to me vomit. I'm thinking that perhaps our relationship is surly being tested. I mean, the sight of myself in the mirror this morning scared ME...I can only imagine what it did to him. Poor thing.

So if last night were a movie, it would have been titled "Love in the time of food poisoning" And just as the movie we began to watch....it also sucked (the vomiting...NOT the company of course)!!!

~hl~

We will Call him "Harry"...Oh, Please...can I keep him?! Can I? Can I?

This might be too soon to share…for it’s still fragile and new….but to sit on this information would be like trying to hide my smile.

So I mentioned a week or so ago that I had my eyes opened by a couple people….one in particular. *takes a deep breath*….I can’t believe I’m telling you guys this…but anyway here goes…

So you guys are always telling me that “the right guy” is out there…will come along….etc. And I’m always like…yeah, yeah….sure…I hope….but there’s no way to know these things for sure. Sometimes love is the luck of the draw….sometimes things have to play out just so, in order to find it….and I think I accidently found “something”. Not sure what yet, but definitely something….

At first it was pretty random….I didn’t even think it was anything. Then after about a month or so of talking….it started to dawn on me that there just might be something there. I found myself looking forward to hearing from him more and more…and by the time we went on our first date, I was astounded by the quickness of comfort we established with each other. He’s so funny and he makes me laugh….and in the world of me, laughter and passion are everything….I feel like I can really be myself with him. Not sure how I can feel totally comfortable AND have a belly filled with butterflies at the same time…but yeah, that’s kind of how it’s been.

He’s not exactly a person I’d have picked off the street and said, “That’s HIM, he’s the one!”….for you all know that I’m typically attracted to tall dark haired, dark eyed men…and “Harry” is tall…blue eyed and bald. *laughs* yeah, you heard me..totally no hair, bald. Not typically something I would go for, but to know him…is to adore him….him and his bald head! *laughs* He’s going to kill me for that!

I didn’t write about this before now, mostly because I was afraid I’d hurt a certain person upon him finding out this information….but it’s my hope that if he truly loves me like he says he does, than he’ll love me enough to want me to be happy….even if it’s not with him. For I certainly did not plan this….it’s a blessing, but one that comes with a certain amount of sting to the feelings of another. For the sting, I apologize…but I can’t say that I’m sorry to have found someone who makes me this happy. I feel like I’m 15 again, butterflies and stupid giddiness. It’s so unfamiliar to feel this way…I don’t know that I have ever felt like this….and maybe it’s a fluke, maybe this will fade away and I’ll be writing that same old story about the infamous “disappearing man”….but if a future of writing that story means I get to experience “THIS” in the meantime….I’ve got to tell you, I honestly think it’d be worth it.

You guys all know I LOVE Sex and the City right? Well for fans of the show….imagine “Harry”…bald, but amazing Harry. He might not have been what Charlotte would have imagined for herself, but it wasn’t long before she could imagine a life without him in it. A lot of girls want "Mr. Big"....or maybe an "Aidan"....if you ask me, a girl could consider herself damn lucky to have a "Harry".

It’s like the part of me that my relationship with Keith starved…is being fed and nurtured and suddenly the word contentment has taken on a whole new meaning.

I’m standing on the edge of something ….and it’s scary to think I might fall….so maybe I’ll just jump…that way I can say I did it on purpose! *laughs*

Movie Moments:

You know that part in the movie Tommy Boy where Chris Farley and David Spade are in the car, flipping through the radio stations and this really girly lovesong-ish tune comes on and they look at each other and the one says to the other… “I can handle it if you can!” and next thing you know, both of them are singing ever so un-manly as any two men could possibly sing….and they are looking at each other all sentimentally….yeah…that was us tonight.

Steph and I went out for our usual Friday night ritual of coffee and pancakes, this time we found ourselves in a strange place, Bob Evans instead of IHOP, and we found ourselves in mixed company. The norm being a club of two, Steph and myself…tonight, we had added members, Skyler (Steph’s eldest daughter) and Nik (Steph’s little sister). Nik is not entirely new to coffee and pancake Fridays, but nonetheless, we found ourselves in a unusual mood and tone.

Upon finishing dinner, or breakfast, however you’d like to think of it, we all hopped into my car and started on our way back to our respective homes. I was messing with the radio, adjusting volume and whatnot when I realized that I had my notoriously bad 80’s CD in the player…I turned it up to discover that the infamous Bonnie Tyler was beginning to grace the presence of my radio speakers….with her 1883 rendition of Total Eclipse of the Heart.

Steph being the skinny blonde of our group naturally takes the role of David Spade…
I, being jovial and plump, I assume the role of Chris Farley…fuck he’s funnier of the two anyway…it’s all good! *winks*

Steph looks at me and rolls her pretty eyes ever so dramatically and says: “Oh no! No Total Eclipse of the Heart for me tonight…”

I look at her and give her my best, “I mean fucking business” look and say… “We’re doing THIS!”

We turn the corner by Meijers and start off into the darkness..and the music is really starting to build…..Steph can’t help herself, her mouth begins to move without her permission, the vocal stylings of Ms. Tyler are hypnotic….I turn to look at little Ms. Pre-teen Skyler who’s eyes are wide and full of anticipation…for she’s for the very first time learning about the camaraderie of the female spirit and what it’s like to have moments where she’s no longer just a kid, she’s a girl, a girl who’s growing up and having moments just like this. Nik is bracing herself for what is only moments away.

The neon comes alive with smoker-esque singing voices, air guitar solos, synthesizer renditions. Nik throws up a lighter and we giggle and sing and strain our voices trying ever so horribly to hit the notes that we KNOW we’ll never make. There we were, the four of us, singing at the top of our lungs in the worst display of out of tune, misguided attempt at musical talent the world has ever seen…. As we drove into the night, with foggy windows and the world flying by outside them, we found ourselves in a world all of our own. From the youth of dear sweet Skyler, to Steph, Nik and I reliving ours….it was a magical moment that only the four of us might be able to understand and appreciate.

It’s moments like that, that breathe new life through old songs into everyday relationships between best friends, sisters and mother and daughter. Music is truly a magical therapy...one that time and time again has managed to bridge the generational gap like nothing else in the world...

Today was the first day that it really dawned on me that I’m 30…and for the first time, I realized I was ok with it.

Hope you all have a great weekend.

All my love,
~hl~

It's a F*cking Zoo at my Office!

So yesterday was pretty interesting ..., so there I was at my desk, Jenn had left early to take her husband to the Dr. All was pretty quiet. Only John and myself were at the office.

I was working on a new case, totally engrossed in that, when the phone began to ring. I say: "Hello!" in my happy-go-lucky telephone voice. It was my ex-co-worker from next door Amber! Always nice to have a quick chat with her. She says "Hey, are you busy?"..and I'm like..."Uh, not too bad, why? What's up?" She says: "Kevin's outside, go out your back door, he wants to see you!" I say, "Oh, okay, I'll run back real quick!"

I hang up the phone, trot down the hallway while admiring my super awesome strappy heels that I broke out to celebrate the first spring-like day so far this year......, I get to the backdoor, swing it open....I look to the left, I look to the right..nothing. I look around the corner...I scan the parkinglot...nothing...still no sign of Kevin...at this point I'm like wtf? Then I see people crowding around two of the window's in the office next door to ours....they begin to beat on the windows...I can see their frantic little palms pounding the glass....but the sun's glare on the window prohibited me from seeing what in the heck they are saying, or signing or motioning to....finally, I'm like..."you fuckers are crazy...!" I go back in the door, trot back down the hallway once again admiring my lovely brown girly shoes, sit down into my chair, swivel around and answer my phone that was once again....RINGING!!

I once again answer and say "Hello!" Again it's Amber and she's sounding a bit frantic and said..."HEATHER!!!!! DIDN'T YOU SEE THAT HUGE RACCOON THAT WAS RIGHT NEXT TO YOU???" I'm like..."What, what raccoon?....I didn't see any raccoon!" Amber says: "Are you kidding me, it was like two feet from you! It arched it's back and looked like it was going to attack you!!" And I'm like..."Well I was looking for six foot tall Kevin, not a one foot tall rabid fur ball at my ankles!!!!!!! Why'd you even send me out there???!!!" She starts laughing and says, well I didn't know you wouldn't see it...it was RIGHT THERE!"

So I tell her she's an asshole and that she could have gotten me killed...and thanks a lot for sending a lamb like myself to be slaughtered! She said they were all banging on the windows telling me to run...and I was like "whaaa??? Whaaaat? I can't hear you!!" All the while, rocky freaking rabies infested raccoon was about to gnaw through my ankle bone and drag me into the bushes!

Some friends I got! Those TDG bastards have got one coming! Remember guys...I worked for TDG for ten years...and I learned a lot of shit in that time...and I haven't forgotten...! I was trained by professional Todd....Chief Lightfoot himself! You've been warned!

First there was the infamous Annandale Rooster...and now a Annandale Raccoon. It's like wild freaking kingdom with Marty Stauffer around that place!

I think it's safe to say...

....that if you want to date me, you better strap on your crash helmet, and bring me a set of training wheels...

Eye Openers in an average and ordinary week....

Okay, so this week I’ve had my eyes opened, and to be honest, I’m really taken back by it. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m not cynical or anything about human nature, I always try and remember that people, while they may do shitty things, generally have a good heart…or good intentions….

But when my week started out with my ex-one date guy’s girlfriend texting me, I thought… “Oh, here we go again!”, but instead of it being bitchy, caddy, cat-fight-ish, it was strangely pleasant and civil. I thought she hated me, and instead, she was really quite nice. Now, I could be skeptical and be like… “what’s she up to?”, but I don’t think I will. I think I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt and if she’s secretly out to destroy me, well then, I guess I’ll find out….for now though, I'm taking her at face value.

Funny thing is, unbeknownst to me, she reads this blog…here I was writing about her and all the while she was reading…I literally had to go back and read some of the things I wrote about her boyfriend….I wasn’t kind to him in a couple posts, but upon reading them, I realized that while my words were harsh, I stand by them. I don’t think his intentions with me were the best, therefore, I can’t feel bad about calling him out on it. That’s the funny thing about the truth….you could take it back upon your saying it, but what’d be the point, it’d still be true whether anyone knew it or not.

Then I met this other person….a guy. We’ll call him….uh…..Harry. I went on a date with him on Wednesday. Everyone thinks…eh, first dates…awkward, nerve racking….right?! But instead, it was really quite nice. There weren’t any awkward silences, or uncomfortable moments….so what was supposed to be this little non-monumental thing to have taken place in the middle of the week, actually turned out to be one of those moments where you are like…. “Wow, that was fun, and refreshing!”

So, I guess this week, my faith in people was really re-established. And maybe that’s naïve of me, maybe I WANT to give people the benefit of the doubt and I’ll be severely burned one day, but I think it’s great when people realize that my intentions are good, when they realize that I’m not trying to “fuck” anyone….so I want to offer that same courtesy to others.

Treat others the way you want to be treated….that’s what they say right?!

FYI

New Pictures have been loaded to my photoblog...and I said "NEW"...not "NUDE"!!

I know, I know...three of you just sighed with disappointment, but hey....you'll live! *winks at you*

Hope everyone made it out and about safely today...for the weather we are having is less than to be desired.

Good news is....it's Wednesday Guys....we are on the down slope towards the weekend! Sit back and enjoy the ride....Friday is a'comin!

~hl~

Drama, Drama, Drama.....

So for those of you who don't know....I went away this past weekend to visit a friend of mine in West Virginia...a place I've been several times before...a place I'm feeling more and more with each visit is a place of great escape, solitude and rejuvenation. So naturally after the month I've had, I was relieved when the invite to come down came in. It was exactly what I needed, good friends, good food, good conversation, live music, sunshine and driving with the windows down singing at the top of my lungs! Yep, that's what I was on my way to do, when the drama began to follow me.

I was quite sure I put drama on the night stand and made sure not to pack it in my suitcase, but somehow it managed to find it's way into my trip. First on my way down there on Friday night, my phone rang, it was Keith....I took one look at the caller I.D. and was like "Oh NO!...Not this time, I'm not going to ruin my weekend by starting it off with THIS....nope, that shit will have to wait until I get back!".....I threw my phone in my purse as if it didn't exist....and it felt good!

Next, the phone rang again...this time being my "user friend" I was telling you guys about....calling for the 10th or so time that day...again...I left it go unanswered....only to see the screen light up again, this time being an unfamiliar telephone number, from a familiar area code. I didn't know who was calling, but I knew on who's behalf that call was coming...and like the others, it was off to voicemail it went. "Whew...dodged another one!" I thought.

Then came the curve ball....three consecutive text messages from the girlfriend of this guy who I went on ONE date with last year.....with her asking me why my ex-husband's fiance was coming up to her and her boyfriend..(the guy I went on ONE date with) at the bar asking him to tell me to sign the annulment papers. Which is strange considering he and don't even associate, let alone speak to one another anymore.....odd right!?!

So when I texted Keith today to follow up from Friday, he told me that he PAID THE CREDIT CARD OFF!!!!! Can you believe it, I thought this day would never come....as a matter of fact, I think hell just froze over....nope, wait....not hell, it's just still effing winter here in Ohio!!!!!!!!! Arrrrrgggg!!

So to make a long story entirely longer, I told him that while I will be glad to look over the annulment papers, I wanted him to do something ELSE for me...figure, it can't hurt to ask right?!?! I tell him to kindly ask his fiance not to go up to random strangers in bars and ask them to deliver any kind of annulment related questions to me. He said I received bad information and that I was misinformed. I was like..."Well, whatever.."

THEN, I get a text message from Keith's Fiance and she tells me that I received some bad information and that what I was told didn't happen at all....all the while, I'm getting more and more uncomfortable by the route this whole dramatic event is starting to take....I mean, seriously, why is my ex-husband's fiance text messaging me about a girl who's the girlfriend of a guy I went one ONE F*CKING DATE with last year? Does this make sense to any of you??

Frankly, I don't really much give a shit...did you hear what I said PEOPLE?!?!?!

THE CREDIT CARD IS PAID!!!!!!!!!!!!

*JUMPS UP AND DOWN WITH DELIGHT!*

The final straw in the biblical collapse of Keith and I's marriage has finally found its resting place. It IS officially the end of an era. Go in peace and serve the lord..or get remarried, get an annulment or whatever it is people normally do.....in situations like these!

DRAMA, DRAMA, DRAMA....sounds a bit like....BLAH, BLAH, BLAH doesn't it?!?!?!

This post is dedicated to all the wives, girlfriends and the like of all the guys I've loved, went on one date with...or for any poor unsuspecting chaps I shall date and break up with in the future....ladies, there are plenty of fish in the sea you see, and the fish you now possess, just wasn't the fish for me!

Update: "The User Friend"

Okay, so I told you I sent the letter to my "user friend" the one that turned my care and concern into a concierge service...yeah, him...

anyway, I sent the letter to him last week and he's called me like a hundred times a day since. Each time, I just couldn't bring myself to answer his call. Mostly because I wasn't sure I was ready for whatever he was about to tell me....too soon for an apology...or was it too late?!

He called me tonight as I was on my way home from taking Steph out for her birthday at the Olive Garden and this time, being "nice heather" once more, I answered. Not sure of what the conversation would entail, but I guess I was ready for whatever the call would bring...good or bad....hateful or regretful.

He said he was sorry...he sounded tormented and apologetic. It sounded sincere when he apologized, and he sounded relieved that I picked up the call.....

So, maybe I'm not perfect...and maybe our friendship never will be, but I am forgiving, if you say you are sorry, I will believe you until you make a non-believer out of me.

However, the rose colored glasses are a little less rosy from here on out.