MOVING UP, MOVING OUT, MOVING ON

Hello my Angels!

I know that while you may think this is just me being dramatic again, but due to unforeseen circumstances, I really would like to move my blog elsewhere, to a place where I can say what I want, and not worry about who might be reading....not that I "WORRY" per se now, but I find that due to some of my audience, and they know who they are, I am finding myself crippled from being able to write about the things I want to....the things that are juicy, the things that make me have an evil grin from time to time. And I'm not moving so I can write bad things about other people, but just so I can express myself freely in a way I'm comfortable with...the way it used to be HERE before things got so complicated.

So, this is NOT A TEST of the National Weather Service..this blog IS moving....like it or not, it's happening. So, to my loyal readers, and you also know who you are...email me at Turkey42@hotmail.com and give me your e-mail address and I will forward you the new web address. If you do not wish for me to know your identity, well then, regretfully I must bid you adieu. Thank you for coming aboard and being a part of the discussion, but the time has come. It's time to start a new chapter...and time to leave those readers who do not come here out of enjoyment, but do so for all the wrong reasons.....on the outside...in the dark.

So, here's what you do, click on your e-mail right now, drop me a line, send your name and e-mail address to Turkey42@hotmail.com and I'll reply with the new link. Simple as pie people. I think I'll give it until July 4th or so, and then I'll be making the big switch.

Again, thank you so much to those of you who visit the page....while I write this for my own enjoyment, you are the extras that make my page fun, festive, controversial, lively and worth coming back to.

I'll be watching my e-mail....

All my best,

~hl~

I'm quitting AGAIN.

Well some of you know, some of you may not that I quit smoking back in February, and then started back up in April. Two whole months of no cancer-sticks, and I was feeling like they were a thing of the past.

And then I don't know what happened, I gave into the temptation, I thought "I can just have one"...that won't make me addicted again....WRONG! Once you've been addicted to something like cigarettes, you can go from zero to addicted in mere minutes without even realizing what you've done.

So this morning, I smoked my hopefully LAST EVER cigarette.

Guess watching "The Bucket List" was good for more than just a laugh and a good cry this week, it inspired me not to want to smoke anymore as well. Thanks Jack, Thanks Morgan! I owe you guys! Now lets just hope I stick with it. *crosses fingers*

While Surfing the Internet

I came across one of our time's most notorious beautiful women, Angelina Jolie, however, I couldn't help but think istantly that she don't look so hot! In fact, she looks very insect-like in this photo.

Seriously, don't you think there's a slight resemblence here?

~hl~

WARNING!!!!!!! SUCKTASTIC MOVIE ALERT!

For the past few days, I've been trying to get through this movie I rented from the library. Now granted, when you get free movies from the Library, you do so knowing they might not be the blockbuster hits you get for nearly $4.00/night at the sucky video store I recently was employed by, BUT, you take your chances and you say, what the hell, it's free right?

Well, This week I rented

1. The Evening - watched - {TERRIBLE}

2. Mr. Woodcock - watched - {NOT TOO GOOD}

3. The Painted Veil - watched - {LOVED IT}

4. The Wendall Baker Story - watched - {ODD, ODD FILM, must love the Wilson boys}

5. Star Dust - watching over the weekend

I also was given "The Bucket List" to watch, which was a great movie by the way...but that's not the point to this blog, the point to this blog being, I was robbed! Robbed of a few hours of my life by "The Evening"

The previews say that this movie is amazing and filled with stunning performances from the greatest actresses of our time. I mean, the movie had Meryl Streep in it for God sakes....Glen Close, Claire Danes, Vanessa Redgrave, Toni Collette.....I thought to myself, how can I go wrong? Oh, how wrong I was!

This movie is terrible. The story, the acting, the premise, the ending....all crap. And Meryl Streep was only in the darn movie for like ten minutes....what a let down!

So do yourself and me a favor, heed my advice and skip this one, I don't even care if it's free.....it's not worth it.

Word to the Wise:

Be careful who you choose to spoon, for you might just find yourself forked.



{This post is dedicated to my good friend Darren, he knows why.}

It's never too late.....

to learn new things, and tackle new challenges....

Ok, are you sitting down? What I'm about to tell you might be a bit shocking. Okay, here goes....

"Uh, I've never really mowed a lawn before."

Yeah, I know, it's like I'm from another planet right? Well my friend Jason recently became an over the road truck driver. Jason isn't originally from Delphos and I'm one of the only people he knows from town...so when he asked me for "a really huge favor"....I was shocked to find out he wanted me to go down to his place and mow his lawn. I don't even mow the lawn at my own apartment!

I tried to tell him I had NO IDEA what I was doing....but nonetheless, he dropped off his garage door opener at my house when I was at work and I was left with the looming job of yard work.

So after not being able to get down there to do it due to the ever freaking constant thunderstorms that Ohio has been experiencing, AND having to work all last weekend at the Great Wolf Lodge by Kings Island....yesterday was the earliest I could THINK about doing it.

So I went down, pulled the lawn mower out of the garage, grabbed the gas can and filled up the mower's tank. Then I began to search for the ever-loving directions...surely this thing had directions right?! Finally after two neighbors came out of their house to stare at me as to try and figure out, what exactly it was I was doing there squatting in Jason's driveway, staring at the lawnmower like it was an alien spacecraft, I made a call. I called Cara. She's a town girl who's probably mowed grass before I thought. And, as luck would have it, she in fact had. Although when I told her I didn't know what I was doing, she started laughing so hard that she couldn't talk to me, so she handed the phone off to Cole who said.."Now, WHAT are you doing?" "Where are you?" "Fine, I'm on my way!"

Cara, Cole & Mark pulled into the driveway, and they got me started....mostly just laughed at me and shook their heads at my lack of mowing knowledge, but seriously, when I was a kid, the only yard we ever had my dad either mowed with the hay baler, OR my Grandma Peg mowed it. She in fact mowed everything, the campgrounds, the farm, the zoo, everything. You never have to mow when you have a "Grandma Peg" at home. As a last resort, my family would of probably bought goats to eat the grass down before I would of gotten to mow it. Besides, as a kid, I was too busy for stuff like that, I spent all day saddling horses, feeding, giving petting zoo tours, taking riders out for the stables and shoveling shit. Now if Jason had called me to shovel shit, well then, that's something I'd be an ole pro at.

When I was in the 6th grade, we moved up the street to the 2nd house I grew up in, it was built above a barn, we didn't even HAVE a yard...therefore, this should explain how I've managed to make it through 30 years of life without becoming a proficient mower.

I've discovered though yesterday that mowing is freaking hard work! Especially when your good ole pal Jason forgot to mention is back yard is a freaking football field and lined on all sides with big Pine Trees that make mowing like the nightmare on elm street it's so much fun!

I perspired, my mouth became parched, I stained a perfectly nice pair of sneakers....my hands felt like someone was stabbing them with vibrating needles....my palms are bruised from shoving that thing around the yard...got a nice workout though. Yesterday was a lovely day, breezy, cool, sunshine...I suppose if you have to mow, I couldn't have picked more perfect weather for it.

So, anyway, despite the emotional ups and downs of the week, I'm proud to say that I've learned a new skill...just another thing to add to the arsenal of things under my belt, tools to making it through this life....don't mess with me, or I'll MOW YOUR LAWN BUSTER!!

Laugh all you want Cara....I'm gaining on you! lol

No matter how hard you try.....

.....oil and water just don't mix.

Oil...good.

Water...good.

Put the two together and what do you have?

Two bodies that can lay side by side, but that never become one.

It's a lovely idea, and like gasoline poured in a mud puddle, it actually looks quite pretty with it's vivid colors and swirly design.....yet, take a step back you'll see that it's still just a polluted mud puddle.

Road Blocks:

The most frustrating thing about relationships is when you have two good people who when put together find it difficult to make a go of it.

Two good people who started their happy journey together skipping and whistling all the day long, but then find that they hit a snag along the way, met a road block that is keeping them from achieving full happiness....togetherness in a harmonious fashion.

I hate it.

I mean, you want it, you love the person, you try, you fight, you try some more....and yet, there it is that fucking roadblock again! And it's not your fault, I mean, you didn't put it there in the middle of the relationship, blocking traffic, making it difficult to pass, but its there nonetheless.

You look over at your love, he's pissed and cursing the state of Ohio for picking THIS road to put it on, he's pissed at you for deciding that this road was the quickest, you are pissed at him for being pissed at you....and so the cycle goes. Horns are blaring, cigarette smoke pour from the windows out of pure frustration and you wonder, how long can this go on, before the whole car just implodes from tension.

All couples experience different road blocks, for some it's money, others it's the stress of having children and not having time for one another, for me, it's those emotional roadblocks that keep me from reaching my destination.

I watched Sex in the City THE MOVIE for the second time tonight, and it was so wrought with relationship drama and it made me wonder if I know what the hell I'm even doing....Do I?

I asked myself in my head on the way home as Cara and I drove into the darkness....

"What kind of life do I want"....

"Does my future have someone else in it?".....

"How does one build a life with someone, when they aren't even sure what life it is that they want?"

It scares me to think that by the time I figure all this out, I might be sitting in the nursing home when I realize that I wasted my whole life trying to figure things out, only to realize my time is up. Just when I'm confident I know what I'm doing...that I've answered all those life questions....it'll be futile, for by the time THAT happens, there will be nothing left to do but shrivel up and die. A harsh reality for someone who goes through life constantly questioning everything....a curse I've had since I was old enough to talk. They say that curiosity killed the cat, and I think it'll be curiosity that just may kill me in the end.

I need therapy. If my "counselor" (and I use the term loosely) hadn't been such a douche bag, I think it's safe to say....It might have been a good idea to have kept on going.

Straight jacket anyone....anyone?

What's YOUR motive?

There were several reasons that I went to school for a law related degree...one reason being that law heavily relies on intent and motive.

In criminal law, you learn not to look at the crime as a solitary act, but you look at what was the intent of the criminal....for people rarely act on impulse alone and have no other explanation for the things they do. For instance a shoplifter's arm generally doesn't just lift itself up and take something without the slightest idea why. No, first the brain has to tell the arm to reach...if it's food, it's because our little shoplifter is hungry, if it's jewelery, it's because Joe shoplifter likes shiny things, or perhaps its because it's of value, value that can be transferred from object to currency easily. The point is, most crimes have motive, and most criminals have intent. It's what separates us from the animals, we can reason...even when the crimes committed seem anything but reasonable to others. Granted, there are exceptions, sociopaths are hard to determine motive with, and others have serious mental disorders that cause them to act in ways that require no motive whatsoever...but in MOST CASES, there's a motive, and if you look hard enough, dig deep enough, you'll discover it.

So anyway, when you work with cases like those I see everyday, and when you are trained to think everything out through legal means, you really start to apply what you know to your personal life.

I'm the most forgiving person when someone hurts me unintentionally, however, if I've been wronged, and wronged with the full purpose of causing me harm, well then, there's not much to forgive at that point now is there? Many of our clients have broken the law, and you learn real quick, some of them are just from the client not having a backbone to say no to their friends, others are caught up in the drugs, motivated by desperation and fear, while others, they do it because they can! Because they are just plain ole mean, hardened and only care about one thing, and that's getting what THEY want, be damned anyone who gets in the way. Now, people with backbones who make bad choices you can sympathize with, people who are strung out on drugs and didn't know what they were doing in their intoxicated existence..there to you can sometimes find goodness....but the others, you can't forgive someone who has no remorse.

My new rule when I hear an amazing story of lies and intrigue is, maybe if you don't understand WHY someone does something, maybe that's a good thing. The fact that you haven't crossed over to the "dark side", that you don't have the mindset where the criminally insane acts of others make sense to you, perhaps it means the world had not corrupted you....YET. Although, if you are like me and you find yourself watching "Snapped" on the Lifetime Channel, "Cold Case Files" on A&E, and waaay too much Law and Order, you might start to develop a 6th sense as to what motivates others.....just be careful..that's all I'm saying.

I college, time after time we were assigned to do a case brief, read cases, give the synopsis, the legal argument, what statutes were actually broken, etc. Sometimes I feel like my personal life is a case file sitting on my desk and I've been assigned to do a case study of it's contents. Only, I don't always feel I have the tools or mental capacity to give a detailed account of exactly what is going on with it. Are there any co-conspirators? Has our client been coerced into this? Is there a technicality, a loophole to the laws that have been broken? Is the client guilty or innocent? Is the prosecutor willing to make me a deal?

I'm certain I'm guilty on some counts, while others...I WAS FRAMED!!!! It wasn't me, it was the "one armed man"! (Which is funny considering that's a great quote from Harrison Ford, but that I just so happen to have a dad with one arm....) I say, if you can get away with it, always blame it on the "one armed man"....nobody will believe you and you get to have a little smirk when you say it.

Case adjourned...this blog is now at recess.

To appease your curiosity:

So ya'll are wondering what's up with this "looming letter" I referred to in a post or so ago. Here's the scoop!

Uh, remember my "user friend" that I had written about previously, well....looks like I was wrong to give him the benefit of the doubt....AGAIN. Gosh I'm a freaking moron. Well, he makes me to look like one....once again, I'm an idiot.

So, to refresh your memory, I've been asked to do many things for my friend over the years, I've helped him with everything from finding a good lawyer, to finding his daughter, to providing him with legal research, calling people on his behalf, and god knows what else.

Well, through our friendship, I became friends with his fiance, now EX-fiance. She's a pretty interesting person, hard as nails this one, and she has an uncanny ability to know when people are up to no good. If you are the slightest transparent, she'll not only see THROUGH you, she'll uncover all your deepest secrets and does so with amazing ease. I'm thinking this comes from years of being fed bullshit and being lied to. I guess in time, you learn to be a professional lie detector. I kinda like her, even if she did delete me! *laughs*

Anyway, because of my user friend, I somehow got swindled into being in the middle of their personal affairs, dealing with their break up, with their loose ends and whatnot. I wasn't something I ever WANTED to be involved in, but he asked, and like a dipshit I agreed. Because of my association in this, our ever clever clairvoyant ex-fiance, who I once thought of as a friend came to me and hit me hard with questions....questions I knew I could not lie to her about. So I did the only thing I could do in order not to hurt either party, and that's to plea the 5th and not incriminate myself. She didn't take kindly to my skirting around the issue and as a result, she discontinued our friendship right there on the spot. Can't blame her really....I mean, I shouldn't have been playing both side of the fence, and while I hated every minute of it, my loyalty to the one, disallowed me to be honest with anyone. It sucked....I suck!

So, recently, Ex-fiance sends me a e-mail and I was like whoa...what's this about, cause after our last conversation she deleted me from her myspace and officially discontinued any and all association with me. I got her e-mail and replied, and she goes on to tell me that she has something I should read. A letter from our common "user friend". A letter that trashes me to her. Says the most dreadful untruths about me and my character. I'm left going....NOT THIS AGAIN! So in his letters to me and in our phone conversations, he conveys how grateful he is for our friendship, how he appreciates me and everything I've done for him, yet he writes the love of his life and trashes me. So Ms. Ex-fiance is sending me the letter so I can read for myself what my very good friend of TEN YEARS has to say about me...in all it's hand written glory.

I don't want to read it because I know it'll hurt my feelings, but, it's best to know the truth in cases like this.

So this concludes the "looming letter" mystery....well, for now anyway. There might be more once the damn thing is in my hands....perhaps a dramatic ending...ya know, if you are into those.

The Week Vermont Came to Delphos:

While you all know that I recently flew to Vermont to see Harry, you might not know for the last week, "Harry" has been here in Delphos with me.

Having someone in your home is an intimate thing, especially when you must leave them at the start of each day, and allow them to peruse about your belongings and in a way, treat them as if they were their own.

I've been living alone and on my own for a long time now....I left at home at 18 and have been bouncing around this life ever since. In and out of relationships, in and out of love.....and when things come crashing down....you always have that place you run to....your place of sanctuary. For the past two years, this apartment has been mine.

Welcoming someone into first my heart, then my life....and THEN my home...well, it's been an experience, a journey.

I wasn't sure how things would go, would the cramped space prove to be an aggravation neither of us could escape? Would he find my life boring and mundane to the point of suicidal thoughts?

At the end of each day, I nearly ran out the front door of work to get back home. I sped needlessly to run up the stairs and walk through that door to find someone there. It's been so long since I had that....someone who is "there". It was an odd realization about myself to know that I actually like coming home to something....to someone.

Harry made my bed each day, I actually COOKED things in my KITCHEN for him....we ate together, slept side-by-side.....and he showered every afternoon where I stood naked each morning. While essentially we were just playing house, it made me kind of a grown up again. I had totally forgot what that it felt like to factor someone else in....to "have" someone.

Anyway, he's gone now...and the house seems quiet. Oh, so quiet.

{Note: The above picture does NOT contain any real characters from MY life...however they sure look like fun...}

Goodbye May...Hello June....

Today the sunlight is a bright and radiant white light. Gone is the humidity of yesterday and today's wind is that of a light breeze.

Only hours ago, the skies were dark and looming, lightning crashed and thunder demanded our most dedicated art of listening.

I stood at my window last evening, eyes wide, heart racing....and I wonder if the weather, the seasons are a lot like love, ever changing, but while both contrasts are beautiful in their own right....what would one be without the other?

There's an AA meeting going on across the street at my favorite quaint little church, young girls devour ice cream as they walk by surely gossiping about something....and today the breezes carry little white puffs of splendor, whether they are dandelion seeds, or cherry blossoms, they are amazingly beautiful. An artist could not dream up their magic, nor catch them quite like they are this very moment.

I've been thinking a lot lately about relationships and how a life without them is like a night sky without stars. Dark, dismal and barren of emotion.

I'm currently in the midst of an abundance of lessons, they flit about and around me like the seedlings on the breeze. Some land on my head, upon my eyelashes, while others whizz by silently within close range.

As we speak, there is a letter, a dark and ominous letter about to find it's way to me, to reveal a truth that I've long since denied. One I thought I could believe away. Yet, it's coming and I know it's contents will sting and make my faith in humanity weaker than before it arrived. I dread that letter....but how can one deny the truth forever?

Do you know that in my lifetime, the sun has risen and set again 11,065 times? If I live to be a hundred, it will be 36,845 times. Thirty-six thousand is not that much. As children, life feels like it extends into infinity and beyond, and yet when you do the math, minus taking into account for leap years, the numbers don't lie, and sadly, we all die eventually....many of us will surely not see our one hundredth birthdays...while others will feel fortunate to go a little sooner. For what do people of one hundred years of age complain of feeling like...TWO HUNDRED years of age?

I don't know about the rest of you, but around thirty years of age, you really start to realize that time is of the essence, and your days are precious...even the ones that are trying and leave you feeling weary and tested to the core of your existence.

When that looming letter finds its way into my hands, while I'll be surely saddened by it's contents, it is the gift of truth, and the truth never lies.

So far this year, my eyes were opened to how easily a scratch to one's surface can easily become a near fatal mistake, I've fallen in love and flew through the sky, I've traveled to unknown places and was greeted my the most friendliest of faces and I've learned that I've made a ten year mistake on someone whom was once a worthy cause. A person who likely never deserved the title of "friend"...how trusting and naive we all have the tendency to be sometimes.....

There have been 11,065 sunsets in my past and a possibility of over 25,000 in my future.....

there is more to come...........

In Case you were Wondering.....

Why you haven't seen me at the Video Store...it's cause I quit.

Yep, I'm a quitter.

Bye, Bye Porn Room!