Thirty Three Years Ago...

We were shooting down protesters right here in Ohio at Kent State....

Could this happen today?



It's happening in Iran today....



Is the US thirty three years ahead of the rest of the world in civility, or could this be us again?

While the world morns Michael Jackson...

I am in disbelief in regards to the death of a young woman I've never met, who was just as faceless as the rest of us, until she was shot and killed at a protest rally in Iran just days ago.

Her name was Neda Agha-Soltan, who was just twenty-six years old and newly engaged. She was in a crowd, in broad daylight, at a protest rally, protesting the Iranian election results. She was said to be shot in the chest by plain-clothes Basij paramilitaries who were attempting to subdue the protesters

A statement from the Dr. who treated her on the scene: "At 19:05 June 20th Place: Kargar Ave., at the corner crossing Khosravi St. and Salehi st. A young woman who was standing aside with her father [sic, later identified as her music teacher] watching the protests was shot by a Basij member hiding on the rooftop of a civilian house. He had clear shot at the girl and could not miss her. However, he aimed straight her heart. I am a doctor, so I rushed to try to save her. But the impact of the gunshot was so fierce that the bullet had blasted inside the victim’s chest, and she died in less than 2 minutes. The protests were going on about 1 kilometers away in the main street and some of the protesting crowd were running from tear gass used among them, towards Salehi St. The film is shot by my friend who was standing beside me. Please let the world know"

You know people bitch all the time about so many things, the economy, the president, immigration, unfair labor practices....but we are not being shot dead by out own government during election protests. We have the right to burn our own flag should we so desire, we can chain ourselves to trees in the face of a log splitter and they'll cart us off in a squad car, charge us with disturbing the peace, a misdemeanor and we are out and fined in time for dinner.

Just something to think about...

For more information: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neda_(Iranian_protester)

see the video at: http://www.imeem.com/ogdoccat/video/fSl58nau/unknown-neda-iranian-girl-shot-by-basij-paramilitary-tv-vi/ or on YouTube

The video is very graphic, but I urge you to watch it.

Missing: Common Sense

Is common sense a learned quality or is it inherited genetically?

Sunday night, after coming home from working the entire weekend doing that pony gig, I come home to find my house smelling like Lake Erie. FISHY!!!! Ewwwwwww!!!!

I crinkled my nose, I thought I might barf for a minute as I began trying to sniff out the source of the stench.

Finally I found the trash can where my beloved roommate apparently had a fish dinner that he conveniently threw in the open trash bag and left to stink up the joint. Great I think to myself...just freaking great, this is EXACTLY what i wanted to deal with right when I walk in the door.

So I sack up the trash and begin to haul it outside when I feel something oozing down my leg. I look down just in time to see a black liquid oozing down my leg and soaking into my white sock. I was disgusted. I don't throw liquids in my trash, and I sure as shit don't throw smelly FISH in an open trash bag and then leave it sit there for two days!

So now I'm in cleaning up mode, even though I'm dead tired and can barely keep my eyes open, but my pissy-ness keeps me going for a little while longer. Alex (my roommate) comes down stairs talking to me about the hotel he's taking his gf to in Cleveland this week.... showing me a very posh room that he then bragged to me about the low price he got to stay there....me being grouchy, says to him: Wow, Swanky, I stayed in a Super 8 in Portland Indiana last night for the same price, and it was a dive! Good for you! Hope you have fun!"

Then I see a McDonald's cup sitting next to the fridge, and I pick it up and it's an old milkshake. I say to Alex, ARE YOU DRINKING THIS MILKSHAKE OR SAVING IT FOR A REASON? He says, "No, I was just waiting for a fresh trash bag before I threw it away."

What?!?!?!, I think to myself

I say, "Why didn't you just dump it down the drain?"

He says: "Oh, I thought it would be too thick."

I think to myself, "It's a fucking milkshake, run some fucking water....it'll go down!"

So I dump it out into the sink, run some water, and it disappeared down the drain. He just blinked his eyes at me as he didn't even comprehend what just happened.

Then he skipped up the steps and to his room.

Too thick? A milkshake? Too thick to dump down the drain?

It scares me to think that my roommate, is in college to be an electrical engineer....an ENGINEER...someone who figures shit out, knows the inner workings of things....Day one, he couldn't figure out how to work my shower....thought that the detachable shower head needed to be held over your head BY HAND, had no idea you could hang it back up...he stood there holding it over his head the entire time! And now, my electrical genius can't figure out the process of diluting to make a milkshake go down a drain.

Smart people can be really stupid about things sometimes!

Father's Day and Pony Penis...

So, every father's day, I try to come up with some way to pretend it's not father's day. This year I was fortunate enough to have to work. I was scheduled to be about an hour and a half from home, doing a festival for a small community down by the Indiana border.

I figured, I'd never even know it was "father's day" because I'd be so busy, too exhausted, too hot to think straight.

Which the plan worked brilliantly, I was too exhausted, too hot and too distracted by flesh eating flies and mosquito bitten kids to give Father's day much thought....

However, one thing I WAS forced to think about was Pony Penis.

See as a pony rider giver, I not only get the joys of working with temperamental ponies and unpredictable children, I ALSO get to interact with intoxicated festival going parents...who can be really quite chatty at times.

So there I was, yesterday, giving a pony ride to another child...when the ride was over, the kid took off, but a couple adults remained. One guy, leaning on the fence says to me..."Maaaaan, I just really love horses! I mean, they are just so freaking cool!"

And I nod and say "yes, very cool and very expensive to feed."

As he and I exchange some friendly horse enthusiast banter, his friend walks up. Shirtless, jean shorts, ball cap, beer complete with can coolie. He assumes his position on the fence and says..."Wow, look at that horse's penis!" Then he looks at me and asks, "Why are horses' penis' so long?"

I started to laugh, but then tried to NOT react like immature 12 year old....so I said, "well, a female horse's anatomy would have their reproductive organs deeper within, so a male horse needs a little extra length in order to reach it. They need a little extra hose if you will."

The guy smiles at me, though his drunken haze he says..."You're pretty smart you know that?" I say back to him "eh, I just have been around horses my whole life, so I've just picked stuff up along the way."

Then he says, "where are you from?" and I say, "up north a ways, Delphos" and he's like "really, I dated a girl from Delphos once....thought maybe you were her!" I snickered and said, "I think I'd remember youuuuuu!" He winked at me and fell quiet for a moment.

Cole (my cousin/boss) brings me over my Red Tea to drink and just as I begin to take a drink, my drunken friends resume conversation.....and the blonde shirtless guy says to his friend "Naturally it's the black Pony with the big dick, if he'd been a white pony, he's have a little one like mine!"...and then he walked away. I nearly shot my iced tea out my nose when he said that!

Pony Penis wasn't exactly what I thought I'd be sitting around talking about this Father's day, but sometimes, I guess a change of topic is just bound to happen.

Hope all you Father's out there had a good day.

~hl~

BECAUSE I'M A GOSH DARN PROFESSIONAL!!!

Do you have any idea how hard it is to have a twenty minute conversation with a divorce client about how his wife took his potato chips that he packs for his lunch, and not laugh hysterically....while wanting ever so much to point out that potato chips aren't exactly what we in the legal industry would consider a marital asset.

However if that bitch had stole the freezee pops, well you can bet your sweet ass some criminal charges would be pending! *winks*

Professionalism = not for the faint of heart.

Good on Paper guy....and spoiled milk:

It’s foggy out…and my brain feels like the atmosphere looks.

Wednesdays are always a treat in the life of me when I work the night before at EP and then try to get my weary body out of bed and functioning at full capacity bright and early the next morning.

So some updates: I was dating someone.

FT. FT being a really awesome guy. Smart, funny, considerate, available, willing and able. He and I started talking months ago….but only just recently got together to do something. Our first date, we watched Casablanca together….and I was thrilled to be watching a movie I had always wanted to see, right there in the comfort of his living room. He ordered us pizza….and it was a great night. So great in fact, I didn’t get home from his house until 3:00 a.m. ON A MONDAY NIGHT!!! Yeah, I was tired THAT day at work too!

We met again on Wednesday, for another Humphrey Bogart movie….again, great time….we were more intimate this time than the time before and I started to remember what it was like to “date” someone.

And he really is a keeper, he does every thing you'd ever want a guy to do, he tells me I'm beautiful, when my bangs stray and get into my eye, he lovingly caresses them away, he kisses me constantly, always a complete gentleman....wants to be close to me, wants to see me, even text messages me and tells me that he misses me after not seeing me for a day or two....

The next week, he came to my house for the first time, he met my neighbor/cousin Kami whom I might add ADORED him, and even text messaged me after her leaving “I love him, can we keep him, huh, huh, please!!??!!”

As Kami knows that the men in my life...are more trial and error than out in the open. I don't like for my friends to meet the men in my life, mostly because I don't always want to be explaining what happened to them when things end. I don't always want to be reminded that someone who once was here, isn't anymore. FT was the first person any of my friends have met in over a year. FT though, he was worth introducing people to. He was just that kind of guy….ya know?! You wanted people to know this person.

Anyway, so we continued to see each other, every couple days or so….he even spent the night once. But something changed, and I don’t know what, or why, or how even it happened, but I found myself feeling more and more disconnected from him….intimately speaking. I don’t know why, but I felt as though something has shifted. Nothing impacting had happened to cause this, but at one point, he was kissing me and I just had this overwhelming urge that "I can't do this!". Which let me tell you, is terrible to think mid-make out. But how could I tell him that he’d went from stud to "i can't do this" in my eyes in only two short weeks? How do you even explain this to someone? *frowns* It’s not like I wanted to feel this way….

For example on night, last Friday actually, I went to FT’s house, we watched game seven of the Stanley cup series….and we laid on the couch together and naturally I didn’t bring my glasses and couldn’t see the television, so he gave me his glasses and said, here, wear mine. The man gave me his glasses making it so HE couldn’t see….all so that I could. I’m telling you, he’s too good to be true….and damnit, I really tried to silence my inner voice on this one….I mean, how awesome would life be if you met someone like FT, fell madly in love and everything that happened before didn’t much matter….all those old scars would start to fade….fears…poof, gone….and your future looked bright and accompanied.

But nooooooooooooooooo! I don’t get that. I find a guy like this, and for some reason, I feel like making him my cool new pal as opposed to hot new lover.

I know you can’t generate chemistry, you can’t create attraction out of thin air….but damnit, I want to, but try as I might, it’s gone….whatever I had for FT, it just went away….and I can’t get it back.

My friend Karen says intimacy/physical attraction, is a lot like milk. She said that once it goes bad, once it sours, you can’t undo it. You can’t freeze it, re-pasteurize, or anything of the like, it’s just bad and needs to be dumped down the drain.

I know, I know….maybe he just wasn’t right for me….and you can’t make yourself fall for someone….but it just sucks ya know. To meet someone so awesome, and realize that you are wired wrong or something and that YOU apparently are looking for something different…..*sighs*….

Darren, my pal, told me that one of his favorite quotes from George Straight applies to this situation, and that’s “you can lead a heart to love, but you can’t make it fall”….

I wonder…..am I even capable of falling anymore?

My Horoscope/Tarot Card Reading for today said:

The Eight of Chalices card reversed suggests that reality doesn't always live up to the fantasy. Denying a joyful or romantic life because of pride, self-pity or fear is a waste. It's worth the courage, sacrifice and effort to hold out for a genuine connection rather than to give into fears of being alone. It may seem easier to fake it, stick with what you know or wish for greener pastures, but ignoring it might only increase the level of longing, regret and anxiety, revealing emptiness where trust, intimacy and fulfilled commitment could be. Choose to take the road less traveled, walk away or instinctually do what is right for you, despite fears of facing the unknown. This involves great personal struggle, but it is worth it. Should you reach a point where you know a change is due, excuses can only further sap your energy and put off the inner transformation or quest for happiness, romance and love you deserve.

It seems like my entire life, I'm always taking the road less traveled.....and that it really is the path for me.....but it's hard to ever gauge what is normal, when what's "normal" for you is not normal for other people. And it's hard to turn to someone and seek reassurance along the way as you walk down that road less traveled...because, well, there's never anyone out there with you....you are just walking alone....not really quite sure where it is you're going.

FT ~ where ever you are, I’m sorry. I didn’t ever intend to disappoint you.

Non-confrontational:

So tell me, how cowardly is it to stick a note on the door of your roommate/renter telling them what they owe for bills along with a list of what I want him to STOP DOING!

For instance, like stop turning my bathroom floor into your own personal pond of water that at some point ran off your body. It's gross having to tramp through your puddles every morning. If you get everything in the bathroom wet, get a towel and mop up your mess!

#2 - Rinse the sink AND the can opener when you use it to open tuna cans. and don't let it sit in the bottom of the sink either cuz the gears rust and leave marks on the sink bottom!

#3 - There is Urine all over the back of the toilet. Work on your aim, and in the meantime, CLEAN IT UP! I cleaned it up once, and I'm not doing it again.

These just being a couple friendly reminders on how to be a human who co-exists with other humans.

I could of literally wrote 50-60 more, but i didn't want to seem bitchy.

So far, I've washed every dish, taken out every sack of OVERFLOWING trash, wiped up every mess....$250.00/ month is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo not worth this!

~hl~

The Q-Tip Controversy...who knew....

That a Q-tip could be such a topic of controversy? I surely didn't.

I recently wrote a blog about how freaking awesome it feels sometimes when I clean out my ears....using my trusty white entrusted Q-Tips.

It was a fun little post, nothing to write home to my mother about mind you, but this is a comment I got on it:

"Q-tips are not unlike the plungers used to load cannon. They can pack softer wax deeply in the ear canal against the eardrum. By creating a formidable plug and preventing the eardrum from moving normally, it is quite easy to cause some significant hearing loss. Water can also be trapped behind these self-created wax dams and entertain you by constant sloshing around. When this happens, the ear will need to be lavaged -- washed out by a gentle stream of warm water. Or, you will need to see your medical provider, someone that CAN look inside your ear and remove the impaction professionally"

So I ask myself...."Are Q-tips the enemy?" Are my fluffy white little ear cleaner-outters horrid, despicable ear evil-doers?"

And then I think to myself....for crying out loud, the sun gives us cancer, well, correction, EVERYTHING gives us cancer now....I probably ate lead based paint chips as a kid, I have a Jewish Cheerleader living upstairs....and I smoke....I've got bigger things to worry about than Q-tips! *smiles*

~hl~

I didn't coin the phrase:

So the roommate drama saga continues...

Here's an example:

So the other day I come home from work, another grueling day of work with no Jenn, my co-worker who's off on maternity leave, and I come into the kitchen to find my roommate, who looks harmless enough waiting for me in the kitchen. His look is blank, so when he said "I have a bone to pick with you"....to me, I was caught off guard, weary from work, and frankly, I wasn't in the mood for any shit.

I say to him, "What did I do?"

He says: "Why does Ohio call itself the Birthplace of Aviation?"

And I said: "Because the wright brothers were from Ohio."

And he says: "Yeah, but the first flight was in North Carolina!"

And I say: "Yes, that is correct, however, the Wright Brothers were from here, and all their planning, construction of their aircraft etc was all done here prior to their going to North Carolina to make the flight."

He says "Yes, but that's false. Ohio IS NOT the birthplace of Aviation!"

and at this point, I got to tell you, I'm about fucking neck deep in annoyance, and I'm about to snap his neck like a twig!

So I say to him: "Look, I didn't coin the phrase Alex!!! I didn't look out the window one day and just say hey look, I think THAT tree should be the state tree! If you have a problem with the phrase, TAKE IT UP WITH THE STATE OF OHIO!!! NOT ME!!!!"

And I walked out of the room.

And it's like this every day! Every day of my miserable existence is compounded by each word, each syllable, each noticeable breath I hear him take.

I'm officially being held hostage in my own home by annoyance.

So here's to August 17th, when my roommate moves out, and my life of peace, quiet and co-existence with all the other humans in the world shall resume.

btw...I'm having a party....a "roommate going away party"...sometime in August...so, get your party gear ready! Come celebrate with me....cuz I'm certain IF i survive the next two months, I'm going to need a freaking drink....BAD!

~hl~

Chopping away at my sanity....there goes a little more...

Have you ever been so conflicted that you literally can’t shut your mind off? It tortures you with endless thought that only runs circles around itself until you are on the brink of sanity….

Last night, while coming home from FT’s house (FT being the guy I’m sort of dating now’a days)….I was so wrought with thought, that I had to turn up my radio as loud as it would go to drown out the noise in my own head. Even then, the speakers couldn’t get loud enough. Once home, nearing on two a.m., I knew laying down would be fruitless, so I went to the fridge, and in robotic fashion, I removed a carton of fresh strawberries and pulled out my wooden cutting board, a knife with a red handle, and I began to chop. Methodically, mechanically….and silently except for the snap that would fill the kitchen each time the blade met the wood. It echoed through my otherwise quiet house….bouncing off the wood floors and plaster ceilings…off the single pane wood framed windows…and then back to me, through me….but it calmed me enough to contemplate laying down.

I have so much on my mind lately.

I hate my roommate. Every day that I come home, I want to run away from home.

That nice guy at work with the freckles has been up my ass constantly about wanting to move in with me and why I’m being “distant” to him….all the while, he’s bumming cigarettes, asking to sleep on my couch once a week, telling me how broke he is and asking me for money so he can buy soda and whatnot. “he apologizes for being such a mooch, yet he doesn’t stop being one. So I have to think, if you have to apologize for it, then maybe you should stop fucking being one! I don’t mind helping a friend out. For any one of my friends, I’d bend over backwards for them. But he and I, we aren’t “bestest buddies”. I don’t love him like family, so why does he seem to think that I’m supposed to be his savior? If you can’t afford your life, then fucking do something about it! If you can’t afford cigarettes, STOP SMOKING!!! If you can’t afford gas to drive to your job, get a job closer to home, or get a second job to make ends meet! I work THREE jobs in order to fund my life, and I don’t do so to be taken advantage of by people who I barely even know. And the fact that he guilt trips me every time he wants something from me, knowing my inability to say no….I feel completely exploited. A girl has the right to say “No” doesn’t she? And damnit, I am not responsible for the misfortune of others, I didn’t make him broke, I didn’t put him in this situation, why does he think it’s MY job to help him out of it? I refuse to feel guilty for having the things I have, when I’ve worked my ass off to get them.

The men in my life currently (FT excluded)…are making me bitter, bottled up and emotionally angry. And the thing that pisses me off the most, is that I have to play nice, because I can’t rock the boat, I work with one guy, I live with the other….and I can’t have riffs at work and home BOTH!

I’m wearing a blank look, I’m physically and emotionally exhausted, and it’s only Wednesday.