New job STINKS!!!!!!!!!

So, I'm working at the Video Store right....and I sort of effing hate it...

It sucks. There are all these stupid rules, and sales quota's...I feel like a used car sales person trying to get people to buy candy and soda's....and like a drug pusher when I try to swindle people into getting our "special"...or the 1/2 off card. Who am I kidding, I'm no salesman...customer service, that I can do...sales....SUUUUUUUCK!

Oh, and the best part is, management will cut your hours if your sales numbers aren't good. No sales = no hours....pretty soon...no job. What on earth have I done? I've gotten myself into a job where I have to not only run my ass off and deal with people who I don't necessarily care to see from my town, but on top of that, I've got to try and SELL them shit they didn't want in the first place! Now I know why they make you take that God awful test to get the job, this isn't your momma's video store, this is a cut throat movie selling industry and there's no prize for second place! Yeah, I kind of hate it. Not to mention, I have to dress nicer there than I do at my real job at the law firm....is it just me, or is that just kind of nuts?

I mean, don't get me wrong, I like working somewhere cool where I get to work with movies, and video games and stuff....but the other side, the "dark side" to video store clerking is making it tough to WANT to go in to work.

Oh, and I've made a new discovery....the porn room of a video store has a very distinctive smell. When I used to work at Video Connection, I thought it was exclusive to THAT store, however, I've been wrong all this time....different store, different porn room...SAME SMELL!! Isn't that something?! Okay, well maybe you are not blown away by this observation...but I was.

Have you been back there? Do you know the smell I speak of? Like french fries, sweat, hand lotion, semen, cigarettes and booze. All mixed cleverly together....and to someone on the outside, you may not be able to determine the different elements, but porn room smelling is a lot like wine tasting, you have to have a sensitive sniffer AND experience with porn room clientele. It helps if you've ever smoke, drank, ate french fries or used hand lotion too...FYI.

So, if you are feeling a little silly, and you want to be "in the know" about what exactly an adult section smells of....come on in...have a whiff and see if you agree. See if you perhaps can distinguish a new smell that I've left out....I welcome your input to my on-going porn room scent research.

I need a new second job.....

Flying and Travel Ramblings:

The sky is so blue when you are in it. The sun lights up the otherwise dark cabin. The clouds are flying by and while this is my third flight in the last 5 days I'm still in shock that the only thing between me and a thousands of foot drop back to earth is my seat cushion that doubles as a floatation device and the bottom of this plane. I wonder if I can get sunburned up here? Naturally I forgot my sunblock. My dermatologist would be giving me the business right now if he knew....then again, he might of died...he was really old...so maybe he wouldn't much care right about now....hmmmmm....

My ears are being blasted by the CD Harry made for my return home. Now 3 Doors Down is on. Who ever created these little supercool air blowing devices just overhead is my freaking hero right now. It's stuffy in here.

OMG...Harry put "Dick in a box" on this CD! *laughs* you know, that SNL skit with Justin Timberlake? Even at thousands of feet in the sky, Harry still manages to make me laugh. The guy across the aisle is looking at me like I'm on crack, but hey, what can I say, "It's my dick in a box" and that some funny stuff!

What is it about leaving someone that automatically makes you wonder if you'll ever see them again? Harry held me, told me he loved me, and gave me the "everything's going to be ok" little wave and smile as I ran out the door and boarded my plane....yet I imagine his face and wonder, was that it?

It's getting cloudy again and these motion sickness bracelets are cutting the hell out of my wrists! Oh and did I mention the cute blonde haired monster in the seat in front of me is having a complete nuclear meltdown? Thank GOD for headphones!

I've got to tell you, while the pilots on United Airlines are much friendlier and chatty and audibly understandable...continental airlines gives you pretzels and I believe that pretty much just made them my new favorite airline. mmmmm...pretzels. Okay, gotta land now....be back.

Whew, well I survived another landing.....only now to spend the next 2.5 hours awaiting my 4th and final flight and delivers me home. This waiting room which was dead when I arrived, has now started to come alive with fellow travelers and currently there's a very cute brown haired boy watching me scribble this down...he looks nervous. Maybe like me only a few days ago, he too is a first time flyer. Poor thing, I so know how he feels.

Okay, well the time has come, my final flight is about to depart and I must go. In 35 minutes I'll be back at the Dayton International Airport, where my trip began and my little sister will pick me up and deliver me to my little car to which I've just realized that I strangely have missed! Funny how the things of our lives that we use everyday, that we totally overlook as prized possessions are the things we sometimes find the most comfort in returning to.

Well, I'm off, wish me luck....Dayton, here I come...Final stop, DELPHOS!!

Feet in the air, eyes to the sky...vomit bag in hand!

Okay, so....I'm leaving for Vermont today. I'm nervous as all get out....I awoke at 4:00 a.m. with my stomach contents already in my throat. Shouldn't of had that pizza with Brooke last night...yeah, that was stupid! What was I thinking? The last thing you want to do is barf up pizza and have half digested pizza sauce stuck in your nasal passages mid-flight!! Ewwww...that was a terribly disgusting mental picture I just painted there...okay, Okay, I'll be stopping THAT now!

So yeah, I'm nervous. I'm not sure what I'm more afraid of, being the girl who barfed, or crashing and dying in a fiery crash. Neither are options my itinerary included...and I looked and looked, even read the fine print...and there wasn't even a mention of them.

So Brooke and I load my bags up, drive like mad to my Aunt Julia's where I'll be leaving my car for the next 5 days. Brooke and I head off into the darkness...my stomach still doing somersaults...I pull out my Seabands (aka motion sickness bracelets) and right about now I'm wishing I'd have bought Dramamine....however Brooke swears that I'm being a baby about it, that I'll be fine and not feel sick whatsoever.

I purchased ginger supplements just in case though, supposedly Ginger works really well with nausea...between that and the bracelets, I'm hoping I'll be fine...yeah...I'm going to be fine...I just need to remember to breathe. Yeah...BREATHE DAMNIT!!!!!!

My hands are nearly trembling as I use the electronic check in and obtain my boarding pass. A very nice United Airlines employee takes my big bag that Brooke wrapped pretty pink ribbon around the handle of so I would know my bag and nobody would mistake mine for theirs...which was really great of her...she's a good little sister...always looking out for me. I hug Brooke, try to smile, but my fear is holding the corners of my mouth and making it difficult.

Off to security I go, off with the shoes, everything onto the conveyor belt and all I can think is...."What if my underwires in my bra set off the metal detector!?!?!?" "Am I going to get strip searched?"

Whew...cleared security....THANK GOD!!!!! Down hallway, stop and take a quick look at the Departures monitor to find my gate and off I go with little rolling luggage in tow.

I find my gate, find a seat and sit and begin to wait. Starting to build a little confidence now...telling myself this will be a piece of cake until the flight attendant comes over the loud speaker and says, "Attention passengers of Flight **** to Dulles/Washington, a mechanical problem has been discovered with your plane, a mechanic has been called and we will try and get this problem fixed as quickly as possible. Those of you with connecting flights, I'm assessing the situation and looking into finding you alternate flights out of Washington. I will let you know updates as they come in."

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! I only have a 45 minute layover in Washington, and how many flights to Burlington Vermont could there possibly be in a day?! Not too damn many I'm guessing. Why?! My first darn flight and there's something WRONG with the plane?! WTF!?!?! Now I'm getting nervous, I called Harry to tell him he might have to put off heading out to the airport just yet to get me.....but like a miracle, the plane was "fixed" and they were loading us as quickly as possible to get us into the air. I still wasn't even sure if I'd still manage to make my flight due to the fact that we were now leaving 25 minutes late, but I crossed my fingers and boarded the little 20 row plane.

I thought to myself...damn, these things are really kind of small. I found my seat, a window seat and sat down while everyone else made their way to theirs. I strapped my self in "Low and Tight" as the stewardess kept repeating..."Low and tight....Low and tight"...which sounded kind of dirty the way she said it...but nonetheless, I did as instructed. We taxied. I gripped my arm rests. We reached the end of the runway and stopped before take off and Oh my...the anticipation was coming to a head....then, like a shot, we were off.....racing down the runway....and I tell you, those things can book now...I didn't realize it would be that fast and then magically, swoosh...we were in the air. My jaw dropped and I was glued to my window as I watched the earth start to get further and further away! Wow, what a freaking rush...I'm FLYING!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, what the "F" was that? I think my stomach just fell to the floor....turbulence? Is that what that feels like? Jeff says turbulence is just potholes in the sky and there's nothing to worry about. So I take a scan of the other passengers and they are all doing their crossword puzzles and reading the paper...nobody looks alarmed, so I'm guessing this is normal....*swallows nervously*...yeah...normal....we are fine....I'm fine.

I can't believe I'm flying....how cool.

Long story short....I arrived safely in Dulles/Washington, they literally ran me off the plane and right onto my next and then it was off to Burlington, Vermont for the remainder of my vacation.....

More to come...............

Jury Duty:

For crying outloud....I've been chosen for Jury Duty. Oh please, pretty pretty please let them settle out of court. The last thing I need right now is to miss 1-3 days of work for a Jury Trial. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'd love to fulfill my civic duty to judge right and wrong in an American Courtroom, however, I don't have the luxary to have the $8.00/$12.00 per day pay to be enough to make it financially an adventageous endeavor for me. I mean, who can afford to miss work, drive a 1/2 an hour away at $4.00/gallon gasoline and sit all day for eight lousy dollars in today's economy? Hell, I'm not sure I could of afford it in yesterday's.

Plus, I think they want me to sit on a civil case....CIVIL!!!! Bleck! Do you know how boring civil cases are? At least give me a nice criminal case to weigh in on....*sighs*

Ah, the legal system...don't you just love it!

Maybe I could tell them I'm scheduled to be out of the country or something....This is my punishment for registering to vote....I'm officially on the grid...and "the man" knows it!

Clean Sweep:

When starting a new relationship you sometimes have to take an account of the things of your past....what do you hang onto, what do you toss out.

Tonight, I did something I've NEVER before done, I went through and got rid of a bunch of remnants of my past relationships. Old letters, some photos, nostalgic things that remind me of someone I once loved...things like that. I went from room to room and while I thought it would be hard, it was amazingly easy. Why hadn't I ever done this before? Why hang onto things that remind me of the hurts of the past? Of relationships that didn't last?

I didn't just stop with tangible things either, I deleted every old e-mail, myspace message...e-mail contacts, cell phone contacts....the works!!

Anyway, the ghosts of Heather's Love's past have been extricated and my home is now nearly entirely free of any old romantic hauntings. I did keep the pictures from when I was married to Keith, I'd have to throw away six years worth of pictures, and well, that's a lot of pictures. I figure I'll keep em...maybe I'll give em to my mom and let her keep them....

Some might think this was an unnecessary thing to do JUST BECAUSE I'M INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE, but frankly, I should have done this a long, long time ago....I guess Harry's just the first one that has come along that has MADE me WANT to toss out the past for a much brighter future.

UPDATE:

Hi guys. I haven't left for good, just needed to take a little break from things....

Plus, everyone was telling me how stupid I was and frankly, kind of made me not want to come here....pretty bad when you don't want to come to your own blog...but anyway, I'm still here, and intend on coming back with lots of new and unusual stories from everything from new Laundromat adventures, to taste tests, first time flying drama and the possible unfolding of a new relationship and maybe even public admissions of love?! Maybe. Stay tuned, I'll be back!

For any Interested Parties, there's a link on the left side of the screen that allows you to sign up for notifications of when this blog is updated, so if you don't like coming only to see that I've not updated for a week...AGAIN!!!...Then type your little e-mail in the space provided and they'll send you a email and let you know when I've posted. Faaaaancy, I know! *smiles*

Confession Time:

To some people, I am a wild child, while others think I never take risks or act impulsively.

Some see me as free while others see me as scared....

Me, I see myself as free to be scared, or not to be scared....but when the mood strikes, I can be quite the free spirit. The biggest thing for me is what motivates me. I believe in the grand gesture, I believe that sometimes adventure requires a little bit of blind faith.

while I admit, I've never ventured out in this world and moved away. I've never left the comfort of home for some far off place. I didn't do it out of fear though, I did it because I've always been happy to be with the people I love and the people I love are mostly all here. Why leave ya know?

I've never flown on an airplane. I've never went out of the country other than to Canada for vacation....and I don't have a passport. BUT...things are slowly beginning to change.

Yesterday, I, out of the blue decided to do something a little crazy.....well, crazy because I wanted to keep my promise to the most recent guy in my life.

See, I promised Harry, before we ever even started dating that we'd go and watch the new Indiana Jones together. I PROMISED we would. It was kind of our thing. So naturally when I found out he was moving, it was like...."maaaaan, now we can't keep our promise!" {insert pouty lips here}

So when contemplating my future and the future of he and I's friendship, relationship, or whatever will happen between us, I decided that I was going to keep my promise. I found a cheap flight on expedia, I charged it to my credit card and I'm going to Vermont in two weeks. Some see crazy, I see romantic....if someone flew across the country to see me, to keep a promise to ME....I'd be all swoony and everything....yeah, go ahead make fun....but I'm doing this and it feels good.

Don't try and talk me out of it either, because my flight is non-refundable!

I'm so excited to be going up there. It's an adventure that has been a long time coming for me. That first flight, waiting in anticipation all through my 3 hour flight, to see Harry again, and under such new circumstances, to meet his folks.....wow, sometimes I can't even believe I'm doing it, yet, here I am....doing it. Don't' worry, it's a round trip, I'll be back!

the countdown begins....

Want vs. Need:

The other day I was talking to Harry....and we were discussing about whether it's better to be "wanted" or "needed" in a relationship.

I've always been under the impression that it's better to be wanted. He said he'd need to be both, both wanted AND needed.

The Rolling Stones Say, "you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you need"....

Maybe that's what's wrong with me in relationships, I don't need a guy. Sure, when I'm in the relationship, I want them, I love and adore them, but do I rely on them? Do I NEED them?! I've got so good at being self sufficient, meeting my own needs.....and those needs I can't meet as far as love and support of others, I get those things from my friends, which is exactly why I place such a high value on the "other" relationships in my life.

I swear in the back of my twisted mind, when the shit hits the fan in one of my relationships I'm probably always saying..."yeah, go ahead, walk away, I'll be fine...." because in the back of my mind, I always have other relationships to fall back on. It's probably why I have a lot of guy friends, because in the absence of a physical relationship with a guy, they make up for my lack of dating and male companionship. I have my family who gives me love and support, I have my friends to have fun with, to spend my time with....and when I don't, I dive into some creative project such as photography, or writing, or alphabetizing my DVD collection to make me forget that I don't have a "special someone" to cozy up to.

I think "needing" someone is my biggest fear. If you need them and they leave, then what do you do? People don't always get what they want....but they still manage to live full and happy lives. but people who don't get what they "need"...they sink....instead of swim. Can I be happy spending the rest of my life single? Uh, I'm sure I could make the best of it, and not complain TOO much about it...because there is a great deal of pleasure to be found in the world. The hardest part is when you get a taste of what it is to be with someone, really with them and then things come up, distance, jobs, family....something finds it way between you and him...and you watch it fade away....leaving you with a thirst that cannot be quenched by anything else.

Harry left yesterday for the big move across the country. And while we sometimes fought like cats and dogs, and then made up like death row inmates receiving conjugal visits for the very last time.....I realized that I had found what I wanted...maybe even needed....and now it's a sixteen hour drive away from me.

so close, yet so far away.....

Eating me out of House & Home:

So sometimes I do weird stuff, okay, well, I do weird stuff a lot! lol

My latest weirdness derives out of the rising cost of food.

Our country is in a strange and dark place....rising fuel, rising food costs, rising minimum wage...while the rest of us who make above minimum wage remain locked in our pay rates. So while the working poor get paid more, the working middle class, become the working poor. If that makes sense.

Times are changing...and the idea that ethanol is going to save our asses, just may be our demise. Chickens, Beef cows, pork, guess what they eat? Grains. What will we be now using as fuel....uh, grains. Guess what that does to the American Livestock suppliers...cripples their ability to provide low cost high quality product to American Consumers.

A bag of Chicken breasts at your local grocery now runs from $6-$8 in the future could maybe cost $12.00. Two years ago, you could by a value meal at Wendy's for approximately $3.00, now you are looking at $5.00 - $6.00.

So, the other day, while evaluating my financial situation, and deciding that I HATE spending all my hard earned dollars at the grocery store....I decided that I'm not going grocery shopping until I eat all the food in apartment. Even the gross stuff that's been sitting around for ever! I will buy the staples...bread and peanut butter....but all those boxes of rice, random 1/2 eaten boxes of cereal, the generic box of Mac & Cheese from ALDIS...yeah, that shit's gotta go.

Fridge too, it's getting emptied.

I guess if we are going to live in tough times, this is going to give me the opportunity to know what tough times actually TASTE like.

Today, I'm eating the last of my tater tots...and a couple frozen fish fillets. Then I'm going to work at my second job, and make a gross pay of $22.50 for my three hour shift/training and I'm going to come home and watch one of my favorite television shows "Brothers & Sisters"....and feel that although the world might be spinning out of control....we aren't without options to make our situations better....I CAN work a second job and make more money, and while it's not ideal, I still get to come home and enjoy a some small comfort that is still available to me like....books, good television shows, scrabble.....and when busy schedules allow, good friends and good conversation.

Thanks Jen & Tina for a nice time yesterday!

Shit, I'm burning the fish...*smoke detector blaring....AGAIN!!!*

Gotta Go!

~hl~