Movie Reviews:

Well, in an effort to master the art of self distraction....I'm going to write to you today with some movie reviews.  No more whining...no more woe-is-me, no more broken <3 crap....

so how about some movie reviews then?  Ok? Ok.  good.

I've seen a few recently, and thought I'd give you my takes....so get your Netflix Que's ready to be added to....or subtracted from.

MOVIE REVIEW #1

We'll start off with Sherlock Holmes.  I saw it Christmas Day.

First let me tell you that I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Robert Downey Jr.  I think ya'' remember him being recently mentioned in my dream post after I broke up with Pablo (if you missed it go here)....so I went to this movie totally stoked about it.  I wanted to love it.  #1-I love Sherlock Holmes mysteries, i have a hardbound set of novels from the early 1900's that I just adore, so when the movie started being advertised, I knew immediately that was the movie we'd watch Christmas Day.  #2-Robert Downey Jr makes me happy.  just the very sight of him warms my heart....so there ya have it...that's why we went.  #3-Rachel McAdams....the girl's a gem and likely ones of the prettiest women in movies today....add Jude Law...and I thought you couldn't go wrong.

So naturally you can imagine how disappointed I was when I kept checking my watch to see how much longer the movie would be.  Had I been watching this on DVD, I'd of likely got up and did laundry sporadically during it. (a tell tale sign that a movie didn't grasp me and hold me to it).  The story was fine I suppose, but I just didn't feel the draw to the characters as I thought I would.  I didn't really give a shit what happened.  If they lived, great, if they died, well, sucks to be them.  Which is never something I think about my guy Robert in a leading role....or any role for that matter.

Anyway, if you want a good movie to watch half-assed while you do your laundry on a Saturday afternoon, eh, you might like this one.  I will say though, for fighting enthusiast, the scene where Robert Downey Jr. is in a boxing match.....where we get a real glimpse into the genius, strategic mind/thought process of the legendary sleuth was easily the best part of the entire movie.  So, yeah, don't get a new load of laundry around that part, you won't want to miss that.

MOVIE REVIEW #2

Easily the best movie I've seen in a long time.  It's true, they say that if you are over 30, divorced and a woman, this movie will be an absolute joy unto your heart.  Meryl Streep is a silver screen goddess in my opinion.....I've loved her since "Out of Africa"...I will love her always.  I even watched Mamma Mia because she was in it, and i"m not normally a "Musical" watching kinda girl!

This movie will make your sides split with laughter, your heart ache for the losses and indecision...you're relate on many levels if you are anything like me.  You'll not really know who to root for, because you absolutely love ALL of them!

Also, it's not just Meryl, Alec and Steve you'll love, you'll LOVE John Krasinski as well, as he puts in a super performance in this movie.  

{and yes, I DID just say "super"...it happens, sometimes I also say terrific and golly gee too}

You'll love this movie's storyline, you'll love the cinematography...it's gorgeous settings....decadent cooking scenes....and honest to goodness love, love of children, love of life, love of the past, and love that's all wrong.

I LOVED this movie.  Add it to your list of Must see's this year.

MOVIE REVIEW #3

I just saw this on Tuesday, so it's still fresh in my mind....

Um, well, I wanted to see this movie, because, well to be honest, I didn't much feel like watching some sappy love story.  I thought this would be like "Taken" and a dad would avenge his daughter's death and torture and murder her killer in the end.  Um, yeah, it wasn't that kind of film.  Which sucks, because I went for the violence, and got an "acid trip" and creepy story line instead.  Not that I've ever dropped acid, but if I had, I imagine THIS is what it would be like.  Like those incredible "unicorn posters" we had when we were pre-teens....with vivid colors, and out of this world landscapes...moons and suns, and waving fields of yellow perfectness....waterfalls and mountains...stars and skies....

yeah, it was very much like that.  Or even similar to the vivid strange world of Alice in Wonderland.

The murderer in this movie is hands down one of the creepiest child killers I've seen on screen for awhile.  Maybe it's because he seemed like what "MY" definition "MY" idea of what child killing people are probably like in real life.  The scene where the lovely child of this story, a 14 year old little girl, is abducted and murdered not far from her home....by a neighbor man...well, it seemed true to life to a fault.  It makes you think, and it sends chills down your spine....especially when the moment comes when our little girl of this story, realizes, the very peril she's in...and the tears well up in her eyes....let me tell you, my heart gets all shaky at the thought of that scene.

Um, all in all, it's sort of an odd movie.  More like watching Unsolved Mysteries while on Acid than a what I imagined watching a film at the theater would be like.  It wasn't bad by any means, it was just very not-typical.

Me personally, could of watched this one on DVD and enjoyed it.

not immensely, but enjoyed it nonetheless.

So there ya have it folks.

Feel free to offer your own comments on these movies if you've seen them, let me know what YOU thought, did you like them?  Love them?  Hate them?

what say you?

~hl~

Kiss of Death

Snake Eyes: 

Because this is the lowest possible roll, and will often be a loser in many dice games, such as Craps, the term has been employed in a more general usage as a reference to bad luck. (Wikipedia)

When I roll the dice, I come up snake eyes more often than not.  It's just how I roll.

 

I don't win things.  I don't trip over pots of gold, I don't walk outside and the rainclouds part and the sun shines on me just because it's glad to see me.

 

I'm not "that girl"....I blame the red hair...I mean, throughout history, we are a rather persecuted bunch we are.

It was a belief that redheads were witches.   As a folk belief in Germanic culture. From 1483-1784 thousands of suspected witches were nearly always stripped and searched for “marks of the devil”. These included any “abnormality” such as freckles, moles, warts, and birthmarks. Red hair was certainly considered an abnormality. Considering the freckle factor for redheads this was a deadly and shocking horror. Somewhere around 45,000 women were tortured and murdered usually by burning at the stake or by drowning  

{http://www.purgatory.net/kornelia/1603/red_hair_facts.htm}

for the record, I have freckles, moles...when I was a kid, i got plantar warts on my feet...and I had TWO birthmarks...AND redhair!  If i were around in between 1400-1700...I'd of been tossed in a burlap sack and thrown in the river to drown FOR SURE.

 

{little HeatherLynn}

I'm the girl who's house blew up from a freak natural gas explosion....and was left homeless for a minute.

Who's dog got blown up in said explosion....

who's dad had a heart attack at the exact same time she was having to deal with the fire marshall and gas company....while wandering though the rubble that had once been her bedroom.

I don't gamble...because what's the point?

I play the lottery....naturally i don't win, not even scratch offs are my friend.

and I'm not lucky in love either.

oh, and to make matters worse....I miss the Mechanic.

I know, I know....I shouldn't, it's over, he's gone....end of story.

no sequel, no prequel....finito, over and out, done.

It's just hard not to think of him though....especially when just two days ago on my way home, I was thinking about how I've now taken up an aversion to cars that are the same color as his...I see one that looks like his...and I cringe and scowl and curse their very existence...as if they were poured into existence just to piss me off

....

{I could really do without this reaction I might add...but it's completely involuntary at this point}

Every day, I have to pass his house on my way to work.  I see a car like his (same make and model) in Vaughnsville....and while I'm thinking of these painful reminders....racing to get home and OFF this path, out of this mood, away from the very thought of him I'm currently plagued with...trying to stop growling from seeing that stupid yellow car in vaughnsville, and telling myself it's safe to breathe again since his house is no longer in my line of sight.....to add insult to injury.....I pass him!  Him going East...me going West....

My chest got all tight, my heart stopped dead in it's bloody cavity....and then i felt the sting.  A hot, sharp stinging tore through me....like a knife had stabbed me.  *frowns*  I mean, I realize this is a side effect to my daily commute....the chance I might pass him, but I just, well, I guess I wasn't ready for it.  and it hurt.

I didn't like it

I guess I should of known....I should of known this was a bad idea when I actually realized that  the thing with Mechanic Guy is....I felt....um....well..."lucky"...I felt like "wow, how lucky am I?"  Every moment spent with him, I found myself feeling blessed. 

Dating inspires a lot of feelings in people...Nervousness, sweaty palms....lust, displeasure, uncomfortable silences...awkward moments...sideways glances....but Lucky?!?

I don't feel like that with everyone....actually, I rarely EVER feel that way. 

How often do you meet someone that you literally want to lay claim to?  *laughs*.......I'm the last to want to "lock things down"...to put a label on things...I've spent the last three years trying to avoid this very thing...but here I was, smitten with a guy that I'd wasn't beneath getting into a fist fight over!  lol...and ladies, I've NEVER fought over a guy before.  I'm just not competitive like that...or even really the "jealous type".

When he kissed me that first time, on the steps of my Jr. High school...causing my purse to fall off my shoulder, my knees to get weak....while taking my breath away and making my heart race right out of my chest...I should of known....that it wasn't luck, no, no, not for me, it wasn't luck at all, it was:

I'm so NOT looking forward to Valentines Day this year.

~hl~

Something you may not know about me:

 

If I give someone a "mix tape"....or in this day in age a "mix cd"....

It means, I think that person is pretty darn special.

I don't make music with, or FOR just anyone.

and on a side note, nobody makes "mix" music for people anymore....they should.  They should.  A world without music, is no world for me.

xox,

~hl~

Symbolic:

Since I was a kid, like a wee little lady all of the age of five or six, I used to just KNOW that I wanted a tattoo.  I mean, I could not WAIT to grow up and get one of my very own.  When i would blurt this out in the presence of my mother, who I might add was HUGELY embarrassed beyond recognition by her rebel child's enthusiasm for all things leather, biker, tattoo and UNLADYLIKE....

yeah, I don't suppose being MY mother was a coveted position by the ladies at church, or just other mothers in general.  I never made much sense to her.....she just never "got" me....my likes she despised.  My loves she loathed.  Needless to say she and I never had loving mother-daughter talks...where we whispered about our admiration of each other or talked about feminine hygiene products while walking on the beach.....smiling like we were eternally connected to one another by blood....and love of tampons.  This was NOT a picture of us....to say the least.

So when I was finally old enough to get that tattoo I long awaited to get...then came the part where I started thinking, what tattoo do I want?  So that took some time to figure out....and I never quite got there, maybe i just hadn't lived enough to know what was THE MOST important thing to me....to know what defined me, to know what I wanted to adorn my body with FOREVER....

Then came the day my friend had me standing in the tattoo parlor, I lamely picked a design out of the artist's book {rolls eyes..I know, i know}....i went to the counter to pay the price, but they were booked....and couldn't get me in....  amazingly enough, I never went back to reschedule.  THANK GOD!  That was not MY tattoo, generic and picked in haste.

After I got married, I felt like that part of me, that part that I so wanted to express really wasn't gnawing at me to get out anymore....and for a few years, I'd forgot the notion.  Until I experienced the most gut wrenching pain that is the realization you married the wrong person.  That you whole existence, was vowed to someone who didn't really know who you were....and worse yet, didn't really care to try....

and that's when it came back, my want for the beautiful pain that only a tattoo can provide.  I finally knew something that I wanted, I closed my eyes, and began to sketch what was in my brain....what came out on that paper was a glorious Spanish guitar (for those of you who don't know I play a little)...with a tribal sun behind the neck of the guitar, bursting with the warmest reds and golds...and blackest of black outlines....with beautifully symbolic art adorning the guitar that only I would know the meaning of.....it was going to be glorious....

{here's what I drew that day....it's really, really old 
and sketchy but you get the idea}

But then, well, it just never happened (divorce makes you question your own ability to reason like a normal human being so you hold off on all life altering decisions when you can help it}...and before long, the project was once more shelved....plus I was dead poor.  Another side effect of starting off on a new adventure as a newly single divorced person, you can't afford food some days, let alone body art.

but now, in my 30's, going on three years to the date of my divorce....I'm contemplating fulfilling my lifelong wish, that's only taken 30+ years to realize....

I didn't even know I was ready....until Monday morning, when I awoke with a freshly inked dream still floating around my mind....with the stunning revelation of a tattooed me, that I can't seem to shake from my head.

It was a dark green vine, that wound around from my back to up both sides of the outsides of each breast...around my torso, wrapping me....holding me what felt like together....this thick, green, warm, living vine....wound around me in it's embrace...and I can't get the idea out of my head now.  When I close my eyes, I find amazing comfort in that vine of my imagination.

The vine that holds me together, my ivy that supports my at times fragile femininity,  and embraces me when the only thing i want to do is fall disastrously apart.

here's some examples to give you an idea 

of what I'm sort of thinking:

{yes, this is poison ivy...I know}

Green & Red go together like cinnamon & sugar.

Office Place Mishaps:

When I first started here, I once had a gel pen blow up all over me, and I didn't know it while helping some clients sign their wills and some other very official documents....ruined my TAN office chair as I smeared ink from my hands all over the back of my chair....got ink on the clients...It was a huge disaster....my boss looked at me like..."what in the world?!?!?!?" as more and more ink just kept appearing....that was my first major disaster....

This all going on when I'm still answering the phone with the greeting from the OLD job...people kept hanging up thinking they got the wrong number.... Smooth Heather, Smooth!

--------------------------

THEN....One time, I inverted the numbers on the date on a notice I sent to a client, therefore they didn't show up for Court, because "I" told them the wrong day....so the Court calls and says they've issued a bench warrant for our client, only to then realize that "I" told them the wrong date!  It does NOT pay to have a bad day at a law firm.  I scrambled and threw myself on the mercy of the Court that they rescind the warrant due to PARALEGAL ERROR!  They did, client never got arrested...all ended well....but it very well could of went the other way....

-------------------------------

Once, my boss left a drawer open behind me...I didn't see it...I tripped over it and literally fell IN IT!  I had a bruise on my shin that lasted for months...and embarrassment from falling disastrously down in front of all the people I work with that MIGHT last me a lifetime!

-----------------------------

So, yeah,  at the office, I'm not the most graceful of employees...not too far back, I scared a small child nearly to death....

-----------------------------------

YESTERDAY, while two clients sat in close proximity, I had to tell a County Clerk why our client wouldn't be at court as scheduled while trying to be discreet:

Our conversation went as follows:

Clerk:  So your client won't be at Court then?

Me:  No, he, uh, is being sent into surgery as we speak.

Clerk:  Oh, I hope it's nothing serious...

 Me:  Well, he's having...ummmmm....something removed.

Clerk:  Well lets reschedule, how long do you suppose he'll need to recover?

Me:  Well, Clerk, I'm not entirely sure....cuz, well I don't have testicles, and I'm not aware of what kind of recovery time is required after having one removed.

Clerk:  *Tries to cover the phone as she TRIES not to let me hear her laughing*

I'm so freaking graceful aren't I?

-----------------------------

And then TODAY, I accidentally almost shot the eye out of a client waiting for their appointment in the lobby with a freak rubber band accident?  What?!  It was!!!...a FREAK accident, how was I supposed to know THAT was going to happen?  You can't safeguard against these sorts of things.  Not with me around anyway.....

So my question to you is:

Does this happen to the rest of you?  

Am I the only one who suffers workplace misfortune?

I Can't Help Myself....I'm brimming with smiles to spare:

Ok, I said this morning I had my socks rocked off with awesomeness....well, I want to rock YOUR socks off with awesomeness too...so here, this is what made started my day off on such a great path....who's with me?  you feelin this?

Please tell me you feel this:  (Turn up those speakers YO!)

Now I'm not psychic or anything, but sometimes, i get these "feelings"....sort of how some people's joints hurt before a change in weather...I sometimes get this "feeling", that a change is coming....that everything is about to "change" again.  I felt it before my folks announced they were splitting up and my whole life fell apart....I felt it before I even knew I was going to end my marriage...I felt it before I got invited to come to New York City....and I before I bought my house, it sat empty for over a year...and everyday, I'd drive past it and say, "yup, there's my future house"...before I even had ANY intention of buying a house, I used to just say it was my house....and guess what ...it's SOOOOOO now my house....I felt it just before my 30th birthday (ya'll remember how THAT turned out)....and I feel it now.  Something big's coming.  Whatever it is...Oh, it's going to be something.  I know, vague right?!  *laughs*....sorry I can't tell you more....*smiles*....but damn it feels good to know that whatever's to come, is coming. {does it get more vague and utterly elementary than that? HA!}

*kiss kiss* now get down with that song....

you can thank me later! ;)

~hl~

The Sun Came Out:

This morning....wow, what a great effin morning.  Headache's gone, I downloaded a bunch of new tunes....to which rocked my socks off this morning with their pure awesomeness....as i blared them outta my computer speakers while I got ready for work...

I sang until my throat hurt..*cough*..it hurt so good though.  My dog howled with me....I'm certain I annoyed my neighbors....

the hot water in the shower seemed to be hotter...my conditioner smelled sweeter....the steam danced off my skin....and flew away from my face as I sang....like tiny whirlwinds.

and then.....then.....THE MOST amazing thing happened.....

the SUN CAME OUT!

it was just a brief appearance, but sun, oh, sun, how I've missed you!

I feel better about life when it's tinted yellow.

so to celebrate, I took myself out for McDonald's Breakfast.

Now, that's a good way to start a day people!

{sun, singing/howling, steam, and breakfast burritos}

Welcome to my Thursday!

xoxoxx

~hl~

Historic Trinkets and Treasures - Part I

Ever wonder what a heir to the Woods & Waters fortune stands to inherit? Well you are looking at it. A raggedly old home-made, or should I say home-attempted-but-never-finished quilt.

Since I was a kid, I used to tell my mom, that I didn't want her diamonds or gold, I didn't want money, I would take this old blanket. See this blanket was my grandfathers. He had this blanket when he was in the armed services...fighting in a war no less. Knowing it's worth, not monetary, but sentimental worth, my mom tried to make a quilt out of it, sewing over top of the old blanket patches made from old dresses that my sisters and I wore when we were babies, and other memorable materials.

My mom NOT being the most talented seamstress of all time...(love ya mom, but sorry, it's NOT top notch stitching...I think you'd agree with me on that! lol)...but she tried, and gave it a valiant effort.  I remember these patches as if they had been tattooed to my brain all those years ago, we hand picked them like kids strategically picking stickers for their sticker books. (if you remember sticker books....remember those ones with the googly eyes...and the "puffy stickers"...oh, and let us not forget "scratch-n-sniff!...god I loved growing up in the 80's!!"

 

Anyway, when my parents got divorced, so much was lost....all those old photos, destroyed, memorabilia...gone.  So much of everything from my youth was somehow thrown out, or just plain ruined in some fashion....we saved some, but not much, so you can imagine my joy, when I discovered that my blanket escaped the destruction that was my father's undoing. It survived and found it's way to me.

I don't stand to gain a penny from the deaths of either of my parents, especially since my father declared my death to him nine years ago....but that's okay, I don't want anything death can bring me....because I already have that which keeps me warm.

This post inspired by BlackeHorse who told me that

"The comfiest quilts are made from bits and pieces of seemingly ruined fabric."

This blog {RTOARM} was a little too gloomy...thought perhaps it was time for something a little more "heatherlynn" and a little less..."Heather does debbie down in the mouth"...

I'm working on it guys.
I am.

xoxox
~hl~

Just liked this, thought I'd share it with you all:

As F8would have it: I've been tagged to do a Survey:

 My dearest F8hasit has tagged me to do this, so here ya go Angel:  (thanks for thinking about me!)  I'll try to make you proud with my answers!  xxox ~hl~

Here goes nuthing folks:

1. What is your current obsession?

um, right now, my current obsession is keeping busy, and NOT thinking, anyalyzing, or over thinking about a particular guy whom I'm trying to forget.

2. What are you wearing today?

black harley davidson dress shoes (yes the make them), black pants, white pinstripe.  red cammy, black sweater with 3/4 length sleeves....and a smile.

3. What’s for dinner?

um, tonight, it's left over Chili at HeatherLynn's.  mmmmm....chili is always better left over.

4. What’s the last thing you bought?

paper towels, birth control pills and hair dye.  what?!  I'm single, this is what my shopping list consists of....these days.

5. What are you listening to right now?

"big black horse & a cherry tree" song.

6. What do you think about the person who tagged you?

Nance is great, a fellow Ohioan, and lovely writer.  Her blog is very different than a lot of the others I read here, and I adore her for the variety she offers.  Plus, she's a strong, independent woman, who's had some awesome life experiences that are always a pleasure to read up on.

7. If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you like it to be?

here: 

8. What are your must-have pieces for summer?

sunglasses...I hate to squint, sun block, cuz my dermatologist says us gingersnaps need to keep our sun exposure to a minimum...flip flops....and polished toenails....pretty sparkly toenails.

9. If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?

see # 7.  ;)

10. Which language do you want to learn?

Italian.  One of my best friends lives in Rome and I fully intend on going to her wedding next year...assuming her italian hunk of a bf proposes soon! lol...so I really want to learn Italian before I go.

11. What’s your favorite quote?

"be who you say you are...and say what you feel....because those that matter, don't mind...and those that mind, don't matter!"

- Dr. Seuss

12. Who do you want to meet right now?

all of you, in chicago.  that is going to be arranged soon too!

13. What is your favorite color?

Red/Orange...well and blue too....i can't pick just one.

14. Give us 3 styling tips that work for you.

to get the perfect shade of red lipstick, buy one color of generic red, use lip pencils to tint it to the shade you need....(black/brown pencil for darker)...

change your shampoo & conditioner every month to something different, keeps the build up off your hair.

and lastly,

headbands rock so hardcore right now....i have a ton of them.....and they are magic at snazzing up day #2 hair.  you can wad that crap up into a knot, throw on a stylish headband, and you look like totally put together.

15. What is your dream job?

writer/photographer....To travel...I could so be that Samantha Brown from the Travel Channel!

16. What’s your favorite magazine?

um, I have a subscription to Redbook & Entertainment Weekly....I don't read a lot of magazines to be honest.

17. If you had $100 now, what would you spend it on?

gas money to run away from home..

18. What do you consider a fashion faux pas?

pegged jean

19. Who according to you is the most over-rated style icon?

The olson Twins.  Who wants to dress like them?  I know I don't.

20. What kind of haircut do you prefer?

my hair's kinda just long and doing it's own thing currently...

21. What are you going to do after this?

working.

22. What are your favorite movies?

Out of Africa, Bridges of Madison County, Life as a House...just to name a few.

23. What inspires you?

oh, all sorts of things, i find inspiration in the simplest of things....smells that trigger memories, people, laughter, kids, my dog, a pretty picture......a kiss, an accomplishment....

24. What do your friends call you most commonly?

Heather

25. Would you prefer coffee or tea?

depends on my mood.

26. What do you do when you are feeling low or terribly depressed?

I too stay in bed.  I stay in bed, sleep a lot, and you'll likely find me in bed, in my pj's watching all three tv on dvd's of Brothers and Sisters, or six seasons of non-stop sex in the city dvd's.  I need the background noise to distract my brain from thinking.

27. What makes you go wild?

oh, i can't tell you, that's like admitting that kryptonite is your weakness.  I have one, I'm just not at liberty to tell you all what it is! lol

28. Which other blogs do you love visiting?

I have my handful of favorites, and you all know who you are, because I visit often, and comment...when i feel i have something to say/add.

29. Favorite Dessert/Sweet?

pumpkin torte....or white chocolate macadamia nut cookies.

30. How many tabs are turned on in your browser right now?

three

31. Favorite Season?

Late Summer...Early Fall.  T-shirt days, sweatshirt nights.

32. If I come to your house now, what would u cook for me?

my specialty, Mexican lasagna....or anything you asked me to try.  I'm a giver...

33. What is the right way to avoid people who purposefully hurt you?

don't give them an in.  Don't play into their hands....let their drama, be THEIR drama.  it's hard to fight with someone who won't engage in the fight.

34. What are you afraid of the most?

getting old and dying before I ever really got around to living.

35. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?

i need a headband! lol

36. What brings a smile on your face instantly?

my friends, even when I'm crying...they make me smile.

37. A word that you say a lot?

"ok"

38. What would you do if you were made President for one day?

resign.  i soooooo wouldn't want that job!  not that i don't care about my country, but I don't want the weight of the world on my shoulders....when i haven't the faintest idea on how to even BEGIN fixing what's wrong in our government.

39. What is that one thing that keeps you going?

Hope/optimism.

Rules for those who are tagged: Respond and rework – answer these questions on your blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own, and add one more question to the list. Then tag eight or ten other new set of people.

40. What word drives you crazy when you hear it?

Chillaxin.....this is like nails on a chalkboard to me for some reason!  lol

41. Angelina Jolie....did you like her better as a sinner, or her now as a saint?
Sinner.  I think she was happier when she was likely blissfully more ignorant.

Rules for those who are tagged: Respond and rework – answer these questions on your blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own, and add one more question to the list. Then tag eight or ten other new set of people.

 

Marjorie @ For the Love of All that Is Pretty

Carol @ 3! A Charm 

Daffy @ Batcrap Crazy 

Lee @ Headaches Hormones & Hotflashes 

Laura @ Heels Hemlines & the Modern Mom 

 

Iva @ http://www.ivamessy.com/ 

Karls @ http://karlosophies.blogspot.com/ 

Mayra @ Life is Bananas 

MJ @ Life, Interrupted

Bathwater @ Memento-mori 

Jenni @ Unapologetic Nonsense

Last Night; Part I

There are two things in my life that are a constant...

#1-Everything Changes....{ironic I know}

#2- my life, experiences, the people I know and events that arise along the way, really ARE as Random as my Thoughts here at this blog.

Last night, after working at Job #2, I came home to settle into a quiet night, in my big red chair, with New Moon in Hand, and Chubs curled up at my feet, I thought I'd finish the day out.....reading.

Nothing particularly exciting would happen.  No memories would be made....and no reason would materialize to make THIS day, any different than any other.

Until.....the phone rang.  The phone, Satan's right hand man...in the form of a cellular...

The number I long ago deleted gracing my cell phone's screen.  "My Rainbow"'s cell #.  A number that had just grown hazy enough around the edges that I only remembered the last four digits....nearly erased from existence....was once more lighting up my screen....from hundreds of miles away.  or so I thought.

After a quick "should I or shouldn't I"...I answered.

"Hello?"

"Hi Ms Heather"

"Hello Rainbow"

"What are you doing?"

"Just hanging with my dog, curled up with a book doing some leisurely reading"

"You aren't working tonight?"

"Yes, I did earlier, I'm off now...."

"What are you up to?"

"Driving up I-75"

{for those of you who don't know, I-75 runs straight up and down Ohio....

it's the most major highway near to where I live....

and Delphos is a quick detour our dearest Rainbow knows all too well.}

cutting to the chase, he's on his way North...to visit a friend, it's already nearing midnight...he's got far to go, and I'm midway....to his destination.....knowing the offer he is calling in hopes I extend, I offer it.  Not knowing why exactly I did....or how it'd all turn out....but I did tell him, "just because I'm allowing you to sleep over, doesn't mean i intend on "sleeping with you", got it?"

He says "I knoW..." as if he's insulted by my insinuation that he'd make assumptions to my predictability or our incapability to not be sinfully, amazingly drawn to one another upon the very sight of the other.

Is it our scents?  Some sort of chemical thing....I don't know, but in the past, well, lets just say there's only been ONE occasion when I told him "No"....and that's been over a year ago.  and because "I" had a boyfriend, and "I" am not a cheater.

I haven't even seen "My Rainbow" since July of 09.  I think we both know that it's safer to avoid seeing one another....most days.  See, my dearest Rainbow is once more "committed" to his latest girlfriend....who I'm sure is a lovely girl...just as all the other girls before her....she's a girl who's face I've never seen, who's name I don't know....but who's relationship I'm determined to spare....

It's not long before he calls for those final 8 blocks of direction, from the first stop sign into Delphos, to the final turn into my driveway...his car long and lean....just as I'd remembered it....when he parked in the handicapped space of a little diner south of here and when I questioned him on it, he said "what?!  I don't answer to this government.....why should I obey their laws?...."  Did I mention he's eccentric and all sorts of unconventional?  A little disgruntled by the direction our country is going....

Anyway....once side, we did the whole, tour of the house thing...as I've lived here for nine months, and up until now, I refused to tell him where I lived, We've been friends and off and on lovers for years, so I realize that sounds odd that I would REFUSE to tell him my address, but...read on, you'll see why

the tour continued....he commented on the wood floors and the thick dark wood trim around the door frames...and doors themselves....we chatted mindlessly about the weather, the drive up...we sipped our soda pop...and i ate carmel corn like there was no tomorrow....in order to keep my mouth doing something safe.  Shove it full of food Heather, yeah, that will make him not want to put his mouth on yours!

It didn't work however for in the darkness of my kitchen, upon finishing the house tour, he pulled me to him....I shook my head nervously and gave the impression that I was in some sort of control of what was nearly happening...he whispered the most lustful, beautiful unpolitically correct sweet nothings into the air....with a sweetness to his breath that was nearly intoxicating....damn soda pop....so intoxicating in fact that for a minute.....the distance closed between us so fast, the room was a blurr...in a second, my fingers were wound around the nape of his neck and tangled up in his hair....I pulled back as fast as I'd surprisingly went in...and said "whoa!...wait a minute..."...I stepped back, his hands still on my hips...and one big palm holding my jaw line...my cheek, his thumb just below my eye....the warmth of his hand on my cheek was the most soothing sensation.....while the hand on my hip had DANGER written all over it!

I tried my best to rationalize this....I tried my best to STOP the gravitational pull that was somehow amazingly strong there in my kitchen last night......but I felt that while I was winning the battle, here, now, I was losing the overall war...for the night was far, far from over.

Last Night Part II

I escaped the clutches of the gravitational kitchen, but was not spared by the binding ties of the bedroom....he wanted to take a shower....I scurried around, finding him a towel, and wash cloth, and set up my little heater so he wouldn't be cold....I turned on the water for him and shut the door while my bathroom filled with steam....

He sat on my bed....and we discussed my upgrade from a double mattress to my much nicer Queen edition I now have....but we might as well of been speaking in foreign languages that didn't mean anything to the other because neither he nor I seem to have any interest in discussing mattress dimensions....and we might as well of been reading lines from a script for a soap commercial....yes, it was bland talk....to say the least.

Like a flash, he was on top of me....my arms pinned behind me.....no escaping him this time....I again, tried reason....I tried pleading...I tried logic....but for anyone who's ever been in this situation...when there's smoke, there's fire, and things like logic, pleading, and reason rarely put out a fire....water.  Water puts out the flames.  Where's a hose when you need one!  oh, wait....shit...never mind!

Somehow, I don't know HOW....but I managed to escape, I wiggled free of his clutches and after taking a huge breath, in an attempt to return to normal breathing, I said "um, yeah, you should go take a shower!"  He looked at me more confident, more cocky than I could remember in our recent past, and he slipped off the bed and out of the room...while I laid on the bed, rib cage jutting through my black tank top....heart beating so feverishly, my boob bounced like jello sitting on a hood of a running vehicle.  I whispered to myself "get a freaking grip heather!"

I immediately thought of one of my favorite movies:  Something to Talk about...and the line that flew into my head, so fast, so furiously, i nearly said it out loud...the words: 

"He's just a man on a horse, baby girl. Nothing more. Just a man on a horse."

If you've seen the movie, you know exactly what that means.

I straightened my shirt, I got up, let the dog out, as now I had a minute to myself....I folded a blanket staring blankly out into space....I plugged in my cell phone to the charger, shut down my computer monitor, locked the front and back doors....and put on my pj's.  {tank top and satin OU red and white pj pants}....before I could get back to my room from letting the dog in, there was a very tall, very seemingly naked man, tucking himself under the covers on MY side of the bed.  MEN!  Always so Alpha! *rolls eyes and smirks*

I put on a hooded sweatshirt, the most least sexy, biggest, baggiest one I could find.  I was going to take the allure right out of this scenario....if I had any old grannie panties, I'd of put those on, but I seem to have nothing meeting that description to put on.  The panties with the most coverage...were sassy ones that said "don't hate me" on the front....and on the tush, said "because I'm bootiful"...that wasn't' the message I was really wanting to send either!  Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!

So i settled on a heather gray hoodie....and let my hair down to cover as much flesh as possible....sure to be a tangled web to thwart any attack he might of been strategizing.

Didn't take long, and he was back at it....and you'd of thought I was a negotiator for the UN trying to talk Korea out of Nuclear weapons testing....I was Colin Powell, I was Condalisa Rice....I was freaking Jimmy Carter!  I really should get the Nobel Peace price for last night's performance....

I slithered in my satin pants out of moves and holds stronger than professional wrestlers....he pinned me down, he wrapped his legs around me....and just when he thought he'd won...I'd turn into a contortionist and somehow narrowly escape.  I was a sexual embrace Houdini.  Nothing could hold me.

But then.....in the darkness....and the word's "I can't"...still hanging in the air....through the depression I'd been fighting....through the stifled desires of relationships past, I saw him..."My Rainbow"....my brain flooded full of all the times, I'd run to him in the past, all the hurts he kissed way, all the pleasure he'd given me....there he was, like a beacon in the darkness....tall...willing.....able....and handsome as ever.....he was RIGHT THERE....waiting for ME......

Last Night: Part III:

He's always said, that for us "cheating" was a word that just didn't apply, for our connection to one another, superseded the confines of modern day relationships.

I momentarily stopped fighting him.  I laid still....apart from my chest rising and falling...with each rise, pressing him to me....with each fall....pulling back away....

It occurred to me, I've so desperately been seeking a distraction, and here he was, everything i needed, the BEST kind of distraction, warm hands, long arms to get lost in, everything familiar, heart racing, pulse pounding fun was just a mere "OK" from my lips away....but, there in the darkness...lost in the haze of my sudden indecision, I looked into the face of "My Rainbow"....THE best sex of my entire life....was right there, clinging to me....ready to send me to a place where all my troubles would be forgotten....and that's when it happened...........that's when I saw the thing....that changed the course of everything.....that was on the verge of happening....

I saw him.

mechanic guy.

my head was flooded with his face, his smile...his cheeks that I love!  I saw his eyes.....his hands....the way he stands....I heard his laugh, I saw him.  And it was like seeing a ghost.  I froze.  And suddenly, I was back on course....saying No, to my most desired sexual adversary.

I knew I wasn't getting out of this easily....as he (rainbow) had that look of conquest in his eyes....so back to the drawing board of negotiation i would go.  I asked him his girlfriend's name...he said "Heather"....{LIAR!}....I said, "Tell ME HER NAME!!"  he refused....but then threw out random names like "Bernadette"..."Blanche"..."Winnifred"

We wrestled and became entangled with each other, the sheets.....and I told him that he really should settle down, as I had two firearms within arms reach of where he laid....

he laughed, I laughed....WE LAUGHED.  we laughed.....it felt, with each tiny laugh, he was stitching up the hole Mechanic Guy left me with.

After a very competitive, hard fought struggle, between good (me naturally) and evil {SOOOO HIM}....I soothed him into submission.  I spoke in a calming tone....I ran my fingers up and down his torso....massaging his manly long and lean musculature...from the bottoms of his feet, to the tips of his fingers....I soothed him into a relaxed....and then soon unconscious state.  I really should of thought about massage school....

he snored.....I laid awake thinking about the man who saved me tonight, the man whom I wanted more than anyone else to be the warm body laying, snoring....beside me....i don't know if it was the thought of him that kept me awake, or Rainbow's snoring...but for hours, I laid awake, unable to stop all those thoughts of MG, that for so many days I had been pushing deeper and deeper down within me to avoid having to really think about....now, they were bubbling up....each one...having a little sting to it like being stuck with a needle.

It's funny that when given the opportunity to be as destructive as I get....with the one person who who in the past has ALWAYS been my saving grace in escapism...didn't work for me anymore.  I only wound up trying to escape my escape.  Or maybe for the first time in more years than I dare count....I found someone, worth wanting, more...than the temptation of settling for less.

My rainbow is since gone....and today is overcast, hazy and chilly....I try to imagine all that has transpired...as I sip the coffee he made me before he left....and I know....I know two things for certain as a result of last night.

I liked Mechanic Guy far more than I intended....and more than I even knew i did.  which is just painful now to know.

and #2- I've not seen the last of ole Rainbow.....

Hurt:

The thing about bruises is, you can see why it hurts, you can see where it hurts, and there's a tangible explanation for the pain.  Same with cuts, swelling...wounds in general.

With bruises specifically though, you can see your pain yourself beginning to heal...the darkness lifts....the skin heals.....and the pain goes away...as if there was never an injury in the first place.

however not all hurts leave visible marks....not all wounds leave little black and blue indicators of where it hurts and why.

These days, I have to say, I'm a fan of pain that you can see....pain that you can bandage, sterilize, be treated and released for....

it's hard to fix a gaping hole.  or devastating blows that tear through you ripping every fiber of insides in one side and out the other.  You can fix what's broken, but can you get back what you've lost?