As you all know....

As you all know.....

I'm not a parent.  I own a dog....however, that doesn't make me blind to the plights of parents....or children in today day and age....

See, amazingly enough, I've been blessed with getting to know a particular teenager over the past year...and I think he's amazing.  He's got such a big heart...and he's silly and makes me laugh, and he's (mostly) honest and completely loving....He's welcomed me into his life and I've wholeheartedly embraced him being a part of mine as well! What can i say, I love the kid....anyway...so you can imagine my disappointment when he and I were at lunch at Bandido's (my favorite Mexican restaurant) not too long ago when he mentioned that he was having some trouble at school.  See he had a snow day that day....school was canceled and I called off to work...but by the time lunch rolled around, the roads were clear and he and I decided to go have a fun day together screwing off....might as well right?

So there we were, munching on some chips and salsa and he tells me that "nobody likes me"...so I say to him, "hey, that's not true, "I" like you!"  he says "Yeah, well that doesn't help!  you're not a student"...

We spoke some more and he mentioned things like "I'm not funny enough"...and "they make me feel like I don't deserve to be there"...and "they won't let me sit at their lunch table anymore"....and as i felt my blood begin to boil...and imagined beating up an entire 8th grade class full of beastly boys.....the reality set in that there wasn't much I could do to help the boy I love.  I can't MAKE people love him and see him as clearly and adoringly as i do...I can't MAKE them WANT to stay over night and play video games til their fingers fall off...

I've not faced being picked on at school....I was lucky that no matter what happened with this friend or that friend, I always had AT LEAST ONE friend.  So when other kids called me "PERIOD HEAD!" "BRICK HEAD"..."CARROT TOP"....etc, it wasn't so bad, me and my one friend would just laugh it off as "STUPID BOYS!"....cuz it was mostly boys who picked on me.  I was always a head taller than most the girls and was a farm girl with little muscles, I might of beat em up if THEY mouthed off.....I wasn't ALLOWED to have friends overnight all the time, so I couldn't of known if nobody wanted to stay, cuz i rarely was allowed to ask.  We were too busy working and helping my folks run a business to have Friends over all the time.  And we had a TON of cousins that were always around, so we always had kids our age to hang out with without kids from school.  BUTTTT...my boy doesn't have brothers and sisters, he don't have a TON of cousins always up for hanging out living right next door....he's alone.

Last weekend, he sat there with his phone in hand and said very disappointed..."I can't find anyone who wants to stay the night with me"....this coming from the same boy who only 6 months ago would have an entire living room full of boys playing video games and hanging out...

I can't figure out what happened, why have they all forsaken him?

One boy in particular who he's been friends with since nearly birth said to him "stop following me!" when my boy sat down next to him in choir class where there are NO assigned seating.  The same boy said "I'll be friends with you if you STOP following me around everywhere"....so basically he'll be friends with him so long as he doesn't have to be seen in public with him!

*gets teary eyed just thinking about hearing that*

And it's killing me, it's killing me to know that this kid has to face this day in and day out every time he rides his bike to school, THIS is what awaits him!  It's not fair...and I have no way to help him.

I bought him some cool new clothes for Christmas....I bought him zit cream a time or two...and he has a ton of things in common with these other kids, he plays sports (baseball and football)...he likes the same shit they do (Video games and the NFL and racing remote control cars...) it's not like he's got no common ground with these kids....but in the blink of an eye, he's went from having friends to spare...to not having a single one who would have his back.  And i can't help because "You're not a student!" as he so clearly pointed out.

I thought back as he was telling me his plight...about the time I found tape on his back and i said "Hey you have a piece of tape on your back!"...not knowing at the time what was going on with him...and I thought it was strange when he said to himself loud enough for me to hear.... "I'm sure they didn't stick a sign to me...I had a hooded sweatshirt on over this...didn't I?"....and i thought, "why would someone stick a sign to him?"...."wonder what it said?"....

Well, i know why now!  kids that get picked on get signs like "KICK ME" taped to their backs!!  Again my blood boiled!  And i thought of the Twilight scene when Edward thinks about killing all the kids in the classroom that first day he sat beside BELLA...about killing them all....but not so i could drink their blood, but so that I could stop them from hurting someone so special.

How do you protect a child from other children?  How do you protect a loved one when you cannot be there to be their protector?  Is loving them as much as you can outside the school halls enough?

If I had kids, I can promise you ONE thing, I'd make SURE they knew how NOT to treat others!  I would threaten to treat them 10x worse than the worst treatment they imposed on someone else!  I would make sure that they grew up knowing that the only way to be to others is kind above all else.  Why are kids so damn mean sometimes?  How on earth do they have that much hatred and spite in them before life's even had a chance to really throw them some shit yet?  Is it hormones?  is it bad parenting?  bad seeds?

I cannot erase from my mind, my dear sweet smudged glasses wearing boy, peering at me over his tortilla chip....sadly saying "it's like I don't deserve to be there"....

He's a great kid.  and it breaks my heart to know that these kids are too blind to see it.

So, for those of you who have kids, and you haven't had a talk with them lately about "bullying"....and picking on kids..please do.  A little bit goes a long way in making sure that someones child's day at school isn't like facing the worst day of their lives, EVERY, SINGLE DAY that they go.....

And to the boy who is likely to never read this or know of it's existence, I love you....even if you think you're alone...sweetie, you're not.

losing faith in humanity,

~hl~

You Know....

You KNOW that you are a misfit in a throw away society when your idea of a "fun night in" is sitting in your room, watching the Bachelor (for the first time cuz there's nothing else on)....and sewing the holes in your socks that you've kept in a basket for the past year, eerily awaiting the day that I'm either bored enough, dedicated enough, or POOR enough to mend!

yes, yes, I mended my socks.

I know what you're thinking!  "She knows how to sew?!?!"

As it turns out...it's harder to thread a needle than it is to sew shit up! HA!  Look out world, i'm armed and sewing!  Now...would you want me to sew up your face with stiches?  Absolutely not!  I said i could sew a hole shut...not make it look "pretty!" *smiles*

So, It''s official,.....

I've turned into my grandma Peg!

I didn't think this day would come quite this soon, but alas....my time has come...but my socks live on...and that's what matters!

Elderly-esque and Thrifty in Ohio,

~hl~

Just some Things I'm workin on....

You know what?....being in a relationship after a certain point can get tricky....

See, if I were 17 and been "in a relationship" for a year...people would be asking if I would break up with MG before I left for college.....but since I'm 33 now, and in a relationship...People ask you this instead:

"soooooooooo.....when are you two getting married anyway?"

as if it's only natural that we would.  Now, let me just say that when I got divorced, I said I SWEAR, I'M NEVER GETTING MARRIED AGAIN!!!  Which then turned into...."Well if i ever DO get married again, I can say that I'm NOT changing my last name...I will stay Heather O for ever!"...which then fizzled to.."Wellllll....I don't know....maaaaaaybe I'll get married again someday"....which got even more diluted after I started thinking..."If MG and I ever got married, my initials would be HLS again....so all those Initials I wrote on my DVD collection would be accurate again!  cool."....

and damnit...what am I doing thinking like that?!  Is there a ring on my finger?  No.  Has he even given you a key to his place?  No!...so why am I letting the predictions of others influence my thought patterns?  Well it's simple...it's because when you hear it long enough, it creeps into your subconcious that maybe this is the kind of thing I SHOULD be thinking about!

Now let me just say, IF i would ever consider getting married, YES...MG is who I'd consider it with....but we're hardly ready to walk down any aisle that isn't a Walmart aisle together.  And you know...I'm ok with that.

I'm a girl who married a guy after only six weeks of knowing him....and then beat myself up for six years for being such a dummy....all while telling myself that I got myself into this mess, now damnit, I've got to stick it out and MAKE it work....which anyone who's been married knows that ONE person trying like hell does NOT work nearly as well as TWO people who love each other and work TOGETHER!  I see you nodding your head, you married people know what I mean.....

Soooooo.....Something I'm working on, is to NOT let the world get into my head....making me feel that if MG's not asking me to marry him means our relationship's not healthy, happy and right where it's supposed to be!  It's so stupid that something like this can really throw a wrench in a girl's thought process but I'd be lying if I haven't noticed it lately....and i curse the idea that MG & I have to fit into anyone's mold in order to be "normal"....

There's nothing normal ABOUT our relationship if you think about it.....The movie "He's just not that into you" (which my family and friends urged me to watch repeatedly when I first fell for MG)...says that if he's not calling..."he's just not that into you"....Justin Long's Character says over and over....you're not the exception!  you're the rule!  and the rule is, if a guy's treating you like he really don't give a shit...that's because he honeslty just really donesn't give a shit!  and to RUN!  run like hell because there's others out there, better ones....

But had I not stayed the course, had I gave up on him, I'd not have found the one person, who still gives me butterflies in my stomach with simply lighting up my phone with a text messsage....I would not of found the guy who has made me happier than I've EVER been......and well, i'm not dilusional about this relationship, he loves me too.  I mean, c'mon a guy does not take a pick axe to your basement floor the day after he gets a huge leg tattoo...and with a swollen throbbing leg, do manual labor in your basement, digging you a pit to put in a sump pump so she doesn't have to worry about her basement flooding anymore if he doesn't love her....the same guy wouldn't be caught dead at his girlfriend's birthday dinner surrounded by a houseful of clucking women.....while he prepares the entire dinner for said party, while shooing the birthday girl out of the kitchen...NOT LETTING HER HELP him.....if he didn't really love her.  I know in my heart he loves me, and he tells me AND SHOWS ME....that's all i need.  That and I MADE him promise me that no matter what....that he HAS to outlive me.  He said he couldn't swear that he would, but after some prodding, he finally gave in and promised that he wouldn't die until at least a day after me!  I just can't imagine living in a world where he doesn't.  It's just not something I EVER want to EVER even THINK about...let alone live through.   A person who falls in love, HAS to be the BRAVEST person....because nobody lives forever....and when you commit "til death do us part" to someone, that's not just a promise, it's a certainty!  We're all going to die someday....and how anyone survives losing the one person in the world they've not just loved, but lived a lifetime with....sheesh!  You have to be one effin BRAVE soul to venture into something like that.....makes me think of my Grandma....for the past 33+ years....she's lived without another love....she never remarried after my Grandpa died....I always thought it was because she was just really tough, and didn't need anyone...but maybe it's just because nobody else would do.....

I'm not so sure that I'd be different.  Without MG, honeslty...how could anyone else ever take his place?  How could anyone ever compare?

So between trying to get my head right about my future in love....I'm working on a couple other things that are going to see goofy to tack on here at the end of this rambling post...

But I'm trying to STOP leaning my chin on my hand on my desk.  I had no idea how much I did it until I tried stopping doing it.  EVERY STINKIN TIME I am thinking about something, or I stop typing...or I answer the phone and fall idle in my side of the conversation....I rest my head on my hand....which hurts my wrist AND is screwing up my jaw....I have TMJ and don't need any more assistance in having a effed up jaw as it is!  So that's freaking going to be the death of me to stop doing....

and then...the other thing i'm working on....DRINKING MORE WATER!  you'd not think that consuming 64 oz of good ole harmless water would be so trying!  I tried for six days before I actually did it!  Yesterday was my first sucessful day....I swear this cup's my nemisis!

And lastly, I'm TRYING to get back into the swing of working out....January and the first part of February, I was so dedicated, but after basement floods and getting tattooed, and whatever else happened that i use for an excuse not to work out...I've fallen off the workout wagon....so yesterday, I strapped my running shoes on and headed to the basement for some Treadmill/kickboxing/ab crunching and Shake weighting!  Heeeeeeey, don't laugh, that damn shake weight workout video really makes you feel the burn!  Don't laugh at me....so what if it's "AS SEEN ON TV"! :)

So there ya have it....things I'm working on, beating my self up over all while trying to survive the fact that Spring in NW Ohio seems to NEVER be coming!  I'm sooooooooo over winter this year that it's not even funny.  I swear most of the funk i'm in is coming from the fact that i'm seriously sunshine deficient!  I need mother nature to turn up the thermostat about 25-30 degrees...and I need it PRONTO!

Who's with me?

Well, Hopefully next time I write, I'll have made some progress to share with you....

so for now, I'll leave you with my new tattoo....

Full of Ink & tired of winter in Ohio,

~hl~

a repost....

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

It Happens.....





Ok, first of all, don't make fun of me for this, but I, well, I have a tiny crush on Justin Timberlake. Yes, I realize that as a self respecting 31 year old...that this statement makes me equal with thousands of adoring adolescent girls worldwide, but yeah....I admit it, the guy has killer dance skills, abs to die for, adorable curly hair...and a smile that could warm ANY room he presented it to. How do you not love him? I also secretly dance to his music in my underwear when I'm home alone....go ahead, judge me, i don't care!



Anyway, so while wallowing in self pity over this whole TMI fiasco of earlier this week....I started listening to some music...."What goes around comes around" by JT was one that I played for myself. I hadn't heard it in forever...and I got to thinking...."Ya know, even Justin Timberlake got dumped, cheated on and screwed over by that knitwit Brittany Spears! And now look at him, he's 100x more popular, he's got his shit together, he's amazingly talented.....not to mention, he got a killer album outta of the experience that pretty much rocketed him to super-stardom"



Then I thought about Kid Rock, dumped by Pam Anderson. Nicole Kidman.....dumped by Tom Cruise. Brad Cheated on Jennifer with Angelina....



the point is, shit happens. Super awesome people get dumped, blown off and told goodbye all the time....and I bet they sat there bewildered wondering "why me?" just like me!



I told my friend Jim last night....when he told me the classic "if so and so doesn't see what a catch you are...then it's his loss"...which frankly, i was starting to become skeptical of. I mean, if I'm such a great catch....then what's the deal? I told him I was starting to think that's just something you tell single people so they don't hurl themselves off cliffs.



I do feel better though knowing that it's not just me. So if gorgeous Justin Timberlake could be jilted and wronged...well then...I'm not in such bad company now am I?! Who hasn't loved a dumbass Brittany Spears in their lifetimes?!!