Something about morning....

sometimes makes things look different.....

You see things you didn't see before....like the little gray hairs just above his ear.....

or the freckles on his shoulder....

In the morning sunshine....streaming through the bedroom window....the sound of his snoring mixed with the chirping of springtime birds....sounds like the sweetest wake up call....

and you realize that it wasn't a dream....you really are HERE and you really ARE waking up to this....

There have been times in life, when you go to bed with the man of the hour, and wake up.....picking your shirt up off the floor, trying not to wake him while you sneak out the back door....squinting in the sunshine, cursing the booze that made you think that THIS was a good idea.....

but this morning, wasn't one of those mornings....

In the light of day.....things only felt brighter....hopeful....brand new...

It's the kind of morning that makes you want to wake up with that person every morning....

I'm such a hopeless romantic.

Product Review: SHAMPOO & CONDITIONER

Dove Intensive Repair

Shampoo & Conditioner

So have ya'll seen the commercials for the new Dove Shampoo and Conditioner...I have, and I wondered, I wondered if it were any good....

See I have tried so many shampoos and have just been let down, especially by Pantene's Red Expressions Shampoo....

they changed the ingredients or something and it SUCKS now!  Yeah, I said it, it SUCKS, it barely even lathered up when I put it into my hair.  It left my hair feeling filmy and gross!  NEVER USE IT....however the conditioner is still good, they didn't change that apparently.  Smells divine too!

But we're not talking about Pantene, we're talking about Dove....

Well, I purchased the damage repair shampoo and conditioner, hoping to give my ends a little help since I haven't found a new beautician to start cutting my hair after abandoning the butcher from the "Hair debacle of 2009"...surely you all remember the near scalping I received from my beloved stylist...RIGHT before Christmas....*shakes head*...I'm still traumatized by that ordeal!

Anywho, since I haven't had a proper hair cut recently...I need to pay special attention to my locks of redness....so I thought, I'll give this new shit a chance...

and I'm happy to inform, I'm lovin it!  It smells really nice, my hair was so light and airy....not at all frizzy, it's shiny, it's really quite awesome i must confess.  As for intense repair, well it's only day two people, so far, i've not noticed anything that really jumps out at me, but over the next couple weeks, I'll be watching, and let you know how things go.  Oh, and it smelled good ALL day too, not overwhelmingly perfume-y give you a headache crap either, but just clean and fresh....niiiice.

Ya'll want to share what Shampoo's just rock your socks off?

I'm always open for suggestion....

Speaking of suggestions:   the Herbal Essences Tousle Me Softly Shampoo and conditioner is really nice as well....but I only use that when I'm going for a messy look.  Definitely don't use on a day you want sleek and manageable!  It too smells fantastic.  The Tousle me softly spray hair gel and hair spray are a nice addition to finishing the entire look.  If you want to give THAT a try, I give it two thumbs up.

Love trying new products, so feel free to leave suggestions for me in the comments section!

xoxox

~hl~

Home from a Funeral....(written yesterday)

Home from the funeral.....dressed all in black....in the middle of the day on a Monday....

Today they laid my friend Melissa's Mother to rest....at a small little cemetery just outside of Columbus Grove, Ohio.  The sun shined....there was a fragrant smell to the air from spring's blooming trees....tears were shed, hugs were given.....and they played THIS song....in honor of a girl, who fought....the good fight....


she fought like a girl is what her family would say about her....you know....Cancer's a cruel contender, but this lady....I just know...that she showed Cancer a thing or two too....


Enjoy the song:

Award from Homesick Cajun....{insert awwwwwwwwwwwwww here} :)

and the rules are as follows:

1. Brag about the award:  Well I'm not a big bragger, but I'm honored to recieve an award, especially one which includes the word honesty.  Honesty is such a gift really, and some people give it away without a thought, while others withhold it at all costs....honesty is funny like that....wouldn't you agree?  Ok, so that wasn't bragging, but it'll have to do. :)

2. Include the name of the blogger who gave you the award and link back to that blogger. 

Homesick Cajun awarded me this honor, and not only did she give me a shoutout on her blog by giving me this award, but she also went and complimented my "old soul"...and she called me "cute"....so I'm blushing and swimming in compliments and head swelling over here (Thanks boo!) :)

3. Choose a selection of blogs that you find brilliant in honest content.

Daffy at BatCrapCrazy. This girl is so honest, she's blunt, she's a treasure.  I <3 her writing, I <3 her spirit....and you'll love her too if you read her.....and she's a great commenter too.  Attentive, interesting....she'd be a great addition if you can snag her attention. :)

Nat the Fat Rat. You want to know about how honest THIS one is, her current blog post is entitled:  "Wherein A Flat-Chested Girl Loses Her Identity.  Yes, yes, her blog is never disappointing in content, or charisma.  besides, i know you want to read about flatchestedness! :)

Bathwater at memento mori. B is one of my token male readers, which i think you can all attest to is not easy to come by.  I mean, to get a guy to read our odd girlie thoughts ....it's a miracle to KEEP them....even more a miracle when you actually get to meet them in real life....(which I was lucky enough to do Sunday!)  His blog is very raw, very honest to the point of amazing.  He even beats ME in honesty, and i can be pretty darn honest sometimes!

JimmyB at Roadie Report. While I sometimes get miffed at his shenanigans and sarcasm at my expense over at his blog.....he has been pretty honest with the dealings with the unraveling of his last relationship.....and it was a vulnerability a lot of guys would not let anyone inside of, so I'm giving him this award for being brave enough to share.....

And Lastly, but certainly not least....MJ at Life, Interrupted. She's been so honest, she's even paid the price for that honesty.  So honest, she's risked her own personal life due to it.  That's brave to put things really OUT THERE like that....funny how honesty can set you free, or be the nails in the coffin a second later.....huh MJ?

4. Show their names and links and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with this award.

Ok, going now to tell them.....

5. List at least ten honest things about yourself.

Ten Honest Things:

1.. I only eat green bananas....if they are too ripe and mushy, they make me wanna gag.

2. My hair is naturally strawberry blonde....also known as "orange"...so i'm technically an "orange head" instead of a "redhead" lol.

3. I live with a guy I met on craigslist.....a total stranger for a roommate, and so far, it's not so bad!

 4.  I once blew my house up due to a natural gas explosion, and to this day, i'm a little scared of propane, gas, etc.  So instead of having a gas grill, i have an outdoor ELECTRIC grill!  I'm weird, i know. :)

 5. my favorite dog is a doberman...I absolutely freaking love them.  And I especially miss mine, RIP Sonny.

 6. I think dogs from the pound are better than ones from breeders.....a dog who's been homeless just seems to appreciate a roof over their head more than the others....everyday chubs wakes me up, I see it on his face that he's happy I found him.  and that's kinda effin heartwarming.

7. I've known since I was 5 I wanted a tattoo, and at age 32, I FINALLY found out EXACTLY what that tattoo would be...and then didn't waste anytime getting it inked...and I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it....and have absolutely NO regrets in doing so.

8. I get attached easy, and once you're "in" with me...it's kinda like the mob, it takes quite the debacle to get "out"....but i mean, who would want to right?  Am i right or am I right? lol

9. I've had a job since I was like 5 years old....so the way I see it, i should be able to retire sooner than the retirement age....

10.  I've officially been a non smoker for TEN MONTHS now!  YAY!

So there you have it, i've complied with all the rules and regulations....and if you so choose, those whom I've awarded the same to, feel free to follow....

xoxox

~hl~

Welcome to HeatherLynn's: The Living Room

BEFORE:

AFTER:

 

You are What you Eat:

I eat a lot of chicken....does that make me a chicken?  And is it wrong that I look at this picture and I want to eat me? ;)

 And what is it about tattoos that make you want to be naked all the time?  Unless you're a stripper, they tend to frown upon this at work:

 And I never thought I'd say this....but who knew a day at the trailer park, totally out of your element, playing impromptu cornhole with toothless drunk strangers, while eating some Russian pineapple dessert drinking warm Pepsi (which i absolutely detest btw)...could turn out to be such an absolute delightful pastime?  Those folks were so cool to me.

That's me of course down on the bottom right with the killer beach body...in a bikini in the trailer park, you know, cuz that's how I roll...

This has been one strange weekend folks....I went to a bar on "the other side of the tracks" friday night, and found myself walking home, slightly drunk at three a.m and nearly fell over while looking up at the stars....i giggled and nearly fell over again....it felt good, to feel out of control, irresponsible, cloudy, comfortably numb....

I went to the bar, bought two beers, one for me, one for my co-worker....the next round she bought, then I found two dollars on the ground, and the rest of the night another co-worker bought me shots, so I came home with the same amount of money I left with....and a new appreciation for the kindness of co-workers.

MG's not talking to me apparently....AGAIN!

No Idea why...

I could make up some sort of reason for this, like his phone's broke...

but really, why bother....

Random weekends and random acts of UN-kindness are rarely ever explainable anyway right?

The last few days have me thinking a lot about social class, about the whole idea that birds of a feather...and all that flocking together business....

While at the bar on the other side of the tracks, I saw people with no teeth...drunk falling off bar stools....Smoking so much, my eyes felt like bleeding....I was asked repeatedly to show men my boobs...and they seemed shocked, when I crinkled my nose at them and said "sorry, but i'm not THAT type of girl"...as if, they didn't know "that kind of girl" wasn't EVERY girl.  I got yelled at by a bartender....I ate chips for dinner....I watched one guy, try to beat up another guy...for NO, absolute NO reason...I jaywalked...i spent the day in the trailer park, watched people smoke weed around small children....but who amazingly also made THE best BBQ chicken this side of the canal....

I stuck out like a sore thumb...with my please and thank you's...my shiny hair and bra encompassed breasts....I greeted a stoned girl with a Hello and it's nice to see you....while she couldn't open her eyes enough to actually SEE who she was being SEEN by.  Then she played cornhole....not well, but she played.....

Do I want to grow up and be like this?  No.  Do I do drugs around small children...ummm..hell no! Did I have fun...yeah, strangely, I did.

What does that say about me?  Do I share some commonality with them, or them with me?
Some of my friends....if they knew who I'd been around this weekend, I'm not so sure they wouldn't think twice about hanging out with ME now.

If Jesus can hang out with prostitutes...and thieves...
I can hang out at the trailer park and play some cornhole without being labeled trailer trash can't I?

oh, hold the phone, MG's texting....I better take this...

Goodnight my luvs,

Lost in Randomness

~hl~

Raindrops and Teardrops

 Yesterday, I came home from work and went to bed.  No point in trying to fight the sleep that had been trying to overcome me all day....so I gave in to my weakness and just crashed.  I was beat down, still semi-sick.....and I needed rest.

However, due to this, I missed the call from my dear friend Melissa who was traveling on her way home from Georgia.....her mom died and I wasn't there for her, I was asleep, and I'm kicking my self relentlessly for not being there for her......and she's kicking HERSELF for not making it back in time to be here for her mom's final moments.

This morning, I get a text message from FT telling me the bad news....and I know that I have to make that call.....what would I say, How do you even begin to comfort someone suffering from such a magnificent loss.  I mean, if my mom died, i don't know WHAT anyone could say to me to comfort me.  But I love Melissa, so even though I didn't know what to say, or how to say the things I didn't know I should say.....I called anyway.  Because, well, I'd failed her the night before, I couldn't, I wouldn't fail her now....

I called, she didn't answer.....I felt further deflated....

But she DID call me back a moment later and we spoke for awhile....

This is where she told me of her guilt in not making it back in time....and I could just feel the regret in her voice as she confessed it....I told her that surely her mother wouldn't of been upset that she wasn't there, anymore than she'd want her to be mad at HERSELF for not making it back in time.  It's been my experience that people who are staring down death, get a very clear sense of what's important and what's absolutely forgivable.....they have a clarity about things, that I think sometimes only those about to leave us have.....

I hate that this is something she has to get through.....and there really isn't much any of us can do to alleviate her pain, her sense of loss, her ongoing emotional instability.  There's not a hallmark card that can help this, there's no amount of chocolate.....or alcohol....that can make us forget.....and while forgetting would be kind, it would also be cruel, because who EVER wants to forget the memory of a lost loved one?

You have to try to hang on to the memories, and yet learn how to not let those very memories cause a downward spiral into despair.

*sighs*

I know some of you who read this blog (F8hasit & Bananas)  I know you guys have suffered similar losses.....if you have any words of wisdom for my dear friend Melissa, I'd love for you to share them here in the comments section....Melissa is a longtime reader here at RTOARM, and while I may not have the right things to say, I do know people who might.....

Rest in Peace Dear Sweet

Jennifer Wood

1958 - 2010

We don't always win every fight

but every once in awhile, someone comes along and show's us what it is TO fight

Her body failed her....but surely a spirit like that...lives on....

it has to.

Heavy Hearted,

~hl~

 

I've been quiet:

Mostly because I'm trying to just be calm.

When you like someone, it's nothing but a series of the highest of highs...and the...falling to the depths....caused by those highs.

I like MG...I do, and it amazes me on a daily basis how the very thought of him, puts this sheepish, happy and yet kinda shy smile on my face.  I don't normally smile like that.....people who know me, would never think of me as "sheepish"....it's just not my thing...ya know?

But every single day.....when it comes to MG, I feel as if I'm sitting on the very top of that first hill of that roller coaster you're scared to death of.  The clicks of ascent are coming to a close, and you know...that you're about to reach the top.....and here comes the fall!  Your grip tightens on the lap bar....you are eerily excited yet feel as though you might barf....that's exactly how he makes me feel....muscles tight....excited but could also barf....

This is where I sit.  Now for those of you who know me, you know that I'm not a big "relationship person".....well I mean, while i believe in them....I also know the "dark side" of being in one....and because of my failed attempts in the past, I'm not exactly one to DIVE into commitment.....so you can imagine how scary it is for me to have found someone who without it even being intentional....had me throwing away all those relationships that still had loose ends that needed tied.....who had me completely unintentionally growing mighty fond of a little 12 year old boy who reminds me so much of his dad.....at 12 years old.....and the fact that I'm doing all of this....naturally without even really thinking about it....willingly, wantingly, and all for a guy who I have no idea what he even thinks about me in return.....is as close to playing Russian roulette as this ole heart gets.  Yet, I got in that seat.....I strapped myself in....and with wide eyes, and very fluttery stomach.....I allowed myself to climb that first hill.....

With anyone else, I'd say no.....I'd shake my head nervously...and twice shy......I'd drag my feet.....and for some reason.....He makes me want to.  He attracts me to that which has repelled me....he makes me smile without even trying.....and did I mention, he's driving me absolutely insane with uncertainty?

I adore him, but I have no idea what he thinks about me....all I know is, it's been seven months since I first laid eyes on him and felt my insides get all stupid because of him....and here I sit seven months later....and STILL have no idea if he's all that "into me".....his kisses say yes, but his daily indifference says no.

*sighs*

So here I sit at the top of that hill......and I'm strapped in......and while i want to fall.....throw my hands up in the air and scream like a schoolgirl and enjoy the rush......there's that part of me in the back of my skull that's not so sure I'll survive this time.....for if he checks out on me a third time.....i fear my poor heart won't recover.

So I guess, for those of you who have asked me why I haven't written much lately....it's because there's a lump in my throat.....my chest feels tight.....and one minute I'm flying....and the next....I'm a deer in the headlights....and the highs and lows are coming so fast and so furiously....that I don't always have the vocabulary to express them...and even when I try, a new emotion comes on the scene making me unable to fully appreciate the one I just had.

I have to ask, how do you people do this?

Is it like Mel Gibson said in "Conspiracy Theory"

is it Geronimo?

Jerry Fletcher: Love gives you wings. It makes you fly. I don't even call it love. I call it Geronimo. When you're in love, you'll jump right from the top of the Empire State and you won't care, screaming "Geronimo" the whole way down. I love her so bad, I just... whoa, she wrecks me. I'd die for her.

This is JUST the kinda of Day I'm Having:

it's nearly one a.m....I just got home.....and I have no words....only video for you.  Sure i could TRY and type what's in my head this instant, but as soon as i sat down to try....this song flooded my brain, and i knew, the only way to tell you, is to SHOW you: 

As my facebook Status said the other day...."if happiness were helium, i'd surely float away".....

Goodnight Blogisphere,

~hl~