So Karen says to me (my dearest friend Karen)...she says, "you don't blog, because you have MG"....and she's right, there isn't much in the world I'd rather do than be around the man I love....but it's because of him that I'm here today.
See, last night was so incredible. It wasn't a particularly noteworthy day really....I worked, and came home and MG and I were texting....and I went over to see him around 8:30-ish and while he finished the dishes I sat and told him how my dog (the bastard) chubs ate my $80.00 bead spread...covering my living room in white bedding stuffing making it look like Ohio winter was IN my living room....which REALLY, REALLY pissed me right off...lets just say chubs got MORE than a stern talking to and he's grounded! He's spending a lot of quality time in his kennel since he can no longer be trusted to have run of the house all day anymore...but anyway, so there i was just a'bitchin about my dog, he doing dishes.....pretty uneventful.....but just nice too.....
after we watched Modern Family and some other shows on the couch....he ate some Bugles....I cracked his toes (lol...don't ask, he likes it!)....we had some laughs.....were cozy and couchbound together....again...it was just nice....
We went to bed, watched the remainder of that Grey's anatomy spin off.....turned out the lights....and spent some really good intimate time together....and he whispered something to me that well, it made me want to smile until my face exploded! Like, I'd never heard words that ever sounded better than the ones he said. the "I love you's" have been exchanged ....and let me tell you, i didn't think it got better than "I love you"....but this, THIS was better.
Better: Sort of like MG in general....after all these months that we've been official and all the months before....I never get sick of him, I NEVER find my smile fading away like the newness of our relationship....He makes me feel like every kind of girl....a giddy teenage girl in love, a lover, his best girl friend, there's been time when I felt like part of the family....I've been the damsel in distress, the person he's asked what he should do....he's kicked my ass at every competitive thing we've played....he's been my partner, he's made me his.....and then last night he goes and says what he did...and I'm amazed that for the first time, I don't feel foolish for loving someone "THIS MUCH"....so many times in a relationship....one person feels like they love more than they ARE LOVED....but for the first time in my entire life, I truly and honestly feel like I'm in love with a man who's in love the EXACT same way with me. And while he don't say it every day...when he does, WOW! Wow, it's like winning the lottery of love....each and every single time.
But that's not why I'm here either today....
I'm here today, because......I realized, that one of the best ways to remember, is to not forget. Sounds simple right?! well, it's not simple, as we grow older to always remember the things we want.....we remember useless crap that's worth about less than a nickle...but we can't remember those precious moments that we tell ourselves we NEVER want to forget.....
I told MG that last night would go down as one of my top ten favorite moments with him.....and that got me to thinking about what my top ten favorite moments actually are....I mean, i know I have them, but when i tried to write them down, it turned out that these "top ten memories" were more of a "feeling" than a story....i couldn't find the words to do them justice in describing them....which really pisses me off.
I mean, I may NEVER have a "first kiss" ever again. I may never feel THIS way in this moment, or in that moment with another man as long as I live....and trust me when i tell you, if this is all i get, if he's the last, I have ABSOLUTELY NOT ONE SINGLE SOLITARY COMPLAINT OR REGRET! But I don't want to forget....I don't want to forget our love....
I want to painfully remember him making me feel awkward and all those effin hoops i jumped through...I want to remember the cupcakes of sorrow, and how i stabbed myself in the stomach with a kitchen knife cutting the horrible rice crispy treats i tried to make him!
I want to remember that first kiss that knocked the purse right off my shoulder on the steps of my Jr. High School Auditorium.....and how cold it was that night, and how his lips were cold at first and then there they were, now hot on my mouth....*smiles at the thought*....
I don't know if there will come a day when I don't get giddy and excited at the very thought of MG, but if ever a day like that comes, I want to remember how we started, where we began. Cuz if you know where you started...even if you make a wrong turn along the way, you can start over....as long as you know where to start, and the love that made you....At least that's my hope.
So last night....after...you know.....we composed ourselves (Typical: I looked for my panties which were MIA....got a drink of water, caught my breath, etc....) we laid there together.....in the golden colored light from his bedside lamp...he picked up his paperback novel he's been reading....and I put my headphones on and listened to my IPOD at a level I guess he could hear too.....and it was a moment of absolute peacefulness. There wasn't a nervous energy in my body...my mind was still....my body calm....music filled the air and love was in that room.....and while I enjoyed the music....my heart was pulsing to the tune of MG's whispered words of earlier...they played over and over in my head....nothing ever sounded so sweet...i doubt anything ever will.
I've never been happier in my life....
{Dear Sweet Always Happy, Chappy}
On a sad note though, my sister Angie's dog Chappy is dying at 11 years old, he's slowly leaving us....she called me yesterday to tell me the awful news (tumor, enlarged heart, fever..it's not good)....so while I'm on Cloud 9, she's on the floor in despair over the loss of their four legged family member. Please say a prayer for her, that she can find comfort in a time when loss is all around her. Luv you Ang!
From the depths of Winter
in frosty February in Ohio,
Yours,
~hl~
