Drama: The Sequel

One thing I hate is drama. I hate when other people's drama finds it's way to my doorstep.

I hate the way someone I don't even know tries to ruin my day, and I hate that once they've tainted the day....it's hard to make them go away.

Let me set the scene for you if i might: At work, smiling...busy, yet not overwhelmed. keyboard clicking, legal documents being produced, and at a break in the action...I pop over to check to my myspace. A teensy indiscretion at work, but one that nobody needs to know about. Well, except you guys, but I know YOU can keep a secret. Right?! *winks*

Anyway, so I go to my home page...*New Messages* appears and I click to see what's awaiting me. I look at the little picture next to the message and I don't recognize the person. She looks vaguely familiar, but i couldn't place her....well not until I opened the message anyway.

It was Mr. West Virginia's girlfriend. The girl who demanded I be deleted from his myspace and DE-FRIENDED IMMEDIATELY! No questions, just cease and desist....OR THERE WILL BE CONSEQUENCES! And he did. He talked to me about the situation, we had a nice heart to heart and I told him....hey, if you like this girl, give it a go....I'll still be your friend if it doesn't work out. So he went. I was deleted, ostracized from his myspace community....but I know in my heart, if I ever needed him, as a friend, I don't need myspace clearance to gain access to him. We've been friends for far too long to abandon each other just like that.

So she writes to me the following:

"Just out of curiosity, based on your song selection, I was wondering if you where under the impression you where dating {Mr. West Virginia who's name has been intentionally excluded} and he broke up with you?"

So, she's fishing. I HATE fishing. Okay, first of all, I don't know this girl. Nor do I wish to after yesterday....so what exactly is she fishing for? Does she honestly think that I would EVER do or say ANYTHING to her without #1 letting Mr. West Virginia know? and #2...that I would ever say ANYTHING to fuel her insanity.

Now, I don't know if there is a code of conduct for women, but there should be...and rule #1 should be, NEVER under any circumstance should you go behind the back of your boyfriend or lover, or whomever he is, on myspace and contact his girlfriend, or ex girlfriend with the intent to fish out information or damage his standing with a woman you don't even know. Not that I was actually ever officially his gf, but I was his Girl/Friend whom she banned the existence of. Therefore, if HE can't talk to me, SHE shouldn't be allowed to either. Now there WOULD be an exception to this rule of course, that would allow a woman to contact the woman who's "the other woman"...so if your bf is cheating on you, and you catch the bitch redhanded...she's fair game for a mild confrontation. Just to let her know that you know....and that you don't appreicate it. That is the only acceptable exception to the rule.

Just my opinion of course...

So naturally, i forward all of her e-mails to her bf/MY ex-friend...and naturally, like any man, he's upset. He feels as though she doesn't trust him and she's going behind his back trying to catch him in something. And rightfully so, I'd say...because why else did she contact me? I'm guessing it wasn't because she was really digging my myspace song selection as she mentioned. And why is she cruising my myspace page anyway? Granted I'll admit that a long time ago, I looked at hers, but that's because Mr. West Virginia told me he was dating someone new, and I always scope out his new gf's....as any friend would...it's what friends do. We check em' out and we give em' the thumbs up or down...we say things like..."Well she's pretty"....and ask things like "well, where'd you meet?" and "How many kids she got?" I do so, because I care about HIM, not her. I only want whats best for him....*sighs*....

And somehow, because I care, and want what's best for him, HER drama has found me. I feel bad for HIM, because it puts him in an awkward spot....me who's known him forever telling him that she's psycho for doing what she did....and Her being his new girlfriend whom i suspect he loves, or he wouldn't be so willing to give in to her demands. Which is what I told her:

"let me give you a word of advice, the man stopped talking to me for you, he and I have been friends since we were kids...and he did as you asked and STOPPED talking to me....and yet you don't trust him? You have to go on a fishing expedition with me?

Look, we've all been hurt, we've all had some cocksucker fuck us over royally in our lives....but if you can't see the solid, loyal trustworthy guy you are dating...then you don't deserve him. I'm not trying to be mean, but you have no idea what you have, if you are willing to risk losing it by letting your insecurities get the best of you.

The past is the past, let it go, and free yourself from making this mistake again. HE deserves better....and YOU deserve better for yourself. If you keep this up, you'll lose one of the best guys in the world....and you'll have nobody to blame but yourself.

I appreciate your reply, it seemed heart felt, but it's stuff like this, that gives women a really bad reputation for being insane....and this WILL be a really big red flag in his eyes. I know him....you are going to have to trust him, or you'll NEVER make it.

Don't punish him for the mistakes of the men of your past. He's different and you should know that by now.

Best of luck,

~hl~"

I worry for him. Sure, we all have moments of instability, hell, I have plenty of them...but there's a line, and one can tiptoe around the line and still be fundamentally ok, but once you cross that line...you have to ask yourself...WHAT IN THE HELL IS A'MATTER WITH ME? Contacting an ex, demanding he leave me in the past, and then she comes and digs me back up....it's cause for alarm in my eyes. I hope that my friend isn't in for a ride on the rollercoaster of psychosis. But like I said in posts past...I trust he knows what he's doing...he draws the lines...and hopefully she won't cross any more of them.

Thanks to Darren, and Thanks to Mr. West Virginia....and all my other faithful male friends, I'm starting to learn that it's not just guys...."a good WOMAN is hard to find" too....

Reflection of a Weekend:

Sunday, 2:30 p.m.

I'm sitting back at Laguardia International Airport once more. It's sunny and I'm watching planes take off over the tall buildings...I'm humming Gary Allan's "watching airplanes" song in my head....I wanted to listen to some music, but when I told my sister I had brought a "walkman" ... and she nearly fell over laughing at me....and then crinkled her nose and said..."You can't listen to a walkman... omg... people will think you are weird!" and I'm like "HEY! I'm sorry, I dont' have an Ipod or mp3 player...sue me!" Apparently I'm un-cool. Which reminds me of one of my favorite movie quotes of all time....Almost Famous (2000):

Lester Bangs: The only true currency in this bankrupt world... is what you share with someone else when you're uncool.

So I hum instead...

So i got patted down just a bit ago....the guy at the metal detector says very loudly in my face, female passenger, traveling alone, no alarm, need inspection due to "Bulk"...Bulk?!?! What the fuck, that's discrimination of chubby girls with big boobs! They are boobs, not bags of dope!! I had to put my arms up and let some very nice hispanic lady feel me up and down. She was thorough too, I feel a little violated...I almost need a cigarette after that.....*laughs*

I sit here and I'm sad. Leaving NYC after such a short stay.....I had so much fun. I have been to Soho, China Town, Little Italy, Greenwich Village, Times Square, Rockefeller Center, The NYC Public Library, The Meatpacking District...my first gay club...where a hot gay fella grabbed my butt and said and I quote "Ohhhhh....giiiiiirl that's tight!..but don't worry, I'm not coming onto you, you aren't my type...*giggle*" So I've been felt up twice on this trip....once by a girl airport security guard and then once by a gay club goer who's clothes were worth more than my car.

If I had to pick a favorite, I'd say "Little Italy"....The Italian shop owners were so amazing, the flower pots on the window sills, the accents, the color and atmosphere....the pizza...mmmmmm. Don't get me wrong, I loved China Town and Soho....and other areas as well, but little Italy just kind of stuck out above the others..even if it's being swallowed up by China Town.

The Public Library smelled just like I thought it would...like history. Like old books, wood polish...I can still see that lovely painted ceiling in my mind, hear the way your feet clicked as you walked on the hard marble-esque floors....Oh, it was an experience i won't soon forget. Makes the Delphos Public Library look amateur by comparison.

It's funny when you walk the streets of NYC, you feel 50% at home and 50% foreign. Well "I" did anyway...because I've seen the scenes of this city time and time again in movies, television, photography, sometimes you find feelings of nostalgia for a place you've never actually been.

The City is amazing....and the longer you are there, the more you'll learn....

like for example...the subway is where people go to throw up apparently...and it really smells like ass down there at times....

Pasta, can cost $42.oo...but it tastes like no other pasta you've ever tried...

Bouncers at gay clubs aren't happily gay strapping Men, they are mean snarly new york straight guys who'll kick your ass right outta there if you give em any attitude. (Right Alex?...that guy was a dick!)

It's a city that seems huge...but you can walk about anywhere....

It's a city that I will long to travel back to. I now understand when people say "I heart NYC"....it's easy to fall in love with a place like that.

PS - I DID get my snow globe....it took some doing, and I shattered my first one that I bought in China Town...but after several tries...I arrived safe and sound with one snow globe, in tact.

PSS ~ I will post my pictures from the trip over on the photoblog probably on Wednesday for any interested parties.

Night Night luvs,

~hl~

Sunshine City {Enters Stage Right}

And then it happened, she walked into my life....via the revolving door....the infamous Sunshine City, aka Alex! There we were, just an Ohioan, and an Italian....meeting for the first time ever on the corner of 45th and 8th in the lobby of the Milford Hotel in New York City.

She skipped/bounced across the lobby with glee and I hugged her and she hugged me!

First impression: "Damn she's short!" (Alex, I know you are reading this...sorry but you are my little midget!")

I can't believe it's been years...we've been friends for years and finally we meet. After last years disastrous attempt .... and then me missing my flight earlier today, I thought this moment would NEVER come, yet here it is....and wow, what a journey....and start to a new adventure.

Chris and Heidi and Lino follow....they didn't skip/bounce across the room quite like Alex did, but they were awesome nonetheless. Hugs were given to everyone and all the sudden, I am no longer alone in the city of millions of strangers, I'm amongst friends.

Old Friends, new Acquaintances

Say Hello to my little Italian Friend!

(Alex)

And one super cool hip cat from Iowa

(Chris)

And introducing.....Hotel Boy!

(aka, Lino)

The Hotel....

5:29 P.M.

I'm standing outside the Milford Plaza Hotel smoking while the bellboy is watching my luggage whilst he vaccums the carpet. Don't worry, i never took my eyes off my bag. Man I needed this cigarette. There are two times in a girl's life when she really needs to smoke #1-after amazing super hot sex and #2-after a shuttle service ride in NYC. A ride so unlike any other, a ride where your life flashes before your eyes....yes, that's when a cigarette is most certainly in order.

Two flights down....one Shuttle To Go:

Friday 4:02 p.m.

I am in the lobby of Laguardia International Airport. Awaiting my shuttle service to pick me up and bring me to the hotel. They said it'd be 20-25 minutes....shit, that was quick, he's here...gtg.

4:10 p.m.

Getting into my shuttle...it's a van. and my driver a middle eastern Fellow...

4:30 p.m.

Finally leaving airport terminal pickups...there are now 9 other passengers! The girl next to me gave me a cookie, yeah, i know not to take food from strange girls with nose piercings on shuttle services but oh my god, I was starving and it was yummy and homemade. I "probably" won't die right? *coughs*....

4:40 p.m.

OMG, I'm going to die! The shuttle driver is trying to kill us. one thing I've learned about NYC driving is that these things we call "lanes"...they are more of a suggestion than a rule. Taxi's and shuttle drivers alike...if they were kids, they were the ones who could NEVER color inside the lines...

In Ohio, people hardly ever use their vehicle's horns...maybe a little toot toot when you pass a friends house and they are out in the yard or something...but in NYC...i bet they wear out their horns quicker than they do tires!

5:00 p.m.

Seriously, I'm in the "shuttle of death" We are a streak of blue....flying down the city streets...you don't even see us until we are a second from killing a pedestrian..and maybe, just maybe my driver taps the breaks. I just watched us blow past this lady in the street, our mirror was two centimeters from her head....she didn't even flinch, if we hit one pot hole and veered just a smidgen, we'd of decapitated her, but does she blink an eye...fuck no she don't, just just keeps walking...New Yorkers can't be bothered with such minimal ricks....

Jesus....let me live to see the hotel....

And it Continues:

Friday 8:26 a.m.

The toilet flushes while I'm still on it....3 times....I was just peeing...and it just keeps on flushing....niiiiiice.

Hello, I'm still here!!!

This is really not the start to a good day.....

So Here's how it went down:

Friday 7:10 a.m.

A baby cries in the distance as I sip on a shitty cup of scalding hot coffee at the Dayton International Airport.

I missed my flight due to the fact that my expedia E-ticket had me standing in line for Delta while I needed to be at North West Airlines. So now i have to wait 5 hours until the 11:15 flight. putting myself in NYC at 3:28 p.m. instead of 10:36 a.m. as originally planned.

Shit my vacation just went from 2 days to just a day and a half. This blows!! I got up at 3:30 in the morning and for what?!?!?! To sit and look pretty while sleeping in an effin airport chair, that's what! :/

Guess I'm not the only late one, people are freaking running down Concourse "C" right now. Grown business men ties a'flappin in the breeze they create as they barrel down they hallway...entertaining though.

Alex has arranged for a shuttle service to pick me up at Laguardia. Thank God. I tell you, for a foreigner, she sure knows her way around the city.

I sure wish i could smoke right now, but sadly I must wait...and wait....and wait some more.

Did I mention this coffee is by far THE WORST cup of coffee I've ever had the displeasure to put to my lips? BLECK!!! Ewwwww!! GROSS!!!

I'm nervous. Chris was flying in around the same time I was and he was going to get me to my hotel. Now...I'm on my own. Alone in New York City and I have to get from Laguardia to 45th Street without getting mugged, murdered or into mischief. Yeah, good luck to me!

Oh hey, the current threat advisory is Orange. Gee, that's only the 10th time I've heard THAT since I've got here, and it's only been an hour. I have at least 30 more times to hear it YAY! Something to look forward to.

OK, I lied, it's going to play 60 more times, my original count was off.

A lady just walked in here who's arms were amazingly too short for her frame. her fingertips just barely poked out of her sleeves, yet she had a tidy hairdo, and expensive glasses...and she walked with a very distinctive "swagger"...you know how I mean?...very deliberate, very specific...wish I had a swagger...maybe they sell them at the airport gift shop...I should check, god knows i have the time!

I need a nap....I'm slightly grouchy!

Random Facts: (Keep you busy when I'm gone)

~ I think pumpkin pie shouldn’t be seasonal, I think it should be a pie for ever day of the year. Every day should have pumpkin pie in it.

~ Ripe bananas suck, they gotta be a bit green and not all mushy to be edible in my opinion.

~ I have a stamp collection that I’ve had since I was a kid, and one time, I cut up a old library book for stamp collectors and tried to pass off the cut outs as real stamps. My cousin Aaron got me started, he gave me a bunch of foreign stamps that he got from some long lost family member of his that I’d never heard of, and I’ve been collecting ever since. Sure, my collection is not worth anything, as they are already cancelled specimens, but I’ve got a colorful and historic collection that spans over the past 30 years. Yeah, I’m kind of a nerd as it turns out…

~ When I was a kid, I was deathly afraid of spaghetti noodles. If we had spaghetti and I was in charge of clearing the table that night, if I so much as touched a wet cold icky noodle with my finger, I’d start gagging and nearly vomit.

~ As gay as it sounds…I am enchanted by snow globes….always has been, probably always will be. My mom bought me a plastic/gel, kids toy-looking snow globe once as a joke. It had gold fish and leaves in it, and it’s one of my personal favorites out of all the things she’s ever gotten me. And she doesn’t even know it.

~ One of the first things I told Keith I wanted when he told me we should get a divorce was my Christmas tree. And every year when I put it up, I am reminded that I survived one of the hardest things we in our adult lives will learn about relationships….and that’s what happens when one ends…and life as you know it ends.

~ I’m addicted to movie adaptations of Jane Austen Novels.

~ I now have an army of cats that live on my front porch because I keep feeding them leftovers from my refrigerator. I’m a sucker for hungry strays. But hey, I haven’t seen any mice in my house…so I’m happy.

~ I actually like old western movies. My dad used to MAKE us watch them, because they were the only movies besides “Roadhouse” that he liked….so I totally rebelled and refused to watch them as a young adult, but now, yeah, I admit it, I like em. In a way, they sorta feel like home to me.

~ I had the coolest smurf wallpaper in my bedroom with rainbow shagged carpet in the house I grew up in….my sisters and I were obsessed with the smurfs and to this day, I have three of them that somehow managed to survive my hundreds of moves, and probably 24 years of wear and tear….sitting on my desk at home right next to my mail organizer. If you don’t believe me, I can sing the smurf song to prove my dedication….it’s simple, it goes like this: La, la, la-la-la-la, la, la-la, la-la. Then just do that over and over again, and you got it!

When I get to NYC, I think my jaw will drop. I think Alex WILL grope me in her sleep just as she warned me she might do….and I have a feeling, I will come home, back to Ohio with a new perspective about things….toting my very own NYC Snow Globe. I hope. *smiles*

AND OFF I GO.....NYC, HERE I COME!

AH, OFF FOR ANOTHER FLYING ADVENTURE....

THIS TIME,

TO MEET THE ITALIAN.

THE IOWAINAN +ONE

AND

THE INFAMOUS "HOTEL BOY" AKA LINO

THIS OUGHT TO BE GOOD...WILL WRITE UPON MY RETURN.

PEACE & LOVE,

~hl~

The last thing I wanted to hear before leaving....

You get the point.....

*sobs*

~hl~

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ONE MORE DAY UNTIL NYC!!

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TWO MORE DAYS UNTIL NYC!!

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THREE MORE DAYS UNTIL NYC!!!

The Milford Plaza: Where I'll be Staying in NYC

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FOUR MORE DAYS UNTIL NYC!!

In Troubling Times Such as These....

I like to call upon history as a way of finding hope in all things uncertain.

For this country has come so far from our days of the earliest of settlers, to the wild and ready travels west...to the great depression, war, death....poverty....these conditions have plagued us before. Our country blew itself up during the civil war.....we divided a country, we killed one another over slavery....and we figured it out, we got back on track....right?!

Surely a country is more than it's financial situation. We are a country of Ben Franklins, Alexander Grahm Bells, Henry Fords, Thomas Edisons and Eli Whitneys, just to name a few. Are we out of ingenuity? Determination? Integrity, gusto and faith? Or is there ground yet still to cover, frontiers to explore? It is my belief that we may be smart, but we are infantile in all that is yet to know.

I have a book, it's by far one of the greatest treasures I posses, it's an old book, printed in 1930, i think i found at a garage sale, or at that flea market up in Princeton...anyway, I'm not exactly sure how it founds its way to me, but I hold this book dear to my heart. I know I've mentioned it before in this blog, but I found myself reading it tonight, reading the words of so many historic men...and I find peace in their words that have survived so many years, so many changes....their words survive in a world that is unlike any that they'd of ever known....the information age.

Anyway, they touched me, so i wanted to share them with you....and maybe you'll find comfort in their simple words and phrases.....as i did.

I think people today aren't as concerned with who they are, as so as much as to what they have or the success they've obtained. I think our ancestors held the human spirit in much greater regard than we do today. They understood that the measure of a man isn't the collection of items they possess over the course of their life, it's the collection of relationships and good deeds that determine one's worth when they die. They knew the value of kindness, hard work and Tolerance. Well, the good ones did anyway. *smiles*

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Cheerfulness means a contented spirit; a pure heart, a kind and loving disposition; it means humility and charity, a generous appreciation of others, and a modest opinion of self. ~~Thackeray

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The Optimist's Creed:


Promise yourself--


To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet.


To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.


To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.


To think only of the best, to work only for the best and expect only the best.


To be as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.


To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.


To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.


To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you no time to criticize others.


To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.


~~Christian D. Larson
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It is better to be alone than in bad company.


Think before you speak.


In your apparel be modest.


Wherein you reprove another, be unblamable yourself.


Let your heart feel for the afflictions and distresses of everyone.


Be courteous to all, but intimate with few; true friendship is a plant of slow growth


~~George Washington
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With malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on. ~~ Abraham Lincoln
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The world wants the kind of men who do not shrink from temporary defeats in life; but come again and wrestle triumph from defeat. ~~ Theodore Roosevelt
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Unsubdued:

I have hoped, i have planned, i have striven

To the will I have added the deed;

The best that was in me I've given,

I have prayed, but the Gods would not heed.

I have dared and reached only disaster,

I have battled and broken my lance;

I am bruised by a pitiless master

That the weak and the timid call chance.

I am old, I am bent, I am cheated

Of all that Youth urged me to win;

But name me not withe the defeated,

To-morrow, again, I begin.

S. E. Kiser
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FIVE MORE DAYS UNTIL NYC!!

Let the Countdown Begin

SIX MORE DAY TO NYC!

In the Famous Words of Axl Rose....

“You wanta antagonize me

Antagonize me motherfucker

Get in the ring motherfucker

And I'll kick your bitchy little ass”

This should be printed on the door at my part time EP job.

I’m not kidding.

It’s been fickin’ WWIII around there lately.

See, I’ve had my fair share of scares in my time working there….this one time, there I was working away…just getting lost in my shuffling and inserting, and all the sudden I hear “Diane” say “WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?!?!” I immediately was on edge. Apparently someone was inserting the papers wrong….ehhmmm….yeah, that someone was me….although at that point, I didn’t KNOW it was me….

I offered to help her fix/re-insert the messed up ones….she starts grumbling that she doesn’t have enough fucking xanax to deal with incompetence, she starts yelling at everyone in the room to get their heads outta their asses and pay attention to what they are doing! With each new wrongly inserted paper, she gets increasingly MORE vocal….finally, I just started grabbing stacks of papers off her table and loading them onto my own…and going through and fixing them before she even has a chance to get to them. Eventually they were all fixed and things were back on track, she even said to me after: “Thanks beautiful for helping fix those”….and I’m like yeah sure, I helped fix what I fucked up!! Although she thought it was my table-mate Jack who did it, even asked me if I could keep my eye on him to make sure he was doing it right. Let me tell ya, I was freaking scared for my life….When Diane starts throwing “MotherF*cker” out there….you know you better duck, cause shit’s about to go down….

Friday night, and again last night….was no exception!

Friday night was by far THE worst day at EP on record for me, although last night was a doozy for the record books as well.

Friday night the meltdown was due to not meeting our deadline. Diane, a good lady, I like her, but she doesn’t handle “stress” very well…..as a matter of fact, she tends to freak out a little. Nothing against her, cause like I said, I really like her, but EP is a hostile environment in and of itself, adding a super pissed off lady running around yelling and cursing…and it goes from hostile to explosive. So many clashing personalities….and like wildfire, negativity spreads so fast, you’ll find yourself completely engulfed in flames with no hope of putting them out….and that shit keeps right on burning….faces turn angry, stares become deadly…..muscles tighten….and inserting papers sucks pretty much when you are in a good mood, inserting pissed off….well, it’s counterproductive to say the least.

So, we missed our deadline….Diane starts to freak….all the sudden, her eyes become crosshairs, crosshairs you DO NOT want to get caught in! A lesson Jackie had apparently not yet learned. She was laughing, seemingly having fun over at her table…she looked like she was working to me, but Diane didn’t seem to like her “happy-to-have-missed-our-deadline” demeanor. She was instantly PISSED…she yelled over to Jackie, “stop screwing around, get to work!” or something like that…Jackie yells back at her… “I AM WORKING…I CAN TALK AND WORK AT THE SAME TIME!!”

Diane yells back at her that it didn’t look like it, and that we don’t have time for chit chat and dancing around acting like idiots, we have a job to get done, etc. etc….and so it went, the yelling grew, and grew, and grew……Diane was then saying things like “fucking little bitch”…Jennifer is saying her mouthy shit back….and the rest of us are like… “WTF!?!?!”

Jim my table-mate and friend kept looking back as if he wanted to say something, and I said “Jim…listen to me, this is important…we are NOT getting involved in that shit!” I pointed to my eyes and then his, and said, “Focus…right here, it’s just you and me buddy, nothing exists outside of OUR table...we are an island over here, a self sufficient island….we ARE NOT getting involved in anyone else’s drama! ARE NOT!” And we didn’t. But it was a nightmare. Diane was all pissed off, Jackie wouldn’t stop running her mouth…and I was like for crying out loud, can we drop it already? It’s over, STOP!

Last night, when I thought the war had ceased, like little sticks of dynamite, those two were exploding all over the place again. This time Jackie thought Diane was picking on her by asking her to UN-insert some papers that were screwed up…and Jackie says “Why do I have to do it?”…. “I didn’t insert any of the bad ones!!” Diane says: “Because it needs done, and I asked you to!” Jackie says “Why you picking on me, I’m not the one who screwed up here!” and Diane’s starting to lose her cool….says “I don’t give a shit WHO did what, just fucking do it!” Jackie….keeps on bitchin, Diane looks at me like she’s about to blow a fuse….I try and keep my head down so I don’t accidently get killed in the crossfire. Diane says… “I’m getting really fucking sick of your mouth Jackie!”….Jackie puts her mp3 player’s headphones in her ears and YELLS “I can’t hear you!”….

“I can’t hear you”….can you believe that? I cannot Imagine looking at my boss here at the law firm and be like… “Na, na, na, na, na,na….I can’t heeeeeeeeeear you!” They’d first think I was an idiot, and then they’d fire me for insubordination. And I can’t say I blame them.

I mean, c’mon, it’s not called a “job” for nothing. It’s work! And when you are at work, you shut the hell up, do your work, and get the hell out of there. When your supervisor says do this….you DO it. You don’t bitch and whine and throw a fit…you shut up and you do as you are asked. Hence why they give you that paycheck….for the service you provide them, and the service they in turn provide to their customer. It’s how that works! It’s no wonder our country is in the fucking toilet….

Moving to Marbletown six months ago was like moving to a different country….working at EP is like working on a different PLANET! An alternate universe…or sumthin!

*Knock Knock* goes the door.

Knock knock.

who's there?

a stranger.

a stranger who?

A stranger that's going to kill YOU!

So, like three weeks ago, I order the movie "Strangers" from Netflix. Don't ask me why, considering the fact that I'm deathly afraid of horror films....so when it arrived, it took me a week before I could bring myself to watch it, and I think I only did because Brooke was here over the holidays and WANTED to watch it....I might of sent it back unwatched had she not been here for moral support.

Anyway....so the movie is about these two people, Kristin and James who return from a wedding reception to James' family vacation home where they were staying to a Knock on the door....

a young girl asks "Is Tamara here"....

of course James and Kristin have no idea who this supposed "Tamara" is...so they tell her she's got the wrong house, and they close the door.

Thence the terrorizing begins. The assailants are masked, and clearly are sport killing, as they play cat and mouse with the young couple.

They cut the phone lines, they steal the couple's cell phones, for hours and hours this goes on, and in the end, when the break of day has come, after a horrific night of torment, Kristin and James are bound to chairs, stabbed, gutted, etc. Before they die though, right when they realize that this is it...Kristin says to the three young killers "Why are you doing this?" And the girl who first appeared at the door asking for Tamara says: "Because you were home." Very icily, casual, matter of factly.

And for SOME strange reason, last night as I was going to bed, all I could think of was "Because you were home." "Because you were home." Because you were home"....

People, I watched this movie weeks ago! WEEKS! and yet I'm still haunted. This is exactly why I don't watch scary movies. Because they SCARE ME!!

Call me a wimp, call me what you will....but this movie scares you because it takes away the sanctity of one's home. We all think we are safe so long as the doors are locked, and our little German Short Haired pointer Dog isn't growling at the door.....however, you never know who'll come knocking on your door in the night. You never know what kind of sick and twisted person lives just down the street from you.

Take the BTK Killer for example, this guy worked as a local dog warden, he worked at the local IGA in his youth, and he even was a ADT home security installer, and census field operations supervisor, he was a Cub Scout leader, attended the same church for 30 years...this IS the guy who COULD live right next door, and you'd never expect a thing. This guy could come to your door and you'd without fear or reservation allow him to come inside as easily as I let the pizza delivery boy come in last night. Some of you may know this, but they called Mr. Rader the BTK killer because he'd Bind, Torture and Kill his victims. He was a man who loved to watch people die....the same man who might of helped dozen little boys get their merit badges...installed that home security system in your house that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, which has no hope of keeping out the one man for a hundred miles that you need protection from. And he's not fiction, he's real.

The shock of Dennis Rader's arrest shook Wichita, Kansas....his wife had no idea, his children had no idea....sure he was probably an ass on occasion, but a Serial Killer, who'd of thought?!

And I guess that's why I don't like scary movies, because they remind me that somewhere, someone might be doing exactly what the movie portrays. But it's real, there are no scripts, actors, clever lighting or sound effects....there is death and blood, and sexual gratification obtained by taking the life of another.

So when there's an unexpected *Knock* at the door, and it's dark and I am home alone, I don't always believe it's a friendly face that will be there awaiting me on the other side. Do you?

What rotten luck it would be to be murdered..."Because you were home"...

Insanity Part II

Albert Einstein says: Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

So why the hell do I keep buying a bunch of six perfectly green bananas knowing full well that I will never eat them all before they go to shit and turn black?

I HATE ripe bananas! Bleck!

Random Saturday Events I love:

It's 3:30 pm....I'm still in my pj's and I'm smiling like the kind of girl who knows it's irresponsible, but doesn't much care .... because it's Saturday, it's Saturday and I worked 14 hours yesterday and today i slept in .... woke up at my leisure .... I'm sitting here typing this, wearing my "Camel Towing" hooded sweatshirt that Matt gave me, listening to "100" by Ryan Frisinger (a great, great song, if you've not heard it, find it, listen to it, love it! lol ... and yes I stole that quote!) ... and I just came back in from shoveling snow. White fluffy, sparkly snow. i love snow, it's the blanket that quiets a overly noisy world, it's the rouge on the face of a ugly woman, or an ugly landscape ..... known as brown misery, transforming something dreadful into a white and magical wonderland. It's nature's way of giving us something pretty to mask the chill that only January can bring...

Shoveling snow is just damn therapeutic....sort of like when I was a kid still living on the farm, the methodic way I used to feed the animals...or shovel out the stalls....physical labor brings clarity of mind if you ask me....and as you shovel and scoop the snow, you imagine the snow is your problems, your worries, and you smile as you see that shit go flying OUT OF YOUR WAY....settling, scattering all over...it comes to rest behind you....off to the side, but OUT OF YOUR WAY. Too bad all of life's problems aren't as light as fluffy snow that blow away when the wind picks up...or melts away when the sun comes out.

It's a beautiful winter day....

Oh, awesome, the mail man is here...bet he's got my new Netflix Movie...sweet!! I better go check that out!!

*begins to run to the door to put on her snow boots to check the mailbox...*

Stay warm, stay safe, and have a pleasant weekend, I hope you spend the day doing the things that make YOU smile...just as I am.

~hl~

Can anyone tell me….

WTF is the difference between Maroon, Burgundy and Wine colored?

In an effort to take my mind off the ever spiraling downward process known as home ownership….I’m distracting myself with other questions that plagued me for years...like "Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?" That's just counter productive if you ask me....but I've done it...and you probably have too!

So somebody tell me, is Maroon more red, while wine more purple? Are Maroon and Burgundy the same damn color just called different names just to piss me off?

And if they are the same, why do we have three different names for the same damn thing?

Come to think of it why do we have three different names for frickin everything?

Car, vehicle, automobile?

Worldwide web, Internet, Information superhighway….

House, Home, Homestead, Dwelling..(this one has 4 and probably more)

Converse, Talk, gab, chat, discuss

Now, don’t get me wrong, the English Language would be pretty dull from a writer’s perspective if you couldn’t interchange words, with enough slight variation to give a different sound to the same ole sentence….but still….Burgundy? Wine? Maroon? Seriously? I’m going to need some clarification?

And yes, I’m cranky, and these three little colors are my scapegoat…and right now I NEED A scapegoat, so.....…1, 2, 3…. clarify.....GO! Enlighten me.

I hate to ask the obvious question…but WHY??!??!!?!?!

Why must ONE snag always make a perfectly sound sweater unravel?

Why do I get so lucky that the bank “Seller” accepted my offer to buy the house, but now, after conversing with my Loan Officer today, she has to tell me that the Rural Housing Loan that I was “PRE-APPROVED” for all the sudden has run out of funds. WHAT?!!?!?!? How does that happen, how can they pre-approve you for funds that are not available?

So NOW, I have this great house, that I am getting a great price to buy, but now, NOW, I may not have the funds to actually pay for it.

I’m disgusted…and worried. As I only have until February 15th to close…and if for some reason I “can’t”….that nullifies my purchase agreement with the Seller.

CRAP! Now what do I do?

Anyway, I’m meeting with my Loan Officer AND my realtor tonight, hopefully we can figure something out. So for those of you who had your fingers crossed and were saying prayers that they accept my offer…great job guys, it worked, but could you re-cross those fingers and bust out your prayer books…cause, I’m going to need just a little more help.

Lord, don't let my sweater unravel due to one little snag...don't let my desire to be a homeowner be dashed thread by thread...for like my favorite sweater, this house, it fits...and in it I will be warm, protected...and I'm fairly certain...very happy. *sighs*....so, yeah...I kinda want this....

~hl~

I GOT IT, I GOT IT, OMG, I GOT IT!!!!!!

*gets teary eyed*

*sniffles*

*smiles*

I GOT IT!

~hl~

Home Sweet Home? ? ? ? ......

Oh man am I nervous. This is either going to be really good, or it's going to be really bad.

So, breaking news...I put an offer in to BUY a house....yes, you read that right, to BUY a house.

After looking at the sad sad little $300.00/mo. apartment down on third street, I decided I should think bigger, more long term, and find a way to give me and chubs a home we could be proud of. Lucky for me the real estate market is in the toilet. Because for not much more than $300/mo. Me and chubs could be living in this wonderful 1,664 s.f. HOUSE, as opposed to the refrigerator box sized apartment that i looked at.

Granted, I will have far greater utilities, etc, but with a roommate, totally doable.

I'm excited, and nervous, and happy, and worried, and a million other emotions right now, as I've just returned from the realtor's office after putting in my counter offer, apparently they didn't like my first offer! Bastards!

Anyway, we are closing in on a yes or no situation here, and I'm damn near holding my breath.

If this house doesn't pan out, it's back to the drawing board at finding another one that I actually like as much as this one, but it's in the hands of fate now....they will say yes, or they'll say no, and they have until the 7th to do so.

So wish me luck...!!

Bitter Sweet Pain Relief

I've had a full weekend....

I've went shopping with my mother, out to dinner with Steph, to the bar with Angie B...and that was just yesterday....

While Steph and I were talking, and i was showing her the new clothes I bought, and the new coat my Mother bought me for my birthday....and gave to me early so I'd have something warm and trendy to wear to NYC....she asked me if I'd heard from my now ex-bf "Justin"....I took a deep breath and said.."Nope...I have not." She says to me: "Heather, Well, I gotta tell you, you are taking it well, you don't seem to broke up about it..."

which got me thinking....wow, am I just getting THIS good at goodbye? So used to it that I don't even get too broke up about it anymore? I mean, I don't know if you guys know this, but I broke up with him via text message!! Yes, I know, I'm shit, however I didn't intend to, it just kind of happened. He asked if I was alright, I said "No"...he asked what was wrong, what was upsetting me, I told him, and then he said, "I'm sorry, this is a weird way to break up with me, goodbye my love"....and that was it. I didn't say I wanted to break up with him, HE just put it out there, and I didn't take it off the table. He said goodbye and I let him go.

And Steph's right, I don't seem to broke up, I haven't cried since he said goodbye....I cried when I realized that I HAD to break it off, but not since....Maybe I am becoming harder....less emotional...but damnit, as a woman in her 30's....we can't fall apart every time some guy walks in and out of our life! I'm working on buying a house, I work two jobs, I have a dog to look after, bills to pay, friends to have fun with.....a trip to NYC to get excited about....I don't have time to fall apart, I don't want to waste anymore tears over things that weren't meant to be.

Lesson learned from this break up: It's not love....it just feels a lot like it....

Lesson learned from the one before: Know the person you are falling for BEFORE you fall, because crazy comes out at the most inopportune times....

Sometimes I think......I've already had my great loves in this life. And boys and girls, I've had a few. maybe you only get so many chances at love like that, the kind that is all consuming....and I've just used all my shots up. I tipped them back like the tequila shots I had last night, I sprinkled them on like salt into a wound, took them into my mouth and tasted them like the tequila, and then washed them away with a sour ending that only that lemon that life throws you can bring. Parting is NOT sweet sorrow, it's salty, it's sour and it leaves you altered, like only a fine tequila can do.

Last night I was introduced to a rather handsome older gentleman, his name was Mike. I had never met him before, and a couple people were really trying to get me hooked up with this new gentleman....they even went so far as to pull out the bar stool next to him and demanded that I sit down....like a good sport, of course I complied, and Mike was very nice, well mannered, and he smiled at me often.....but I'm not ready. It's only been a week. I may not be crying, I may not be outwardly showing signs of pain....and the new clothes I bought were super sexy and while last night, i was looking the part of a sassy, sexy tall dark haired version of myself....I'm still coping...trying to recover. I looked pretty, but my smile had to be coaxed out of me with shot after shot of tequila....I'm apparently going to suppress my pain with booze this time. A first for me.

Good thing I don't have TIME to become the full blown alcoholic my bloodlines would have be becoming....first rule of breaking up....keep busy!

1. keep busy

2. indulge yourself if you need to, but not so much that you have to file bankruptcy or that your jeans don't fit anymore!

3. Go shopping, but only take ONE credit card with a low credit amount...as overspending is a side effect to heartbreak

4. Get your roots done if they need it, start with your outside appearance and work your way inward

5. when shopping, get a new pair of pj's...you are going to need them

6. ANSWER YOUR PHONE when your friends call...even if you don't want to be social...do it anyway

7. don't hide away forever, get out and get the dust blown off you....fresh air is a good thing

8. Don't watch romantic movies, they just make you feel like shit, not better, so stop it! Maybe get yourself into a good documentary.....like perhaps the history of the black swamp, educational and fun.....yeah, there ya go!

9. Keep doing your yoga, it'll help your body feel at peace even though your head is far from it.

and lastly

10. Be good to yourself, it didn't work out, don't beat yourself up about it....there's only one person single girl's have to take care of, and that's themselves....so take it easy...nobody can be harder on you than you, and nobody can be as good to you either....

"This too shall pass"....

What Scott Says Probably Goes....Right Jen?

It’s a New Year, and it’s a new Chance to make all NEW MISTAKES! YAY! Who’s with me? No? Nobody? What?!?!? Come on where are my gluttons for punishment? Under Achievers and vagrants? Seriously….NOBODY? Well that’s disappointing….

Seriously though, it’s a new year and already the ball’s a’rollin in a new direction. A little scary, but super exciting. *crosses fingers*…now nothing is official yet, and I may not get it, but I put an offer (TO BUY) in on a house today.

And I’ve got to tell you, I haven’t been this excited since, well, gosh, I can’t remember when I’ve been THIS excited. It may be a sign that I’m TOO keen on my own independence in life, but the idea that for the very first time in my life, I’ll own a place ALL BY MYSELF. Not with a fiancé, not with a husband….but that Deed will read Heather Lynn O*****….and that’s the only name that’s going to be there. Of course that means that it’s Heather Lynn O*****’s ass on the line alone if things go wrong, but with great power comes great responsibility. That’s what Peter Parker’s Uncle Ben told him about being Spiderman, and it’s true here too, if I’m going to take power over my own destiny, where I call home, where I will reside, well then, I’m taking the responsibility right along with it. It’s a bit daunting to know that if you screw this up, you’ll royally fuck yourself, and you’ll have nobody to blame but your own stupid self, but at the same time, there’s no time like the present to fuck yourself…errr…I mean, to do something positive, hopeful and quite possibly be just the thing you’ve been needing.

Not having a home for me, is like having a hole in your soul. You feel disconnected, wandering….alone, even when you are with people. Now, this might very well be exclusive to me and me alone, but it’s true nonetheless. I need that home base, the place to hang MY hat and know that it’s exactly where I’m supposed to be each and every night as I turn out the light and close my eyes….only to watch the sunrise fill my room with light once more the following morning. I don’t know why, but I find great hope in things like that….the constant, the dependable, the promise of a new day three-hundred and sixty-five days a year….you don’t like THIS day, that’s ok, there’s another one coming tomorrow, maybe you’ll like THAT one better!

New Years Eve, I was standing outside of Rum Runners bar in Fort Wayne Indiana….and a drunk stranger comes up to me shakes my hand and wishes me a Happy New Year….and then sparks up a conversation….he tells me that he hopes that my 2009 is my best year yet, and I say, hey, as long as it’s better than 2008, then I’ll be happy, and he tells me that he’s older and therefore wiser, and that any year that you are above ground is a good year, so no matter what 2008 was like, so long as I was above ground, it could have been worse. And I nodded like a good girl, as he was right…being dead would be worse. THEN he told me that 2009 was going to be the year a HOT GUY ON A WHITE HORSE WAS GOING TO RIDE UP TO ME AND SWEEP ME OFF MY FEET! *laughs*…which is funny because #1 – it’s not a high priority in my life right now, #2 I never even told him I was single….yet he made THAT prediction, and #3, he was a totally random drunk, out of state stranger to me….yet there he was predicting MY future, not Jen’s who was standing right next to me, not any of the other 12 smokers who stood outside, but mine. Scott the drunken Indiana-ian fortune teller. When I questioned him about his prediction, he shrugged his shoulders and said, “Well, it’s probably true….” *laughs*….if you say so Scott….if you say so.

Already 2009 is going pretty well….lots of things happening. I’m getting ready to go to NYC to meet Alex and Chris, I MIGHT be buying an amazing house that I totally Love, Love, Love…and apparently sometime THIS year, a hot guy on a white horse is going to ride into my life….so keep your eyes peeled, you see any dudes on white horses within Delphos City Limits….I think it’s fair to say he’s probably looking for me! Riiiiiiiiight!

After all, Scott said so…so “it’s PROBABLY true…” My absolute new favorite quote…..

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!