OMG....

Only 25 more days until the launch of DIAD on Amazon (DIAD is my first novel)....I'm getting that "I've got to pee" feeling in my midsection and I'm nervous that we won't make the deadline we've set for ourselves, or what if it's not well received, oh and that first harsh criticism that's sure to come...as they always do...

Did I mention I might pee my pants!?

I wanted to share a quote with you all....I thought it was fitting:

"There are people who put their dreams in a little box

and say, "Yes I've got dreams, of course I've got dreams." Then they put the

box away and bring it out once in a while to look in it, and yep, they're still there.

These are great dreams, but they never even get out of the box.

It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line.

That's where courage comes in..."

Erma Bombeck

In 25 days, my dreams will be on line the line...

*gulp*

Please let me be courageous!

~hl~

You know the old saying...."NEVER feed a stray cat, if you do they'll never leave"?  Well, there must be something wrong with me because I've tried to woo TWO strays now on TWO separate occasions and you think any of those finicky felines would hang around, NOPE! 

The snobby Tabby cat sashayed away with her tail in the air like her kitty litter don't stink, and the multicolored cat at MG's only wanted to make a fur coat out of my Adidas Zip-up jacket and then run off likely laughing to her friends about her hijinks!  I swear on of her meows had a giggle in the middle!

How am I ever going to be a crazy old cat lady if I can't even get one to stick around? 

Who knew stray cats could be so choosy?!

On my way to work today, I was listening to my Ipod in the car, and the song "Wake up little Suzi" came on and the lyrics were as follows: 

The movie wasnt so hot
It didnt have much of a plot
We fell asleep, our goose is cooked
Our reputation is shot

And I got to thinking, I have always been the kind of person who believed in "acceptance", I strongly believe in the idea that people should not be "Judgmental"....but after listening to this song, it made me wonder if judgmentalness was/used to be a good thing?

Here we have to teenagers who fell asleep at the movies and they actually CARE about their reputations....they actually WANT to maintain good reputations in their community.  Perhaps that's not a bad thing for today's youth to care about.

hmmmm.....something to ponder I guess.

~hl~

Womanhood - Ain't it a B*tch

Sometimes it's hard to be a woman....and when I say sometimes, I mean a lot of the time.

Let's take my current situation, I am crazy in love with MG, ya'll know it, he and I have been together for years now, and at present, every person he knows or meets starts out a conversation with him with...."soooo....when you going to marry Heather?"

Now, I appreciate the fact that so many inquiring minds want to know if he's going to marry me....however I feel remiss at the fact that MG doesn't find it amusing whatsoever.

Now being a rational woman 1/2 the time tells me this:  It's not that he is annoyed by the idea of marriage, he's annoyed by the fact that people are busting his balls about it and it's practically the top story on the six o'clock news...

WHEN WILL MG ASK FOR HEATHER'S HAND IN MARRIAGE?

WHAT IS THE HOLD UP?

while the stark raving mental patient who's premenstrual side of me who occupies the other 1/2 of me screams this in the hollows of my head:  "The idea of marrying you annoys him, if he really ever wanted to marry you....he'd not get annoyed at the askers!"

Then the stark raving lunatic me says, you should say that to him, you should say "I'm sorry the idea of marrying me annoys you, and its such an unpleasant notion!"

But the rational side of me say, "He loves you you stupid ass!  Don't be a lunatic, he's just annoyed at everyone  always asking him...like there isn't anything ELSE to talk to him about besides our relationship's future..." and then there's the comment my rational self says all the time "Take into consideration that not everything is about you!"

I hate that when MG's mad or seemingly moody, I automatically think to myself..."What did I do?"  And it's not because I'm that self absorbed that i think the whole world revolves around me, but the insecurity that I don't make him happy. :(

When I first fell for my better half, all I could think about was getting him to like me back.  And then he did.  Then after we were together, it was all about not being a psycho and scaring him away....by the usual things:  #1 going too fast too quickly.  #2-saying I love you too soon.  #3 - when to have them meet your family.  #4 - the exchange of house keys.  #5 - leaving your toothbrush and a pair of clean panties at his house.....the list goes on, but i won't bore you with things you already know...

So after all those milestones have occurred, you have what I have been feeling now..."What if he gets bored with our relationship?"  "What if he no longer finds my kisses hot and fiery?"  "What if the things about me he used to love now annoy him?"  It happens in relationships, we've all been there.....when the long term relationship plateaus.

It's always been my impression that when that happens, the "meant to be's" find comfort in the routine and solid foundation of their relationship, they find security in the fact that they know the other person, they truly know who they are with and why they are with them....while the "not meant to be's" start to lose that shiny happy feeling they have when the other person's around.  They start to get easily annoyed, the average day becomes mundane and then turns into restlessness and then eventually ends.......

Could this be paranoia, oh, absolutely, I'm openly admitting to my lunacy here......hence, why it's just damn hard to be a woman.  As the story goes, we were made FROM Adam, so why the hell couldn't we of gotten some male thinking patterns instead of hormonal, emotional women think patterns that I fear I'm not the only woman who ever suffers from.

The "M" word is scary, I admit it, I've done it, and I've failed at it.  It's a very scary notion, vowing til death do you part with someone, and I don't know what's scaring me more, the fact that I would marry him in a New York Minute despite my past failure if he asked me to, or the idea that I might not ever have the opportunity to say yes.

What I do know is, he is STILL the BEST thing that has ever happened to me, and while I'm not saying I don't want to be his wife someday, I'd still love him as much with a ring on my finger as I would without.  I'm in no rush, he's taught me patience since the day I found myself interested in him, and he's proven that good things come to those who are willing to wait for them and not force the issue.

I waited my whole life to meet someone like him, so waiting.....for him....will always be prove to be worth the wait.

xoxo

~hl~

This morning, I woke with the smell of fresh picked wildflowers in my nose....ahhhhhhh

The 40-ish degree air floated in through my window, making the air that perfect temperature when you snuggle under the blankets, but you're not cold.  You're just right.

My dog was snoring on the bedroom floor in his little doggie bed, and it was Friday....it was a great start to the morning.

Now at nearly 4:00 p.m., quitting time in my world, I can't wait to get back home to those wildflowers that MG picked for me.  He's amazing by the way....as I'm sure I've said here more times than I can count.

The only thing that smells better then my little flowers,

is M.G.

xoxo

~hl~

Research and Writing

When I was in college, one of my favorite classes was "Legal Resarch and Writing"  I loved how the two went so wonderfully together, reading and understanding, referencing and researching.  I was in love with the whole process.  My classmates were like, are you effin crazy!?!?  And maybe I was, maybe I still am, but as I've been writing in my current life, It's all coming back to me how much I loved putting the two things together....Researching, and then writing.

When you write fiction, one thing you  will find yourself doing is writing about places you've possibly never been, about a time you might not of lived in, or about characters you create.....there's a lot to go into painting an accurate and believable picture with your words.  For instance, the last book I wrote, it took place in Virginia, I've been there before, but to write about it as if I were actually there, seeing what they see, drinking what they drink, speaking like they speak, well, my memory isn't THAT accurate after all these years.  Writing is as much imagination as it is research and "feeling" what you're writing.  So I did research on everything from Local parks, to geographic landmarks, I used google maps for information on nearby highways, and travel routes.  I looked up architecture types and local cuisine....and while it's a lot of work, it's also one of my favorite parts of the writing process.

I'm currently writing my third book, and I'm finding that as I write each book, I seem to fall in love with the new one, more than the previous....so with the first book, I thought to myself, My I love this one, then came the second and I felt like a total traitor saying, No....now I like this one more!....and you can about guess, then comes the third book, and now I'm SOLD on this one being my new favorite.  It's probably good that I don't have children, because what a mess it would be if with each new child, I liked the previous one less!  NOT GOOD!  Books as babies might just be best.

So yesterday, I was researching a new location.  I intend to use the old abandoned Lima TB  Hospital as a setting in my book and since I've never been there, I wanted to get a "feel" for the place.  I found this Video on YouTube, which I found perfect for what I needed.

It had THE PERFECT "mood music" to get me motivated to write a very intensely creepy perspective.  I've written a letter to the owner of this abandoned property, and I'd really like to go and see it first hand, but in the meantime, this video was very helpful.  But can you just imagine, going there, standing in front of the place where they kept the dead bodies.....listening to the walls creek, and concrete decompose all around you...what it must smell like, how damp and cool it likely feels on your skin to be inside.  It it my sincere wish to paint it accurately and vividly in my novel, so wish me luck.

After the music stopped, the eerie inspiration also stopped, so I hit play again....i listened to it for 2.5 hand written pages worth of inspiration.  Hearing it now, as I paste it in here, makes me hands itch for a pen, wanting to continue on, writing more.....and just like a spell  when it would end, i'd be transcended back to my place and time laying on a heating pad on my bed.....

I got distracted then, and put on a shadow puppet show on my south wall of my room....I laughed at the sillyness of the act, as I'd not done that since Angie (my big sister) and myself shared a room when we were kids.  Every night, she'd put on shadow theatre, and I LOVED it very much.  I miss them, and even as an adult, I wish Angie was there to put on a show for me.

-----------------------

In other news, unrelated to writing....today's a good day.  I have on a super amazing new shirt I bought for ten dollars at Peebles last week, it's gold and blue and green with both stripes and flowers and its unlike any shirt I've ever worn, and it makes me feel lovely.  My hair is up and bouncy, my earrings are dangly as they swing with my movements to and fro, and my toenails are fresly painted in my favorite glitter polish.

Tonight I've been invited to dinner at one of my best friends in the entire world's house, and she's making mexican, can you just imagine anything better....Mexican, a new shirt, AND good conversation!??!  I hope this day continues as amazingly as it has the potential to be.

Hope you all are having an equally wonderful day!

~hl~

Listen Up Kiddos:

To the Children on the back of the Bus that drives down State Route 65 in the mornings, I'm on to you punks!  You can wave your cute little waves, enticing innocent drivers to wave back, returning the friendly gesture, only to have you little Buggars flip me off and then die laughing hysterically....because you guys are

OH SO FUNNY! 

FREAKING HILARIOUS!!!

*rolls eyes*....

So when you see a very "snobby" woman in a silver car behind you, who conveniently is ALWAYS looking in another direction than actually AT you little devils, that's me.....ignoring you!

That is all.....

Thank you and have a nice day.

Love,

~hl~

"P"....is for Pee

The coolest thing about having a bladder infection.....as if it's difficult to narrow down all the things related that are cool....is that you take this medicine that turns your pee "umpa lumpa orange"...no kidding!  It's so cool!

The lady at RiteAid literally grabbed a hold of me and said "I'm not kidding, you have to be careful, it will stain your toilet!" when I chuckled at her for telling me it'll turn my pee orange.

You know how when people blow their nose, and then open the tissue to have a look, I'd be completely lying if I wasn't playing this game with my urine now, I pee and then I look, AMAZED that my pee is sooooooo orange!  And the tissue thing, don't even try to deny you do it sometimes, everybody does when nobody's looking!

Long Time No Write.....so lets do this....lets...UPDATE!

Good Morning Bloggers!

Today's a new day, and while I sit at my desk, fevered, chilled, and hunkering down at my desk with a bladder infection, I still wanted to write a few things.....

First, I wanted to tell you that the infamous MG and I are still together, and we just celebrated our (official) 2 year anniversary together, but I tack on another 8 months to all our anniversaries, because I count the days I loved him BEFORE it was official....So it's been a happy 2 year, 8 month run for me and him, and I couldn't be more blessed in the relationship category of my life.

Secondly, I have now written two complete novels.  Novel #1 - Dead in a Ditch is nearly completely edited and ready to be published.  Novel #2 - The Ordeal is completely written, and about to be edited by my lovely, and talented editor Rachel, who is also my cousin and one of my favorite people in the entire world, so big shout out to "Rachel the Great" as I like to call her, she's worthy of the title, TRUST ME!  These two beginner novels are the first two in a series, and they will be available for download by July 2nd.  At least that's the deadline we're working towards at the moment.  *crosses fingers*  I cannot wait for them to be available, I have gotten some wonderful feedback from the people who have read them thus far, so I'll be so excited to hear what others think....all while bracing myself for that first HORRIBLE review that says I suck and to never write again....a girls' always got to keep it in mind that "not everyone is going to like her"....my ex-husband said that, and as it turns out....he was right, because he and his new wife sure don't much care for me! *winks*.....

In addition to those two books, I'm also 50 pages into book #3 - Never far from the Tree, and a 4th book that is unrelated to the series and I would describe as "a ghost story".....It DID have a name when I started writing it, it was "Gravely Guardian", however I'm kicking around some alternatives, as I'm not sure the title fits any longer.  We'll see what happens.  It's 150 pages so far, and coming along quickly.

Thirdly,  In "Dreams come True News".....I bought a Harely!!  Can you believe it!?!?  Yep!  It's official, something I've DREAMED my whole life of doing, I actually did.  And let me tell you, driving it, compared to my old bike, is like the difference between driving a 1989 ford escort, to then going to a 1969 camero!  There is just no contest!  Here's a picture for those of you who get excited by shiny things like I do:

The red bike is my old bike, "Grandmasaki" as she was lovingly referred to as (GOD I MISS HER), I sold her on Easter to a very nice man from Dayton, Ohio, and I hope that he's treating her good.  The Orange bike, my harley no longer has the Ape-Hanger handlebars, I didn't want to get smacked in the armpit by a grasshopper and cry and be ruin my biker reputation, so I had MG take them off and replace them with something a little more comfortable for my liking.

This bike is MG's old bike, he bought a new one, so I bought his....worked out great really, and I was so happy with the purchase that I told MG that not only was HE a dream come true for me, but he also MADE my dreams come true...... you ever meet someone who just does that?  He makes me believe in myself, and he just....he makes me a better person, inside and out.  I love him dearly....and from the sentiment of this post...CLEALY!! hahaha...I'll stop gushing now....

Lastly, one reason I was unable to blog as much in the past 8 months is because I took a new job, and to be honest, it's not turning out like I'd hoped that it would.  I mean, don't get me wrong, so many of the people here are wonderful, and they are often generous and kind, however, I've yet to find my niche here, and the longer I'm here, the more and more I worry that I may never find it, that I quite possibly don't belong here.  I miss my old job nearly every day, and some days, reading a book at lunch, or having lunch with cousin Rachel at W.G. Grinders and having Chicken Parmasan Stromboli is the only thing keeping me from going up to the roof and throwing myself off. (ok, that's a slight exaggeration, but it was needed for emphasis).....

I sincerely hope that it gets better, and if it doesn't, I'm going to send my resume to my old boss, at my old law firm and I'm going to tell him to keep it on file until my replacement retires, because I want to come back....I want to come home, as it turns out, all the money and benefits in the world, don't replace your "work family"...and I sincerely miss them.  Every day.

So, that's what's new with me....

What's new with you?  I want all the details....so comment away my luvs!

~hl~

WHAT?!?!??

For three years now, I've been the owner of my dog Chubs. I adopted him from Angels for Animals and for three years, I've been trying to figure out what the heck he wants from me, Do you see those eyes? Do YOU know what they are saying?

See, he has this very strange habit of sitting and just staring at you....like a creepy guy on the bus, or a teacher watching that you don't cheat on your test.....it's relentless....which leads me to ask the inevitable question: "WHAT?!?!?!??!"

He never answers of course, and I to this day have no idea what he's trying to tell me with his eyeballs....but he's cute, so I love him. That and he's ridiculously obedient....and he still loves me, even when I make him wear a sweater in the wintertime, *shrugs*....so I guess we both have our own set of idiosyncrasies!

<3 ya little Buddy! Momma will be home soon.

~hl~

Hello!

Hello to whomever may be reading this, I just wanted to update here that my first book has been written, edited and I'm going to put it out there and see if I can't sell it!

It turned out pretty good for a first novel I think, and the people who have read it have given me a lot of positive feedback.

So it's an exciting time for me, and I cannot wait to put it out there, and see what happens!

I hope and pray that I've created something here that can be enjoyed as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Luv,
~hl~