The Legality of it All:

Ya'll know I work at a law firm right? Well, because of my education in the legal field, as well as my day to day delves into a working law firm you get to hear a lot of things. You hear about cases, you discuss the politics of the legal world for prosecutors and judges are elected officials, therefore in some respect politicians.....and you always get into the sticky subject of who's right, who's wrong and who's responsible for what.

Here's two scenarios I want to run by you.

SCENARIO #1

You are a widely known Republican Senator from Idaho, you go to a public restroom that is notoriously known as a place to solicit homosexual sexual acts.... you know the signs, tap your foot a couple times, wave your hand under the stall door as indication for your interest in said homosexual acts and next thing you know you are being arrested for soliciting sex from the stranger, or in this case, undercover police officer who's in the homosexual stall next to you.

Now here's the question...this happened in a Minneapolis Airport. Is consensual homosexual acts illegal there? From what I've heard in the news, there was never any indication that Mr. Idaho had intended to pay for sex from the bathroom stall stranger.....so what is he really guilty of? Being a closeted, gay yet married white Republican Senator who voted to ban gay marriage?

Hmmm...interesting.....

Say this was a single guy, a single girl....and you could go to a co-ed bathroom, tap your foot a couple times and wave your hand under the door and get sex or sex acts.....would THAT be illegal? Hell, if you ask me, this practice would do away with single sex bathrooms....every man in the world would be on board with sex being that easily attainable....maybe 25% of women. *winks*

What's worse the fact that the guy went into a airport bathroom and tried to get laid by a man, or the fact that he's married and was going to cheat on his wife to do so? Is it worse that he got caught or that he might have done this a thousand times and has never told? Is it better if the acts are done TO him, or if he's the one performing them?

Now....onto the second installment of this post...

SCENARIO #2

Lets say that "I".... that I have a boyfriend and I'm spending the weekend over at this place as I often times do...he and I are the kind of people who some might say slightly live an alternative lifestyle... say we smoke some pot... stay up late, have rowdy/unruly friends and are not exactly pillars of our local community. We don't go to church, we don't vote.... consume lots of processed food and work menials jobs for menial wages and are perfectly happy as long as we can score some booze, coke and sex come the end of the week.....

Okay..now that I've painted the picture.....first let me say this IS NOT about ME.... strictly hypothetical... so lets try to keep this in mind as we get into this next part....

Now, after me and my boyfriend pass out for the night....he in the living room and myself in bed....my boyfriend's friend comes over. He lets himself in since we forgot to lock the door. Tries to wake up my boyfriend, grabs something out of the refrigerator.....wanders into the bedroom and winds up in bed with me. Anyway, he starts kissing on me....we begin having sex...half way through, I start getting a little into it, and when I say "into it" I mean that I start getting vocal....my boyfriend's friend says...."Shhh...you don't want to wake up {insert name of my boyfriend here}" I freak out and start saying my boyfriend's friend raped me....I had no idea he wasn't my boyfriend!

Is this rape? Who's responsibility is it to know who's in bed next to you? As women who are having sex in the dark, should we never assume that the man crawling into our bed is who we think it is? Is this a case of mistaken identity, identity theft or gross sexual misconduct? What constitutes consent in this scenario? Would it make a difference if it were MY bed as opposed to my boyfriend's? What reasonable expectation do we have when sleeping outside our own homes?

Who Knew....

THAT Flem could be so sexy?

Look out Josh Todd (lead singer of Buckcherry)...I could sing him under the table right now. My throat is scratchy, my nose is running, I look alright, but I feel like a bucket of shit. Seriously...I feel B-A-D!

But I have a kick-ass sounding singing voice...it's all grainy and strained....totally cool. I wonder why it is though that while when I sing...it sounds cool, when I answer the phone here at the office...I sound like a frog. Weird.

I was up all night....coughing, sniffling, sneezing, gagging on nasal drainage....this is a cold people...and it ain't pretty.

If there was any way I could curl up into the fetal position under my desk right now, I'd soooo do it.

I need a hug....some tissues and someone to curl up on the couch with, who'll stroke my hair and say "There, there....you're going to be alright...."

Suffering sort of silently from Singlehood sickness.....and it SUCKS!!

Health Care:

Lately I've been taking some flack over the fact that I don't have health insurance. Shocking I know...right now...someone reading this's jaw will drop....Oh, I'm wild, living on the edge with no health insurance!

See when I took this job two years ago, I was still married. I had insurance through Keith. Now, I'm a 29 year old Ohioan without health insurance. I don't get paid enough to be able to afford to purchase private insurance and my office just don't offer it. So.....

What's a girl to do? I could go get a different job..yeah...I could, but I kind of like it here. I like the people I work with and my bosses are great people.

Last week, I went to the doctor and you should have seen the looks I got when they asked me who my insurance provider was and I said I didn't have insurance...you'd have thought they were going to escort me right out the freaking door. The receptionist was like, "I'm sorry, did you say you DO NOT have insurance?!?!?!" I laughed at her and said..."Um, yeah, you heard me correctly...." I wanted to say to her that I was independantly wealthy and didn't need any of that health isurance business...that I was far too filthy rich for the likes of THAT...insurance is for poor people! *winks*

I did get a $36.o0 discount on my bill though for NOT having it. Us poor folks need all the help we can get...

I guess, even though I understand the importance of having health insurance, I grew up in a home that never had it. We got sick, we toughed it out. We needed and X-ray, our local veterinarian was happy to take a look at us. Yes, you heard me right...I got x-rays at the vet's office. Maybe it wasn't the most orthodox approach to health care, but we got by, we made due, I survived my childhood and even used horse ligament cream a time or two for injuries sustained while riding my horses. It was the 80's...and the entire country was singing along to Bobbie McFarren's "Don't Worry...Be Happy..." Of course we didn't worry about things like health care.

I have explored my options though, and here's what I've come up with: I can get a SECOND job working at Menard's or some place like that and get health insurance through them, work every weekend at $10.00 / hr. Have most of my weekly paycheck go to cover my insurance and then have zero time to get sick....or to live for that matter.

I tell you, being a single girl in your late 20's comes with a whole set of complications...as if trying to wade in the dating pool, turning 30 soon and having big boobs isn't hard enough, now I have to worry about THIS?! Geesh....life....does it ever get easy??!!??

Pimping Ain’t Easy…

Neither is Dating….

Let’s talk about “Ditch” a little for starters. He asked me out, what….going on two months ago? Anyway….we’ve been on six dates. Five of which were great, one that was a bit iffy….and now three weeks have passed and I haven’t seen him or hardly spoke to him since that “one” iffy date three weeks ago. Now if I took the advice of those around me….I’d have ignored him from here on out. I suppose that’s what a lot of people would do. Play the game….because everything is a game between men and women these days it seems. We have to say things we don’t mean, avoid spending TOO much time, or giving TOO much attention to someone you find yourself attracted to….you have to do all of this to keep the game going….but I don’t want to play games. I don’t want to fake my way into a relationship. Does anyone actually LIKE doing this shit?

Then there's this other guy....remember the guy I went out with at the beginning of summer? Well, he resurfaced on my doorstep Wednesday night around 11:00 p.m. Said he heard I was leaving town and HAD to see me before I did....he HAD to apologize for the way he treated me when we last spoke. I told him it wasn't necessary...but he begged to differ. He even tried to do so in front of the company I had over. Again, I said...."Look Dude, it's NOT necessary!"....yet he went on to argue that it MOST CERTAINLY WAS!

So finally...after my original guests left, he went on to go into full apology mode and say that he totally screwed things up with me...and asked for another shot. I said, "I'm sorry...but I'm kind of seeing someone..." He said "Of course you are, you are smart, beautiful, sexy...why wouldn't you be seeing someone...!"

Now granted, a girl can never hear enough compliments like THAT...but I didn't want to hear it from HIM. HE was too late....too nice a compliment, too late in the game. He asked if we could at least be friends...I said okay. I don't think he and I can "really" be friends though....I think he'll always be wanting more, be just on the verge of crossing that line between friendship and "other" and that's not a fire I feel up to playing with. "I" generally end up being the one who gets burned in this type of scenario.

Granted...things with "Ditch" have been kind of touch and go as of late...but still, a girl wants what she wants, and she can't be swayed by simple compliments and longing looks from any ole guy from the past.....well, maybe some girls can....and even I could by the "right" guy from my past....but I'm not feeling it on this one.

Ditch or no Ditch....I don't want to take any chances. I think I need to tell him that I cannot be his friend...not when I know his intentions are for more. I don't want to hurt his feelings, I don't want to seem insensitive, but at the same time, I need to look out for myself...surrounding myself with men who have motives that do not match my own...well, it's just not healthy I'm thinking.

Now, I could do what a lot of girls would do, keep him in the wings...you know, just in case things don't pan out with Ditch....and let me tell you ladies...this other guy, he's quite the looker. Handsome as they come. Rugged, bad-boy type....tattoo's, Harley rider. Dresses nice, knows how to treat a lady....and a hopeless romantic to boot....some of my friends have even said they think he'd be a perfect match for me. Maybe he is on paper...on paper...yeah, he just might be perfect....but there's no dialect. There's no back and forth, spark between us. He doesn't keep me on my toes, he doesn't stimulate me or intrigue me.... So, I could keep him on the sideline...I could....play the friend card until I figure out where I'm headed...but I don't want to be one of "those girls". I'm NOT needy...I'm fine on my own...and I won't do to him, what so many others have done to me..and that's keep someone waiting on "maybe someday".

What do you guys think? Send him packing? Is there ever a nice way to sincerely say "Thanks, but no thanks"?

The Flood of 2007 - Ottawa, Ohio

Today was the first day I was able to drive through the city of Ottawa as I headed to work. Ottawa is a great little community and the County Seat of Putnam County, Ohio. It's survived Phillips leaving and making half the town unemployed, it's had it's share of rough times...but nothing like what I saw today as I made my way down State Route 65 and into town.

The first thing to experience was the smell. The smell of dead fish, mold, sewage and loss fills the air and there's no escaping it. It's a smell that's so putrid that it's overwhelming to the point of being physically ill just passing through the worst part of it.


They say this kind of flooding happens once about every 100 years...... I wonder if that's because it takes so long for the community to rebuild after something like this happens.


The red cross is everywhere trying to help those who have lost most everything.... the police are monitoring the cleanup effort. Large front end loaders are found on every street corner filling a nearby dumpster with the remnants of some one's home.... all lost to the floodwater.

I had no idea that it was so bad.... no idea. Many downtown businesses remain closed as they are already beginning to battle the mold and the after effects of a major flood such as this. Other buildings are experiencing structural damage to their foundations from the water rushing in and expanding, or when it was pumped out while so much groundwater pressed on the outer walls of the buildings.


You just don't believe it, until you see it and smell it for yourself. Until you go and hear the stories of all that was lost, all the people who's homes and possessions have literally been washed away.... and you see that look in their eye...that look of disbelief, exhaustion and hopelessness... not until then can you fully get a sense for what something like this does to a community.



Many area organizations are raising funds to help the victims... also the Red Cross has been a constant presence... Just keep Ottawa in your prayers... they need all the help they can get right now.

These Provided by the Toledo Blade....as I do not have access to a helicopter....

To the Fair and Back.....

Well...it's midnight and I'm home. I was a bad girl and went out on the town on a school night......*smiles*

God it was fun. I haven't been to a concert since Amber, Tina and I loaded up and took off for a Kid Rock show in Milwaukee....and you know how long that's been....fucking forever ago.

Anyway....so I've been pumped all day about going to this concert....I was looking forward to just letting go, jamming to some rock and forgetting about everything and EVERYONE. No offense to those I love, but sometimes you just have to do that shit.

When preparing for a rock concert...it's very different than preparing to go pretty much anywhere else....you want to look good...but a little slutty too. A good cleavage shirt is always acceptable...but sometimes you want to take it that extra step and go with a look that says I just don't give a fuck what YOU think. Yeah, that was kind of me today...lets just say I created my outfit with a pair of scissors....god I can't remember the last time I took a knife to my existing clothing to get that perfect ensemble.

Another tricky thing about this evening was the fact that my ex-husband and his girlfriend were going to be there. I have not seen them in public together except for the one time before our divorce was final I saw them pull into the gas station where I was pumping gas, see me, then hurry up and hightail it out of there....chickens!! *winks* Honestly...I don't so much care....as I do just find it to be slightly awkward. Most days I want to pretend as if I'd never walked down that isle..I know this is a childish approach....but hey....whatever gets you through the day ya know?!

I figured, ah, maybe I won't see him....um...yeah..NO such luck. I found myself standing right behind the whole group of people my ex was with. One being my estranged brother...the others being two of my cousins that I adore (Cole & Jake)...and their respective significant others....needless to say, Steph and I moved to a more invisible location.

The bands came...the bands went...I jumped, I rocked...I threw my hands in the air (waved em' around like I just don't care)....was sprayed by a water hose, shoved into a mosh pit...stepped on, but damnit if it wasn't the best night I've had in awhile. There's nothing like losing yourself in a crowd, a sea of people...in the music and the lights....in the moment...it's just you moving...feeling, experiencing and just letting the world around you fall away..as if it didn't exist.

Few things in the world CAN actually do that....well..at least not for me.

Papa Roach was freaking a great entertainer....very down to earth, getting all up in with the crowd and he sounded fantastic. Buck Cherry...god...they were sexual, and dirty....and totally kicked the crowd's ass...frankly....I could have only went to see them...they were THAT good. They are SOOOO much more than Crazy Bitch....I think they will be in my CD player to and from work for more days than I dare admit to you....oh and I am totally smitten with their lead singer. *swoons*

Hinder was good....I don't know...they sing a lot of slower, more of a "not-so-in-your-face" kind of rock...so I kind of got mellow there at the end, but all in all....one great night away from home.

I'm definitely going to make it a point to go to more concerts.....I'm not OLD yet...might as well get out there while I'm still young enough to enjoy that loud rocking devil music...where lead singers stroke their microphones like a penis (Buck Cherry), Fire works shoot out of guitars (KISS) and baggy red pants are the coolest thing you've seen on any singer in your entire life (Kid Rock)...so yeah, I'm young..I can still do this....as I rub out my cramps in my feet, and looks up the number to my chiropractor....it's off to bed for me...I'm BEAT. Not old...just tired....hey, I have to work in the morning!

Good night to you all...all four of you....

~hl~

Here's the News.....Day #2 - NO WORK.

Blanchard Crests in Findlay; Flood Moves Downstream

Aug 23, 2007 06:07 AM EDT

FINDLAY -- After three days of flooding, there's good news for Findlay. The Blanchard River has now crested in Findlay at just about 18.5 feet, and the water has started to go down. The bad news -- now the flood is moving downstream to Ottawa.

The Blanchard River begins near the city of Kenton before winding through Findlay. It flows generally north for its first few miles before turning to the west to flow through Ottawa, then join the Auglaize River.

Several hundred people remain out of their homes in Findlay, staying with friends, relatives, and in shelters. Firefighters and a volunteer armada yesterday navigated boats through streets awash in waist-deep water to rescue neighbors and their pets from porches.
Ohio Governor Ted Strickland has declared states of emergency in counties across northwest and north-central Ohio.

Meanwhile, a state of emergency is in effect for Ottawa, and the Blanchard River there has not yet crested. Right now, the level is listed right around 31 feet, which is about 8 feet above flood stage. There's now word yet on exactly when the Blanchard will crest in Ottawa, and begin to recede.

The Putname County Sheriff's Office tells us there's really no one getting in our out of the village right now. The rescue effort was stopped last night, as people decided to ride out the high water at home.

Crews will be back in starting this morning to check on those who stayed behind.
We're told this is the worst flooding in Ottawa since 1931. Shelters have been set up in following locations:

Trinity United Methodist Church, Ottawa
Boy Scout House, Near Water Works Park

Count on News 11 to follow this story as it develops.
Posted by AEB

~SOLD OUT~

Guess who's going to the Hinder, Buck Cherry & Papa Roach Concert tomorrow.....


ME!!!!

ME!!!!

ME!!!!

Killing Time:

My day started off slow....I painted my toenails...

Next...I played my guitar

Then, made some MORE coffee......because I need to be really alert to do nothing all day.....


I got hungry...so I ate some fresh and might I say very ripe peaches.....fresh fruit is always a good idea it seems....


Now What? *smiles*

Due to Rain

I don't have to go to work today. I can get undressed out of my work clothes, and crawl right back into bed if I want to.

I feel like I did when as a kid I'd listen to radio to see if school was going to get cancelled. Work getting cancelled almost NEVER happens...It feels devious to be home doing nothing on a Wednesday......

The Blanchard and Ottawa rivers are rising at a rate of 6" / hour at this point and their crest was predicted for this morning, but has been pushed back to tomorrow morning now. I may not be going to work tomorrow either from the sound of things...whatever will i do?

What do people DO on weekdays?

It's Tuesday....we're water logged.

It stopped raining here long enough for me to put my umbrella down and write this.

We got over 5" of rain last night and my, oh my how the landscape between my house and work has changed. This morning I ran into my neighbor John out in front of my house, he said he was going to have to shut my hot water off since the basement had a foot of water in it. Good thing he waited until AFTER I took a shower.

Ottoville, a nearby town is currently 90% under 2-3 feet of water. They closed down I-75 between Bluffton and Beaverdam and diverted all of the interstate traffic down State Route 65 to Ottawa, which caused me to be stuck in a traffic jam on my way to work.....How funny is that, I work in relatively tiny little community and I was stuck in traffic. In the ten years I've been traveling over here, I have never got to use words like gridlock to describe my commute. I sipped my coffee...that "I" made myself...sang along with radio and tried to remain patient while I watched the water in the ditch going faster than I was able to drive....hell, it's probably made it to Lake Erie by now.

In Vaughnsville my little neon was nearly swept away by a fast moving current that covered State Route 115....the parking lot here at the office was so flooded, I would have needed a rowboat and a life vest just to begin to venture to the building's entrance. I'm thinking of purchasing stilts. I wonder if those are hard to learn to use.....hmmmm..

All summer long, farmers begged for rain, prayed for it....and now, it's August and we are getting more than even our parched soil can absorb. Now instead of losing crops to drought, they will lose what survived to floods. Mother Nature can be very unforgiving can't she?

Be careful what you wish for....you never know...when you just might get what you asked for and are forced to realize that there is such a thing as "too much of a good thing".

Chancing Fate:

Tonight during the middle of a Thunder Storm, I thought it to be a good idea to take a walk to the store.

I carried my umbrella, aka..lightning rod and stepped out into the kind of rain that isn't just pouring from the sky, but also bounces back up from the pavement. The sound of the rain and thunder drown out the thoughts in my head and I wondered if my odds for being struck by lightning were better if I stood still.

My mood tonight is out of the ordinary.

The idea of being struck dead by lightning was clinging to every raindrop that hit the top of my umbrella and rolled down and dripped off. Everything around me was moving...the water covering every surface and it was all going somewhere...to the culvert, to the basin, moving quickly across the parking lot or being splashed from the street to the sidewalk.

Maybe I just wanted to feel like I too was going somewhere...or maybe I just wanted all the dirt and grime that life piles on you to be washed away like the rain does to my car.

As a kid we splash our bare feet in the puddles without a care in the world...when the water from your flip flops splashes up the backside of your calves you don't think twice about the muddy water staining your pants or if you'll live to do this again....you just enjoy the sensation it creates.

Tonight I wasn't struck by lightning, I went to and fro without incident....what is it in us that makes us self destructive? Why chance fate...is it done out of defiant disbelief in our own mortality, is it playing the odds, calculating the risk? Or sometimes do we just go head to head with the idea that what's coming our way cannot be stopped?

Somewhere out there tonight there is a man I once knew grieving for the loss of his two young boys who were killed tragically in a car accident a few days ago. They were a mere 12 and 15 years of age. Five boys got into a car, only two survived the final destination.

Life is so fragile, and some of us are far to reckless with the one we are given....we go through life like we have unlimited time to get it right, to do those things in which we desire....and I'm not pointing fingers...I'm guilty as hell of this.....

I am soaking wet, I'm chilled and my ankles are splattered with dirt and debris, yet none of this distracts my heart from going out to Chip and Melissa and the entire Malchow family....I cannot even imagine the loss of one child, let alone the loss of two.

Rest in Peace:

Dalton Trinity Malchow (September 27, 1994 - August 15, 2007)

Justin Garrett Malchow (February 17, 1992 - August 16, 2007)

__________________________________________________

By CLIFTON ADCOCK World Staff Writer 8/17/2007

ADAIR -- Three youths have died from injuries they suffered Wednesday in a two-vehicle crash in Mayes County. Dead are Justin Malchow, 15, Dalton Malchow, 12, and Blake Andrew Hurst, 16, all of Adair.

The crash occurred about 2:20 p.m. about two miles north of Adair on U.S. 69, the Oklahoma Highway Patrol reported. Troopers said a westbound 1997 Ford Aspire driven by Daniel Alexander Kelley, 16, of Adair stopped at a stop sign at the intersection of a county road and U.S. 69 before driving into the path of a tractor-trailer rig that was going south on the highway. The Malchow brothers, Hurst and another boy were passengers in Kelley's car, the Highway Patrol reported. The truck struck the car on the rear passenger side, spinning it around twice, troopers said. The Malchow brothers were thrown through the back windshield, and the vehicle traveled about 75 feet into a ditch before coming to rest, the OHP stated. Hurst and Dalton Malchow were dead at the scene, and Justin Malchow was taken by helicopter to St. Francis Hospital in Tulsa, where he died Thursday morning, according to the OHP.

Kelley and the other passenger, Cody Wayne Taft, 15, were treated at a Vinita hospital and released, troopers said. The truck driver, Wesley Eugene York, 49, of Haskell, was wearing a seat belt and reportedly was not injured. Kelley, Taft and Hurst were the only people in the car who had been wearing seat belts, troopers said.

On Thursday, Adair High School's first day of classes, grief counselors were on hand to help the boys' classmates and friends, Superintendent Tom Linihan said. "The first day of school is supposed to be a time of excitement -- everyone revitalized and ready for the start of school.

It's supposed to be a special day," he said. "It was pretty somber."

Grief counselors will be available for the rest of the week, Linihan said.

"The philosophy on this is to try and carry on as normal as we can and handle things as they come up," he said.

"When we lose three members of our family in a close-knit school like this, it's a hard deal. Certainly, these boys are in our thoughts."

How Well Do We Ever Know Anyone:

As you all know....I live in Delphos. Small town....Ohio. Population 6,816. The average income in Delphos is $40,300.00. The average age of Delphos residents is 35.9 years of age. The estimated median house/condo value in 2005 was $85,600.00.

Our population consists of 98.1% of White Non-Hispanic.....so in Delphos, if you see someone who's NOT "white, non-Hispanic"...you notice. I know, I know...we aren't exactly cultured around here. It's amazing we have a Chinese restaurant in town..AMAZING!

People here are your average people. They go to work, they have a couple kids, probably a dog or cat. They drive Ford Explorers and Mini-vans. They take their kids to McDonald's for a happy meal once or twice a week. They plant flowers in their front yards, mow the lawns...the men watch football on weekends, the ladies like to go shopping over in Lima.....nothing out of the ordinary EVER happens here. The biggest gossip you ever hear about is adultery....who's screwing who and why. Divorce's are popular bar-talk...I think for the most part...it's boredom that makes people cheat, it's boredom that has them moving for divorce and it's boredom that has EVERYONE else talking about it. Of course, that's just a theory at this point....

Anyway....the story I'm about to tell you all started about two years ago. It occurred on a small quiet street with a "no outlet" sign posted about half way down. It's a good little neighborhood, kids play in the street, all the neighbors know each other and borrow sugar and housesit for one another....seemingly perfect to the naked eye. Until one day...some strange things began happening.

One of the Neighbors (Karl) began on a course that would have everyone wondering. He tells his next door neighbor, we'll call her Reece, about his upcoming vacation to China. Says he and his cousin are going there to view the countryside and take some time away to relax and get away from day to day life here in the states. But then tragedy struck, his father passed away, unexpectedly and at a rather young age. Heart attack I think. His father dies on Friday and on Sunday Karl's mother and sister are standing on the front step of Reece's house asking her where Karl is. Nobody knows where he is and they are worried. Reece explains to them that he's left for China. There were dumbfounded....left standing there bewildered with their mouths hanging open in total disbelief. They told her she must be mistaken, if he was going on vacation...to CHINA no less, he'd have told SOMEBODY....Karl would NEVER leave the country and not tell anyone! Reece says, "Look, he said he was going to China...I don't know...maybe he didn't go....but that's all I can tell you." Karl's family shuffled off her porch and to their respective automobiles....mumbling stuff under their breath and looking generally pissed off. Reece closed her door, and tried for forget about the weird behavior of her neighbor and HIS family.

A week or two later while Reece entertained some family and friends in her back yard, she hears someone calling to her from across the privacy fence. Karl was hollering at her saying "Reece, I didn't go to China, tell my family I didn't go to China." Reece was like, "Um, OK, you didn't go to China!" Karl and his family retreated back across the property line. Reece again thought this behavior was very odd...

The oddness continued........

A few months later just as mysteriously as Karl did or didn't go to China, a mysterious Asian woman first began to appear at Karl's. First everyone thought she was just there visiting...but when she never returned from whence she came..it became clear that she in fact LIVED next door with Karl and his two little boys, Gary & George. She first was introduced to Reece & Reece's husband Mitchell with a name I cannot pronounce, let alone begin to spell...and then the next time they met her, she was introduced as Quin,Quin (Pronounced Chin,Chin). She didn't speak any English and at first was not seen all that often.....but after a few months, all of that changed. Quin,Quin was seen chopping wood with an ax in the yard, she was doing yard work and other menial tasks around the house. She began to take English classes over at a vocational center in Lima and then began to work at a Nail Salon in the mall. Her English improved and she began to talk to Reece from time to time which was very informative, because Quin,Quin learned a few new words....like "husband", "family", "married".....MARRIED!

So everything started coming together....Karl went to China, got himself a little Asian probably store-boughten bride and then had her shipped over here to chop firewood, do the laundry....and when that wasn't enough, learn English, get a job working 40 hours a week and probably give her paycheck to him at the end of each week. She cooked, she cleaned, she took care of the kids......and she seemed happy to do so.

A year or so passes....Reece and Quin,Quin become semi-friends....well as good of friends as you can be considering the language barrier...and all is well in the neighborhood. The initial shock of the mail-order-bride subsided and people decided to just let it go, none of their business.

It stayed none of their business too, until the day Reece came home to find three police cruisers in both her and her neighbor's driveways. Reece had just spoke to Quin,Quin earlier in which she received the news that Quin,Quin and Karl were preparing to marry at the St. Johns Catholic Church here in town. They were to be married that summer. Quin,Quin also mentioned that when she learned became more fluent in English, Karl and her would be trying for a child together. Quin,Quin would be leaving soon for China, to see her family and to bring them back with her for the Wedding. What Quin,Quin didn't know, was that her life was unraveling and her "husband" Karl was conceiving and plotting against her. See, where she thought she was going to VISIT her family, Karl had purchased a one-way ticket. She thought she'd be returning for a wedding, he was already devising a plan to have her things removed from the house.

She did in fact go to China, and while she was there tried to phone Karl, when he wouldn't accept her calls, she became worried, paid for her ticket and flew back.....upon her return, she found the locks had been changed and her family inside wouldn't allow her in. She became hysterical and was yelling and crying in Chinese all around the yard. Now I don't know if Karl called the police or if someone else did, but soon three of Delphos' finest arrived and had not a clue what poor sweet little Quin,Quin was going on and on about.

First they spoke with Karl...who deceptively told the police that he and Quin,Quin were merely dating, he told her it was over and now she was acting like a lunatic. He also mentioned that he didn't feel safe leaving her alone with his children, he was afraid she'd harm them.

All the while Quin, Quin is crying saying "husband"...I want to see the boys...."my house"..."my family".....and the cops don't know what to think. So they did the only thing they knew to do, the sent for Mo, the owner of Jing Fong...Delphos' Chinese Restaurant. Apparently he does a little Delphos P.D. interpreter work on the side {insert sarcasm here}....

In the meantime, the cops question Reece and Mitchell. Reece explains that Quin,Quin has been here going on two years, that she says they are married and that they were planning an American wedding at St. Johns later this year. Reece holds nothing back, for she has no reason to help protect someone who's not the least bit concerned for the well being of this poor little Asian bride, who he brought here and was now trying to have removed from his curb as if she were a pile of trash. When Quin,Quin was finally allowed in the house, she came out bringing papers in which she said were her marriage papers......the police began to review the documents.....and after that.....things began to wind down.

That night, Quin,Quin was taken to a homeless shelter where she's been living for months now. She was working at a Chinese restaurant in Van Wert up until a few weeks ago when she kind of fell off the grid. They say she's went to Lima to work, but no one's for sure. She has said that she can never return home for she'd be a disgrace to her family and could never re-marry. The only work available to her would be prostitution and that was a life she would avoid at all costs. Karl is supposedly being forced to divorce her in the United States because where he didn't apparently think his marriage to her in China was recognizable in the United States, he was wrong and it was.

You never think that things like this happen in your town, or in your neighborhood. You don't think that the nice guy next door is living a double life, hopping continents and buying women to have sex with and do chores around his house....you just don't. But here in little ole Delphos....it's happening. Makes you wonder....what else goes on here? My neighbors build scary haunted house like things and coffins in the back yard, Reece's are buying sex slaves.....what do you think your neighbors are up to?

It's Friday and all is right in "my" world.....

I don't mean to be a downer or anything....but this week...I was really starting to doubt my faith in people..

First there was that thing with my friend who made fun of the whole rape situation, I had to have my attorney write Keith's Attorney a letter telling him I was going to sue him for contempt if he didn't start making good on the payments he's supposed to be making and is currently 61 days past due...and then on top of that, Ditch was M.I.A there for a little while...and Alex got robbed and all her shit was stolen from her house. Now that doesn't exactly apply to me, but I just felt that people in general were shitty this week. I was left wondering....do nice people really finish last? Does it pay to be nice in today's day and age?

Because I felt like I was losing faith in goodness, I finally got to the nursing home to volunteer some quality one-on-one visiting time...which helped, I found myself slightly restored...but as the days passed, I felt that feeling creeping back in...yesterday on my way home from work I talked to Darren..that helped....Steph came home from vacation...that helped too!

Then at 6:23 p.m. the telephone rang.....I looked at the caller I.D. it was him, Mr.-make-fun-of-rape-guy. I took a deep breath and answered, prepared to be berated by him for the e-mail I sent him two days earlier telling him that I basically thought he had been a gigantic asshole to me and that I wanted to know what the heck that I did to deserve it. So, I half expected this phone call to be bad, very bad. He sounded kind of strange when we first began to speak...and when he said..."Heather, I read your little e-mail, and let me tell you something......" I held my breath...awaiting the shit to start flying...but instead, he surprised me with an apology. He said that he didn't realize that I was serious when when I said that someone attempted to rape me, he explained that he thought it was something low-key like a drunk guy grabbing my ass at the bar, or a drunk friend trying to put the moves on me but me swatting him away as an annoyance as opposed to rapist. He said he'd have not said those things if he knew otherwise and that he was sorry and he didn't mean anything by it. We had a nice little chat, and I when I hung up the phone I was like....wow, I was wrong....YES I SAID IT, I WAS WRONG!!!!

It's never easy to admit you are wrong, but I gladly admit it, I can't think of anything I'd want to be MORE wrong about. It's an amazing feeling when you think you've lost someone, or you think you never really had anything with them in the first place and then something happens that makes you think..."wait...maybe it had been mutual..." Maybe we'll stay friends after all.

THEN....as if my day wasn't surprising enough....I put in the movie I had rented..The Bourne Supremacy only to realize that I had rented the Bourne Identity....which I watched two days prior. What an Idiot...I grabbed the wrong one and wound up renting the same movie twice....so I slipped on my shoes, grabbed some cash and walked to the video store in hopes that the Bourne Supremacy would be in. See, the Bourne Ultimatum is out in Theatres and "Ditch" wanted to see it. He had asked me weeks ago, if I'd had seen the prior two in the series. I had not so he jokingly said I had some homework to do, otherwise he'd have to go see it without me. So in an effort to be the good little movie watcher I am, I figured while he was M.I.A, I'd use my time wisely. I'd catch up on the Bourne movies and if he ever called again, well, I'd at least have done something productive with my time! *smiles*

So at 8:13 p.m. when my phone rang yet again...and I saw his (Ditch's) name there on the caller I.D., I thought, Oh, Lord....two in ONE day....not sure what to think of all this strange luck. We spoke and it was nice. He was funny and sarcastic and it was like zero days had passed since we last spoke, as opposed to the near two week lapse that had actually occurred.

Angie says that this was just God's way of telling me to keep my guard up, to not automatically assume that he's great and I'll always be happy with him.....I can handle that. Honestly, I'm not planning our wedding, I just want to enjoy hanging out and doing what we do for now....all the rest, well, I'm okay with letting it be for the time being.

So come the end of the day yesterday, I was in the middle of the kick-ass second installation of the Bourne series and loving it, I had talked to two important men currently in my life and had my questions put to rest and I had just one more work day to survive before the weekend was upon me. It's Sunny outside, the cool night air is still lingering and all is right in MY world....for now anyways! LOL

Life is full of ups and downs.....yesterday and today are definitely on the uphill climb....and like a roller coaster rider, I fearlessly fling my arms into the air and smile widely as I enjoy the ride.

Hope you guys are having a good day too! Oh, and do me a favor and pray for my friend Alex that they find the scumbags who robbed her and stole all her stuff....bad things happen to good people...and it sucks when it happens to someone you adore. Hang in there Alex!

"First Rule of Fight Club...

You DO NOT talk about fight club!"

This morning I woke up on the wrong side of the bed....no, seriously...I was totally on the WRONG side of the bed. My blankets were a disaster, my pillows missing.....I awoke to find myself looking as if I had recently had a wrestling match on my mattress. Now, lets be honest...I'm all for having a wrecked bed due to mattress wrestling...but to wake up alone....and wondering what the hell you did all night...it was strange. Oh yeah, and my feet are still swollen...which sucks! {more on that later.....}

But the WORST part....the absolute worst part of waking up this morning was.....Edward Norton. Yes, handsome Edward was gracing the presence of my subconscious....he had just told me he could/would get me tickets to a upcoming fashion show...me and my sister Angie. Angie and I were swinging on the swings in the parking lot at Alco, he was leaning ever so coolly on the hood of his car...he looked crisp, well groomed and Oh so sexy in his white button up shirt and dark blue jeans. grrrrrr!

I tell you what....you really want to put a redhead in a foul mood? Wake her up in mid-Edward Norton-Dream. I wanted to see how that one was going to turn out....I think he was about to ask me out...in my dream, it was the night before my 30th birthday....and his smile was all sparkly and his ears perked up upon hearing of my birthday news..surely he was going to ask me out...I mean, how could he not...I was dreaming...it was MY dream...yeah, he totally was on the verge...we'd have probably fell in love too....no guy can resist me in my dreams..not even Edward Norton! LOL {Ya'll know I'm being totally sarcastic right?}

So there you have it, there's something I bet you didn't know.....Heather has a celebrity crush on Edward Norton. I normally wouldn't admit to such non-sense, but I'm feeling forthcoming this afternoon. Some people like them some Johnny Depp, others...its Brad Pitt...but for me....it's just Edward...no need to say more.

So.....

What do ya'll think of the new site layout? You likee?

Once again Alex has out done herself in taking one of my photographs and turning it into a theme and feeling to go along with my writing.

Round of applause for Alex everyone!

I Did It, I Did It!!

Well, I just got back from the Nursing home...I met the most wonderful old lady...her name is Florence and she's fantastic!

I got a little worried and almost chickened out when I first got inside the home and the first lady I met, motioned for me to come closer...I took a couple steps in her direction. She said, "c'mere....closer!" She looked kind of frail, so I didn't think she was going to tackle me or anything, so again, I moved closer...and she said "Do you know who I am?" I shook my head to indicated that I didn't. She said, "I'm a high school kid!" I was like...um...ok! Great to meet ya...can you tell me where the front desk is? Another elderly person pointed to the right....I headed there directly.

Once at the front desk, I was greeted by three nurse/orderlies who looked at me like I was from another planet when I explained to them that I was just there to visit with someone, anyone. I almost busted a gut when they asked me if I were in some sort of court ordered community service program! I explained that I just lived across the street and was looking to just do a little visiting from time to time if there was anyone who would like to have a visitor. Once they looked me up and down, took note of my sweater vest and t-shirt..nice jeans and decent shoes....I guess they decided I didn't look like a serial killer, so they let me on back.

They lead me to a room where the cutest little old white haired lady doing one of those word search books sat. She was covered from the foot to the waist in a green Afghan and she had little maroon colored glasses, a silky blouse and sparkly watch. Granted she can't remember a darn thing and most likely forgot all about me the minute I left....but she was great. We laughed, and talked....she told me the same thing about a hundred times....asking me over and over if I new her daughter Dorothy or Dorothy's Husband Steve...and I always smiled and said, "Hmmm, No, I don't know them" as if it were the first time she'd asked me.

The funniest thing was when she asked if I was married and I said "No" and she said, well a nice girl like you, someone should have snatched you up by now....I laughed and she said, don't worry sweetie, there's no way a girl as nice as you will be alone forever. The woman's 82 years old, who am I to argue with her? She's 53 years OLDER than me..I figure if she's got that kind of a head start on me, I'll take her word for it! *winks*

Anyway, so the first nursing home visit..a total success. I'm so glad I went. Florence has invited me back anytime, and I can't think of a single reason to let her down...even if she doesn't remember me, I'll remember for the both of us. Besides, she wrote my name in her little notebook....I was her first visitor on Monday, August 13th. I'm on record, and I'm going back.

FYI ~ Sarah Jane has been ranked eighth out of the top 35 nursing homes in the state of Ohio and according to Florence...the food is just like real home cooking!

~hl~

What the World Needs Now....

is love, sweet love.... *sings and hums the oldie tune*

So yesterday I was kind of bummed. I sat around all day...feeling kind of restless...kind of useless. Watched Season #1 of Grey's Anatomy and wished that I did something that made a difference...that helped people. I know it's just a show, but those guys are busting thier asses, saving lives and working "towards" something......Which got me thinking.....

For the longest time now, I've been meaning to walk across the street to the nursing home just on the other side of the church and offer to spend some time either reading, or just visiting with some of their elderly residents. Who knows, maybe I'll get crazy and lug my guitar over there and play some music for them....I mean after all, their hearing aint so good, so they won't necessarily know right off how bad I suck! *winks* If all else fails, when my cat's kittens finally emerge from under the steps, I could always bring my bastard kittens to visit, they say old folks really find comfort in petting animals!

Anyway...I think I'm going to do it TONIGHT. When I get home from work, I'm going to get changed out of my high heels, I'm going to put on my best clear lipgloss and I'm doing it.

I wanted to be a Paralegal because I thought I would get a good mix of helping people and using my own research and analytical skills in doing so, but working for a small firm like I do....it's not "exactly" all that I hoped it would be. Don't get me wrong, I love my bosses and co-workers..they are dears to me, but I guess maybe I just want to do MORE. And if I can't do MORE here, I want to volunteer or get a second job or something to feel that I am doing something more. Delphos is just too boring a town to just sit around doing nothing all the time.

This is one native that's feeling a little restless.

~hl~

Facing your Demons:

Before there was "Ditch"....there was this guy I saw occasionally. He has been a friend for quite awhile....he helped fill those lonely times and make life a little brighter. Over the past few months, I've seen less and less of him. When I started seeing Ditch...I wasn't even really talking to him....so I didn't think it was necessary for me to call him to tell him I was seeing someone....because technically...I wasn't even seeing HIM.

Things have been weird between us anyway....and have been for quite some time. So when he e-mailed me out of the blue on Monday....I was like....hmmmm...wonder why he's popping back up out of nowhere. I wasn't going to talk to him....mostly because I just don't think my involvement with him was healthy anymore....my friend Alex told me never to speak to him, or to even speak his name again.....so you know....I had quite a bit of support in NOT talking to him. BUT, I decided to bite the bullet....to just talk to him and say what I had already thought was the case between us...but to make it somewhat official. I didn't want to do it, I almost chickened out like 100 times...but....I did it today.

So I call him....I intended fully to tell him I was kind of seeing someone else and then let the conversation go where it naturally would...at the end, we'd both say something random like "ah, we had some good times didn't we?"....or some shit like that....however, the conversation didn't go at all like I had originally thought. He told me about his dating experience as of late, that he had recently been "played" by some woman and then told me that after the last e-mail I sent to him, he thought things were all over for us anyway. Granted..I did too..which is why when he e-mailed this week I was really surprised.

{the last e-mail being one I wrote to him the morning after the whole attempted rape that occurred in my living room a few weeks ago. He sent me a message accusing me of being passive aggressive and, well...I didn't take kindly to being patronized...especially when you consider the fact that I have never been anything but nice to him..TOO FUCKING NICE..and then for this to come right after what happened the night before...I was a little anti-men at the moment anyway...so I let him know that the whole world didn't revolve around him and his ego and that he didn't know me as well as he thought he did! Maybe it was harsh.....but without telling you of his past behavior pertaining to me, well, let me just say that for the first time in a really long time....I think he kind of deserved it. As Steph would say....it was long, long overdue!}

So anyway...we talk....I tell him why I was in a bad mood and why the e-mail I wrote to him was hostile...I told him what happened the night before his infamous last e-mail....and then he went on to say the following:

Well, an attempted rape is better than an actual rape.

It's best to stay optimistic....condom half full...instead of half empty ya know?

I was like...wow, I can't believe he's cracking jokes at my misfortune, my near horrific violation of trust.....then he said he had to go....and I said, "Yeah, I'm getting ready to go out with Steph, so i have to go myself"....he said I'll call you in a few days....then he said....

Have fun with Steph....I'll talk to you later.....try not to get raped!

Granted...I'm all for sarcasm in life...I actually adore it. But to poke fun at something that brings back such negative and upsetting feelings, it forced me to come to the conclusion that this man...he was never my friend. He never cared for even a second about me, my well being or anything even remotely pertaining to me. And here I thought....all along...I thought....at the end of each and every day...that he was my friend, that I cared about him and he cared back. What an idiot I was.

Maybe it's just easy to be mean after the fact....maybe his dating experience as of late has him on an anti-woman kick as I had previously been a little anti-men for a day or two. Either way....what's done is done. When / If my phone does in fact ring this week....and it's his name I see pop up in my caller I.D., that's one phone call that will go unanswered....indefinitely...

With friends like him...who needs enemies!

I'm sad to learn that in which I have...and I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt a little.....but I finally feel free of it....to move on....and to not look back this time.

Out with the "OLD"....and in with the new.

{and incase you think I'm a cold hearted bitch for saying the above....for the record, I'm not really bitter...hurt yes..bitter..NO! I wish him all the best, I really do. Just because he didn't care about me, doesn't mean that I didn't care about him.....I sincerely hope he finds what he's looking for. I hope we all do!}

Dealbreakers:

In Episode #35 of one of my all-time favorite shows, Sex and the City...Carrie meets Aidan. Wonderful furniture designer Aidan. He's great...she likes him...he likes her...things are going well...that is right up until she pulls out a pack of cigarettes and Aidan tells her that he can't date a smoker. Just like that...Carrie was no longer in the running for a relationship with Aidan, all because she smoked.

I am reminded of this particular episode for two reasons...."Ditch" isn't a fan of my smoking, but he once admitted to me that he broke up with a girl because he couldn't stand her laugh. So I'm wondering....Why is he "understanding" about my smoking, which currently I'm no longer doing....but out there, there's a poor girl who was ditched by "Ditch" for the way she laughed, giggled or otherwise expressed joy?

I've broke up with people for a lot of reasons.....they cheated on me, they threw a lamp at my head after they threw all my clothes on the lawn in the back yard, they were an alcoholic....etc. I have not broke up with someone, or decided to not see someone based upon the color of their eyes...whether they have chest hair or for the kind of vehicle they drive. YES...I'm totally guilty of not being too keen on certain things about someone....little things...but I always find, that when I REALLY like someone....you learn to look beyond things on the surface, because it's too late, you love what lies beyond those surface issues.

Hey...I dated a guy...even got engaged to a guy who had back hair....A LOT of it...I'm not even kidding, you could have braided that shit....and I'm telling you...it wasn't pretty! But love is crazy like that, you take the good with the bad and at the end of the day....I think if it's an honest and genuine feeling you have for that person....the little things like back hair or annoying laughter..well...I think it just falls to the wayside...maybe even becomes a trait you learn to appreciate as their unique quality.

My first love...Matt....he had a laugh that would shake the glass in the windows....it was loud and booming and to some....god it probably WAS annoying....but not to me...I never thought that...I loved him too much.

So....although when I first heard that "Ditch" once broke up with someone because of the way she laughed, I'll be honest, I was kind of baffled by it, at first I thought that maybe he wasn't really they guy I thought that he was....but after some thought on the subject, I have to conclude that if he broke up with someone over something like that...well, he must not have really liked her all that much....because who really breaks up with someone over laughter right? Either that, or this girl must have had the most hideous laugh known to man.

If he didn't call the whole thing off upon finding out I was a smoker....maybe he won't ditch me because the way I laugh, or if I spill food down the front of me while out to dinner. Maybe he'll stick around even though I have some slight issues, a crazy family and no five year plan to speak of. Then again....maybe he's already long gone...I'm not perfect...far from it actually....and if I get ditched by Ditch...well then, I guess he didn't like me as much as he said he did initially...and that's okay...it happens. As you get to know people, you get a glimpse of the good AND the bad....we all have things about us that are not always ideal to others....I guess when you find someone who's little flaws are actually not considered liabilities to you, or you somehow even find kind of adorable as opposed to painstaking...well then....I suppose you really have a good thing going.

It's Not Easy Picking the Perfect Scent:

After careful consideration, I had it narrowed down to three candidates.

1. Armani "Code"
2. Escada "Into the Blue"
3. Escada "Sunset Heat"

I went to my local perfume counter and smelled them, I sampled them on my body....I went back several times...I was having the hardest time choosing.

Armani Code smells great when you first apply it...but it's really quite strong...and kind of gave me a headache.




Then there was Escada "Into the Blue"

It was nice...not TOO strong...and even after wearing it for a while.... it was a strong candidate to be purchased.

And just when I thought "Into the Blue" was my "boy blue".... I smelled a sample card of it after a couple days and the smell had drastically soured. It was almost sickening..... it kind of stunk to be honest.

So out went "into the blue"......



Lastly there was this pretty little orange and yellow box with a fun summer-ish scent that wasn't over powering, sweet but not sickening...it smelled refreshing and happy.... well, if happy had a smell.....I think it would smell similar to this anyways....

So, after weeks of contemplation, sampling, polling and taste testing.. *winks*...........

I finally did it....

Heather has a scent that isn't her Vanilla deodorant or Pantene Pro-V shampoo....

I'm a "Sunset Heat" girl.

I tell you...when I screw things up..I get the job done!

So yesterday I think I proved that people really CAN fulfill their own worst prophecies.

It was a hot summer day....seemingly normal Monday afternoon. "Ditch" was to come over and eat dinner with me after I got off work....all was well. We had dinner..conversation was funny, sarcastic and exploratory as it usually was. Back to my apartment to hang out...had some nice cuddling time...and then we had "a talk".....things were discussed that kind of caught me off guard. I tried to be open minded and understanding...but I mean...it really seemed out of the blue and instead of being receptive and rational...I took things to heart, kind of got weepy and next thing you know...he's asking me if I want him to leave. SHIT!!! This was not going well.....

I straightened up....told him to stay and then proceeded to finish "the talk"...before long, we were back to laughing and carrying on as we always seem to do. I thought everything was fine...he was acting fine, I was acting fine...we both survived our first awkward moment....or so I THOUGHT.

By the end of the evening...he was distant....wasn't talking much...and when asked if everything was alright...he said that he was. Who am I to call him a liar....however I just felt that something had went awry and I wasn't sure where or when it occurred. How do you fix that which you do not know?

Anyway....so....for any interested parties out there....this could be the end of the saga known as "Heather's attempt to fall into a Ditch"....I liked him too....

Maybe I'll get a do-over....maybe tomorrow I can wake up and pretend THAT whole day never happened. Maybe pigs will fly by my window.....what? It could happen!!

Well...Ole Heather here was up most of the night.....and I'm tired and I'm sore....and it's time for me to surrender to the pains of being 29 and just call it a night.

Good Night & Sweet Dreams,
~hl~

Observations of me....and "he" now has a name...a fictional one...but still it's a name....

Over the last few days...I've come to a few realizations about myself that I don't like.

Okay...if I'm going to continue this story.....and continue to date...for the sake of my writing here, I'm going to have to name my new guy friend....I think I'll let him pick his own name...ok...he has spoken. He has no idea why I just asked him if he could change his name to something else, what would he choose....his reply "Maximus, Thor or Conan..." Since this is my story...I'm going with Maximus. Sounds like a solid character name right?!

Okay..sorry...he changed his mind...he would like to refered to as "Ditch"...don't ask me why....but I suppose if he want's to be "Ditch", than Ditch it is.

Anyway...to get back to the story....I've realized that I'm having a hard time dealing with all of this. "All of what?" you might ask....all of the seemingly honest displays of affection and adoration that he continuously offers me. It's like he has his own personal script writer. He always says the right thing, he always does the right thing....I feel like I've stepped into an alternate universe where men mean what they say and say what they mean. What's that all about anyway?! *winks*

Call me jaded, call me what you will, but it's proven to be more difficult than I had suspected to be with someone who treats me so well...it's like in the back of my mind I'm thinking any minute, he'll flip the switch...it'll all have been a big joke and the worst part would be that I fell for it....wholeheartedly.

I say all the time that I have faith in people...I always give people the benefit of the doubt....so why not "Ditch"? Why am I skeptical of the one person who has not given me a single reason to be suspecting?

He throws out words like "we" and "us" like it's the most natural thing in the world. He blows off softball games just to hang out with me on a Monday night.....he stays up with me all night when he has to be up for work early the next morning for no other reason than he likes being with me.

And in my warped and twisted brain there are sirens going off and red flags flapping in the breeze. Voices are blaring on the loud speaker to abandon ship....sayings like "if it seems to good to be true, it probably is" are being tossed around....and I'm conflicted.

If I had a knife and could carve out of my brain the part that has over the years become distrusting...I'd do it. If I could erase the past hurts and fears of intimacy, and allowing yourself to become vulnerable, emotionally attached and eventually loving towards someone, again, I'd do it.

I would like to wake up next to him and not wonder if it's the last time...I don't want to always be preparing for the day it ends. I want to be able to enjoy and appreciate the nice things he says to me and does for me...and if that leads to me becoming attached....then I want to welcome that as well.

My friend Jaime once told me: "you are the most self defeating person I've ever met....if someone were to give you the keys to the kingdom...you'd ask what was wrong with the Kingdom as to why they would give it to you." I have NEVER forgotten that...and he's right....there are things about me that totally fit the bill.

Self destruction is a curse....but one from which I'm thinking of crawling out from under. I don't want to screw this up....I don't want to defeat my happiness because I'm afraid of the day it will leave me.

If your life was a book......

a story ever unfolding...and you were the author....where would your story take you?

I just finished watching "Stranger Than Fiction" with Emma Thompson, Will Farrell & Dustin Hoffman. The premis being...Harold Crick is the hero in a real life author's tragedy. He didn't have complete control over where his story took him but he did manage to alter his own story's outcome in the end.

If we all are stories, and if our stories were the newest fictional adventure to hit the bookshelves...where would your story end, we all have the potential to be best sellers....think of all the drama, plot twists, leading men and leading ladies.....the funny and charming sidekicks, the adventure and the depth of emotion and character development a story can hold within it's framework.

It's my greatest wish, that my everyday life always be a page-turner.....maybe not to you.....but it's got to be to me.

Meet the Parent:

Earlier this week I experienced "meet the parent" night for me and my new guy-friend. I went to his house for the first time and had to pleasure to talk with his Mother in the process.

I was pretty nervous about this particular meeting...mostly because I already know his mom. I've spoke with her on several occasions through the course of my employment here at the Law Office and we've even spoke candidly about her son prior to him asking me out.

I'm happy to report that it went well. She was absolutely sweet and not at all stand-off-ish in any way. I like her.

Date five is on the record books....and I've met the Mother. I don't know what it is about this whole scenario with "him"..but even though I've only known him a couple weeks, I feel like we've known each other forever. There are times I have to remind myself that we've only just met. It's strange how one minute I'm so nervous around him that I can't even eat, and the next we are wrapped up on the couch together watching "The Hills Have Eyes 2" and I couldn't be any more at ease.

I tell you, if I knew that dating was going to be like THIS, I certainly wouldn't have been so afraid to try it again.